Relationships – The Fullfilment Project

Spirit Of Generosity

Christmas is a time of giving, as the saying goes. It is a time when we spend a lot of money on presents for our loved ones. We also spend our time with then too. I would argue that it is more meaningful and more of a gift to spend time with others. We can always get more money, but time is a non-renewable resource. Who we choose to spend our time with is meaningful and has a significant impact on our lives.

This generous spirit is not something we should limit to the Christmas period. Ideally, it should be a way of life. If we live our lives with a generous spirit then we will make those around us happier, whether they are family, friends, or colleagues, or people we are meeting for the first time. The wider we extend who we are generous to the happier our lives will be.

To help others without expecting anything in return is planting trees under whose shade we will not sit. The fruits of the trees will benefit those we will never meet. It is also true that one generous act encourages another and the wave of generosity goes out into the world making it better one small act of generosity at a time. Even a smile is a gift that can lift someone’s spirits. So go and be generous every day and see how your life changes and how you change the lives of others.

Choose Your Direction In Life

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

When you stand or sit still you are already moving. The Earth is spinning moving you in one direction, the Earth is orbiting the Sun moving you in another direction, our galaxy is rotating moving you in another direction and the universe is expanding moving you in yet another direction. We don’t feel any of this because the speed is constant in all of these directions, but we are always being moved. When we pick a direction to move in and we start to move then we are choosing our own direction.

In life we are often moved by the will of others or our circumstances, but in each situation we have a choice in how we respond. Be a victim or believe in yourself. Be pushed down by life or rise up. Choose how you move and no matter how the world moves you, you will be in charge of your life.

Why We Should Thrive

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

A tree like all things in nature tries to thrive. It does so naturally, it is it’s normal state of being. In thriving it roots itself to the ground, it fights against gravity and grows towards the light, and it produces fruit to serve those around them.

We are not much different. Our natural state of being is to try and thrive, but often our past experiences and our understanding of them shape our mind in ways that make us think small and live small. To thrive seems scary, it seems beyond our capabilities or too dangerous to attempt. It is as if we don’t want to sail the sea because we think we might fall off the horizon.

As scary as it might be to try and thrive, a life wasted living small would be a regret worse than thriving and failing along the way.

My past traumas make me want to live small. My unconscious beliefs formed like mental scares from my past experiences feel like an invisible force stopping me from doing what I know will help me thrive. It takes courage to push through these mental barriers. I plan to try and be brave. I will fail along the way, but no mountain can be climbed sitting in a chair.

Remember, you are not alone. Like trees whose roots link with other trees to share resources and hold each other against strong winds, you have a community to lean on, so do. When we serve each other we all thrive together. There is no me without you. We all exist interconnected. We walk our own paths but we do so beside others walking their own paths.

When we thrive we can better serve others. When we serve others we thrive more ourselves. Take your first step. I am taking mine.

Everything We Do Is About Legacy

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

When we think of legacy, we think of having children or building a business or community organisation that will go on for generations, but I would argue that everything we do is about legacy.

Whenever we interact with someone, the impact, whether positive or negative, from our words and actions can be far-reaching. Like ripples across water, we can deeply wound or deeply enthuse those we interact with. Someone could be having a terrible day, but kind words or an actual of kindness can turn their day around and could be a catalyst for positive change.

Alternatively, if we are mean or unkind, we could change a person’s life trajectory down a dark path. Our words and actions have the power to impact the lives of others significantly.

Some years ago, I met a homeless man sitting outside a shop crying. I stopped to talk to him, and he told me that it was his 40th birthday and he was alone. It was November, and we were coming into a cold winter in the UK. He told me that he was on a waiting list for a hostel but had to wait 12 weeks. This meant he had to survive living on the streets through the winter before he could get a place to live.

I talked with him for a while, and as I lived nearby, I went home and packed a bag of warm clothes, including a woolly hat and gloves, and gave them to him. He was very grateful. I like to think that this small act of kindness got him through the winter and may have dissuaded thoughts of suicide during that difficult time. I also like to think that he has a better life now and is passing on the goodwill to others. I have no way of knowing, of course, but I hope. A small act of generosity from me could have had a big impact on him.

We don’t know the impact we have on those we interact with day to day. So, be kind, be generous, and be accepting of others, and together we can make the world a better place one interaction at a time, and if we make this a habit then this will change us for the better too.

Convenience Is About The Destination And Not The Journey

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

Convenience is about the destination and not the journey. When making our way to the summit of a mountain, we can climb up on foot, or we can take a helicopter. The problem with taking the helicopter is that so much is missed in the journey.

When we climb on foot, we see things that we can not see from the air in a helicopter. We push our limits and learn what we are capable of, and we work together with others, cheering each other on and being cheered pn by others because the climb is hard and the victory is earned.

When we take shortcuts and do not do the work, the destination feels empty. There is no sense of accomplishment.

You Can’t Step Into The Same River Twice

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I recently visited a church that was my spiritual home for many years before I moved away from the area. The church was the same with the same minister, but the congregation had grown and was filled with new people.

At first, it felt uncomfortable as it felt so different because I didn’t know most of the people attending, but the vibe and the spirit of the place were the same. It made me think about the idea of not being able to step in the same river twice because the water constantly changes as it flows downstream.

However, the name and location of the river remain the same. I suppose you could say that all things, people and places are both different and the same each time we encounter them. They are the same river but the river is different.

We are also different each day and in each moment. The eyes through which we see the world at 15 years old are very different to the eyes we see through at 30 and 60 and 90 years old. To a large degree, we see the world how we are not how the world is. Becoming aware of this and recognising the changing state of things and of us can help us to navigate the world successfully.

The Decisions We Make

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The other evening, I was getting ready for bed and was about to wash my face and brush my teeth when in the bathroom I saw a bee sat on the windowsil. My first reaction was fear, and my mind started racing with imaginings of the bee stinging me. At this point, I was presented with a choice: be scared or be curious.

I chose the latter and moved in closer to have a look at the bee. It was alive, and it seemed to be sleeping. I noticed it was a honeybee, and my mind became filled with compassion. The bee must have been flying around all day looking for pollen to make honey and was exhausted. I left the bee there to rest, and in the morning, I opened the window, and after a while, it woke up and flew out to head home.

The point is that when we are faced with making a decision we can decide what to do based on fear, anger and other negative states, or we can make it based on curiosity, empathy and other positive states. The choice before we make the decision is whether we react or respond to circumstances. Do we step back or attack, or do we lean forward or empathise? Whichever we choose can become a habit, so choose carefully.

This Is Your Craft

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The work that people do when they are working at a successful level is often described as a craft. A craft is an activity with specialist skills that need to be perfected to be good at that thing. It is the element of perfecting these skills that causes the work of successful people to be described as a craft.

I have come to realise that whatever a person’s craft is, there is another craft that sits behind it and is the same for everyone. This singular craft is the craft of thriving. It involves the thinking of the mind, the actions of the body, and the cultivating of chi. If you do not have the right mental health, physical health, and chi health, you don’t have any health at all. And without good health, you can not be successful.

So, the craft behind your craft is to make sure that you thrive. This begins with your mind. The thoughts you have and the beliefs you hold, both conscious and unconscious, control most of how your day goes. If you are not in a good place mentally, most things will not go well. You won’t be happy and you won’t be successful. When your mind is in a good place, you can make sure that your body is healthy and your chi is balanced, strong, and flowing. Then, with this foundation, you can work on your craft and be successful.

When you thrive, you can better succeed and serve others. When you serve others, they can better thrive, and so can you. To thrive and help others to thrive is the foundation of a good life.

Don’t Be Authentic

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Like choosing a character in a computer game based on their skills and characteristics, we get to choose our character by the choices we make every day, big and small.

Quite often, these choices are small, like miner course corrections that a pilot makes as the plane gets buffeted by winds and storms along the way to the planes destination. There are times in life, though, when we make what feel like life altering decisions. This can be in relationships, at work or where we choose to live, and many other areas in our lives.

One for me was when I worked in a coffee shop run by two businessmen, and they offered me a job with lots of money and travel prospects. I had just got married and was moving to another city. My gut told me that lots of travel opportunities would mean spending lots of time in hotels and not with my wife. I had to decide what was more important, money or time with my wife. I turned down the big money in favour of time with my wife.

I’m not mentioning this to say something about myself, I’m mentioning it to illustrate the kinds of decisions that become compass markers in the direction that our character takes. It might have worked out well if I had taken the job offer and I may not have been away from my wife all the time, but I went with my gut and I’m happy with the decision I made.

The point is that making decisions big and small tells us who we are. They mould our characters and sense of self. It is more important to be aligned with our character, to be ourselves than to aim to be authentic. Often, people will excuse bad behaviour by saying that they are being authentic. Hitting someone in the face because you are having a bad day is being authentic in the same way that a 2 year old is authentic. It is better to be true to yourself with the choices that you make. True to your principles and values, which comprise your character.

Thrive to Serve, Serve to Thrive

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

When being asked what the meaning of life is, I have a tendency to say 42 with my tongue firmly in my cheek. However, it is something I think about quite a lot, and currently, I have settled on the meaning of life to be to thrive and help others to thrive.

I could go into the many reasons for this, including the evolution of our socially focused species and the effects of feel good hormones when we do good for others, but essential if we thrive we are more able to help others, to serve them. Also, if we focus on serving others, our own well-being is improved, helping us to thrive. And on it goes.

I do not mean to be someone else’s servant, I mean to have the mindset to help others, to serve what they need to be happy and successful. Conversely, we also need to be open to allowing others to help us. Allowing this is a gift to the person helping us because it allows them to reap the rewards that come from helping other people.

This cycle goes on and on and can spread through the world, causing us all to thrive together. So, if we work on thriving in mind, body, and chi, we can serve others when they need us to, and in serving others, we thrive even more.

The Rhyming of the Universe.

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

So many elements of the world and the universe work together like musical notes, like a symphony of sounds. Like the rhyming of poetry. Womb rhymes with tomb, bet rhymes with debt, and so on. Words that oppose each other yet are paired by their meaning. We give things words and meaning, we categorise and divide up the world so that we can make sense of the complexities of it all, but really, it is all one complex happening that we are each a part of.

We shy away from thinking about these complexities and prefer to think of ourselves in tribes and countries, races and genders. It is less scary to be part of a tribe and not to have to face the enormity of the universe. Division, however, invariably creates conflict. From the very first them and us, we are in conflict, even if just in our own heads.

Things like birth and death, work and play, happy and sad are not opposites in a finite sense. They are more like Yin and Yang, opposite sides of a circle. Ultimately, a circle only has one side. It is the balance of life, whether our individual lives or the interconnected web of all living things. The universe is not a collection of opposites, it is a symphony of sounds, a rhyming or words, it is one big happening.

Don’t Call It Mental Health

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

It seems that the idea of mental health permeates Western culture as a requirement of wellbeing and a keen focus for employers and self-help gurus alike. The problem with the term and idea of mental health is that it is innately something that you have or you don’t. To feel that we don’t have it makes us feel that our life and mental state is below par and, therefore, less worthy than those who have it. It can make us feel that we are not enough.

I agree with Simon Sinek that a better term is ‘mental fitness’. It better describes the gradient upon which mental wellness sits. It becomes a scale and a skill to improve. It opens up the idea of working towards mental wellbeing one step at a time, much like building up strength or stamina. It implies a journey and not a binary situation where you have it or not. It allows for bad days and good days and avoids the self degradation that befalls those who do not feel mentally well. This includes those who have experienced war, as a soldier and a civilian.

Choose a Better Response

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I often see people swiping their arms at flies buzzing around them, which is usually accompanied by comments such as “damn fly” or “irritating fly.” I have increasingly been of the opinion that being annoyed by a fly is a choice.

This comes from the perspective that life and the world are not as they are but how we are. We interpret the events that go on around us based on the meaning we put on them. This is not to negate verifiable facts that exist independent of interpretation. What I mean is whether we see something as good or bad, intimidating or joyous.

If it is true that we put such meaning on the events that we experience, then we choose to see a fly as irritating. We can, if we choose to, say hi to the fly and thank them for their visit, for example. They can not harm us and will usually fly away shortly after they fly near to us. If we apply this idea to the rest of our lives, there are many situations where we can choose a better response rather than reacting with negative emotions.

To Serve First Thrive

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Put on your oxygen mask first is the instruction to parents when being given a safety briefing on a plane before the flight begins. The reason is that if you are unconscious, you can not help your child.

Equally, in day to day life, if you spend your time helping others and not looking after yourself, then you will become depleted, and your metaphorical cup will be empty. If you fill up your cup, then you have more to give.

In order to serve, you must first thrive yourself. To give you must first have plenty. This applies to your health, both mental and physical. To help others, you need to thrive so that the energy you give to others leaves you with energy to take care of yourself, too.

You also see the world and other people through the prism of yourself. You see things as you are, not how they are.

How We Treat Others

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Before J K Rowling wrote Harry Potter, she was just another person sitting in a cafe working on a story. It is tempting to preach the idea that we should not judge a book by its cover, as the person we see as less than might become a billionaire. However, it is better to think that everyone has importance right here, right now.

It is better to avoid thinking of judging at all and instead to focus on treating each person you meet with dignity and respect. It does not matter if they are a billionaire or they are homeless and penniless. They are still human beings and still have value. The way in which we treat others says more about us than it does about those we interact with.

So, be the person who brightens up the day of others. Smile, say good morning, open doors for people, say thank you, put down your phone and speak to people face to face. Connect with others in meaningful ways.

The Power Of Not Reacting

Leadership, Relationships, Success

This is an extreme example but it has a point. I was once at a house party and the man who owned the house got into a fight with another man at the party and the owner of the house handed the other man his ass. I then walked the other man out of the house. On the way out he got angry and decided to headbutt me in the nose. It hurt but not that much and I decided not to retaliate. I simply asked the man to leave, which he did.

If I had retaliated another fight would have kicked off and the owner of the house may well have joined in, along with others. It would have escalated. Because I did not react the other man did not know what to do and left the house when I asked him to.

The point of this story is that the power in explosive situations is in not reacting. If someone is shouting at you or being aggressive towards you, give them nothing to react against and they lose their power and you retain yours. This simple principle can be used in a lot of different situations.

Unlearning Our Divisions

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

We are born into this world without prejudice, without judgement, without hate. We are born one with the human race. We learn to name things and catogerise things and to say what is good and what is bad and who are good and who are bad. We sort the world into this and that, us and them. These are divisions, whether they are small or big, and at the heart of every division is a conflict. Two opposing things set apart by the way we think about them. To understand our place in the world we go through this process of organising everything into divisions, this is natural and necessary.

However, the challenge is to discern one thing from another without having prejudice and judgement of others to cloud our view of the world. To pre-judge or to have prejudice is to assume things about a certain thing or person based on how we have categorised them. It has little to do with them. We think they are this and they are that. Often this way of thinking is passed down from generation to generation and we have whole communities that are in conflict with each other because of what they are told about each other.

To break out of such thinking, when all around us our loved ones think in this way, is very difficult. However, the task of unlearning these divisions is essential in order to live a peaceful and happy life, which is the purpose of a spiritual practice. It is the deliberate practice of dissolving divisions, the end result of which is wisdom.

The Law Of Receptivity

Happiness, Relationships, Success

The fifth Law of Stratospheric Success for the book The Go-Giver is The Law of Receptivity.

“The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.”
The Go-Giver

When we give something to someone at least part of us wants that person to be grateful that we took the time, the effort or the money to give them whatever it is. However, sometimes we can be ungrateful when others give us things, because it is not what we wanted or we don’t want help from others or some other reason.

When we are not open to receiving gifts from others we disrespect the act of giving. In fact, being open to receiving honours the gift and the giver. It is a gift to wholeheartedly receive a gift from others. Who are you to refuse a gift from someone else. In order for giving to work at all there has to be a receiver.

It is a kind of partnership that goes around and around. You give and then you receive and then you give again. It is the exchange of effort and time that keeps relationships going. To be an effective giver you have to be an effective receiver too.

The Law Of Influence

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The third Law of Stratospheric Success for the book The Go-Giver is The Law of Influence.

“Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.”
The Go-Giver

We all know people that regularly put themselves first, who ensure that their interests are met before focusing on others. Generally we do not trust these people. We have a built-in sense of community and what makes a community work. Instinctively we do not trust selfish people. Instinctively we trust those who take care of others first.

We also know when someone is pretending to care about others. Genuine empathy and compassion build strong bonds. So if you put the interests of others first then you will be trusted and your opinion is more respected. Therefore, the more you put others first the more influence you have. A good leader is a servant leader. They serve those that they lead. If you do not have a good leader to follow then be a good leader yourself.

We Can Be Peacemakers

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Much of the world is at war with other parts of the world, but also, much conflict is celebrated in the news and social media, when one celebrity is fighting with another or some situation is pitting one group of people against another. It makes good viewing, because people watch. Some conflicts are real and others are not. However, all forms of conflict seep into our lives through our exposure to them.

We can be mindful of what we let into our minds, what things we agree with because those around us do, what we watch on TV and whether we encourage or engage in divisive speech. We are not in a war zone, but we can be peacemakers. We can seek resolution and not conflict. We can become open hearted and not hard hearted. We can learn to assume good intentions from those we interact with. We can seek out our prejudices and judgemental thinking and remove them. We can meditate and pray and share what we have with those around us. In the end, from the cosmic perspective, we are all in this together.

We are on a planet hurtling through space around a star, one of billions in our galaxy in a universe that has billions of galaxies. We share our DNA with all other life on this planet. We share DNA with a banana, and a fruit fly, believe it or not, because we have the same origin as all other life on this planet. If you choose to, you can see all living things as our brothers and sisters, as many native peoples do. Otherwise we risk conflict and divisiveness, even if unintentional.

We are all brothers and sisters. One human family. The chasm between us and our enemies is but a step towards love and compassion. The space between enemies is decided by how we see them and how they see us. In reality there is no space.

Reducing The Suffering Of Others

Happiness, Health, Relationships

Naturally in life we don’t want to see other people suffer. However, we often go about the world interacting with others from our own point of view. We think about things in terms of how they impact us. This can cause us to be reactive to life’s events, asking ‘Why have they done this to me?’, for example. A better question to ask is ‘Why did they do that?’ This moves the thinking from us to them and allows us to consider the reason the other person is behaving the way they are.

Hurt people hurt people. So if someone hurts you with their words or their actions it is an indication that they are suffering, and rather than becoming reactive and trying to hurt them back, we could be compassionate and empathetic. This diffuses the situation and creates a space to helps the other person to heal. We will heal a little too.

If we reframe how we see our interactions with others and move from ‘How can I make things better for me?’ to ‘How can I reduce their suffering?’, then your relationships will improve and life will become more fulfilling.

The Gift Is In The Giving

Happiness, Relationships

I was given a medallion with an embossed image of St Christopher carrying a child across a river by my father recently. He has carried it around with him for many years and the shiny outer brassy layer of metal has worn away in places revealing the shinier silvery metal underneath. It is well worn and well used.

I don’t believe that it will give me luck or protection, but it feels like a legacy, a gift that I should carry around with me throughout my life, which I will. The importance is in the giving and the belief of my father that it will help me. The gift is in the giving and its intention, and that is why I will honour the gift and keep it with me.

We Are All Connected

Happiness, Relationships, Success

“The energy you use to get a drink of water comes from sunshine working its way up to you through the food chain – in a real sense, light lifts the cup to your lips. The apparent wall between your body and the world is more like a picket fence.” (Page 27, Buddha’s Brain, The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson, PH.D. and Richard Mendius, MD)

I have long pondered the connectivity of us and our world/universe. From the energy we need to live coming from our Sun to the elements that make up us and our planet being forged in a long dead sun to the interwoven weather systems and ecosystems across our planet to the interwoven cultures that mingle through the immigration of people and ideas; we are very much connected. That being said we often get in our own way by demanding independence from others and seeing other people as different and strange.

You could say that all divisions are created by ourselves through a process of trying to understand the world in which we move and education systems that classify and categorise things. Much needs to be unlearned in order to reduce division in the world. Unlearning our learned divisions is the work of the wise; the work coming first and the wisdom follows. It is up to each of us to choose how we see ourselves and how we see others, the future of our collective world depends on this choice that we each must make.

The Benefits of Generosity

Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

The other day I saw six or seven pigeons surrounding a slice of white bread that someone had left on the floor. They were all eating as much as they could as quickly as they could. Then one of them took a dislike to the pigeon next to it and started chasing it around. Perhaps it felt the other pigeon was eating its bit of bread, who knows, but for a good 30 seconds this pigeon chased the other around. Meanwhile, all of the other pigeons kept on eating. This reminded me of how our lizard brains can do us a disservice in contemporary life.

The lizard brain is in charge of fear, anger, revenge and reproduction. It is the early part of our brains that evolved which kept us safe from saber tooth tigers and from being kicked out of the tribe. It is why we survived as a species in our evolutionary early days. This served us well back then but it can ruin our lives today. It is largely the cause of stress, ill health and broken relationships. Even when we have a good life, objectively speaking, the lizard brain can take us away from the good things we have.

The whole time the pigeon was chasing the other pigeon it was missing out on the food that was lying on the floor ready to be eaten. There was more than enough food to go around, but fear that the other pigeon might eat their food turned to anger, which turned to revenge causing a pigeon chase around a car park.

If the pigeons were able to talk to each other and they had the capacity to have empathy, compassion or generosity, then they could have all happily shared the meal. The stress level would have been lower, and their relationships, pigeon to pigeon, would have been supportive, loving and generous. This is how we live good lives. We have good relationships, we are generous and we share what we have with those who need what we have.

The next time you see a homeless person on the street begging for money don’t automatically think, ‘why should I give them my money, they will only spend it on alcohol.’ Perhaps they haven’t eaten for two days and they need money for food, perhaps they need an extra £1 to pay for a hostel to have a comfy bed and shelter for the night.

They may have slept outside in the cold and rain for a week and are on death’s door and some change from us will save their life. And when you give them some change look them in the eye, smile at them and wish them well, because 95% of people that walked past them that day did not even acknowledge their existence. Be the 5% that cares and see their humanity.

The Emptiness Of Compassion

Happiness, Health, Relationships

When we think of compassion we think of sympathising with those who are suffering in some way. This relationship with the person who is suffering is one with a them and a me, which has an innate division. In Buddhism compassion is very important, as is the concept of emptiness, which is essentially that all things are empty of labels, characteristics and preferences, to put it simply.

Compassion, in its best form, is one where there is no division between yourself and others; there is an innate unity. This would mean that the compassion you feel is for the suffering of another living being and the wish to end this suffering, because you see no difference between them and you. This is the kind of compassion I would advocate for, the kind that has no divisions, only an understanding of the suffering of others and the wish to end it.

Asking For Help Is Refusing To Give Up

Happiness, Health, Relationships

At this time of year, with an economic crisis, the aftermath of a pandemic and lots of other factors, many of us feel stressed and isolated. Some of us can fall into depression and despair feeling like there is no way out. We may not feel like we want to ask for help or even talk about what we are going through. This is true mostly of men who want to handle everything themselves. But talking about it with a trusted person will help.

It is not true that asking for help is a weakness. It is in fact a strength. To ask for help is refusing to give up. Many feel that ending it all is the only option, but you will have people around you who will help if they know you need it. So, if you are feeling low, if you feel depressed or if you feel there is no way out of your situation, ask for help and it will come. To tackle the hard shit that life throws at us can be extremely difficult at times, but together we can get through it. Together is better.

How To Develop Confidence

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Relationships, Success

On the way into work yesterday it was quite misty, but it wasn’t thick enough to be fog. It reminded me of something I heard about how driving in fog is a metaphor for life. Often, when moving forward with a new venture, a new relationship, or anything that takes us out of our comfort zone, we are scared because we don’t know what the future holds. This is like driving in fog when you can only see 10 feet in front of you. The way to get clarity on what is ahead of you is to move forward 10 feet and then you can see the next 10 feet.

The lesson here is that we will never be able to predict the future 100%, but this should not stop us from moving forward. The best strategy is to work on your skillset and learn from your experiences. With skills and experience you can make wiser decisions and you can pivot where needed, depending on what life throws at you. If you trust your car brakes, steering, lights etc, then driving in fog is less stressful because your car and you can handle whatever you come across.

In order to improve your skillset and experience, you have to put in the time to try things out and develop skills. However, confidence also comes from our mindset, we have to believe in ourselves and our abilities or the actions we take will largely be ineffective. This mindset has to be a growth mindset, the ability to be agile and flexible requires it. Having a fixed mindset will cause your confidence to crumble when you hit the realities of life.

So, confidence requires skillset, mindset and experience. A seemingly obvious statement, but we often think of confidence as something we are born with. In reality confidence comes from how we behave on a moment to moment basis.

The final piece to the puzzle of confidence is our environment. If we feel safe enough to try and fail and try again, then our confidence goes up. If failure is treated with rejection, then we will develop a fixed mindset, we won’t believe we can do anything and we will not gain the required experience. This is why we need trusting teams at work, and supportive relationships in our lives. Add together all of these elements and you have the recipe for confidence.

Serving Others Better

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One of the principles I try to live by is ‘own your journey’ and another is ‘serve others,’ and to me these are very much linked. If we have our own issues with our health, relationships, work, etc that we leave unresolved, because we don’t want to deal with them, we are not in a good position to serve others. Therefore, in order to serve others well we need to make sure we are in a good place.

The way we make sure we are in a good place is to take ownership of our problems and find solutions for them. Anyone who has reached advanced stages of a spiritual practice will be effective in serving others, because they have put in the work of resoling their problems. Whether you are spiritual or not, you still have to do the work.

Imagine having such peace of mind and clarity that you help to solve the problems of others effectively. If more people took ownership of their lives the world would be a better place. Let’s do the work and make it better together.

Try To Be Grateful

Happiness, Health, Relationships

There are millions of people in the world who do not have access to clean water. Many have no access to electricity. Many are homeless. There are so many things that we take for granted that others just don’t have.

Being grateful does two things. It puts your life into perspective in relation to others who do not have what we have and it makes us so much happier. Start off the day by listing at least five things that you are grateful for, starting with the fact that you woke up alive this morning and you will be in a really good place to start your day.

How We Serve Each Other

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We can see colour because the fruits, berries and vegetables that we evolved to eat are colourful. The fruits, berries and vegetables are colourful because we, and other animals, see in colour. All things exist in this inter-related way.

When we focus on our individual dramas and successes we forget that we only exist because everything else exists, that we are dependent on each other. Whatever position we hold in the company we work for, without every other person who works there, from the top to the bottom, we would not have a company to work for. The same could be said of our society, culture and human race.

This line of thinking could extend out to include everything in the universe, but for practical purposes it helps to think on a human level. In short, we have much to be grateful for and much work to do, as everyone else needs us as much as we need them. The challenge we have is to figure out what our part to play actually is. To have a purpose in life is to know where you fit and how you can be the best you that you can. This is how we serve each other.