“Attitude is a little thing
that makes a big difference.”
– Winston Churchill
Attitude
Part of self mastery is choosing our attitude in any set of circumstances. This is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things that we can do, but it is possible. There are many examples in our history of people in extraordinarily awful situations and yet they manage to find a positive outcome, because their attitude to the situation was a positive one. This begins with building the habit of looking for the positive in every situation. Being caught in traffic means that you will be late for work, but you can still enjoy the view, or use the time to listen to your favourite music or a self development CD in the car. This is a habit we need to build up in every situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, unsettled or unhappy. If we can find little things to be positive about then we can build up a resilience that will include the power to choose our attitude in any set of circumstances.
Beliefs and values
A large part of what makes us unhappy in life is our beliefs and values. Now, before you become defensive about your beliefs and values please hear me out. As I have shown in my Fullfilment Framework (Summary Explanation Resource), we begin with our Foundation of self knowledge, acquired wisdom and good health, but it is our beliefs and values that are a prism through which we see and understand the world. Whether we see something as good or bad affects how we behave and think about it. For example, if we believe that certain behaviours are bad we will label the people who display those behaviour as bad, whether intentionally or not. This could be a lifestyle choice, the clothes that someone wears or the religion they follow. This then causes us to compartmentalise the world into categories of right and wrong, good or bad, etc.
To a degree we have to separate out the world into categories so we can function in it, but often it the beliefs and values that we hold about ourselves that cause us to become unhappy. For example, if we don’t think that we deserve to be happy, this will be a significant obstacle to becoming happy. Some of us do this without consciously realising that we are doing it. We might believe that in order to be happy we have to own certain things, like a car or a house. This will never bring about lasting happiness, because things in the world are fleeting and therefore we constantly strive for something new to make us happy.
Advertising companies and the media tap into this to sell us things or encourage us to watch specific TV channels. This is the equivalent of a hamster running on a hamster wheel and expecting to get somewhere. Our beliefs around happiness have to begin with contentment, this is entry level happiness, without which we cannot reach the higher levels of happiness.
Thoughts, speech and actions
The things that have the biggest influence on our beliefs and values are our thoughts, speech and actions as they reinforce them with everything we think, say and do. Being mindful of what we say and do is very important because they have an impact on the world and the people we spend our lives with. Managing our speech and actions allows us to have a well managed life outside of ourselves. However, more important is the thoughts that we have, because they impact our mind and our inner wellbeing.
“…the most important relationship
we have is with ourselves.”
Many of the things we say to ourselves in our own heads we would never say to someone else, because they are too cruel. We would not want to hurt the feelings of the people in our lives, but the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. If we make a conscious effort to be kind, compassionate and supportive to ourselves in the thoughts that we have, then our level of happiness with multiply exponentially.
The path we walk and the way we walk it
Many of us have goals that we want to achieve in our lifetime, but there is one goal that I believe should come above all others. That is the goal to be able to look back at the end of our lives with no regrets and gratitude for a life well lived. This goal can be achieve by focusing on two things, the path we walk and the way we walk it. The path we walk is the journey from where we are right now to the place we want to be in the future. It is very important to have a life goal, something that you strive for every day. It might be a career in a particular company or to learn something new or to complete a degree in the thing you are passionate about.
However, it is equally important to know the way that you will be walking this path. The way we walk our life long paths comes from a number of sources. Our personality plays a big part, whether we are kind or courageous, dedicated or disciplined. We are influenced by our environment, the people we love and those we spend the most time with. Many of us have a religious tradition that we follow, or at the very least a life philosophy. All of these things are factors that affect the way we walk our path, but usually we do not have control over these things, they evolve and they come and go so we end up living from moment to moment rather than in a considered and constructive way.
In order to live a life well I believe that we need to begin with a Foundation of self knowledge, acquired wisdom and good health, have beliefs and values that come from our Foundation as a beginning, but then we need to dig deep inside ourselves and figure our what our ‘Why’ is, what our purpose for living is. Mine is to help others be their best selves. Everybody’s ‘Why’ is unique to them and can take years to figure out, but it is a worthwhile endeavour. This Why then becomes why we do what we do in every aspect of our lives. The second part is to figure out our ‘Way’, the way in which we are to live our lives every day, it is how we express our Why in our lives. To find out our Why and to live our Way is at the very centre of what it means to be human, and what it means to live a happy life.
The Fullfilment Project 