Category: Achieving Goals

Just Do It

Achieving Goals, Success

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

– Winston Churchill

 

The slogan of Nike is “Just Do It”, which is a call to action, but the action is deeply personal. When we hear Just Do It we are directed in our minds to the thing we are unsure about, the thing we are scared to do, but we are drawn to doing. We all have things that we want to do but we don’t think we are able to do or we feel that it will end in failure, so we don’t even try. I think having such doubts comes from previous failure that hurt us deeply in the past, and have become a forgotten wound that has healed and left a scare deep in our subconscious.

There is a moment between when we think about doing this thing we are scared to do and our brains talking us out of it. It is this moment of a few seconds when if we don’t act then it is unlikely that we will Just Do It. Many of us feel that we need confidence before we can do new things or that we need courage to do it. Both of these are often true, but there is something that comes before confidence and courage. Before we can have confidence, or courage, I believe that we first need clarity, we need to know what our Why is. If we understand the reason why we do what we do we can understand everything that we do. It is the act of discovering our raison d’être, our reason for being. When we know our reason for being we develop confidence in our own abilities, fueled by our passion for what we value. First we need clarity, then we get confidence and then we take the step of Just Doing It by having the courage to give it a go.

Courage, by the way, is not having the confidence to do something before you do it, no, it is giving it a go even if you are scared. The courage always comes with being scared, and the more scared you are the more courage you need to give it a go anyway. The clarity we have in what we believe and value is a sort of compass pointing us in the direction our soul wants us to go to and our confidence is a platform we can use to jump from when we take risks and try new things.

I have had a difficult time over the past decade when my confidence has been shaken to its core and anxiety seemed to take over my everything. However, I am taking back my confidence and my courage by finding clarity and being willing to give new things a go. I know that you can do the same. We have all had things that have knocked us down, but it is not about how many times we get knocked down but how many times we get back up. If we always get up one more time than we get knocked down we can rebuild, restore and move forwards. As long as we are moving forwards baby steps count too. So think of that thing you are putting off doing and Just Do It.

 

Something to reflect on:

Knowing thyself is the key to success at anything. Clarity leads to confidence, which leads to courage. Whatever is in your heart to do, just do it.

 

The Power of Yet

Achieving Goals, Success

“I truly believe in positive synergy,

that your positive mindset gives you

a more hopeful outlook, and belief

that you can do something great

means you will do something great.”

-Russell Wilson

 

It is all in the mindset

Much in life comes down to whether we think we can do something or if we cannot. These choices can sometimes seem fixed, but nothing could be further from the truth. Our brains are in a constant flux of change. Every new experience changes how we understand and view our past experiences and our memories can change as a result. Often there is a tendency to tell ourselves that we cannot do something, because either the evolution of our brains is trying to keep us safe by sticking to a cautious approach or we have had bad experiences trying new things in the past and we consequently back away from anything that is new or difficult.

 

It is our mindsets that are either fixed or flexible. The terms fixed mindset and growth mindset describe mental states that are both self imposed and imposed by our environment. If we are told that we have been successful because we are smart then we assume unconsciously that success comes from fixed personality traits. People with this mindset crumble when they hit a challenge beyond their capabilities. They do not have the mental flexibility to navigate around a challenge. If we are told that we are successful because we work hard then we assume unconsciously that success comes from hard work and determination. People with this mindset become lateral thinkers, they think outside of the box and when a challenge is beyond them they are more likely to keep trying until the challenge is overcome.

 

We are the architects of our lives

What we tell our children about their success becomes part of their mindset throughout life. Importantly what we tell ourselves can be with us throughout our lives as well. If you find yourself saying that you cannot do something out of a belief that it is beyond you then I encourage you to add the word ‘yet’ to the end of the sentence. “I can’t drive a car yet.” “I can’t draw yet.” “I can’t play the guitar yet.” “I can’t find a new job yet.” “I can’t run a marathon yet.” Whatever it is, there is power in the word ‘yet.’ Give it a try.

 

Something to reflect on:

Your power or your weakness is often based on a belief that you hold, whether consciously or not. Behaviour is based on conscious and unconscious beliefs. What beliefs do you have that are holding you back?

What are we looking for?

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“Don’t Look For Anything,

Just Learn to Look”

– Sadhguru

 

In his blog post on 30/04/18 Sadhguru reflects on the difference between looking to find a conclusion in life and the art of just looking. It is true that in our culture we are very focused on outcomes, achieving goals and reaching success, but in our path of life the important things like happiness and love, and even success, should not be end goals, not really. Real happiness, love or success are experiences felt in the moment, within ourselves, and they are very personal.

 

Looking in the wrong place

If you take any of these three things you can say that they are different for each individual person, because they are manifestations from our individual interactions with the people and the world around us, and when our circumstances and our relationships with other people and the world are in alignment with our values and beliefs then happiness, love and success manifest in our lives. The point here is that we spend too much time in search of attaining these things, as if they are out there in the world, as if we could possess them, if only we can live the right life, buy the right things and do the right actions. Happiness, joy, love, pleasure, satisfaction, success and many other human goals are all things that we experience within ourselves, we can never find them by looking for them out there in the world.

 

“The ability to look without motive

is missing in the world today.

Everyone is a psychological creature,

wanting to assign meaning to everything.”

– Sadhguru

 

Just looking

Many sages talk about being mindful, of being fully conscious of the moment we are in and not being distracted by our regrets of the past or worries about the future. The point that Sadhguru is making in his blog post referenced above is that our capacity to experience life in it’s fullest form is dependent on whether or not we focus on just looking so that we understand what we are looking at more deeply, it is curiosity for curiosity’s sake. He says “Spirituality is not about looking for God, truth or the ultimate. It is about enhancing your perception, your very faculty of seeing.” In this way you could say that the path to enlightenment, or just happiness or success, is in fact the path itself. All of these positive experiences that I have been talking about can be experienced instantly if we have the right mindset and if we look at the world and ourselves without expectation of a goal.

 

Something to reflect on:

How do you try to manifest happiness, love and success in your life? Are you seeing them as goals or as experiences in the moment?

The blessings of bordom

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“Boredom always precedes

a period of great creativity.”

– Robert M. Pirsig

 

In the age of instant food, TV and same day delivery there is very little that we have to wait for anymore. There was a time when we had to wait a whole week to see the next episode of a TV series, but now we can binge watch a whole series in one sitting if we want to. The rise in technological communication has meant that we have a world of both knowledge and entertainment accessible anytime anywhere through a variety of devices that can access the internet. So why is it that we feel the urge to reach for our mobile phones after having nothing to do for more than 30 seconds?

 

The rise of convenience

Part of the problem is that it has become so convenient to download and access a plethora of apps that can do almost anything you could imagine, if you can think of it then there is probably an app for it. As the app market became big business the gaps in the market began to be filled and someone built a app to fit each of these gaps, not necessarily to improve the lives of people or to better enable humanity to become our best selves, but to fill the gaps in the market. Often the apps that we can see as we scroll through the options in the Apple Store or Google Play are manifestations from the ebbs and flows of fads and popular culture, like the variety of bottle flip games for example. Convenience has become such a market commodity that the experience of having to wait for things has become a rarity.

 

Addiction to devices

Another part of the problem is that unwittingly we have become addicted to our mobile phones, and more specifically social media. There are a number of studies I am sure that back up the fact that more and more of us have become addicted to our mobile phones, we are never really separated from them. We use them as alarm clocks to wake us up, then we check our emails and Facebook notifications before getting out of bed, we spend time scrolling down the news feeds liking post after post, then we share some posts that we like and wait for others to like our post. Then we spend time through out the day with our heads down transfixed by our devices instead of interacting with the people we are physically ‘spending time’ with. We impatiently keep checking our Facebook posts to see how many people have liked them, refreshing our timeline every few seconds to see if the number of likes has gone up.

 

This is an extreme example, but many of us, including me, do some of these things on a regular basis, but we think that it is OK, as it has become the new normal in our culture. We can sit with work mates during lunch or with our friends or relatives in a restaurant and no one is talking to each other because everyone is looking at their mobile phones. People in their early 20s and younger are losing the art of conversation, it seems, because, having grown up with mobile phones from an early age they have not practiced the art of having a conversation face to face. Relationships are suffering because the skills needed to have successful relationships are practiced while awkwardly bumbling through social interactions as a teenager onward.

 

There is now scientific evidence that the use of mobile phones, and specifically social media, generate Dopamine in our bodies, which is one of our feel good chemicals which is also released when people drink, take drugs and gamble. Addiction to these things is really an addiction to Dopamine, and we are allowing children to have access to mobile phones and social media from a very young age, which needless to say, will not have a positive outcome. I am not saying that I am somehow above such things, I too have a mobile phone and go on social media, but I am trying to be mindful of its negative aspects so I can avoid my mobile phone ruling my life. Social media and mobile phones are tools to be used by us for the greater good, if you can see them that way.

 

The blessings of boredom

When I was a child I spent a lot of time climbing trees, building dens and going on ‘adventures’ with my friends and I have very few memories of being bored, because when I was growing up in the 1980s and 1990s we largely had to make our own fun. It was the very fact that we would have had periods of boredom that we began to invent things to do, often very creative things. I remember trying to build a zip wire in my back garden, which incidentally didn’t work, and making our own Scooby Doo style horror films with a camcorder and whatever costumes we could cobble together. Being bored is a gift that can precede the most wonderfully creative projects.

 

In our modern culture there seems to be an aversion to boredom, because it is uncomfortable and the marketing messages that we receive day in day out from companies trying to sell us distractions tell us that boredom is almost a sin. If we drown out our uncomfortable experiences with distractions then we are censoring our emotions, which is akin to clipping the wings of a bird. If we do not allow ourselves to experience life in it’s fullness then how can we ever learn to fly.

In search of truth

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“If you really look for truth,

don’t assume anything – just seek.”

– Sadhguru

 

Presenting Truth

In every religion there is a prophet or sage that presents us with, what I am calling, universal truths, presented in a way that is understandable by the people they are preaching to. If we take the Bible as a case in point, as we have just finished the Easter weekend. We can look at the parables of Jesus and take from them truths, which we can then apply to our lives. Those who preach truth inevitably disrupt the status quo, much to the frustration of those who rely on the status quo, who have their own version of truth that is often aimed at either distracting or manipulating the masses. A contemporary example of this is the mass media who share their own narrative of what you can buy to bring you happiness. This is often why prophets and sages are so dis-barraged. A poignant and extreme example of this is the crucifixion of Jesus, someone who preached peace, love and selfless actions. Something that is prominent in our minds as we end the Easter week of the Christian calendar.

 

Accepting, Not Accepting and Seeking Truth

We have to be careful when receiving truth from anyone, even prophets and sages, because if someone tells us something claiming that it is a universal truth, and we believe them, it will not bring us closer to truth. If we decide not to believe them then we do not get closer to truth. However, if we admit that we do not know and we go seeking truth, then we will become closer to it, because it is in the seeking that we find truth.

“Do not accept any of my words on faith…

Only accept what passes the test

by proving useful and beneficial in your life.”

– The Buddha

 

Applying Truth To Our Lives

It is the application of universal truths within our lives that allows us to seek and find these truths. It is important to listen to prophets and sages, as well as scientists and historians, when seeking truths. Many have become wise through seeking and applying truths and seeing what works and what doesn’t, so listening to them can give us short cuts and sign posts towards truth. Part of the human condition is to look beyond our survival instincts and needs and look for meaning in our lives.

 

This is the main reason we search for universal truths, because we hope that these truths will equal meaning. Often we hope that if we are told what is the truth then we will also be given meaning, but neither truth nor meaning can be attained by the receipt of parables. We have to go looking for truth and then to apply it to our lives and see what sticks, what makes a difference. Truth is a life long pursuit, it is not the collecting of stories or even facts, it is goal we seek and the journey to get there as well. When held up in this regard it becomes a kind of catalyst for positive change in our lives. Do not settle for the truth you are told, see if it works in your life and then share it with those who need to hear it, so they can see if it works in their lives as well, as we can all be seekers and teachers of truth.

 

 

How to achieve your dreams

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t you’re right.”
― Henry Ford

 

As we learnt in my recent blog post, How to be more confident, self doubt is a decision not to try, and it is also a habit. This might sound harsh, but those who achieve success in their chosen field do so largely because of their mindset. Here are a few ways in which we can make good choices when working towards our dreams.

 

Say “What if?”

When we come up against difficult challenges in our lives often we can back down and avoid doing anything risky or that involves us putting ourselves out there, open to criticism and possible failure. One way to get past this barrier to success is to say to ourselves “what if?” What if we did succeed, what if we managed to achieve our dreams, what if. This allows us to consider the possibility of actually succeeding, rather than becoming consumed by the thought of failure.

 

Start the day right

Often our days are influenced greatly by how they begin, we often say that someone who is in a bad mood has got up on the wrong side of the bed. Having a positive start to our day can have a massive impact on the decisions we make and whether we feel confident to make bold moves or to take advantage of opportunities. It is important to create a morning routine of positive rituals. If you are religious this could involve prayer or giving thanks to God. If you are not religious, giving thanks to the universe for being alive.

 

Studies have shown that gratitude is very important for our wellbeing and it can bring so much positivity into our lives. Doing some physical activity at the start of the day can be very energising. This could be just stretches, if you have a physical condition such as Fibromyalgia like me, or it could be doing some weights or going for a run or swim. Whatever your level of ability and health, some physical activity at the start of the day can set you up to have an awesome day. It is also important to set our intention for the day. You could ask yourselves “What am I going to bring to today?” and decide that no matter what you are going to have an awesome day. Our brains look for the things we focus on, so if we begin the day in a negative mindset we will look for problems, but if we start the day with a positive mindset our brains will look for opportunities.

 

Handling the negative

When negative things happen to us often we crumble or we react, getting angry or upset. If we let this happen we can push ourselves off course and away from our dreams. One of the most important skills we can learn is to pick ourselves up when life knocks us down, but more important than that is to become immune to the negative nonsense. If we develop the habit of letting other people’s opinions of us or little mistakes that we make become magnified through our focus on them, then we cripple our chances of achieving our dreams.

 

This self sabotage is a habit that we need to break. So, when minor negative things happen in our lives telling ourselves that we are OK and can keep moving forwards means that we will and we can. It is rare that we get knocked down to rock bottom, but we often have to deal with negative circumstances and people each day. This is what we need to build up an immunity to, so we can live with more joy and help others bring joy into their own lives.

 

Motivation is key

The Wright Brother successfully took flight in a manned powered plane on 17th December 1903. They were not the only people trying to achieve this. Samuel Pierpont Langley led a team who were very well funded, well educated and followed around by the press constantly. Whereas, the Wright Brother had no funding, no one followed them around anywhere and paid they for their venture from the proceeds of their bicycle shop. However, Samuel Pierpont Langley did not have something that the Wright Brothers did, which was the right motivation. He wanted fame and fortune for being the person who figured out manned flight, but the Wright Brothers had a vision of flight changing the world for the better. They were aiming at making advances for the betterment of humankind.

 

This is because their mission to change the world, their drive to succeed and their passion for what they were doing kept them going, even though they would crash several times every day, until at the end of 1903 they achieved their dream. If we want to achieve our dreams we have to examine our motivations. If we are only interested in self gratification and relishing the spoils of success then any success we have will feel empty. When we raise others up, when we make positive change in the world, when we bring joy and success to others, then we will be on the way to achieving the dreams that we can be proud of.

 

A dream achieved is only worthwhile if we bring other people closer to their dreams along the way.

 

 

How to get empowerment in your life

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”

– Winston Churchill

 

Disempowering

We all, from time to time, feel like our lives are not fully in our control, that circumstances and the actions of others are somehow working against us, but this is often not the reality. The world does not revolve around individual people, it is a collective creation and a collective experience. What actually dis-empowers us is thinking that our happiness and success are created in the world outside of ourselves. Thinking that we will be happy or successful with more money or more stuff, the right man or women, the right job or the right house. What we are doing when we do this is giving away our power to the whim of the world and the actions of others. These material things might make us feel successful, happy, or even popular, on the surface, but thinking that we need them to have this status or even to be happy is the problem.

 

Being a Victim

When bad things happen to us in our lives we can often be heard saying either “Why me?” or “Why does this always happen to me?”. The truth is that it does not always happen to us, but if we ask that question our brains will have to come up with an answer as to why, because the brain works like a computer. Thinking such things creates a victim mentality that comes up with lots of reasons or excuses for why bad thing happen to us. The problem is that a victim is never in control of the situation, and thinking that the world is against us means that we force ourselves to become disempowered victims unnecessarily. Becoming a victim is another way of avoiding taking responsibility in our lives. Life can be hard and scary and it can become very easy to blame circumstances or other people for our misfortunes, I have done it myself on many an occasion, but I am becoming more mindful of my mental habits and avoiding having a victim mentality is something I have had to work on quite a bit. It is something that is key to taking control of our lives. We have to free ourselves of thinking that we are a victim by realising that we can control what we do and what we say each and every day.

 

Taking Responsibility

There is a way that we can become empowered, as I have alluded to above, and it is the thing that many of us would prefer not to do. We become powerful in our lives when we take responsibility for everything that happens within it. Taking responsibility does not mean that it is our fault when everything goes wrong, but it does mean taking responsibility for what we say and what we do in our lives. Part of this is understanding that we cannot control what other people say and do to us, but we can control how we respond. I say ‘respond’ because if we react we do so emotionally without engaging the frontal cortex of the brain, the thinking rational part, and we can say or do something we will regret which makes the situation worse. If we take a moment to think about how to respond to what has happened then we can make wise choices in how we handle the situation.

 

Our lives are controlled by the decisions that we make and taking responsibility for these decisions is empowering. This is how we become the master of our fate and captain of our souls. There is no quick trick or fix for this, but there is a mental habit that you can use. Every time you hear yourself blaming someone else for something stop for a moment and think about your role in the situation and what you may have done or not done to contribute to it, find your responsibility in the situation. Also, do a review of your life looking at the things that give you energy and the things that drain you of energy. Then think about what it is that you really want out of life and make a plan to cut out the things that drain your energy and work towards your dreams. Only you can make your dreams come true. No one will just come up to you and give you what you want, you have to work for it every day, but first you have to take responsibility for your life. Only then will you move forwards and achieve a life well lived.

 

“..it is knowing the path and walking the path.”

 

Set yourself standards of behaviour and attitude and expect them of yourself. Give yourself permission to be great at whatever it is that you want to spend your life doing. You are in control of your life when you decide to be in control and not before. It is up to you, but do not forget to build your support around you as well. Sometimes we fall and we need support to get back up. A life is not a solo mission, it is a path walked with others by your side, but if you decide on which steps you take happiness and success will surely follow, this is the root of fulfilment, it is knowing the path and walking the path.

Mastering Your Time

Achieving Goals, Success

“Until we can manage time, we can manage nothing else.”

– Peter Drucker

 

Why we should master our time

If we do not master our time then we will continually miss opportunities to move closer to success in the areas of life that we care about and our lives will be what happens when we are busy making plans. Time will not stop moving forwards, we cannot control the passage of time, only how we choose to live as time passes by. Therefore, mastering time management is one of the most important skills to have and is a skill that can be learned, with practice and good strategies.

 

When it comes to mastering your time there are two well used items that are very rarely used to their full potential, these are the calendar and the to-do list. There is a smart way to use them and then there is the way that most people employ, which works against optimal time management. Usually we add things to our calendar as they pop up in our lives so we don’t forget to do or attend them, which on the surface is useful, but success is built on excellent time management, for which we need to be more strategic.

 

Mastering our calendar

Let’s look at how we can effectively use the calendar. To best use a calendar we need to block out everything that we want to do in blocks of time, both essential and non essential things, so we have some structure to cut down on the amount of time that we waste not working on the things we want to be successful at. For this I suggest using an electronic calendar like Google Calendar, or one of the many other very good alternatives, that allow you to add in items by the minute and allow you to add reminders. Many of these calendars will also allow you to colour code items, for those of you that are visual thinkers like me. These should be events and activities that take up a chunk of time, both recurring things that happen every day or every week like going to work and one off events like weddings. These are not to be confused with tasks, for these we will need to use the to-do list, which I will come onto soon.

 

Firstly, we block out the things we have to do like our job, family commitments, appointments and the like, important things that have to be prioritised first. I call these the Everyday Essentials. Secondly, we block out the things that are important to us, things that we are passionate about, like meditation, going to the gym, being creative, religious worship and the things we want to become successful at; for me that is this blog. I call these Passion Essentials. Thirdly, we block out the things that are not essential, things like meeting up with friends for a drink or going to watch a movie. I call these the Non-Essentials.

 

This process of blocking out time should ideally extend to planning out the whole year with everything we know we will be doing, like the hours we will be working and family holidays, as well as one off events we know about. Then as the year progress we will be able to add in more things as they come up, usually over the future month or two. In this way we will know what we will be doing the following day, week and month, which will reduce any time that we would otherwise be wasting figuring out what we are going to do during the day ahead. There will undoubtedly be gaps in the calendar, which is a good thing, because it gives time to fit in unexpected events as well as allowing us to utilise the to-do list to include the tasks we need to complete over the following days and weeks.

 

Mastering the to-do list

The problem with to-do lists is that they often seem like a long list of things that we do not end up doing because we do not know where to begin, so we do nothing. What we need to do to get the best out of the to-do list is to prioritise the items on the list by importance and how soon they need to be completed. This could be to respond to an email or to work on an assignment or go to a meeting.

 

First we write out the items that need to be completed and then prioritise the items on the list by writing next to each of them a number to show the importance and a letter to show how soon the item needs to be completed. Either a 1, 2 or 3  and an A, B or C. This is what these numbers and letters mean.

1 – Very important
2 – Important

3 – Not important

A – Complete as soon as possible
B – Complete within the next week

C – Complete in the next month

 

We can prioritise the items by how soon they need completing and then their importance, so everything with 1A is completed first, then 2A and then 3A. Then we move on to 1B, 2B and 3B and so on. Once we have prioritised the to-do list we can then add these tasks onto our calendar around the things that we have already blocked out.

 

There are mobile apps that allow you to create to-do lists where the items can be moved around in order and categorised by colour, as well as moving the to-do items onto the app calendar. Some of these apps sync the app calendar with the calendar on the mobile phone and email account, so they will be included in the calendar which we have already blocked out. I recommend the To-Do Calendar Planner by isoTimer, which will sync with the Google calendar linked to the Google account on the mobile phone, if you have a Google account. This app is only available on Android, but is an excellent app.

 

Final thoughts

Using a calendar to block out the events in our lives and a prioritised to-do list to organise the tasks we need to complete in this way will mean that we end up with less time wasted and more success in our lives. The level to which you plan out each of your days is up to you. You might prefer to leave big parts of your days with nothing in them or you might prefer to account for every minute of every day, the choice is yours, as it is your life. However, I do believe that some degree of structure will allow you to make the most of your days, and therefore your weeks, months and years. I sincerely hope that you have a long and fulfilling life, and that you achieve success in your chosen passion.

3 ways to benefit from your failures

Achieving Goals, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

– Winston Churchill

1. It is an opportunity to get feedback

When we are in a working environment we often have 121 sessions with our Managers or the company has a Performance Development scheme, which can be linked to the bonuses we receive, either quarterly or annually or both. Sometimes we are involved in projects or presentations. Any of these scenarios can involve getting feedback from someone higher up in the company, usually our Manager. There is a stigma in Western culture that demonises feedback, assuming that it is always negative or in some way a personal criticism.  The problem here is that some receiving the feedback can take it as a personal attack on them as a person, because their self worth and ego are very much attached to their success, or lack of success, in the job.

I rather think that any form of feedback is an opportunity to figure out how to do better and to improve. Having a fixed mindset that our success is reliant on our abilities alone will not help us improve and get better. Taking on board the feedback we are given as actions to take to do better will mean that we will steadily rise above those who simply complain about getting feedback. Complaining gets us nowhere, it only alienates those we work with, because no one wants to hear negativity all the time. Having the courage to take feedback on the chin and move forward with positivity is a sign of strength, flexibility and humility, traits that will take us far.

2. It is an opportunity to learn something new

We only progress in life when we learn new things. If we only did the same thing over and over we would never learn to walk or run or fly. Our education does not stop when we leave school or college or university. We complete training at work, we learn new roles when we move to a new position in our company or if we move to a new company for a new job. When we get a new mobile phone some of the features will be different and we will need to learn how to use our new mobile. When we move to a new area we have to learn how to use the public transport, where the shops are, etc. All of this I would class as education. Some of use like to read books to learn new things or we watch documentaries or programs like QI. All of the above are also accepted ways to learn new things, but failure is not. Failure is often classed as a weakness in a person, but I would argue that the weakness lies in if we decide not to pick ourselves up after we fail and try again.

To illustrate this I have an example from my own life. When I was looking for a new job I was filling in applications every day for a very long time and when the application for my current job came up I decided I was not going to bother, I had had enough. I felt demoralised, but my amazing Wife kicked by butt and strongly encouraged me to apply. I completed the online assessments and got through to an interview. It was then that I decided that the job was mine and I aced the interview. If I had given up then because I had failed so many times before with other applications and other interviews I would still be stuck in the job I was trying to escape from and not working in the place I do now, which I love. I decided to look at every failed interview as opportunities to learn what went well and what I could improve on. They we stepping stones of self development.

Sometimes we need the strength of others to help us rise after failure, but even this can be a lesson in humility. Even if we fail and hit rock bottom we can use it as a foundation from which to build. Failure can teach us more about ourselves and how we handle different situations. The reason we failed can become something we realise we need to master so we can succeed. There are many lessons in failure, if we are looking for them, but we have to be looking.

3. It will help develop a growth mindset

You may have heard the term ‘growth mindset’ banded about quite a lot, but you may not really know what it means. Well I am here to demystify it for you. Generally there are two types of mindset, there is the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. A fixed mindset, as I mentioned earlier in this blog, is the viewpoint that our success is reliant solely on our abilities. The problem with this is that when adversity hits, which it will at some point, the person with the fixed mindset can crumble under the slightest pressure from adversity.

The growth mindset on the other hand is the viewpoint that our success is built upon our hard work and effort as well as our abilities. When adversity hits someone with a growth mindset they are more flexible and can work around it and develop strategies to solve problems and gain personal and team success. When we fail and we consider the failure to be because of our fixed abilities it will be hard to come back from this. If we consider the failure to be because of our actions, then we can think of what actions we could have made to have been successful and make changes. It is about taking responsibility for our failures so that we can succeed.

We can use moments of failure to develop our growth mindset skills and to learn new things. If we were never to fail then we would never grow as individuals, we would never rise to the level that we may achieve if we utilise failure to our advantage. Every successful entrepreneur has failed over and over again, but they have learned from these failures and tried again. They will all have a growth mindset. If you asked Oprah Winfrey how often she has failed in her career it would probably be more than anyone in her live audience, because she did not stop at each failure, she learned from it and kept on going. You cannot succeed long term without failure, it is a necessity. The growth mindset is so important that I have chosen it as one of the Success Principles in my Fullfilment Framework.

Remember, if you liked this post then make sure you click to Follow this blog to get notifications when I post more weekly content. May your life be happy, successful and fulfilling.

Where fulfilment comes from

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall.”

– Helen Garner

 

Many of us, throughout our lives, strive to find fulfilment; something which can often seem illusive. I think the reason we can find it so difficult to achieve it consistently, is that it can be difficult to define in the first place. According to the English Oxford Dictionary ‘Fulfilment’ is defined as “The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.” or “Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s potential.” This, to me, means that we must have both happiness and success in order to gain fulfilment. In this understanding of fulfilment, you cannot have it with only one of these things, both are needed.

This poses another problem; how do we define happiness and success. What criteria should we use? Should we judge our happiness and success by other people’s criteria or our own? I have spent quite some time thinking about how one goes about finding happiness and success, and therefore fulfilment, and I think I have figured out at least some contributing factors necessary to experience these things. Part of the problem is that we often treat happiness, success and fulfilment as goals, but I don’t believe that they are things that we can go and get; you cannot buy them, rent them, borrow them or even steal them from others. They are instead, I believe, biproducts of living lives well. The task, therefore, is to figure out how to live our lives well.

We can turn to the knowledge that comes from wise sages, prophets, scientists and philosophers that have come before us and guide us to a deeper understanding of the human condition and how to live a wise and good life. There are some clear ways in which to live our lives well. This wisdom forms the first part of what I call our individual foundation. The second part is a deep understanding of ourselves. Our happiness, success and fulfilment are fundamentally connected to the type of person we are, what we like and don’t like, what our values are and what our beliefs are, which are influenced by the first part of this foundation, and both parts are needed.

With this self-knowledge and wise-knowledge, we will have a solid foundation to decide our values and beliefs on how we should live. It is our values and beliefs which comprise a sort of prism through which we view the world and it influences what we think, say and do in every moment of our lives. If we do not allow the wisdom of humanity to influence our values and beliefs, then we can go astray and behave in ways which detract from our happiness, success and fulfilment, rather than adding to them.

I want to explain here what I mean by happiness and success. Happiness, according to the English dictionary is “The state of being happy.”[1] Simple enough, but I would add that it is the state of being happy ‘consistently.’ True happiness is not fleeting, it is a constant state created by a wisdom and frequent practice of wise actions, which allow us to experience a consistent state of happiness. It is a result of how we live our lives each and every day. Success is defined in the English dictionary as “The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” or “The attainment of fame, wealth, or social status.” What I mean by success is the consistent attainment of the aims and purpose which align with our values and beliefs. If we are to be consistently successful in our lives then it should come from our values and beliefs, otherwise it will not feel genuine and we will move away from experiencing fulfilment. Both happiness and success are similar to fulfilment, in that they too are a bi-product of living a life well.

In order to live our lives well we can try to cultivate wisdom by studying the best of human philosophy, theology and science, and try to understand ourselves more deeply on a daily basis. One of these nuggets of wisdom I have recently learned about is something that Tony Robbins calls ‘choosing your state.’ Tony Robbins is an American author, entrepreneur, philanthropist and life coach. Our state is the emotional and psychological state that we are in. If we let the experiences we have and the people in our lives dictate our state, then we lose control of our sense of self. Actively choosing how we feel about the circumstances we are in is not only empowering, it is also a path to happiness, success and fulfilment. If we have a choice, why would we ever choose to be demoralised, upset, jealous, angry or frustrated? This is not easy, but it is possible with practice.

Viktor E. Frankl knew this more than most, he was a Psychiatrist and a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, and he witnessed first-hand the horrors the inmates were subjected to and the effect of this on their psyche. In his book Man’s Search For Meaning, he talked about his experiences in the camp and he said:

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

 

This is part of the path to experiencing true fulfilment, to choose one’s own way. There are some practices which help us to achieve this. Two of these practices are contentment and gratitude, both of which are necessary for us to choose the state we are in. Two of the emotions that mess us up the most are fear and anger. You cannot be fearful and grateful at the same time. You cannot be angry and grateful at the same time. Starting each day by spending 5 to 10 minutes reflecting on 3 things to be grateful for can set up a positive mindset for the day. Trying to be content with what you have rather than grasping for new things can bring peace of mind and a sense that you are happy with your life. Gratitude and contentment are states of being that we can control and sustain with daily practice. Striving to make others happy is also a wonderful way to create happiness in our own lives.

The Dalai Lama said “If you make others happy, you’ll be happy. If you make others unhappy, you’ll be miserable.”[2] The same applies to success; if we help others to be successful then we will be successful. If we listen to wisdom and our own inner selves, if we find our own way to live that illuminates the best in others, then we will truly live deeply and fulfilment will be our constant state of being.

[1] https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/happiness

[2] https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/528116683810938880

5 Books to help you get your life on track

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“Books are the training weights of the mind.”

-Epictetus

 

Books, it has been said, are windows into the soul and the doorways into dreams, but they also have the function by which we broaden our minds, sharpening our intellect and help ourselves live better lives. They are signposts on the path to happiness, success and fulfilment, the ingredients of a life well lived. These are 5 books that I believe will lead to a life well lived. They span the categories of health, self-improvement and spirituality. All three of these categories relate to the Foundation in my Fullfilment Framework, which is an evolving framework which I believe will lead to living a fulfilled life. (You can click on the titles of the books to take you to Amazon should you wish to buy a copy, though there are many other excellent online outlets where you could buy the books).

 

1. Start With Why, How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone To Take Action by Simon Sinek

 

“There are many ways to motivate people to do things, but loyalty comes from the ability to inspire people. Only when the WHY is clear and when people believe what you believe can a true loyal relationship develop.”

 

I am going to begin with Start With Why, an excellent book for figuring out your own ‘Why’, whether as an individual or as a company. Our ‘Why’ is our purpose, our reason for being, it is the thing that is behind every decision we make and every action we take, it is an essential part of our mind, body and soul. Our ‘Why’ is formed by the time we are in our early 20s, but many of us do not know what it is, or we do but we do not understand it well enough to utilise it in making a fulfilled life for ourselves. It is only now in my mid-thirties that I have figured out my ‘Why’, which is to help others be fulfilled in their lives. My Why is the motivation I use when at work, at church, with friends or with family, it is also the reason I have begun writing this blog.

This book takes us through the world that does not start with Why and the consequences of it. It then goes on to talk about the biology of our human brains and how the concept of Why is in harmony with our biology. It then goes on to discuss the successes various famous people and companies have had because they know their ‘Why’. The book is an excellent introduction to the concept of having a Why and it will help you figure out what your Why is, so you can align your life with it.

 

2. The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard

 

“We must ask: When will we be ready to ascend to another level of existence.”

 

This book is about focusing your life for success. It begins with ‘The Declaration of Personal Power.’ It is about reclaiming our sense of self and channeling our energy into self renewal and success in our lives. Section One in the book looks at our human nature and how we are affected by freedom, fear and motivation. We have conditioned responses to each of these, but if we were to take control of our responses then we can be free, courageous and generate our own motivation.

Section Two goes through a list of nine declaration on what we shall do, for example, “We Shall Reclaim Our Agenda” and “We Shall Defeat Our Demons.” These declaration empower us to be in the driving seat of our lives so that we can make our lives magnificent. This is something we can all do, every single one of us.

 

3. Healing Foods, Eat Your Way to a Healthier Life by Neal’s Yard Remedies

 

“The food we eat has an overreaching effect on our health and well-being, whether we are conscious of it or not.”

 

This book contains a wealth of knowledge about how food can be used to heal and to help us live a healthy life. It begins with different dietary patterns and diversity from around the world. It compares GM foods to food the way nature intended (organic) and it goes through the benefits of supplements. The main body if the book is an extensive look at the foods that heal. The food types are divided into Fruits, Vegetables, Nuts, Seeds and Sprouts, Medicinal Herbs, Culinary Herbs, Cereals and Grains, Pulses, Spices, Fats and Oils, Fermented Foods, Meats, Oily Fish and Other Foods. There is also a section with some wonderful Recipes That Heal and recipes set out into daily meals and types of foods. For a healthy body and a sense of well-being, our physical health is essential. Everything tat we eat and drink becomes our bodies, we are what we eat.

 

4. The Way of Qigong, The Art and Science of Chinese Energy Healing by Kenneth S. Cohen

 

“Qi is the Chinese word for “life energy.”… …Gong means “work” or “benefit acquired through perseverance and practice.” Thus, qigong means working with the life energy, learning how to control the flow and distribution of qi to improve the health and harmony of mind and body.”

 

Qigong is an ancient practice of generating and controlling the energy that flows through our bodies, which is a distinctly Eastern practice and a major part of Chinese medicine. In the Western model of medicine the focus is on treating the symptoms without trying to find the cause(s). I have experienced this first hand with my onset of Fibromyalgia. I went to see a variety of experts who could only see their specific section of the body and its functions, but having been treated by practitioners of Chinese medicine I can vouch for the fact that the focus is more on the whole body and fixing the cause of the illness, to bring the body back into balance.

This book firstly explains what Qigong is, its history and scientific evidence proving that it works. It then explains Qigong basics, ways of using Qigong to heal yourself and living a Qigong lifestyle. The book goes into a lot of depth, but explains everything in a way that makes sense and is easy to follow, with physical practices that are not very different from Tai Chi. In the West energy healing, or Qigong, is little known about, but it is slowly filtering into our culture in the same way that Martial Arts, Yoga and Tai Chi have done, it is only a matter of time.

 

 

5. Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life by Lama Marut

 

“This book is for desperados. It’s for those who know life is short and who are tired of wasting day after day in low-level unhappiness as they wait for the next high-level version… …It’s a guide for those tired of trying to become well-adjusted to a perverse society and who are willing – even eager – to deviate from the norm.”

 

This book comes from a Buddhist standpoint, but it acknowledges the teachings of other world religions, and takes a common sense view of how to live a spiritual life, which, as every Prophet and Sage has taught, usually goes against the system. In our case it goes against the Capitalist culture we live in, which is designed to keep us unhappy, so we will keep buying things to keep the economy rolling on. Stepping off this hamster wheel and fighting the power by being content is the first step, because contentment is entry level happiness, the first step towards enlightenment, or perfect happiness.

What I like about this book is the short sections within each chapter which allow us to absorb the points made and practices suggested. There is also a Couch Potato Contemplation and an Action Plan at the end of each chapter. The Couch Potato Contemplation is something to reflect on from the chapter that you have just read, but rather than treating it like a serious meditation, it is something to just sit and think about while sat on the couch. The Action Plan is a behaviour to try and embody based on the teachings in the chapter we have just read, something simple but that challenges the status quo for the better. Each section also has a QR code that we can scan with our mobile phone, which takes us to YouTube Videos of Lama Marut giving teachings related to the section we have just read, to embed the learning and explore the ideas presented.

 

There is a Recommended Reading List on my blog site that has these books and many others under the categories:

  • Happiness, Health and Success
  • Theology and Philosophy
  • History and Science
  • Fiction

 

 

Resources

 

YouTube Channel of Dr John Bergman, who talks about how to achieve good health naturally without chemicals like medication.

YouTube Channel of Lama Marut, a Buddhist Lama who teaches deep Buddhist teachings in easy to understand lectures.

Website of Jim MacRitchie, a Qigong Acupuncturist who teaches Qigong classes (There are free Qigong resources on this website).

Website of Simon Sinek, discussing the concept of ‘Why’ and resources to use this concept to improve your life and that of others.

2017 goals achieved? How to set 2018 goals.

Achieving Goals, The Fullfilment Framework

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.”

—Zig Ziglar

 

It has come to the end of 2017, have you achieved all that you wanted to this year? Did you set goals this time last year that went undone? We often set unrealistic goals or we set achievable goals but do not put into place the habits and targets we need to achieve them. I will set out 5 steps that will help you achieve your goals for 2018.

 

Step 1: Decide on what you goal is going to be.

 

The first step is an obvious but crucial one, to make a decision on what you want to achieve and then deciding to act on this. This decision, however, needs to be made in the full conviction that you will achieve it. No half measures, no self doubt. Decision with conviction is the first and vital step to making positive change in your life.

 

Step 2: Reverse engineer the path to the goal.

 

Without a plan, or a map, to get you from where you are today to where you will be when you have achieved your goal, you can waste time doing unnecessary things by getting caught up in activities or strategies that do not help progress you towards your goal. This is wasted energy and time and this can have a negative impact on your motivation to continue, because you might begin to question whether it is worth it after all. So, start from having the goal achieved and work back through the steps that you would need to take to get there. Ask yourself what are the key actions that you will need to take. Ask what is the key knowledge and experience that you will need to have. Ask what key support you will need from mentors, family members and friends. We all need support sometimes, we cannot do everything alone. Ask what costs there will be and how you will finance the achieving of this goal. Finally, ask what habits you will need to have in order to work towards this goal. This will all give you a road map from where you are now to where you will be when you have achieved the goal.

Top Tip:

A short cut to achieving a goal is to find someone who is a high performer in the area you want to achieve in that has reached this goal themselves and find out the steps that they took to get there.

 

Step 3: Set daily, weekly and monthly targets.

 

Once you have reverse engineered the necessary steps, knowledge and experience to achieve your goal you will need to set up regular targets to get you to your goal. These should include daily goals which build on the habits that you will need to have, for example, if your goal is to loose weight a daily target could be to complete a simple exercise routine before you start your day that takes 15 minutes. If this is done every day the impact over a year will be massive. Then set weekly targets, for example, you could create a diet plan that includes mainly healthy foods 6 days out of the week with 1 day as your cheat day when you can eat want you want as a rewards for being consistent the rest of the week. Then set a target for a set number of months. If the goal will take 1 year then set a target for every 3 months. This will allow you to keep on track and all of the little successes each day, week or month will keep you be motivated as well.

 

Step 4: Set reminders to check in on progress at the start of each month.

 

Setting a reminder in your calendar to check in on your progress, whether it is a paper one or a digital one on your mobile phone or computer, is very important. This allows you to assess where you are doing well and where you might need to improve or make changes on your journey to achieve your goal. I would suggest the 1st of every month would be a good time to do this. As we move through life we become more knowledgeable and experience bring with it wisdom that can help move you closer to your goal sooner. Reflecting on your progress on a regular basis will also help you stay motivated to keep going, because you can see how far you have come already and how well you are doing. This self-reflection should involve comparing what you have done so far to the targets you have set yourself and whether you have achieved them, and then making some notes on what has gone well and what changes you might need to make.

 

Step 5: Make yourself accountable to the targets and the goal.

 

This is a strategy that can really help you stay on track to achieve your goal. Find yourself someone who will hold you accountable on the progress towards your goal. It is best if this person is someone that you trust and you have a good relationship with, but not someone who will not be supportive or who will not push when you need to be pushed. Usually, it is a good idea to pick a relative or a friend who will support you and motivate you when you are struggling to keep going. This will be your Accountability Buddy.  Sharing with them your plan to achieve the goal and the daily, weekly and monthly targets you have set yourself is needed here, so they can keep tabs on how you are doing. I would suggest setting up times when you can get together or talk over the phone to reflect on how you are doing. I would suggest using the monthly reminder to reflect on your progress as a good time to do this. Once you have sat down yourself to self-reflect then share this with your Accountability Buddy and discuss what went well and how you could do better.

 

Final Thoughts

 

Setting goals can be a tricky business because we are often pressured by outside forces to make changes in our lives. This could be pressure from family and friends, from messages through the media on how we should live or act, and it could be pressures from our place of work. When we set goals they should reflect our inner drives, our reason for being. In short they should come from our ‘Why’. Finding out what our Why is will be the single most important thing you can do. We all have a Why, but many of us are not sure what it is.

Your Why is the motivation behind everything that you do, it is as I say, your reason for being. Mine is to help others find fulfilment in their lives. For others it might be to be an amazing sports person or to be the best parent they can be. If you are unsure how to figure out what your Why is then I recommend you read the book Start With Why by Simon Sinek, or watch his TED Talk “How Great Leaders Inspire Action” which summarises the main points of the book, this will bring clarity to your Why. There is a companion book called Find Your Why, which I have yet to read but this may help you find further clarity. You could also visit the website www.startwithwhy.com. Start with your Why and set your goals in line with it, that way you won’t achieve your goal and then find that it does not fulfill you as you thought it might when the goal was set. Checking out my Fullfilment Framework found on the menu of this blog site can also help on your journey to finding your Why and your Way, two essential components to living a fulfilled life.