The Fullfilment Project

Managing Your Life

Sometimes life seems to throw everything at you all at once, and it can be overwhelming. We all have different ways to deal with the things in our lives, some ways are more successful than others.

For me, writing everything down in a To Do list really helps, because I struggle to keep everything in my head at once. I prioritise the list in terms of importance and when it needs to be done by. 1 = Very Important, 2 = Important and 3 = Not Important. A = Do it today, B = Do it this week and C = Do it this month. Everything with an A gets done today in order of importance, everything with a B this week etc.

American President Dwight D. Eisenhower developed this matrix to manage everything he had to deal with as President.

Source: https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:7_habits_decision-making_matrix.png

There are many different ways to manage the things you have to get done each day. If you have not already done so, I suggest you figure out a way that works for you, otherwise procrastination will rule your life and you may feel overwhelmed.

Meaning Matters

Happiness, Success

Thinking small is a product of how we talk to ourselves, which is often negative. Those who are successful in life have a very positive self-talk, they say all good things to themselves, which boosts their confidence and their thinking on what they are capable of.

So, when you feel that there is something you are not capable of, pay close attention to the thoughts you are having and the reasons you are giving for not being able to do whatever it is. Then, play around with thinking about whether the opposite is true, and if it is then change your thinking accordingly.

Our negative self-talk is almost always wrong and some form of the opposite is usually true. What let’s us get trapped in negative thinking about ourselves is often either bad experiences we have had in the past or how those we care about have treated us in the past.

The thing about these past experiences is that they do not tell you who you are. How you choose to view these experiences is who you are. Often we let the past control how we feel and act in the present, but this removes our ability to choose our present and future, because we let the meaning we have put on these experiences control our decision making.

If we change the meaning we change the script we tell ourselves and we change how we act in the present. The key is the meaning we put onto what we have done and what we do now. Meaning matters.

Taking Responsibility

Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

This week Conservative MP David Davis stood up in Parliament and commented on how Prime Minister Boris Johnson has not shouldered the responsibility for the actions he has taken and that he should go.

I am not going to get into a discussion about what the UK Prime Minister should or should not have done, but the point David Davis made applies to us all. He meant it to be something leaders do, but we are all leader in some capacity.

When we make mistakes or make errors in judgement, the right thing to do is to take responsibility for them having happened and to fix them, in whatever way we can.

It is a measure of our integrity that we act ethically, even when no one is watching.

What Do You Care About?

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

It is reported flat Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting during his lifetime. He often lived in poverty, but he felt the urge to paint. Now his paintings are worth millions of pounds/dollars. I suppose scarcity raises the price, now that he cannot paint any more.

But given that he could possibly have earned more money doing something other than painting, why did he paint? I guess you could also ask why I write this blog, or why does anyone do anything creative? And why some people do not.

Also, you could ask whether Vincent Van Gogh’s paintings have more value now or the moment they were painted. They have more monetary value now, but I would argue that the way they make the viewer feel has always had the same value.

The value of anything we do in life, if done with purpose and mastery, stands for itself and stands the test of time. The question is, what do you care about enough to master and share with the world?

Just Surrender

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Watching this YouTube video reminded me of a dark time in my life and how I got myself out of it. I don’t often talk about personal things on this blog, but I believe this may help some if you, so it’s worth sharing. I may have even shared details of this before.

I spent nine years working in a special needs school and enjoyed it for the first five or so, but we began to get children with more challenging behaviours and physical restraints became more and more necessary. I also developed Fibromyalgia during this time, so the physical restraints became challenging for me.

I began to worry about losing my job, which was our main source of income and I was working with young people who had already given me concussion. I began getting anxiety pain in my chest and feeling stuck in a difficult situation.

One day walking home from the bus stop at the end of a day in the special needs school, I had had enough and I looked up at the sky and said in my head, “universe, I surrender to you. I will take your signs and follow them out of this situation.” I cried and felt relieved.

I found another job which had an annual salary £3000 less than I was on, but I followed my gut and changed jobs. Two months in to my new job the company increased the salary to about what I was on in my previous job. A union had been working with the company for two years to get the salary increased and I arrived when it did.

The point I am making is that sometimes you need to surrender to the universe or God or whatever your beliefs call the oneness that we are all in and look for the opportunities it/he/she provides. It can have a profound effect on your life and wellbeing. Your journey will doubtless be different from mine, but shared experience is often shared wisdom.

Pace Yourself

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One of the things I have to always be aware of while having Fibromyalgia, is that after standing or walking around for a while my legs begin to hurt and I need to rest. I need to know my limits and plan my day accordingly.

We all have our limits, for our energy or patience or attention span, etc. Everyone has different limits. Mine will clearly be less than others, but may be greater than others. The point is that if you know your limits you can plan your day and week around what you know you can handle.

It will also help you choose the right job. If you have little patience, then working with challenging young people, for example, will be a bad mix. If you have a low attention span, work that changes repeatedly will suit you well. Knowing your limits will allow you to work and play to the maximum benefit of you and those around you.

Motivation Matters

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In Buddhism, the motivation behind actions will often generate more karmic consequences than the action itself. Similarly, in life the outcome of our actions is heavily influenced by our motivation. In other words, our intention matters.

If we have a purpose in life and our actions are aligned with that purpose, then the outcome will usually be aligned with our purpose too. This is because the way we act out our actions or the words we choose to use are influenced by our motivation, by our purpose.

If we want to make a sale because we will get a bonus out of it, we will likely try to manipulate someone into buying what we are selling. If we want to make a sale because what we are selling will help certain people, we will look for those people and sell to them in order to improve their lives.

Whether you believe in karma or not, the consequences of how we do things in life mirror our motivation behind our words and our actions. Our motivation matters.

What Is Your Potential?

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Some years ago I gave my daughter a small wooden box which contained an acorn and a picture of a tree. Under the tree I wrote the words “Think like a tree.”

The point of this is that we often look at something like an acorn and we only see an acorn. At best we might see it as a squirrel’s lunch, but not what it could be. Every acorn is a potential oak tree. Likewise, we each have the potential to be the wisest, kindest and happiest version of ourselves.

Don’t look at yourself as you currently are, as an acorn, see yourself as a potential giant oak tree, so to speak. You all have the potential to be many things, what is stopping you is how you see yourselves.

The Pursuit Of Ignorance

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I took this title from this TED Talk about science and education and how the best way to educate and pursue science is to explore what we do not know. It should not be the collecting of facts and showing the ability to repeat them on command.

This applies to our lives too. We usually know very little about how to live a fulfilling life, because no one teaches us how to find this out. We don’t really know what questions to ask or what parts of ourselves to explore.

The guidance is there in religious texts and writings on philosophy and psychology, but we are not exposed to them in our education. Or if we are, we are not given guidance on what questions to ask. In some cultures and religions we are told “This is the way” and are expected to follow it.

My advice is to read widely, use a journal to explore ideas and get to know different kinds of people. Learn what it is like to walk in another person’s shoes and then learn how to walk in your own. Your life is a journey, so don’t spend your life living in a cul-de-sac.

Change Is Not Progress

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Two of the Principles I live by are ‘Change is constant’ and ‘Progress is a journey.’ They are not the same thing, but they are both helpful.

Often people think they are making progress because they are getting a lot done, but doing the same thing over and over does not help you progress. In order to have progress you need to have a destination in mind and you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things.

The destination could be a losing X number of pounds in weight. You will need to change what you eat and your habits around food to take you to where you want to be. Just eating less won’t help.

Change is automatic and it requires no effort, but it is wise to remember the nature of change, and say to yourself ‘This too will pass.’ Both good things and bad things in your life are temporary. Remembering this will help us see the light in the darkness of our despair and the preciousness of our joy in the good things in our lives.

Understanding both change and progress are needed to live a fulfilling life.

Work On Your Craft

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we think of someone’s craft we often think of Blacksmiths or some other vocation that requires training, often passed down through generations, and they normally have a specific purpose. However, I would like to broaden out the meaning of ‘craft’ to include the work that you do.

Mostly, we have jobs rather than vocations and often these jobs can feel like we are exchanging our time and effort for money to pay our bills. We can, however, look at our jobs and see the opportunities to make other people’s lives better. This can be seen as a craft, because it takes skill and purpose.

So, ask yourselves how you can make other people’s live better while you are doing your job and in your life generally. Then ask yourselves, how you could make this your craft. The fulfilment you will get from the work you do will then begin to grow.

Being Mindful

Happiness, Success

In Chi Kung (Qigong) there is a saying, ‘where the mind goes the Chi flows.’ In other words, with practice, you can move your own Chi around your body to improve your health. This may sounds far fetched, but I can say that I do this in my daily Chi Kung practice.

The reason I am mentioning this is because it got me thinking about what we focus on in life. When we assume we are going to have a bad day we often do. Not because it was going to happen, but because we focused on all the negative things and ignore the positive. Sometimes our actions create the bad day, because we assume it will happen. We create self fulfilling prophesies, so to speak.

What if we woke up grateful to be alive for another day. What if we were more mindful of everything we did during the day. The smell of morning coffee, a colourful sunrise, the bus being on time, having a conversation with a stranger, and so on.

What if we looked at the challenges of the day as opportunities to make a difference. If we were to be focused on finding opportunities to learn and grow and serve, then we would find opportunities. The brain looks for what we tell it to look for. Where your mind goes your life flows.

To Be Grateful

Happiness

I will be 40 years old in a few days time and it has got me thinking about life and how we spend it. For you 40 might seem old or it might seem young or you could be a similar age. Each point of perspective is important.

Our age is often our frame of reference for how we feel about things in life and how we explain our relationship to them. For example, someone who has retired and has not touched a computer for a while might describe themselves as way behind when it comes to technology and they decide they will never catch up. For others of a similar age new technology is an interesting adventure. So how we each see our age matters.

One thing that has struck me while coming to terms with another decade having past, is that I am grateful. I am grateful because many do not make it to my age. This is true in normal times, but especially during a pandemic. To make it to a new birthday, at whatever age, is a privilege, a privilege denied to many.

So, take a moment and reflect on what you have been through and how it has shaped you. Think about how far you have come and be grateful that you woke up this morning and that you have another chance to make a difference.

Don’t Focus On Your Strengths

Achieving Goals, Success

We hear a lot of motivational speakers talk about focusing on your strengths, whether it be your top 5 or your best strength. However, anyone who has become successful at anything had to develop and become good at what they currently do.

Strengths are certainly useful, but they do not provide long term success, because there is no long turm objective, other than to become better at what you are already good at. It is smarter to have a vision or purpose for your life, a reason why you get up in the morning, and centre your development around that.

It could be to help people to read or to make a difference in people’s lives or to run your own company or many other things. Your strengths will often help with these things, but only if they align with your vision, purpose or reason. It is more likely that you will need to develop in areas that you are not strong in currently and with work these then become your strengths. The goal is to live your best life, which will require developing in areas that are not your current strengths.

Setting Goals For 2022

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Over the past few days I have briefly covered the 6 Steps of the Pathway To Fulfilment to help you consider what goals you want to set for yourself this year.

As I have said, often it is better to build in new daily habits and aim to keep them consistently and to link these to your overall purpose in your life, if you want to make long term, positive change in your life. Goals are important too though, because they give us something to work towards and deadlines to hold ourselves accountable.

Whatever goals or daily habits you choose to undertake this year, commit, go all in and make this year an amazing and transformational year.

2022 Goals: Living Your Purpose

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

It is one thing to figure out what your Purpose is, but it is another to act on it. To live by your Purpose takes courage and determination, because it can put you at odds with people in your life and can require you to make some difficult choices.

Step 6 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Living Your Purpose. Once you have gone through Acquiring Wisdom, Self Mastery and Defining Your Purpose, if you do not live your Purpose it will have all been just a theoretical exercise. In order to live well and have a fulfilling life, you have to live by your Purpose, once you have defined it.

So, what will you do this year to live by your Purpose?

I appreciate that you may not yet have defined your Purpose, but you can work on it this year. While this important work is being undertaken you could figure out your principles, beliefs, values and ethics and live by them. These will be guides to how you live your day to day life.

Once you have defined your Purpose, however, you will be ready to set your sights on your north star and make big decisions on how you want to live your life over the next months and years.

2022 Goals: Defining Your Purpose

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

There is a lot of talk about finding your Purpose and then everything being good in your life. It is not as simple as that, but it is important to figure it out.

Step 5 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Defining Your Purpose. This step comes after Step 1 and 2, where you firstly Acquire Wisdom and then develop Self Knowledge and then Self Mastery.

This process involves figuring out what your beliefs, values and ethics are. Then looking at the reason you do everything you do in life. Behind each reason is your Purpose. My Purpose is to help others live well.

So, what will you do this year to work on defining your Purpose?

You could look at what principle you already live by, you could define your beliefs about the important things in life, you could figure what you value or what your ethics are.

2022 Goals: Healthy Relationships

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Our wellbeing is intrinsically tied to the quality and number of the relationships that we have. Feeling lonely or being in a relationship where you are treated poorly has a direct impact on your mental health and physical health.

Steps 4 on the Pathway To Fulfilment is Healthy Relationships. It is important that we have healthy relationships in our lives. This includes having people you can talk to about anything, people you connect with, people who are part of your ‘tribe,’ people who will be there for you when you need them.

This includes all of your relationships; colleagues, family, friends and partners. Relationships are always two sides as well, so we have to make sure we put the effort in to maintain good relationships by spending time with people, caring about what is going on with them and being there for them too.

So, what are you going to do this year to ensure you have healthy relationships?

You could spend more time checking in with people to see how they are, you could spend time with people rather than just commenting on their social media posts, you could reconnect with old friends who you haven’t seen for a while, or you could focus on finding balance in the significant relationships in your life.

2022 Goals: Chi Health

Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

The idea of improving your Chi (Qi) is a distinctly Chinese idea and many in the West will not of heard of Chi, though Tai Chi is fairly mainstream.

For many of us our Chi is an untapped resource to improve our health, because it is often not even a consideration. Improving my level and quality of Chi has been instrumental in managing my Fibromyalgia symptoms.

Step 3 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Good Health and the third element is Good Chi. Chi is a kind of life energy that flows through all living things, and when it does not flow properly through our bodies, or we have depleted reserves of Chi, we become unwell. When we have good levels of Chi that are flowing properly through our bodies we can beat off most illnesses.

So, how will you improve you Chi this year?

The main two ways that you can improve your Chi is through a daily practice of either Tai Chi or Chi Kung (Qigong), but eating natural healthy food, drinking good water, breathing clean air and getting out into nature can all help too.

There are two excellent books on Chi Kung (Qigong) listed in the Recommended Reading section of the Resources page.

2022 Goals: Physical Health

The Pathway To Fulfilment

When it comes to new year resolutions they more often than not revolve around improving our physical health, which is what this blog post is about.

Step 3 of the Pathway To Fulfilment is Good Health and the second element of this Step is Physical Health. When we think of improving our health this is usually what we think of, and in order to have good physical health we need to look at our diet, the amount of exercise we do and how often we do it.

So, how will you improve your physical health this year?

You could change your diet, join a gym, go for regular walks, cycle to work, practice yoga or start running. Even small changes in your habits could make a big difference.

2022 Goals: Mental and Emotional Health

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Step 3 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Good Health, which includes Mental and Emotional Health and two other elements which I will discuss in the coming days.

This is a topic that is often ignored or not discussed for fear of being judged or characterised negatively. However, to take on the task of ensuring your own wellbeing in this area is empowering and essential to live a fulfilling.

It creates opportunities that were otherwise obscured by the challenges that mental health difficulties create. A lot of this work is to figure out what makes us feel happy or joyful and what makes us feel sad or angry. It is understanding how we respond to the world and the people in our lives and whether our thoughts are helpful or a hindrance.

So, how will you boost your mental and emotional health this year?

You could start a journal, see a therapist, start a hobby, clear the air with someone in your life, or start meditating. There are lots of small things you can do that will make a big difference.

2022 Goals: Self Mastery

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One thing that all gurus, mentors and motivational coaches advocate for is self mastery. Whether it be mindfulness meditation or achieving goals, understanding and mastering how we think, feel and act allows us to move skilfully through the world.

Step 2 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Self Mastery, which begins with self knowledge and extends to establishing what you believe, what your values are and what your ethics are. It is a process of self examination and is built on a foundation of acquired wisdom and will lead toward Defining Your Purpose, which is Step 5.

What will you try to develop in yourself this year?

It could be overcoming procrastination or starting a journal. It could be trying new things or mastering what you already do. My advice is to pick no more than two or three things to work on at once, but start, be consistent and set deadlines for your goals, so you can check your progress.

2022 Goals: Acquiring Wisdom

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

The first Step on my Pathway To Fulfilment is Acquired Wisdom. It is the first step because without wisdom it can be hard to find happiness and success, and therefore fulfilment. On the path through life we can make bad choices and make big mistakes that cause us to suffer, due to a lack of wisdom.

What wisdom can do is reduce the suffering we experience in life, through the usual trial and error, and help us to find the right kind of happiness and success for us.

So, what ways will you seek out wisdom in 2022?

One way to acquire wisdom is to read good books. There are plenty of good books in the Recommended Reading List on the Resources page. You could also find a lot of wisdom on YouTube and where you listen to podcasts. You can also seek out mentors. There are lots of ways to acquire wisdom.

100 Followers Reached

Achieving Goals, The Pathway To Fulfilment

It’s been a successful year for The Fullfilment Project blog, with the new daily format reaching more readers and the Pathway To Fulfilment gaining clarity.

Looking forward into 2022, I aim to further develop the Pathway To Fulfilment and look at ways that I can create more value for my readers. Thank you for joining me on this journey of figuring out how to live well. Your presence in this community matters, so why not head over to our Facebook community and engage with us there too.

Living A Healthy Lifestyle

Achieving Goals, Health, The Fullfilment Framework

Drop by drop a water bucket is filled over time. The quality of the water also depends on its source. Likewise our bodies are made up of what we eat and drink, drop by drop over time.

The state of our health depends on a number of factors though. Exercise is another major contributor to good health, but exercising for 3 hours once won’t make you physically healthy. However, if you exercise for 15 minutes everyday, you will become more physically healthy. Likewise, our level and quality of Chi (Qi) depends on us practicing Chi Kung (Qigong) or Tai Chi every day.

Our state of health, whether good or bad, is an accumulation of our daily habits. If we eat junk food every day and avoid exercise, then we will put on weight and develop bad health conditions. The choice is yours, you control your habits. If you are going to try and be healthy, starting in the new year, then the good habits you form need to be actioned consistently every day.

Starting tomorrow I will be sharing posts around 2022 goals which align with the Pathway To Fulfillment.

Reducing Stress

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Stress is caused by two things going on at the same time. Either we have to do something but we don’t want to, because we want to do something else, or we want to do something but we feel that we are not able to.

If there is a profession where everyone has burnout, due to stress, then I would avoid working in that profession, but if some can do it with joy and with stamina, then they are doing what they want to do and they feel they are capable of doing it.

I previously working in a special needs school for around nine years. After the first five years the children coming into the school had more challenging behaviours and physical restraints were needed more and more to keep everyone safe. I found this particularly stressful, as I was developing Fibromyalgia at the same time, so I found the physical side more difficult. I developed severe anxiety and needed to find another job.

Some of the colleagues I worked with took the job in their stride and had been doing it for over twenty years. They enjoyed the job and got a lot of fulfilment from it. It is not that the job was a bad job, it was that it was not right for me. I now work as a Complaint Handler for a bank and really enjoy it. I get to take situations where something has gone wrong and problem solve a solution that also rebuilds the relationship with the customer. Others would find my current job stressful.

My Purpose is to help others live well, which I do with this blog, but I also use it as a goal in my job. If you figure out your Purpose, then you can find a job that aligns with it and connects with your capabilities, and your level of stress will go down. However, finding a job that suits you, and you enjoy, can also help you find your Purpose.

The Lessons Of Life

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

The experiences we have help to steer our way through life by causing us to pull away or pull closer to aspects of life, depending on what happens to us, and the meaning we apply to the experiences.

There is a saying that ‘when the student is ready the teacher will appear.’ I believe that this is true of the experiences we have. If we look through the lens of a student as we navigate through life, then the experiences we have become our teachers.

There is a danger, however, that unless we have the clarity of wisdom, we will likely draw inaccurate conclusions and make assumptions that skew our understanding. This is why Acquiring Wisdom is the first Step in my Pathway To Fulfilment.

Life can be a great teacher when we begin with wisdom, because it opens us up to new and unexplored wisdom. If we begin with ignorance, the lessons that life offers are often not even seen and we succumb to fear, shame and anger; emotions that dominate those without wisdom.

Making Plans During A Pandemic

Achieving Goals, Success

We are approaching the end of the year and the beginning of next year. A time when we would normally be thinking about New Year Resolutions and setting goals. With the possibility of further restrictions in England in the new year, making plans seems difficult.

That being said, I believe we should still set goals for the new year. The goals will likely need to be modified or made to be more realistic, given the limitations of living through a pandemic, but as human beings, if we do not make progress, we can feel that our lives are stagnating.

So, set goals, be daring, think about where you would want to be by the end of next year without the pandemic being a factor, and then plan accordingly. Then consider how you can make those goals a reality safely while considering the pandemic. Much is possible when we have a destination and an open mind to the route to get there.

A Days Pay For A Days Work

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

If we sell our time and receive payment for a days worth of work, ‘a days work for a days pay,’ then at the end of the day we are even, no bond has been created and there is little ongoing connection between us and our employers.

This way of working feels empty because, as human beings, we crave connection and meaning. This way of working denies us both. If we are to feel fulfilled at the end of the day, or indeed in our lives as a whole, we need to feel connected to others, to feel like we belong in a team, a department and a company when we work.

It is better to think of a day as a chance to work in a way that makes a difference and is generous. This will bring you closer to those you work with and work for, rather than being isolated. Working in a way that aligns with your values is also very important. I would strongly advise that you find a company that has values which are compatible with your own. They do not have to be the same exactly, but they do need to be compatible.

If you work to create value, then a days work will leave you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day and excited to start work tomorrow. What you get paid will certainly help with daily living costs, but it should not be the reason we do the work we do.

Be Your Better Self

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In Mahayana Buddhism, the focus is on becoming a Bodhisattva, someone who delays attaining Nirvana, or enlightenment, in order to help others to attain it first. Mahayana means ‘The Great Vehicle.” In other words no one is left behind, the vehicle that gets us to enlightenment is big enough for everyone.

This way of thinking about life opens lots of possibilities to help other people less fortunate than ourselves. It allows us to see others as equal to ourselves, and it reduces the Ego, which can tell us that we deserve expensive things when there are those who don’t even have a home.

To be a Bodhisattva is to devote one’s life to serving others and helping them attain enlightenment. I am not saying that you should drop everything, convert to Buddhism and take the Bodhisattva vows. What I am saying is that when we serve others, when we aim to lift them up and help them shine, we consequently live happier lives.

What it means to be human is live in community where everyone has a place and everyone has the chance to thrive. If we try to live this way in the various communities that we are a part of, then we will slowly change the people we are connected to for the better. We will help to change the world for the better. Small steps make big change over time.