Author: The Fullfilment Project

My philosophy is ‘Finding happiness and success is a path we walk all together.’ Meaning that if I know the way I have a responsibility to guide others to find it and sometimes others will know the way and I have to be humble enough to follow them. Happiness and success are found in cooperation with others.

Making The Most Of 2021

Achieving Goals

“There is nothing magical about the flip of the calendar, but it represents a clean break, a new hope, and a blank canvas.”

― Jason Soroski

The year of 2020 will go down as possibly the worst year we have lived through, especially for those born after World War Two. The Coronavirus has ravaged our health services, our economies and our personal lives through loss and separation. The end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021 was an emotional one for many, as it means that even though we still need to remain vigilant around keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe, through social-distancing measures, 2020 is behind us.

In 2020, many of us had to adjust to living more solitary lives, with us not being able to mix with friends and family as we normally would, and many had to learn new skills around working from home. The term Key Worker took on new meanings, as supermarket assistants became essential to keeping us all going. Those on the front line in hospitals in our battle with this virus went through seemingly unending heartbreak with a kind of hardy stoicism that made them into superheroes in our eyes. The use of technology like Zoom became the way we remained connected to loved ones, to congregations from places of worship and to colleagues for team meetings, where we gathered remotely. Much of which we will be taking with us through to the coming year.

All of the normal things are true about starting a new year. The days will be getting longer and warmer, we get to set goals for the year ahead and there is a new beginning before us; we can rethink what we want out of life and we can reinvent ourselves to a degree. This is our moment to decide what we want our 2021 to be like. There will still be much that we cannot control, as is the nature of life, but if we accept what we cannot control we can put our focus and our energy into the things we can. The prime example of this is our attitude to the circumstances we are in. If we are working from home, we can see this as a barrier to team cohesion or we can see it as an opportunity to learn new skills and work in a more flexible manner to get our work done. If we have to use technology like Zoom to keep in touch we friends and family, we can learn new ways to connect and be grateful that this pandemic is happening now and not before the invention of the internet.

So, when it comes to setting goals for the coming year I would like you to consider that one of the reasons that new year’s resolutions tend not to work is that as we are resolving to make the changes for the year ahead, by default, we are not thinking of them as permanent changes, therefore we are often not 100% committed. Research on this tells us that even if we are 98% committed, we often do not follow through, because that 2% matters. Instead, if we see the new resolutions as life resolutions with 100% commitment, then the decision is made, it is done, and we do not need to deliberate it any more. We are all in on the new changes we are making.

The areas I recommend you look at making goals in are your health, your career, your relationships and in your self mastery. The last one is around developing a growth mindset, seeing confidence, optimism and resilience as skills to be developed. Also, to go all in on the project, the plans or the challenge you have been putting off. If we have learned anything from 2020 it is that life is precious and a long life is not a guarantee. So, let’s go and make 2021 an amazing year, full of ambitions achieved, kindness shared and joy generated.

How To Make The Best Out Of Life

Happiness

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.” William Feather

How do we make the best out of our lives? This is an age-old question that has seen many different suggested ways of achieving it. I believe that we find this question so hard to answer because we have grown up in a world that favours things more than relationships. If there is a scale of what makes people happy, I believe there would be relationships at the happy end and things somewhere towards the other end of the scale. I’m not saying that things can’t make us feel good; buying a new car, a new piece of clothing or a new mobile phone can make us feel good, but this is not happiness. This is a good feeling created because our bodies release dopamine, a hormone released by the brain.

Whenever we achieve something or we get something we want, our brain releases dopamine to make us feel good. This is partly how our ancestors survived, because finding food or a mate felt good, making us want to do it more and more, it is a survival mechanism. There are many other hormones that our brains release in different situations, causing us to be in different states, whether we are anxious or angry, sad or hungry, the state we are in can dictate how we behave and what we do or say. What state we are in matters, and I believe that we can, to some degree, affect what state we are in, by choosing what we focus on and how we respond to the circumstances that we find ourselves in.

If we let our circumstances dictate our lives, we will be like a ship without a rudder or a sale, and we may be thrown against the rocks by our circumstances. To illustrate this, I have an extreme example of how some, even under the most horrendous circumstances, can choose how they respond to these said circumstances. Viktor Frankl, a Jew, who survived being an Auschwitz concentration camp inmate, imprisoned by the Nazis during World War Two, years later wrote the book Man’s Search For Meaning, a reflection on his time in the concentration camp. Viktor Frankl’s experience and his training as a neurologist and psychiatrist gave him a unique perspective on finding meaning in the worst of circumstances.

In this book he wrote “We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” This is an extreme example, as I have said, but I believe what was said in the quote applies to any human experience. Some circumstances will undoubtedly make it very difficult to “choose one’s attitude,” but I believe that this is the key to making the most out of our lives and how we can lead a happy life rather than the opposite. I know from personal experience that this is not easy, but with practice it is possible.

Another example from history is that of Nelson Mandela, who is famous for memorising the poem Invictus, which was read to you earlier, and how the poem helped him stand when all he wanted to do was lie down, during his time in prison. On the first day he arrived at the prison on Robben Island, that would become his home for the majority of his 27 years in prison, he insisted that the guards address him as Mr Mandela, he would not respond to anything else. In the end, the guards gave in and did so. Nelson Mandela chose his attitude to the circumstances and demanded to be treated as an equal. 27 years later, as he was released from prison, becoming a free man, he realised that if he continued to hate those who imprisoned him, he would never be free. He decided to forgive, and in doing so he lead the whole country as its President to peace through forgiveness.

Choosing one’s attitude to the circumstances we find ourselves in is a powerful way to get the most out of life, it puts us in the driving seat of our lives. It allows us to respond to circumstances rather than react to them. One way to do this, that I have found helps me, is to focus on being grateful for as many things as possible. Grateful for having a family, for having a home, for the air I breath, for the relationships I have, for the challenges that test my patience, for opportunities that life sends my way. It is very hard to be angry and grateful, or sad and grateful.

If you are lucky enough to be born in the western world you have effectively won the lottery. There are countries where the citizens do not have access to the Internet or the government controls the media they have access to and people can be executed for things we take for granted in our day to day lives. These are extreme examples but they are true. A large percentage of the world’s population live on less than £1 a day. In comparison, many of us live a dream life. So, perspective can be a great motivator to become more grateful, and gratitude is a powerful force that can bring happiness to your life.

Sometimes life can seem to give us challenge after challenge to the point where we struggle to keep ourselves going. The impact of the Coronavirus pandemic have brought us many struggles, financial and social, many have lost loved ones or have felt the difficulties of isolation, as we keep our distance from each other in order to keep each other safe. Sometimes life can seem out to break us, but what can keep us strong is the relationships we have. Our strength often comes from other people, others pick us up when we are knocked down by life and we pick up others in the same way. We all live in a community of human connections. We may sometimes feel that we have to go on alone, to stand strong by ourselves, but just asking for a little help can change our whole perspective on what is happening.

Sometimes, when life becomes hard, we can feel that we are not making any progress, we might be making little steps forward towards our goals, but because they are little steps they don’t feel significant. However, baby steps still count, as long as we are moving forward. When life is hard we can end up focusing on the negative, which does two things, it can make us feel miserable and it can mean we miss opportunities that come into our lives. This is when we need to consciously focus on the positive and to create an opportunity mindset, which everyday looks for opportunities. You may believe in God, you may believe in Karma, you may believe in luck, but if we don’t see the opportunities that come into our lives then we will miss out. This reminds me of a story I once heard about a flood that left a man stranded on the roof of his house, surrounded by water. A man came past the house in a small boat to help people to safety, but the man refused the help and said, “God will save me.” Then a helicopter came to pick him up and again he refused saying “Gods will save me.” Soon the water level rose above the house and the man drowned. When he went up to heaven he asked God “Why did you not save me?” and God said “I tried, I sent you a boat and I sent you a helicopter.” Sometimes we need to open our eyes to get the most out of life.

Some say that religion can help you live a good life, which I believe is partly true, it depends on how you apply the teachings of the religion. Most religions have good teachings, but like in the Biblical reading, if the teachings are taken to heart, they do form a strong foundation for our lives. The teachings of the world religions invariably preach forgiveness, gratitude and love, they promote the necessity of community and that we should be generous in spirit, these are the ways in which we can make the most out of our lives. We all know this, but we do not always put it into practice. I am guilty of this myself, as we all are, but if we try every day to be better than we were the day before, then we can make our lives a wondrous experience, full of hope and joy, of friendship and love. We can create a community that includes as many people as we choose to include.

Our lives are not just our place of worship community, our job community, our family and friends community, we often live at the intersection of the relationships we have with others, but this is not a bad thing. The best in life exists on the boarders of two neighbouring places, just look at the edges of jungles and open land, or where fresh water meets the sea. Life thrives in these places, and it is the same in our own lives. Our relationships are in a way the framework of our lives. Our beliefs are our foundation and both are needed to be strong enough to withstand the storms of life. Let us all strive to be grateful and generous, joyful and respectful, loving and open to new opportunities, and focused on building positive relationships with those in our lives.

Poem: Long Was The Summer Day

Poems
Summer days, long and lose, out wandering
The public footpath to the big woods, my friend
And I. We stopped at a small trickle of a stream
On a farmer's land, fenced off from the path.
Brimming with youthful rebellion we
Jumped the wire fence and over the stream.
Hours passed as we built a small damn and 
Watched the sheep meander.
We claimed the land in our minds, just for the day.
We waived to the passers by,
Lawfully walking the path through 'our land.'
Long was the summer day, cool was the stream
As it slipped through our fingers and 
Over the tumbling damn. The day was ours to own,
Until the silent call to be home for Tea,
Our empty stomachs urging us homeward.
We jumped the fence back to reality and
The footpath home.

Making The Most Of Lockdown

The Fullfilment Framework

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.”
― Robert Jordan

Challenging Times

It looks like it might be here again in England, full lockdown. We will find out this week, when Parliament debate it. At the start of this week panic buying began again, made worse by the sudden need to Christmas shop, just in case the lockdown continues into December. The fear and the loneliness. The uncertainty and the financial stress. These are challenging time.

Some might say that having a bit more time to ourselves could be used for self-development or devoted to a hobby or passion. It is not so easy if we are worrying if we can pay our bills or our rent or mortgage. However, sometimes deepening a spiritual practice or devoting time to an activity we love can heal the soul, just a little.

Can Escapism Help?

I am not saying that meditating more or finding a hobby will solve everything, but it can certainly help. These sort of things do bring a form of escapism, in some cases, and in others can bring meaning to the experiences we have, both good and bad. Much in religious literature, for example, is guidance on how to deal with suffering.

Mostly, we do not have the time to devote to such nourishing activities, because life has a way of becoming busy. We take on responsibilities in order to progress and our personal lives can be filled with family time and relationship time. Often time for personal activities is at the bottom of our priorities. The irony is often that more focus on doing what we care about or what we love brings more joy and meaning, and we become better and more productive at the other stuff in life.

Attitude Is Everything

Lockdown could be seen as forced imprisonment and restrictions, but on the flip side it can be seen as more available time, time being a resource that cannot be replaced. Even if your finances are becoming uncertain or insufficient, or you are separated from your loved ones, finding something creative or fun or spiritual can build some resilience and lift your spirits.

In life one of the few things we have control over is our attitude to our present circumstances. Something that Viktor Frankl writes about in their book Man’s Search For Meaning, which recounted their experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. Some prisoners would give up where as others would go around making sure everyone was as comfortable and reassured as they could be. They chose a mission, to take care of those around them, and it got them through the horrors they were facing.

Our attitude to our circumstances is our first line of defense against despair and depression. If we chose to take care of those around us, whether friend, family, colleague or acquaintance, we choose to make our situation and theirs better. If we choose to use our time wisely, when a lockdown provides us with more of this finite resource, our life becomes fuller and nourishing. 

Conclusion

We can find a way forward, no matter the apparent bleakness before us. So paint, draw, dance, learn, share, sing, build, pray, meditate, contemplate the meaning of things, use your time constructively and this part of your life will be the beginning of better tomorrows.

How To Live Your Purpose

The Fullfilment Framework

“If you have a strong purpose in life, you don’t have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.”
Roy T. Bennett

Starting With Your Why

The work of Simon Sinek has popularised the idea of having a Why with his book Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone To Take Action and his TED Talk How Great Leader Inspire Action. However, how can you use your Why to figure out what you should be doing in your life, your purpose?

As Simon Sinek rightly tells us, your Why is your origin story, it is the reason behind why you do the things you do. It is how you were raised, the early experiences you had and the decisions you made leading up to adulthood. In essence it is who we are. It is not always clear how to define your Why, but with self-reflection and self-observation you can find it.

Take me for example, I have a desire to figure out how to live life well and to share this with others. I have led worship in Unitarian churches for several years and worked in customer service and special needs education and started this blog without knowing my Why. It took the discovery of Simon Sinek’s book and some focused self-reflection to realise that my Why is to help others to live well, to find fulfilment. In all the areas of my life that I have mentioned I felt at home when helping others.

You might feel comfortable being a leader, being creative, working in a team or working alone. Whatever you do that makes you feel happy or content, these are clues as to your Why, because you feel good doing these things. Your Why is what defines you as a person. If you need guidance on finding your Why I recommend you read Simon Sinek’s book Find Your Why: A Practical Guide for Discovering Purpose for You and Your

Turning Your Why Into Your Purpose

Once you have defined your Why, you will be able to use it as a compass to direct you towards the things you should be doing. Ideally, your job should be aligned with your Why. In other words your work should make you feel happy, successful and fulfilled.

This is largely effected by the environment you work in, the leader(s) you have and the people you work with. But, if you know your Why then you can choose work that is aligned with it. Work that you can really get your teeth into and make a difference in the world.

At the moment, with the difficulties caused by the Coronavirus pandemic, we have to do the work that is available. As needs must we must go. However, if you are interviewing for a job it is a good opportunity to interview them at the same time.

Choosing The Right Work

A good question to ask interviewers is how they reward performance. If they reward good performance with bonuses, money incentives, for hitting the numbers they set, then the company values your output over you. If they reward good performance in a way that values you as an employee then the environment you would work in will be more fulfilling and you will feel looked after.

You should also look to work in roles that fit your Why, that align with who you are. The work we do in the world matters. If we are not doing what we are meant to be doing, then resentment and unfulfilment sets in. I recommend using the Ikigai method, where you look at What You Love, What You Are Good At, What You Can Get Paid For and What The World Needs. This will then reveal your Passion, Profession, Vocation and Mission. Knowing your Why will help you fill in these categories and find your Ikigai, your Purpose in life.

Conclusion

When we start with defining our Why we can start to figure out why we do what we do and then what we want to be doing in our life. Once we know our Why we can narrow down what we are meant to be doing, what our Purpose is. And when we live out our purpose, our work feels like a privilege.

Defining Your Purpose

The Fullfilment Framework

Starting With Yourself

The Pathway To Fulfilment has the steps that it does because the end result are thoughts, speech and actions that are aligned with your purpose that you will define. They come from your Purpose Prism, which includes your beliefs, your ethics and your purpose.

You will have gained deep Self-Knowledge (Step 1), which is when you will define your beliefs and ethics, and you will have Acquired Wisdom (Step 2). A purpose can then be defined aligned with these elements from Step 1 and Step 2 that together will make your thoughts, speech and actions full of altruism and wisdom.

Om Mani Padme Hum

In regards to altruism and wisdom, there is a Buddhist mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, which explains how, in Buddhist understanding, one reaches enlightenment. Om is made up of through sounds A – U – M. These represent thoughts, speech and actions, and once we are enlightened these are pure. Mani means Jewel, which represents altruism. Padme means Lotus, which represents wisdom. Hum is unity of both infinite altruism and infinite wisdom, both of which are needed to become enlightened, in Buddhist understanding.

The reason I am asking you to begin with self-knowledge, then to acquire wisdom, and to figure out your beliefs and your ethics, is so that your purpose will be imbued with both altruism and wisdom, and that your purpose becomes your unity, your Hum. Your thoughts, speech and actions dictate how your life will be, because whether your life is good or bad, enjoyable or not is firstly based on your thoughts, of how you see the world, and secondly the impact that your speech and actions have on those around you.

How We Walk Through The World

If we walk lightly through the world, trying to live in balance and to help others, then we will live a more fulfilling life. Also, in order for us to find a purpose in life, we need to know ourselves really well, to have gone deep into the parts of our minds that we often shy away from, but also to develop a wise understanding of how the world works and how we can have a positive impact on it.

This is why Defining Your Purpose and Living Your Purpose are Steps 5 and 6. There is work you must do with yourself before a purpose can become clear. This work will not always be easy, but it is necessary, and I will be putting together a guide to help you along this Pathway to Fulfilment. It will take time to put together, as I want the pathway to be simple and the steps to be clearly defined, which means there is a lot to distill down into a clear and effective pathway. The outline of the pathway is set out below.

Something To Think About…

Think about how you currently live your life, how you treat others and how you earn a living. Are these ways that make you feel good? If not, what changes could you make?

Recommended Book: Bushido, the Soul of Japan by Inazo Nitobé

Book Recommendation

“Kumazawa:—”When others blame thee, blame them not; when others are angry at thee, return not anger. Joy cometh only as Passion and Desire part.”
― Inazo Nitobe, Bushido, The Soul Of Japan

Image Source: Amazon UK

Buy the book here

Why Read This Book

This book gives you an in-depth understanding of the Samurai, as well as Japanese culture. Some of the principles explained in the book are principles we could live by, others such as redress not so much. Bushido, as a way of living is very profound and can enhance your life exponentially.

Contents

  • Bushido as an Ethical System
  • Sources of Bushido
  • Rectitude or Justice
  • Courage, the Spirit of Daring and Bearing
  • Benevolence, the Feeling of Distress
  • Politeness
  • Veracity or Truthfulness
  • Honor
  • The Duty of Loyalty
  • Education and Training of a Samurai
  • Self-Control
  • The Institutions of Suicide and Redress
  • The Sword, the Soul of the Samurai
  • The Training and Position of Woman
  • The Influence of Bushido
  • Is Bushido Still Alive?
  • The Future of Bushido

Summary

The book begins by looking at Bushido as an ethical system and the history of it, to give you a grounded understanding of Bushido. The main content of the book are chapters on the different principle of Bushido that all Samurai wee expected to follow. Many of these principles are universal, but the way they are established and used are intertwined with the Japanese culture and the book ends with a look at the future of Bushido. If you are interested in Japanese or Samurai culture, or you are looking for a better way to live, I recommend you read this book.

Gratitude For What We Can Give

Happiness

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”

Bible, 2 Corinthians 9; 6

Thanksgiving

I have been reflecting this past week on what it is that we can be grateful for, given that we, and so many others, have suffered under the pervasive effects of the Coronavirus pandemic. Primarily, this will be the good health of our family and friends, though we have been separated from them, in many cases. Traditionally, at this time of year we would bring in the crop and store it away for the Winter months, and we would give thanks for the harvest we have received. We would thank God for the blessings of nature and take pride in the work of the community to plant and tend and harvest the crops. It is a time of thanksgiving, as it is referred to across the pond in America.

I am also reminded that the turning of the seasons and the times of the year that certain plants grows and come to their fullest occurs without human involvement, but we have harnessed the cycles of nature to our advantage through farming year after year, working with nature to sustain our community, which is now a global community.

It has been an unusual year this year, to say the least, with many of us having to adjust to staying at home, working from home, and being away from our loved ones. It has tested us, individually and as communities. Many have stepped up and supported others in this time of crisis, with neighbours doing the weekly shop for those who have had to self-isolate,  activities have been set up using Zoom, and other online platforms, to allow us to connect, if only virtually, and many raising money and showing support for our incredible NHS, who have above and beyond the call of duty during this pandemic.

Generally speaking, we no longer have the need to plant, tend and harvest crops as a community, so much of our food is sourced from around the world, and we only need to buy the food we need from the supermarket or local shops. In that sense we are out of touch with nature, our lives are not so integrally connected to the ebb and flow of the seasons as they used to be. Our source of food is not dependent on us having worked to produce it, only having the money to pay for it.

Sharing What We Can

Something that has been difficult for some as their hours at work have been reduced or stopped all together, and many have been furl-owed, causing an uptake in those needing to access Food Banks. I recommend that when you are doing your shopping in the supermarket that you buy extra non-perishable goods and put them in the Food Bank baskets on your way out. We are in this together, and if we can share the food we can buy with those who cannot afford to, then we should. We are never a divided society, unless we choose to be, and the greatest we can be is when we take care of the least of us, so we may all thrive.

What has amazed me over these many months of the pandemic is the extraordinary generosity of spirit that has prevailed. The kindness and the love shown by people. There has been fear and confusion. There was panic buying and there was conspiracy theories, as there still are, there are some that like to see division in the world, because they can profit from it, but the vast majority of us have become our better selves, we have risen to the moment. And if we are talking about what we have been able to reap from this year, I think the community spiritedness of the many across the world is something to be extremely grateful for.

Harvest time is also a key time of the year, the changing of the season from Summer to Autumn. The apparent dying back of nature and the transition to the cold, dark and wet Winter months to come. For me it is a reminder that change is constant in our lives, but as Autumn always proves, the journey is beautiful. Even Winter has it’s own beauty, as do all the seasons.

The Cycles of Life

We can also think of our lives in seasons, as we often do, saying that someone is in their Autumn years, for example. What is interesting about this metaphor is that the seasons are cyclical, they go in a cycle, from Spring back around to Spring again, for millions of years, long before the Human species appeared on the Earth. Our lives, though appearing to be linear, have cycles within them. Our relationships begin and end and new ones begin, our careers often begin in one field and change to another, we have significant parts of our lives that teach us important life lessons, causing a wiser understanding and a new way of living. The Native American Indians see life as a circle. In the words of Black Elk, from the book Black Elk Speaks,

“You have noticed that everything an Indian does [is] in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round… …Everything the power of the world does is done in a circle. The sky is round and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same and both are round. Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing and always come back again to where they were.

The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. Our teepees were round like the nests of birds, and these were always set in a circle, the nation’s hoop, a nest of many nests, where the Great Spirit meant for us to hatch our children.”

Native American Indians see their Elders as returning to a kind of childhood, with their wider vision and fewer boundaries on things. The wisdom of the Elders then being passed onto the younger members of their tribe. There is something to be learned from thinking of our lives as moving in circles, much like the metronome of the seasons, which pre-dates us and will continue to circle around long into the future, as the earth circles the Sun and the Moon circles our planet Earth.

Together Is Better

Much of what has helped us get through this pandemic thus far has been the wisdom of collective responsibility, the fact that the least of us is just as important as the rest of us. It has been revealed that those some saw as lesser, who work in customer services, have been essential in this pandemic, and that they always have been. Without them, how could we buy the food that we need. Also, those that have delivered what we have needed, food and other things. Many of these people that keep society working. All people should be given respect, compassion and empathy. A “thank you” and a “good afternoon” can raise the spirits of someone, especially during times such as these.

Along with collective responsibility, there is also the idea that sometimes we plant the seeds of trees in the knowledge that others will benefit from their shade. We sow the seeds knowing that the harvest will be enjoyed by others. Giving without expecting anything in return. A lesson we can take from this harvest time of year and the way many have risen up to help others during this pandemic. If we all thought in this way, relinquishing the need for our actions to have some self-interest, what a world it would be. This is the path of all spiritual seekers, the path of altruism.

Something to think about…

Think about what it is that you have been given, and what of that you can share with others.

Launching The Pathway To Fulfilment

The Fullfilment Framework

I have done some work on what I have so far called the Fullfilment Framework and renamed it the Pathway To Fulfilment, a more linear and simpler journey. My intention is to create a process by which people can start to live well, and therefore have fulfilment. This is not a life hack or magical cure for what ails you. It is a deeply personal journey of self-discovery, of life balancing and purpose finding. There are four steps of this process which are foundational to a life well lived, they are Self-Knowledge, Acquired Wisdom, Good Health and Healthy Relationships.

The Principles Of A Life Well Lived have been folded into the Acquired Wisdom. I have separated these foundational steps and the other steps of the Pathway To Fulfilment, six steps in total, into Where To Begin, What To Maintain and How To Live Well. Now that I have an outline of a process that I believe will bring about fulfilment in ones life, I aim to add in the detail of the activities and actions you will follow within each step of the journey towards fulfilment and a life well lived. Watch this space and the Facebook Group Community and on Instagram for up and coming updates. This new Pathway To Fullfilment can also be found on the page on this website of the same name.

WHERE TO BEGIN

Step 1: Self-Knowledge

The process begins with getting to know yourself more substantially than you may have before; figuring out what really makes you tick, what you believe and don’t believe, what you think is true and false, what you think is ethical and not ethical, etc. Also, what happiness and success look like to you, personally. It is broad and deep self-knowledge. This is your starting point.

Step 2: Acquired Wisdom

You acquire the wisdom of others, from a variety of sources, spiritual and secular; wisdom that will challenge you and enlighten you, as wisdom should. Often this is achieved by extensive reading, but, with the internet, a lot of this same wisdom can also be obtained through videos, audio books and pod-casts, however you learn best. This wisdom will feed into your self-knowledge, and influence how you see yourself and how you choose to live.

Connected to Acquired Wisdom are ten principles that I believe generate fulfilment, because they are wise principles that will help you navigate the world skilfully and live your life well. I have divided them into those that relate to Yourself and those that relate to Others. The principles related to Self are Growth, Equanimity, Fortitude, Seeking and Self-Competition, and those related to Others are Stewardship, Servant-hood, Reciprocity, Joy Making and Connection. I will be sharing more detail on these moving forward.

WHAT TO MAINTAIN

Step 3: Good Health

Your health should be of great concern, because good health is essential for your well-being and having an active, fulfilling life. I have included the usual physical health and mental and emotional health, and also energy health; all of which could be thought of as a triad of good health. Good physical health includes diet and exercise. Good mental and emotional health includes mastering your emotions and balancing your thoughts. Good energy health includes mastering the Chi (Qi) that flows through your energy system, like blood through your bloodstream, detailed in Traditional Chinese Medicine. To have good health you need to work on all three of these areas.

Step 4: Healthy Relationships

You look at your relationships, and identify those relationships that are good for you and those that are not, and those that are a mixture of the two, that need work to become good. You should continuously work towards all of your relationships being healthy ones; meaning that they bring you happiness rather than stress, they uplift you rather than bring you down. These relationships are in circles of community, which are relationships with yourself, your partner, your family, your friends, your colleagues and your acquaintances, and all are interconnected.

HOW TO LIVE WELL

Step 5: Defining Your Purpose

After working your way through this journey so far, you will have a solid foundation for how to start living your life better. From this knew understanding of yourself, your defined beliefs and ethics form part of what I call your Purpose Prism, the third piece of this prism being your purpose. You will go through a process of building on your beliefs and your ethics, weaving in Acquired Wisdom and Principles Of A Life Well Lived, and define your personal purpose. This prism is the filter through which you will see and experience the world, and it will influence your thoughts, speech and actions, making them wiser in nature. Your purpose comes from a vision of a better world that you want to help create.

Step 6: Living Your Purpose

You will then be set to start applying your beliefs, ethics and purpose to your life, to find your best way to live them out in your thoughts, speech and actions, to act on your vision of a better world through everything that you do. This is living your life on purpose. All of this work will mean that both happiness and success become personal, and therefore fulfilling, all three of which are bi-products of a life well lived. They then feed back into your self-knowledge, acquired wisdom, health, relationships and your beliefs, ethics and purpose, and on it goes, because this journey is a life long endeavour. Follow the path to fulfilment and live well my friends.

Recommended Book: Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek

Book Recommendation

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
― Simon Sinek

Image source: Amazon UK

Buy this book here

Why Read This Book

If you are in a leadership position, or are aspiring to be. this is an essential book to read. Also, if you want to help improve the culture of your workplace or to understand what it means to be a great leader,this is the book for you.

Contents

Part 1: Our need to feel safe

  • Protection from above
  • Employees are people too
  • Belonging
  • Yeah, but . . .

Part 2: Powerful forces

  • When enough is enough
  • E.D.S.O.
  • The big C
  • Why we have leaders

Part 3: Reality

  • The courage to do the right thing
  • Snowmobile in the desert

Part 4: How we got here

  • The boom before the bust
  • The boomers all grown up

Part 5: The abstract challenge

  • Abstraction kills
  • Modern abstraction
  • Managing the abstraction
  • Imbalance

Part 6: Destructive abundance

  • Leadership lesson 1: So goes the culture, so goes the company
  • Leadership lesson 2: So goes the leader, so goes the culture
  • Leadership lesson 3: Integrity matters
  • Leadership lesson 4: Friends matter
  • Leadership lesson 5: Lead the people, not the numbers

Part 7: A society of addicts

  • At the center of all our problems is us
  • At any expense
  • The abstract generation

Part 8: Becoming a leader

  • Step 12
  • Shared struggle
  • We need more leaders.
  • Appendix: A Practical Guide to Leading Millenials
  • Acknowledgements
  • Notes
  • Bibliography
  • Index

Summary

This book primarily explains why it is the role of leadership in organisations to take care of those in their charge, rather than just being in charge. The concept of the circle of safety within an organisation that means we are protected from outside dangers like the effects of the stock market or new innovations, and pandemics, which in turn creates more trust, cooperation and innovation. When we feel like we do not have to protect ourselves from our bosses, who might sack us if our numbers are not as high as they want them to be, then the organisation collectively works harder to protect the company from outside dangers.

The book also talks about how inhuman our decisions can become the further away we get from the people they effect. We have evolved to keep clear social links with around 150 people, so big organisations can mean the leaders at the top do not personally know those at the bottom, and the book talks about how leaders can resolve this by creating the right culture in their organisation. There are five leadership lessons, backed up by examples of both how it can go wrong and how it can go right. And the book ends with advice on becoming a leader and a new additional chapter on leading Millenials.

Finding Balance In Troubling Times

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.” – Thomas Merton

Finding A Way Forward

In times of stress and uncertainty it can be hard to feel grounded and settled. Times like these, with the Coronavirus, economic upheaval and job losses, can cause us to be unsure where we are going, what we should be doing and what might lie ahead of us in the unknown future.

Our reality, however, is still in our control, to a large degree. More so than we think it is. Every crisis is a crossroads, a place where we can either choose to be swallowed by our own anxiety and fear of what might be or we can choose to look for the opportunities.

Seeing The Opportunities

The old saying that when one door closes another door opens is very true, the problem is that we have to be looking for the doors in the first place. An opportunity is only available if we are aware of it. A lost job could be a chance to change career or start a business. An injury can be a chance to pause and review our goals.

If we stop in the moment we are in and ground ourselves in the present, rather than the past that we cannot change or the future that does not yet exist, we can feel like there is ground beneath us, and we can look for opportunities to move forward with excitement and confidence.

Finding Our Centre

Many of us are having to self isolate, which can be hard. Especially when we are separated from our loved ones. Though it can be a chance to pause, to read and reflect, to start meditating or do yoga. It can be a rare chance to figure out what we want to achieve in this thing called life.

These opportunities don’t come along very often, to have time to re-centre ourselves. To step out of the chaos and recalibrate our lives. This is not to say that this is easy or to dismiss people’s hardships in these difficult times. It is just a reminder that in every situation there is a chance to find a positive way forward.

Spreading The Love

So many people are hurting at the moment, either through personal loss, the loss of a job or separation and isolation. This is a time when those of us who are more fortunate can spread some kindness and joy. We can do small acts of kindness. Say good morning to a passerby, rather than keeping away through fear of the Coronavirus. We can still wish people well and great them with a smiling face while social distancing. We can connect through our words while wearing a mask.

We can call people we know to bring some normality to their lives and have a laugh. Laughter is much needed at the moment. A simple act of kindness can brighten up someone’s day or save a life. Many people decide to end it all because they feel lonely and unloved.

Showing people that we are not divided, that we are in this thing called life together and we can live at our best not our worst. The things in life that we experience are often the result of our actions and our thinking. We paint the picture of our lives and we can add some beautiful colours to the lives of others. We are co-creators of our lives.

Balancing Together

These are all things that we can do to re-balance our lives, to ground ourselves, to pause and re-centre, and to spread some joy and connect with others. As long as we do not succumb to fear and anxiety, as long as we problem solve and look for the opportunities we can overcome the challenges we face.

We are none of us alone in our challenges. It can be easy to feel isolated, but we have many ways in which we can connect with others, even if it is just a phone call. We are out of balance when we feel alone, we are meant to be connected to others, but these connections need to be maintained, whether family, friend or colleague. We are responsible for our own balance, but we cannot do it alone.

Something to think about…

What areas of your life seem out of balance or

Book Recommendation: Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind by Roger Walsh

Book Recommendation, Happiness

“Our lives are rich with opportunities and our challenge is to live them to the full. All of us can be the creative artists of our lives.”
― Roger Walsh

Image Source: Amazon UK

Get The Book Here

Why Read This Book

This book covers seven practices that religions across the world include, practices that can help restore balance and create happiness in our lives. It is a book to read and then revisit to help you live a balanced and happy life.

Contents

  • Foreword by His Holiness the Dalai Lama
  • Introduction
  • 1.    Unveiling the Sacred
  • 2.    Discovering the Seven Practices
  • 3.    Using This Book
  • 4.    Spiritual Practices: What Do They Do and How Do They Do It?
  • The Seven Practices
  • Practice One: Transform Motivation: Reduce Craving and Find Your Soul’s Desire
  • 5.    The Secret of Happiness
  • 6.    Exercises to Reduce Craving
  • 7.    Find Your Soul’s Desire: Redirect Motivation
  • 8.    Exercises to Redirect Desires
  • 9.    The Higher Reaches of Desire
  • Practice Two: Cultivate Emotional Wisdom: Heal the Heart and Learn to Love
  • 10.    The Gift of Love
  • 11.    The Challenge of Difficult Emotions
  • 12.    Reducing Fear and Anger
  • 13.    Cultivate Love and Gratitude
  • 14.    The Higher Reaches of Love
  • Practice Three: Live Ethically: Feel Good by Doing Good
  • 15.    The Value of Virtue
  • 16.    What is an Ethical Life?
  • 17.    Exercises in Ethical Living
  • 18.    The Higher Reaches of Ethical Life
  • Practice Four: Rest in Peace: Concentrate and Calm the Mind
  • 19.    Your Meandering Mind
  • 20.    Develop a Peaceful Mind
  • 21.     The Higher Reaches of Concentration and Calm
  • Practice Five: Awaken Spiritual Vision: See Clearly and Recognize the Sacred In All Things
  • 22.    The Healing Power of Awareness
  • 23.    Exercises in Awareness
  • 24.    Seeing the Sacred in All Things
  • 25.    Exercises in Sacred Seeing
  • 26.    The Higher Reaches of Vision
  • Practice Six: Cultivate Spiritual Intelligence:  Awakening Wisdom and Understanding Life
  • 27.    What is Wisdom?
  • 28.    Awakening Wisdom
  • 29.    Exercises in Wisdom
  • 30.    The Higher Reaches of Wisdom
  • Practice Seven: Express Spirit in Action: Generosity and the Joy of Service
  • 31.    The Spirit of Service
  • 32.    Developing a Generous Heart
  • 33.    Exercises in Generosity and Service
  • 34.    The Higher Reaches of Generosity
  • 35.    Enjoy Your Self: Awakened Heart, Awakened Mind
  • Source Notes
  • Further Reading
  • Bibliography
  • Index

Summary

This book explores the different behaviours and ideas that cause us to be unhappy and to suffer, and practices to remedy them. There are seven practices, as the title of the book suggests, but there are also exercises within each chapter that are simple, but beneficial, for example “Exercise 9, Discover Your Future Self,” from the section entitled Exercises To Redirect Desires.

The author explores these subjects through the lens of the scriptures of our world religions and the writings of philosophers. It is practical, yet this book includes profound, deep wisdom. Whether you are religious or not, I recommend this book, it will apply some perspective to your life and help you find your path to a life well lived. The book is extensive, but you can dip into the section that relates to your current issues and find the guidance and exercises to help.

The Fullfilment Framework Remastered

Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

I have reworked my Fullfilment Framework, so it has a better journey towards fulfilment. This is a brief summary of the journey, which I will expand on later on this blog. This summary can be found on the Pathway To Fulfilment page.

Where To Begin

The Fullfilment Framework is a pathway to fulfilment. It is a deeply personal journey of self-discovery, of life balancing and purpose finding. The structure of the Fullfilment Framework begins with getting to know yourself more substantially than you may have before; figuring out what really makes you tick, what you believe and don’t believe, what you think is true and false, what you think is ethical and not ethical. Also, what happiness and success look like to you, personally. It is broad and deep self-knowledge. This is your starting place, the first level of the Foundation of the Fullfilment Framework. Next, you look at the wisdom of others, from a variety of sources; wisdom that will challenge you and enlighten you, as wisdom should. This wisdom will feed into your self-knowledge, and influence how you see yourself and how you should live.

Next, you look at Principles of a Life Well Lived, which are divided into those that relate to Yourself and those that relate to Others. The principles are; Self: Growth, Equanimity, Fortitude, Seeking, Self-Competition, and Others: Stewardship, Servanthood, Reciprocity, Joy Making, Connection. These are very much connected to Acquired Wisdom, because they are wise principles that I believe will help you navigate the world skilfully and live your life well.

What To Maintain

Next, you look at your health, which has three areas of concern in this framework. We have physical health, we have mental and emotional health and we have energy health; all of which make the Good Health Triad. Good physical health includes diet and exercise. Good mental and emotional health includes mastering our emotions and balancing our thoughts. Good energy health includes mastering the Chi (Qi) that flows through our energy system, like nerve signals through our nervous system. To have good health we need to work on all three of these areas.

Next, you look at your relationships, and identify those relationships that are good for you and those that are not, and those that are a mixture of the two, that need work to become good. You work towards all of your relationships being healthy ones; meaning that they bring us happiness rather than stress, they uplift us rather than bringing us down. These relationships are in circles of community, and these circles are relationships with yourself, your family, your friends, your colleagues, your acquaintances, and all are connected.

How To Live Well

After working your way through this journey so far, you will have a solid foundation for how to start living your life better. From this new understanding of yourself, your defined beliefs and ethics form part of what I call your Foundational Prism, the third piece of this prism being your purpose. You will go through a process of building on your beliefs and your ethics, weaving in acquire wisdom and the principles of a life well lived, and define your personal purpose, which completes the Foundational Prism. This prism is the filter through which you will see and experience the world, and it will influence your thoughts, speech and actions, making them wiser in nature. Your purpose is a vision of a better world that you want to help create.

You will then be set to start applying your foundation, principles and purpose to your life, to find your best way to live them out in your thoughts, speech and actions, to act on your vision of a better world through everything that you do. This is living your life on purpose. All of this work will mean that both happiness and success become personal, and therefore fulfilling, all three of which are bi-products of a life well lived, and they feed back into your Foundation and your beliefs, ethics and purpose, and on it goes, because this journey is a life long endeavour. Follow the path to fulfilment and live well my friends.

Always strive to be inspired and inspiring.

#LiveWell

Book Recommendation: Managing Oneself by Peter F. Drucker

Book Recommendation

Source of book cover image: Medium.com

Book can be bought here

Content of book can be read here

Why Read This Book

This is a small book full of deep wisdom around how we function in the workplace, what kind of person we are and what kind of place we should work in. Whether you are young or old, starting your career or further along, this little book can help you both live and work well.

Contents

  • What Are My Strengths?
  • How Do I Perform?
  • What Are My Values?
  • Where Do I Belong?
  • What Should I Contribute?
  • Responsibility for Relationships
  • The Second Half of Your Life
  • About The Author
  • Also By This Author

Summary

This book delves into questions around how we work and questions that we often do not consider when we are choosing where we work and the kind of job we choose to do. Questions like what our values are usually get left out of career conversations. The book goes on to discuss the contributions we make to the workplace and each other, as our relationships matter, and are things we are responsible for growing and maintaining. The book ends with a discussion on the second half of life, and what secondary work we begin in our later years that we are passionate about, whether this be Chair of the church council or Fund Raiser for a charity.

Our Life Long Journey-What Path Should We Follow?

Happiness, Success

“Your life is a journey. Your attitude is the guide.”
― PJ Ferguson

Caught In a Pandemic

Today we are globally in difficult times with the Coronavirus pandemic, but different countries are handling it differently; some better than others, as these are unprecedented events. America seems to be falling into division and chaos, and in the UK there seems to be confusing advice on what we can and cannot do, leading to anxiety in some and other taking advantage and not following sensible advice to keep us. Other countries have done better and worse, depending on your point of view. It can seem that the future is uncertain and full of difficulty, but we cannot necessarily tell what the future will hold, as it has yet to happen.

Whatever our future holds, let us follow the wise words of those who came before us, who led with compassion and love, those who shone a light of hope in difficult times, like the prophets of our many religions and people like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela; leaders who helped us move towards a better way of living. Let us always have hope for the best, and as we make our way into the future, many things will come and go, and we will move past this pandemic, hopefully learning collectively and individually how to live a more balanced life. As we have slowed down and been confined indoors it has been an opportunity to pause and reflect on how we want to live. As many have said, when things go back to normal, it will be a new normal. It is up to us how this new normal will look for us, how our beliefs and ideas about life will influence our lives moving forward.

Our Journeys

As we move forward, we will all have different experiences and different journeys that we each take everyday. Before the Pandemic, there were both every day and religious journeys that we would take, those that work had a journey that they took to get to their job each day; whether by car, bus or train. Many are now working from home, including myself. Others who don’t work will have things that they did and places that they went to regularly, which have also changed.

Whatever we do with each day there are habits that we form, and familiar routines that we go through, as we go to familiar places. These journeys always seem to take less time and are comforting in some way, perhaps due to their familiarity, and the fact that they form part of the fabric of our lives and are connected sometimes to our habits and routines, like walking the dog or going to the pub on a Friday night. These journeys can be down the road, or to another town or city, or even to another country. Whatever the journey, and whatever the destination, there is always a reason for the journey, a purpose for going.

The Events In Life

Many of us have significant events that happen to us on the many journeys that we take, occasionally it is an event which we feel we are lucky to walk away from, a car crash, an illness, a decision which might of ended badly if we had made a different choice, all of these can be life changing, they can make us reassess our lives and our priorities. Sometimes these events are something a little less extreme, like meeting someone and falling in love, having a baby, getting the job you wanted, or just coming to a realisation that causes a change in direction in our lives. Everyday any of these things can happen, life is changing all the time, and our interactions with others are often what cause these changes.

We Go Through Life Together

The journey that we each take through life is one that we share with our friends, and our family, and the things that we do are witnessed by our children. Even though we spend our efforts passing on wisdom and knowledge that we have discovered in the course of our lives, we also pass on examples of how to behave through our actions, we are role models for our children and the actions that we take, and the path through life that we choose, can be copied. The path we take can become the path that our children take, so it would be best to live in a way that we want our children to live, to live up to the wise lesson that we try to instill in them.

We are never alone in the life we lead, there are always people with which we interact; people at work, people on the bus, people in a congregation, friends and family. We live very interconnected lives, and in doing so we learn from each other everyday, we always know more than we did the day before, we are always learning through our experiences, our education, our everyday interactions.

Putting Things Into Perspective

In a way this is how mankind has evolved over the centuries, our interactions have manifested in a collaboration of ideas and knowledge, that has given us the development of human beings from early man to our current level of intelligence and development. This trend will continue, and the paths that we all take will inform the wider community, and the human race as a whole. We are all part of a greater society, and our actions are like drops of water in a lake, the ripples spread out along the water’s surface, eventually having a far-reaching effect on the rest of our world.

We are all parts of a whole and we all have individual lives to lead as well. It is a paradox of sorts. We all want to do what is best for ourselves, yet we also want to do what is best for others too. So how then should we live our lives? What paths should we take on our journey from birth to death? That is something we all have to work out for ourselves, though I do advise looking into the teachings of the many prophets, spiritual leaders, and wise sages that have contributed to the pool of spiritual knowledge that can be found in any of the holy texts and scriptures that every culture has.

Every culture has this knowledge because each of them have had someone who has understood it and documented it, and because this knowledge is not restricted to any one culture, it is a universal wisdom which is part of the universe, and is there to be discovered by anyone who has the ability to see it and understand it. So, think about what path you want to make through life, and how you want to live, then take that first step and keep walking.

Something to think about…

Sometimes life gives us a challenge that can be an opportunity. What challenges do you have currently that could be an opportunity?

Poem: Having Purpose

Poems, The Fullfilment Framework
Striving and failing, repeatedly.
The defeated fall below their imposed par;
partly theirs, partly someone else's.
We often strive without direction, without purpose
on the treadmill of life, running and staying.
People, teams, businesses; we mistake rewards for purpose,
the spoils with the destination.
When we have no destination and no map or compass to speak of
we fail in our pursuits. Our purpose defines our destination
and our reason for going there. It is the means by which we transform
the world for the better. It is how we uplift others
and help them become their best selves.
To help others find fulfilment is to fulfil what it means to be human.

Self Knowledge: Limiting Beliefs

The Fullfilment Framework

“Happiness has to do with your mindset, not with outside circumstance.”
― Steve Marabol

Our Beliefs

One of the key things to figure out when we are aiming to get a deep knowledge and understanding of ourselves is our beliefs. Often our beliefs are subconscious, yet they will dictate our thoughts, speech and actions repeatedly. Our beliefs play a major role in our thinking and how we react to people and situations and how we handle stressful times; do we find the positive or do we crumble? There are beliefs that we have which are very beneficial, but there are also limiting beliefs that get in the way of us progressing and being happy in life. 

Strategies To Change Our Beliefs

It is important to figure out what our limiting beliefs are, so we can replace them with beliefs that will help us to thrive. There are techniques employed by Performance Coaches that get deep into our psyche and make constructive changes. For example, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). There is also Byron Katie’s The Work, which is on my list of things to research.


It can also be beneficial to keep a journal, to write about the good and the bad each day, what we plan to do with the day and what we have learned at the end of each day. To write down our thoughts and feelings, so we can become familiar with our thought patterns, to figure out the limiting beliefs from the empowering ones.


For example,  I have limiting beliefs around failure, which can lead me to assume I will fail, that in turn can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is unless the thoughts are spotted and corrected when they pop up. If corrected enough these thoughts stop showing up as much, and can even disappear all together. This something I am working on at the moment.


We are capable of the things we believe we can do, with hard work and many hours of practice, if we believe big. It is no different with changing our mental habits, it takes time to remove limiting beliefs at their root. Some are more deeply rooted than others. I would begin by writing a journal to get a sense of your thought processes, and to watch how you react to good and bad situations. It is also important to observe what we consider to be good and bad as well.

Fixed and Growth Mindset

Some see challenge as a prompt to try harder, where as some will think “why does this always happen to me?” The latter is from a fixed mindset, where things are fixed and not flexible; things are the way they are and we can do nothing to change them, or we are the way we are and there is nothing we can do the change ourselves. This is, of course, not true; our brains are very capable of change, they are changing all the time.

Developing a flexible growth mindset that sees adversity as an obstacle that can be navigated is a lot more beneficial. A fixed mindset will be full of limiting beliefs that create barriers where there are opportunities. For example, if our role at work begins to change, like suddenly having to work from home during a global pandemic, you can think about all the issues that you might face, or you can think about the new skills you will learn working remotely, and all the job opportunities this will open up for you in the future in other job roles.

Owning Our Own Thinking

If we are going to work at our best, live at our best and be happier and more successful, it begins with figuring out our limiting beliefs and replacing them with ones which fill our lives with potential, but as the title of Byron Katie’s website suggests, we have to do the work, no one will do it for us. So, take ownership of your own life’s journey and remold your thinking towards happiness and success, and you will start to live better and your level of fulfilment will rise to levels you may never have felt before.

Something To Think About…

What are the goals that you hope to achieve in life and what are the barriers you put in place that prevent you from starting on these goals? What are the beliefs behind the barriers? What beliefs would put you in a better position to achieve your goals, that you could replace the limiting beliefs with?

Self Knowledge: Doing What You Love

Happiness, The Fullfilment Framework

There are many ways to ‘find yourself,’ not least the well worn concepts of going to spend time in an ashram or travelling the world, but often we discover at the end of these spiritual or physical journeys that we find ourselves back where we started. It is not the places we go to that cause us to find ourselves, but the experiences we have, the searching we undergo and the inward reflections that we have.

In truth, we can find ourselves right where we are. We do, however, need guidance, ironically the kind that you might in fact find in an ashram. If we do not have our own Guru, we can find wisdom in the writings of others, and processes like Ikigai, a Japanese method to find balance and purpose in life. As I have discussed in my last blog post, recommending a book on the subject of Ikigai, there are four areas to focus on in your life that interact in a Venn diagram layout that creates a centre, which is your Ikigai.

The top area of focus is What You Love, which is an enticing prospect, as doing what you love sounds like great advice, except, those who have rushed out and just done what they loved have often ended up as struggling artists or writers, with no financial plan, or steady income, but are prolific in their work, in the thing they love.

It is not that you should not do what you love, but it should be tempered with the other three areas of the Ikigai Venn diagram; What You Are Good At, What The World Needs and What You Can Get Paid For. Life is a complex meandering journey through strife and happiness, and just doing what you love will not always mean you will automatically live a fulfilling life. It needs to be balanced. Figuring out what you love is important, but the other aspects of Ikigai matter too.

For example, looking at what you can get paid for is important, because money allows you to do things and have things in life, money can be viewed as units of freedom, the more money you have the more freedom you have to do and have things. However, if you only think of yourself, in terms of what you love and what you can get paid for, this can mean others suffer so you can achieve personal goals. The amount of money we have does not equate to how happy we are, because we also need to have good, healthy relationships with other people too in order to be happy in life.

Figuring out what you love is a starting point, as is figuring out what the world needs, or what you are good at, or what you can get paid for. Trying to figure out what you were put on Earth to do is not straight forward, I recommend picking one of the areas of the Ikigai Venn diagram and start figuring out what that means to you and move around all four areas, and when you have a semblance of an answer for each area, then your Ikigai starts to take form and you are on your way to a fulfilling life.

This is, however, a life long pursuit; figuring out our life’s purpose can take a lifetime, and it will be different at different point in our life. So, don’t worry so much about having it all figured out. Start figuring it out and be open to the many, many possibilities that life has for us to explore and start exploring.

Book Recommendation: Ikigai by Justyn Barnes

Book Recommendation

Book Cover Image Source: Amazon UK

Ikigai Diagram Image Source: ontosomethingnew.org

Buy the book here

Why Read This Book

This is a book that will allow you to clearly figure what your purpose in life is. It is based on a Japanese concept that uses a Venn Diagram to dissect what you do and why you do it to figure out what you want out of life. If you are feeling stuck in a rut or lost in life, this is a must read.

Contents

  • Introduction
  • Aspects of Ikigai
  • What Are You Doing and Why?
  • What You Love
  • What The World Needs
  • What You Can Get Paid For
  • What Are You Good At
  • Finding Your Ikigai
  • Epilogue
  • Recommended Reading
  • Picture Credits

Summary

This book looks at our seven needs, everyday life and how we live longer when we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. It looks at how What You Love and What The World Needs blends to be our Mission, how What the World Needs and What You Can Get Paid for blends to be our Vocation, how What You Can Get Paid For and What You Are Good At blends to be our Profession and How What We Are Good at blends to be our Passion. The centre of all these is our Ikigai, it is a balance life, which incorporates our personal and professional endeavours. This book guides you through the process of completing your own Ikigai diagram to rethink your life.

Book Recommendation: The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy

Book Recommendation

Images Source: Amazon.co.uk

Illustration Copyright Charlie Mackesy

Buy A Copy Here

Why Read This Book

This book is beautifully illustrated that is full of gems of wisdom. There are pages that make you stop and think and others that uplift spirits. A joyful and philosophical book for children and adults alike.

Contents

There are no contents as such.

Summary

The book follows the journey of a boy, a mole, a fox and a horse on a journey through the wilderness. The book can be read from beginning to end, but you can dip into the book anywhere and find a nugget of wisdom and beautiful illustrations.

Two of my favourite pages are one where there is stain from a tea cup on the page and all the characters are illustrated looking at it. The words say “Is it the moon?” asked the boy. “It’s a tea cup stain… said the mole, “and where there’s tea there’s cake.” The mole loves cake. My other favourite page is an illustration of the boy riding the horse with the mole and the fox is walking alongside. The words say “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the boy. “Help”, said the horse. It is a truly beautiful book.

The Missing Piece Of A Life Well Lived

Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“People who truly understand what is meant by self-reliance know they must live their lives by ethics rather than rules.”

Wayne Dyer

Our Beliefs

We all have our own beliefs, things that we believe to be true. It might be that all children are precious or that the environment needs to be protected or that money is the route of all evil. You may agree with some of these beliefs but maybe not all of them. Our beliefs are part of what makes us who we are, and also what links us to other people; we gravitate towards others who believe in what we believe. This is human nature.

Our Actions

Our actions in life are often directly related to our beliefs. If you believe that being kind is important then you will often be kind to others, for example. However, often our actions are triggered by our emotions and are reactions to the immediate situation we are in. Our character plays a part too, but our actions are not always aligned with our beliefs. We might believe that we should take care of the environment but find it hard to give up on our big fancy car that guzzles fuel.

The Missing Piece

There is often a missing piece between beliefs and actions, and that is ethics. Ethics are moral principles we hold as important, which extend our beliefs into a code to live by. If we have a strong ethical code then our actions will more robustly align with our beliefs. It takes effort to put together an ethical code for ourselves. First we must clearly define our beliefs through self-exploration, by asking ourselves deep questions about what we believe and then putting our beliefs down on paper.

Then once our beliefs are clearly defined we need to reflect on what the ethical extensions are for each belief. For example, if you were to believe that it is important to be kind then the ethic of that would be something like to treat others as they wish to be treated, sometimes called the platinum rule. Your actions would then reflect this ethic and the route belief more consistently.

In order to live well, we need to live intentionally, with purpose. This is the importance of figuring out your Why, your overriding purpose for your life, but this is built on top of your beliefs and your ethics, which is all built on deep self-knowledge. It is to know yourself intimately and have the courage to live by your beliefs, your ethics and your Why. A life well lived is a courageous one aligned with who you are and how you can help those around you to live their best life. Fulfilment in life comes from living well, so join in the fulfilment revolution and figure out your beliefs and your ethics and have the courage to live by them.

Something To Think About

What are your beliefs and their corresponding ethics, and how will you bring these into your life?

Book Recommendation: Stillness Is The Key by Ryan Holiday

Book Recommendation

Why Read This Book

If life is feeling chaotic and challenging, with the feeling that there is little stillness in your life, this book will help bring you wisdom and bring stillness to your everyday existence. It is a remedy for the challenges of modern life.

Contents

  • PREFACE
  • INTRODUCTION

PART 1: MIND

  • The Domain Of The Mind
  • Become Present
  • Limit Your Inputs
  • Empty The Mind
  • Slow Down, Think Deeply
  • Start Journaling
  • Cultivate Silence
  • Seek Wisdom
  • Find Confidence, Avoid Ego
  • Let Go
  • On To What’s Next…

PART 2: SPIRIT

  • The Domain Of The Soul
  • Choose Virtue
  • Heal The Inner Child
  • Beware Desire
  • Enough
  • Bathe In Beauty
  • Accept A Higher Power
  • Enter Relationships
  • Conquer Your Anger
  • All Is One
  • On To What’s Next…

PART 3: BODY

  • The Domain Of The Body
  • Say No
  • Take A Walk
  • Build A Routine
  • Get Rid Of Your Stuff
  • Seek Solitude
  • Be A Human Being
  • Go To Sleep
  • Find A Hobby
  • Beware Escapism
  • Act Bravely
  • On To The Final Act
  • AFTERWORD
  • WHAT’S NEXT?
  • ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  • SOURCES AND BIBLIOGRAPHY

Summary

This little book is a soulful look at the human condition through the lens of the mind, the soul and the body. There are lots of examples of well known people’s lives and how they struggled and succeeded in different ways of being to bring about stillness. There is a lot of advice about how to live in a way that brings about stillness and a clear exploration of the pitfalls that push it away, based on these examples of real situations, including Tiger Woods’s personal demons and the US President John F. Kennedy’s handling of the Cuban missile crisis. Ryan Holiday has the steady voice of a wise elder in this book, someone who deeply understands what it means to live a life with stillness.

Knowing Yourself

Happiness, The Fullfilment Framework

Often it can be easy to become the things that those around us want us to be. With peer pressure, the pressure from modern culture to dress a certain way or act a certain way and the expectations of our parents all add to who we think we should be. However, this is not always who we actually are. If the version of ourselves that we present to the world is different from how we are in our own head, or in private, then something is wrong.


The problem is that if we live to other people’s expectations then we are never going to feel fulfilled, because all that we do will be for the benefit of others. To live life as your authentic self takes courage, because you will be judged by someone, maybe many, in your life. But if you do it, if you live as you with conviction then my friends you can become your best selves. Your achievements will then feel worth it.


When the way you live your life is aligned with your values and beliefs then your heart will feel full, contentment will permeate your thoughts and your levels of stress will be reduced. The thing to do is to get to know yourself, deeply.


Your Values


Your values are simply the things in life that you value. I know obvious right? What I mean is the things that you have strong feelings about. The things that stand out as important to you. Is it your family, your friends, is it justice or charity? Is it creativity or making money? None of these are good or bad, but they get to the essence of who you are.

I value creativity, stewardship, kindness and leadership very highly. I value my family highly too. I also value equality and respect for others. Figuring out what values are important to you will fill in part of the picture of who you authentically are.


Your Beliefs 


Beliefs are about how you think the world works and how you think people should behave. Beliefs include religious ideas as well as human ideas. It might be that God’s grace is real. It might be that karma is real. It might be that we should try to lift other up and not put them down. It might be that the winner takes it all and the loser dismissed.


There is a morality to figuring out our beliefs. They define what is right and wrong in your eyes. Figuring out what you believe about all sorts of things is really important. To question the beliefs that are given to you by others and decide if you too believe them, deep down in your heart, is very important too. We are all individuals and living life by someone else’s beliefs can be detrimental to us.

What Is Your Vocation

We all have jobs, generally speaking, but they are often not things that we have chosen because we deeply believe in the work we are doing. Often the job we have is simply a way of exchanging our time and energy for money to live on. If the work is in contrast to our values or beliefs then this can be a stressful situation. Some places of work are also focused on how much productivity they can squeeze out of us rather than helping us to reach our full potential.

Some of you will have things that you do outside of work, things that you have chosen to do. Things that you are passionate about. Things you are literally doing for free, because you love it. One thing I do is preaching in a Unitarian church. You might be a Scout leader, a volunteer in a charity shop, a volunteer in a food bank, a writer or a blogger. These are signs of the things that you could flourish at if you were doing it as you actual job. Your vocation can become your job if you have the courage to take a chance and go for it.

All of this is about figuring out who you are, how you work, what you deeply care about and living your best life, because you know your self. This is life’s mission, a personal journey such as this avoids a life that will feel wasted at it’s end, because you will be living on your terms, in your way, and not living your life through the expectations and peer pressure of others.

Go forth and discover your wonderful self and live according to your values and beliefs. Be courageous and live true to who you are.

Book Recommendation: Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E Frankl

Book Recommendation, Happiness

Image Source: amazon.co.uk

Buy the book here

Why Read This Book


This book is an insider’s view of the Nazi concentration camps from a Psychiatrist who lived in them as a Jewish prisoner. A view that came to see meaning even in the greatest of suffering. It is a book that reflects the idea that we can choose our attitude in any given circumstances. It is an empowering read that includes Viktor E Frankl’s Logotherapy, which is a structured way to find meaning in one’s life. For someone who wants to reach their full potential this is a must read.

Contents

  • Preface by Gordon W. Allport
  • Preface to the 1992 Edition
  • PART ONE
  • Experiences in a Concentration Camp
  • PART TWO
  • Logotherapy in a Nutshell
  • POSTSCRIPT 1984
  • The Case for a Tragic Optimism
  • About the Author

Summary

As is evident from the contents list this book if primarily about two things, the experiences that Viktor Frankl had while he was a prisoner of Nazi concentration camps, which included harrowing accounts as well as moments of joy. Also, how these experiences and what he witnessed brought him to the realisation that the underlying drive of human beings is to find meaning in life, and that meaning can change depending on the momentary circumstances we find ourselves in and that this meaning can only be realised by the individual themselves. This then lead him to use his training as a Psychiatrist to develop his Logotherapy, which is explained in clear detail in the second part of the book. This book is difficult to read at times, but the challenges of reading Part One bring context and depth to the Logotherapy explanation in Part Two, so I would recommend reading the whole book if you can.

Principles To Live By

Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower

There are many sets of rules or principles in our culture that act as guides of how to live, if we choose to follow them. There are religious ones, self-improvement ones and business success ones. One of the oldest known in modern culture are the Ten Commandments, found in the Hebrew bible and the Old Testament in the Christian bible. There are others however.


There is the Golden Rule, ‘do to others what you would have them do to you.’ Which is found in most religious writings across the world, in one form or another. One of my favourite sets of rules is from the small but excellent book, The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea by Bob Burg and John D. Mann. In it the protagonist learns 5 laws of stratospheric success. It is business orientated, but they apply to every day life as well. Here they are:

  1. The Law of Value: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
  2. The Law of Compensation: Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
  3. The Law of Influence: Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.
  4. The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
  5. The Law of Receptivity: The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

In life however, I think living by rules can sometimes feel restrictive, as constructive as they might be. I personally think it is better to live by principles. This means you have a reason why you do what you do and what you do and how you do it are more flexible, as long as they align with your principles. I have put together ten principle as part of my reworking or the Fullfilment Framework. This is a work in progress, so as ever, feedback is welcomed in the comments.


Principles of a Life Well Lived


I have distilled down principles that are good to live by to ten specific principles that I believe will collectively help us feel happy and successful in life and as a result feel fulfilled. These are the principles of a life well lived, categorised into Self and Others.


Self: Growth

As human beings if we feel we are not growing as individuals then our lives feel like they are stagnating to some degree and we lose any kind of fulfilment. We need to develop in our jobs, if not in our spiritual or personal realms. To gain deeper understandings and to improve is a inner drive that is greater or smaller depending on your personality, but I would say it is always there.

We also need to have a growth mindset to get the best out of life. To have a destination in mind but to be flexible on the route. To favour hard work and problem solving over believing that we have fixed, innate qualities like being creative or not being good with numbers. We become good at anything with learning and practice. Water flows around obstacles and makes its own paths. Equally, a tree that bends in the wind will not break and it continues to grow, as this is its nature, much like growth is part of our nature.


Self: Equanimity

This is very difficult, it is the art of being calm and collected in any given situation, good or bad. It is mastery over our emotions. It is not getting emotionally pulled into situations so much that the situation dictates how we feel and what we do. Self-mastery includes equanimity, keeping experiences in perspective in the greater scheme of things. It is not abstaining from emotions; it is Mastery over them.


Self: Fortitude

We all have challenges in our lives, some are overcoming procrastination to work on something important to us and some are life changing events that threaten derail our whole lives. When we have a goal in life, a North Star that we are aiming for, we need the drive to work on this every day. No matter what our challenges are, having the fortitude to keep going when life pushes back will mean we achieve the good success we deserve.

Self: Seeking

Part of the Fullfilment Foundation is Acquiring Wisdom, which is part of Seeking. What I mean by Seeking is the act of exploring the unknown, to yearn for explanations of why things happen the way they do, but also to have the courage to step into the unknown in life when the prospect fills us with fear. This can be in our job, in relationships and in personal projects, and it can potentially challenge the values and beliefs that we have defined for ourselves.

This is part of the process of seeking, it is being open to change when new experiences bring new information, new wisdom that we have not been aware of before.It is following a spiritual path or a path of self-exploration, depending on your theological beliefs. It is the path of the wisdom warrior, to courageously seek a deeper understanding.


Self: Self-Competition

In life, we often compare ourselves to others, we compete with them, even if this is only in our own minds. This will either make us feel self-important if we are ahead, or feel bad about ourselves, if we are behind. This is not productive at all if winning is everything. Comparing a standard of work with others can be useful, but it is best to compare our current selves with our previous selves. To be better today than we were yesterday.


This is how all the great achievers think, whether individuals or companies, those who innovate and change the world compete with themselves, not their competition. This means they can focus their Why, on bringing to life the vision they have developed from their Why.


Others: Stewardship

Greatness comes from leaving things better than you found them. Not being satisfied with the status quo because it kind of works OK. When this is done with the intention of improving things for others the benefit is magnified for yourself and others. It is planting trees when you know others will benefit from its shade. This is a kind of entrepreneurial spirit, the act of looking for things that need to be improved and making changes to achieve this.


Others: Servanthood

A good leader takes care of those around them, it is not a rank, it is a mindset. A good leader serves others. In life, we do not need to be in the position of a Manager or a Supervisor to be a leader, but we do need to have others who will follow us in our endeavours, to help us advance our vision. Servanthood is a rewarding mindset to have because our biochemistry rewards acts of generosity, kindness and compassion, and it is key to our happiness and feeling of fulfilment. However, it is not about being a dog’s body, it is a partnership of giving and receiving. It builds trust and cooperation and our relationships begin to thrive.


Others: Reciprocity

It is important to give, but it is also important to be humble enough to receive as well. It gives others the opportunity to give. Also, when we help others, we feel a sense of fulfilment, we feel good. Fulfilment itself is reciprocal because it requires the helping of others to find fulfilment in their lives. To help others grow and achieve, to feel joy and happiness. When we do this in our relationships and in our work, we feel fulfilled at the end of each day, but we must be able to accept the help from others too.

Others: Joy Making

Joy is different from happiness, because happiness evokes the idea that we are striving for something. Joy on the other hand is about bringing laughter and smiles to people’s faces. It is enjoying the moment, and we can bring this into our own lives through the attitude that we have, we can be joyful; and when we are the joy spreads. When we bring joy into the interactions, we have with others it feeds the souls, so to speak, it increases our wellbeing ten-fold and our lives and the lives of those around us are better for it. To be joyful is to enjoy life to its fullest, to be an ambassador of joy is to bring joy into the lives of others.


Others: Connection

There are two ways I think we should strive to be connected, with the people in our lives and what is often called the Great Mystery; God, Tao, Brahman, or just the Universe itself, that which is bigger that all of us but contains all of us. In life we need healthy relationships, in our personal lives and in our professional lives.

This involves things like regular contact, spending time together, preferably in person rather than via a device, and caring about the wellbeing of the people we know. When we are waiting for a meeting to start at work, or some other situation, asking how people are and listening to the answer, rather than checking our social media status or emails. This is how we build trust and loyalty, how we build depth into our relationships. Above all else it is caring about the other person beyond how you know them, compassion, empathy and love build strong bonds.

The Great Mystery or God can make some feel uncomfortable, even angry when the subject is brought up. However, I am not suggesting that you have to become religious if you are not. I feel that your beliefs should be dictated by your own conscience based, on your experiences and knowledge, and not the opinions or beliefs of others.

That being said, when we do not feel that we are connected to something greater than ourselves, then I think we can feel separated in our existence or full of self-importance, as if we are what is most important. Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves, even if this is the Universe itself, does two things. It helps us feel like we belong here and it keeps us humble to think of ourselves as like a drop of water in an ocean, an essential part of the greater whole.


Final Thoughts

These principles that I am suggesting will, I think, help you feel happy and successful. You might pick a few of them to follow and leave the rest. That is fine, it is not a definitive list, but I believe that they are the core of what it means to live well.

Something To Think About

Which of these principles would you follow? Also, what other principles have you already decided to follow or could you follow?

Remedies To A Crisis

Happiness, The Fullfilment Framework

“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.” James Allen

Not Being In Control

We are going through a lot of anxiety across the world at the moment with the outbreak of the Coronavirus, there is much uncertainty around our health, whether we have the virus or if we will get it, whether we will lose our jobs, and when we have lost our jobs how we will pay the bills, whether our loved ones are safe, and how long this will all last. Some countries appear to be managing this crisis better than others, and these countries have been predominantly governed by women, whose natural instinct is often taken care of their people. Male leaders tend to be more head strong and want to appear to be strong.

These are generalisations, and not all male or female leaders fit these archetypes, but the global leadership styles that have kept some citizens safe and others not is quite telling. I think the degree to which people feel their leader(s) are taking care of them in a crisis is the degree to which we feel less or more anxious.

For example, some companies have said that they will guarantee that their staff will get paid, or at least 80% oft their salary, and that no one will be fired. Some smaller companies cannot afford to do this unfortunately, but those who are told that they will be taken care of will do all they can to keep their company going through this crisis, they will collectively protect their company because their leaders protected them.

On an individual level, it can be difficult to cope with the uncertainty, and the anxiety that arises from it, especially if we feel that we are not taken care of. Some express their anxiety through anger, we have seen an increase in domestic violence during this crisis. Some express this through trying to control unusual situations.

I heard a story from a friend of mine, who works on a shop, that an elderly man tried to attack her with a shovel, because she would not give him a refund for it, due to him not being able to provide a receipt. The shovel only cost £3, but I suspect he was trying to control the situation because he did not feel that he had control over other things due to this crisis.

In my experience, and through my research into how to live well, I think there are some crucial remedies to anxiety, especially when the anxiety is related to not feeling in control.

Self-Awareness

If we spend time being with our unpleasant emotions, as difficult as this is, if we can have the bravery to just be with them and not run away into distractions and intoxication then we can begin to see what things trigger our anxiety or our anger, or why we criticise and belittle others, then we can begin to develop deep self-awareness. The longer we spend being with ourselves in this way the more we are able to figure out our triggers for negative thoughts and behaviour and to find ways to handle these things better.

If we can figure out our triggers we can develop techniques to reduce our reactions to them, or if this is not possible, to find ways to avoid the triggers, for the sake of our own wellbeing. This is the life long process of self-improvement that will increase our quality of life and our wellbeing, because it will raise our happiness levels and improve our relationships.

Self-Control

If we can become more self-aware we can take responsibility for our own emotions and respond to situations rather than react to them. If we can begin to manage our emotions better we will have more control over what happens in our lives, because even though we cannot control being in the situations we find ourselves in necessarily, because we are already in them, we have a choice of how we act in the following moments.

If we have self-awareness and have developed self-control, then we have clearer thinking and can act out of compassion and altruism, and we can see further into the future of possibilities and determine our best course of action for a positive outcome. This type of mastery is mastery of the self, and it takes years to develop, but if we do not start then we will spend a lot of our lives reacting, often negatively, to each and every situation we find ourselves in and our happiness levels will plummet and our levels of anxiety will go up, because we will have less certainty.

When we let the uncertain nature of the world shake our sense of being we will always struggle. Self-awareness and self-control build a stoicism that will allow us to weather the storms of life and enjoy the fruits of it too.

Gratitude and Kindness

These are two of the most powerful antidotes to anxiety, in the moment. When we are grateful for the little things in life, then our bodies conspire to make us feel good with the hormones it produces. The same is true of being kind to others. To be grateful and to be kind makes us feel good and it reduces the hormones our bodies produce when we feel anxious.

Simply listing ten things we are grateful for every morning, making sure we smile at people and give them compliments, these are things we can all do, and if they become our daily habits then the crisis we are all in does not seem as bad. We develop the feeling that we are in this together and that we will get through this.

So, spend time with yourself, getting to know how you react and respond to difficult situations. Develop better strategies to manage yourself in these situations. Be more grateful for what you have and kinder to others around you. Do these things and this crisis will be easier to manage and you will be on your way to self mastery and a wonderful life.

Book Recommendation: Start With Why by Simon Sinek

Book Recommendation, The Fullfilment Framework

Image Source: amazon.co.uk

Buy The Book Here

Why Read This Book

This book elegantly explains the importance of knowing your Why, which I believe is integral to living well, to be happy, successful and fulfilled. Defining your Why is an essential part of my Fullfilment Framework, a framework designed to help you live a fulfilling life.

Contents

INTRODUCTION: WHY START WITH WHY?

PART 1: A WORLDS THAT DOES NOT START WITH WHY

  • Assume you know
  • Carrots and sticks

PART 2: AN ALTERNATIVE PERSPECTIVE

  • The golden circle
  • This is not opinion, this is biology
  • Clarity, discipline, and consistency

PART 3: LEADERS NEED A FOLLOWING

  • The emergence of trust
  • How a tipping point tips

PART 4: HOW TO RALLY THOSE WHO BELIEVE

  • Start with WHY, but know HOW
  • Know WHY. Know HOW. Then WHAT?
  • Communication is not about speaking, it’s about listening

PART 5: THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE IS SUCCESS

  • When WHY goes fuzzy
  • Split happens

PART 6: DISCOVER WHY

  • The origins of a WHY
  • The new competition

 Summary

This book explores what it means to have a Why, which is the purpose behind all that we do. It is essentially a sum total of how we were raised and our experiences up to adulthood; it is who we are as an individual. We only have one Why and the level at which we can best use our Why to live a fulfilling life depends on our depth of understanding of it and if we can articulate it.

Simon Sinek used examples from business and history to explain the importance of knowing your Why. He explains what he calls the Golden Circle, which illustrate how we think and make decisions, we go from Why to How to What. He goes to discuss the impact of knowing your Why can have on leadership and how important it is to take care of those around us, especially if we are in a position of leadership. Also, the way that success can make our Why fuzzy and we can potentially deviate from our Why, as individuals and as a company, which causes problems. Therefore it is important to keep our Why in central focus to avoid getting lost.

 

Poem: Unity in a Crisis, Two Sides of Humanity

Poems

I made a mistake, I panicked,
I bought too many, more than I needed,
I raised my voice and was unkind,
I blamed others for our collective situation,
I became divisive and against the ‘other’.

You bought more than you needed,
Because the extra was for your neighbour,
You spoke gentle words full of forgiveness and kindness,
Because that is what is needed,
You took responsibility for those around you, to care for them,
Because this is what leadership looks like,
You spread joy and laughter, inspiration and unity,
Because these are remedies for hurt.

The crisis is a catastrophe, but you were a beacon of hope,
I made it worse, but you forgave me and showed me a better way.

Now I buy for my neighbour, because they need it,
Now I show forgiveness and kindness to others, because we need it,
Now I take responsibility and care for those around me, because it is right,
Now I spread joy and laughter, inspiration and unity, 
Because we are one humanity, we always have been, 
But it took a crisis that shook the world to see it.

Lockdown Blues or an Opportunity in Disguise

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” – Margaret J. Wheatley

The global pandemic we know as the Coronavirus has had a wide ranging impact on the lives of so many across the world, on our health, our wellbeing and our finances, hitting some much harder than others. Many of us have had to go into self isolation, due to illness or being at high risk. Schools have closed and children are being educated at home through the wonders of the internet. Many adults are also working from home via the internet as well or have lost their jobs and some companies will not survive this pandemic. The way we do everything, including basic things like our shopping, has changed. These are challenging times.

Every Challenge is an Opportunity for a New Possibility

When challenges arise in our lives we really have two ways of looking at them, either to look at the negative impact of the challenge on our lives and how we feel or to look at the things the situation can teach us and the opportunities it provides. Resilience is built on overcoming adversity. If you are in lockdown, imposed by your government, or in self-isolation, as you are following the sensible advice to stay at home, this is an opportunity to reconnect with what is important in your lives and reevaluate your priorities.

Panic at the Supermarket

Panic does not help in situations like this. Panic buying hurts others and therefore it hurts us. When we panic we go into a fight or flight mode of thinking, which only helps when you are in immediate danger, and it should end once that immediate danger is gone. Generally speaking, we are not in immediate danger, this very moment, there is not a tiger about to eat us or a madman with a gun pointed at us, we are in a dangerous situation that requires reasonable steps to keep ourselves and others safe, so we should follow the advice of our Government and health care system.

If those in our society that are supporting us through this pandemic cannot get what they need to live, how can they help us to get through this. Equally, if we are ignorant of the sensible measures we need to implement, then we put ourselves and others in danger. For example, there are some in America who have said that as they are Christian and are covered in the blood of Jesus they are able to go to church with lots of other people and they cannot see that they could get sick or pass the Coronavirus on to others.

I have no issues with the beliefs of others, people can believe what they want, but when people’s actions could cause hurt to others then this is not good. One reaction to a situation like the one we find ourselves in is to dive into our beliefs in religious teachings to make us feel less afraid. The problem here though is that, if taken to an extreme, it is all focused on the individual, the fear makes us selfish and irrational. Part of me does not blame these people for being hijacked by their fight or flight system, but actions do have consequences, and ignorance is no excuse.

Good Health Is Foundational

As we all know our health is important. I would say that our health is central to our entire wellbeing and should be a daily focus, not just when a pandemic hits the fan. We can take this pandemic as a trigger to turn our attention to our health, and if you have to stay at home you have more time to focus on improving your diet, and your physical, mental and energy health. Take up yoga, meditate, go for walks or runs, journal your experiences and take the time to improve your overall health, to either recover from an illness or prepare your body to fend off whatever illnesses you may have to come, even if they are not a global pandemic. We have access to pretty much the entire culmination of human understanding on every topic via the internet. We have to be careful to make sure we check the sources of information when we get it online. I would advise checking at least three different sources to see if they agree, and remember that Wikipedia can be edited by anyone.

Recentre and Recalibrate

It is also a chance to find ourselves again, to spend time with ourselves away from the normal busy lives we lead. To look at our priorities, what we care about and what we should not bother with. It is a perfect time to look at defining our Why, as well as our values and beliefs, as I mention in my Fullfilment Framework. To do some self reflection and set some goals. We do not normally get so much time to do this sort of thing.

Some of you are ‘Key Workers’ and may not have the same time available because you are literally saving lives and supporting our economy, but the effect of this pandemic will be massive on all of us and, like all traumatic situations, we can be crippled by it or rise to the occasion and become better versions of ourselves. All those who are helping others at this difficult time I salute you, you are the best of humanity and the guardian angels that we all need right now. If you are not a Key Worker then please do what you can to support your neighbours, family and friends, and if advised stay at home.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention

We have all had to change how we connect with others, primarily via the internet. Zoom has become and invaluable way for people to connect. Teams at work, exercise classes, spiritual groups, you name it we are gathering together via Zoom. Facebook groups and email groups are exploding into a ferver of interaction to discuss the pandemic and support each other. Positivity is bringing so many people together. It is strange to feel so much community spirit without physically spending time with others, but the best of humanity is coming out to play and it is awesome. I am currently playing a game of chess with my elderly Father via WhatsApp message and he is beating me.

The Importance of Our Relationships

This has all highlighted how important our relationships are, they are the glue that holds our wellbeing together. What this pandemic has highlighted to me is how we cannot deepen our relationships with friends, family or colleagues through a screen as easily as we can face to face. It is the little moments of conversation and interaction, asking how the other person is doing and caring about the answer. It is the difference between a hug and the picture of a hug or a handshake and an emoji of a hi five. Physical connection is vital to healthy relationships and once this pandemic is over we need to not go back to interacting primarily through a device like a mobile phone, but to spend face to face time with those in our lives. This is one of the greatest lessons to learn from this situation.

Final Thoughts

I think this pandemic has also caused much of the superficial things that we thought divided us to drop to the wayside, as this crisis has created a shared human story that we are all experiencing. People out on their daily exercises are waving hi to strangers when they never would have before; we are beginning to see each other as human beings first. This is something I hope we do not lose when this is all over and we find a new normal, one of shared values, of oneness, of an understanding that all aspects of society are important. Without those who work in a supermarket being there for us at this difficult time we would not be able to live. Let’s hope the paradigm shifts to one of equality and respect, and that this paradigm stays for the foreseeable future.

New Beginnings: It Takes Courage

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“Fear wins or freedom wins. And so let us ask ourselves, will my life be about aversion or ascension?” 

Brendon Burchard

In our lives you could argue that every moment is a new beginning, in which we always have a choice in how we respond to the circumstances we find ourselves in. Perhaps a choice of either Fear or Freedom, often a difficult choice to make when the harsh realities of life seem set against us. This is the question that connects the two opening chapters of the book The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard.

The first chapter is entitled On Freedom and the second is entitled On Fear. The opening words in the third chapter, On Motivation, sum up the opening message of this book. “The dominant motives of Humankind involve either freedom or fear; there are no other pathways in our psychology. One demands engagement with our true self and ambitions, and inevitably leads to independence, growth, happiness, and transcendence. The other causes us to skirt around challenges, avoiding struggle as much as possible – despite struggle often being the very thing required for growth.” [The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard, page 51]

Whether you agree with this or not, it does bring up the question of how we ourselves respond to the events within our lives. Do we respond with the confidence to tackle the challenges in our lives or do we avoid conflict and therefore forfeit the potential rewards that lie on the other side of these challenges, if we were to tackle them rather than run from them?

We each have our own ways of making decisions, of dealing with the demands that beset our lives. So, what is your default setting, so to speak, when you are faced with a challenge? Most of us are not aware of the how and the why of our decision-making process. It is not until we start to question ourselves, and start to observe ourselves that we get a sense of whether we fall prey to fear or if we embrace freedom.

It has been said that every moment is full of potential and all around us there are metaphorical doors opening to new possibilities, but most of the time we choose not to take opportunities when they appear in our lives. We are too busy, we don’t want to deviate from what we are used to or we are just uncertain of what the outcome might be. When we do take opportunities that come our way, things can go wrong for us, but wonderful things can also happen too.

You may be thinking that it is all well and good suggesting that we take more opportunities when they come our way, but how do we know which opportunities will bring positive results and which will bring negative results? Unfortunately, we don’t really know what the results will be until we walk through the doors of opportunity and see what happens. It is like the act of being brave, you have to do something that scares you, even though you may be terrified, and the bravery comes afterwards. The more opportunities we take the more experience we get and we start to realise which might be good opportunities and which might not be.

We can think about our experiences in similar situations and make a judgement call. It is the difference between intelligence and wisdom, you could say. Intelligence is knowing lots of things, but wisdom is intelligence plus experience. It is the culmination of trying and failing over and over until we don’t fail as often, because we have learned from our experiences and applied some intelligence to our decision making. This is why elders are so respected in so many cultures, because they have the experience that gives them wisdom. I for one would someday like to be an elderly person who has made lots of mistakes, but has not been afraid to keep trying.

I think that as we get older we can develop an instinct for good opportunities, perhaps it is a little bit of wisdom. We can look at an opportunity and have a good or a bad feeling about it, and I think this can guide our decision making. I definitely feel that my good opportunity radar is beginning to work fairly well. I sometimes get the feeling that I should do something and I have tried to trust in this feeling and go with it and see what happens. Don’t get me wrong, it is scary trusting in these feelings, but in my experience trusting in my good opportunity radar has brought good things into my life.

This might be the divine in the world at work, guiding me, I don’t know. I like to think of these situations are karmic sign posts pointing to good things, as the Buddhist in me believes in karma. You may well see these kinds of situations in your own lives in a different way, depending on your own beliefs and experience. You may think that it is God guiding you or that there is no divine hand guiding you or anyone else. Whatever your theological beliefs I do believe that when we begin to trust our feelings about whether we should try something new, or take a chance, then we invite more positive outcomes and experiences into our lives.

Every moment is full of potential, there are doors of opportunity all around us, but it is up to us to walk through these metaphorical doors and try something new, whether this is a new job, a new relationship, rekindling an old relationship, a chance to learn something new or a chance to try something you have never done before, we will always grow as individuals. The outcome might not always be a positive one, but every mistake is an opportunity to learn in itself, even this can lead to making better decisions in the future and therefore a better future, as we become wiser with every mistake we make and every challenge we try to overcome. Go forth, try new things and keep going, and if you fall, fall forwards, pick your self up and try again.

Something To Think About

What opportunities are thee in your life that you are fearful of taking? How would it feel if you give it a try and it works out well for you?