Attitude

The Law Of Authenticity

The fourth Law of Stratospheric Success for the book The Go-Giver is The Law of Authenticity.

“The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.”
The Go-Giver

Often in the world we see other people that we would like to be, people we envy or look up to. Often people use social media to present a better version of themselves, a more collated life. This has a lot to do with self esteem and comparing our lives with the lives that others present on social media that seem so much better than our lives because people only share the best bits.

The irony is that when we are more authentically ourselves we are the more likely to be successful. This is because when we live and act authentically we focus on what brings us joy and what we are naturally good at. When we are joyful and doing what we are naturally good at we thrive and achieve great things. People will also trust us more because we are being ourselves all the time. Trust is a big element of success, because we cannot be successful alone. And your authentic You is a gift to the world that you should not hide your awesomeness.

Your Attitude Matters

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

Recently I have been struggling with inner ear problems, which causes Vertigo and Tinnitus in both ears. Not a fun combination to add to my Fibromyalgia, but the tougher the challenge the bigger the opportunity for growth. In the mornings I am trying to develop a routine that starts my day off with stretches and exercises, meditation and Chi Kung (Qigong), but I have struggled to be motivated, as many of my health problems seem to be a constant. It causes me to think “what’s the point?” Though there is also a positive voice in my head encouraging me onwards.

I was reminded when reading the book Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty that the act of completing a morning routine consistently is not just about the health benefits, of which there are many, it is also about your mind realising that you did what you said you were going to do, no matter how hard it is. I was also reminded of a quote from Viktor E. Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning which has kept me positive when I’ve felt like staying in bed and not bothering with my day. I hope it helps you too. This is the quote.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Choose your attitude and you choose your way in the world.

Choosing Joy

Happiness

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”
― Anne Frank

Recently I have been suffering with what appears to be Sinusitis and Labyrinthitis, which has caused sinus pain, painful ears, dizziness and Tinnitus for the past four months. I have been through several stages of dealing with this seemingly unending suffering. First I thought that it cannot last that long. Then it did and I became somewhat unhappy and a little depressed about it. Then I remembered the words from Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E Frankl, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

I began to seek out reasons to be joyful. I work in telephone customer services, so I speak to a lot of people. Some of which, as is normal in customer service, are unhappy and take it out on you. I began asking customers how their day was going and having really lovely conversations about the ups and downs of life living through a pandemic. I focused on how lucky I am to have a Wife and Daughter, to still have my parents, to wake up each morning. The pain, dizziness and noise in my ears remained constant, though subdued through medication periodically throughout the day, but my attitude to how I was physically feeling changed. I decided not to let how I was physically feeling determine how I was mentally feeling. This helped a lot, I began to feel that there is a way to master how we choose to feel each day, joy being the best feeling to aim for.

I then moved into a phase that was reflective. I reflected on how I miss silence and being pain free. I realised that the simple things in life are really important. The ability to sit and meditate without the constant buzzing of Tinnitus will be something that I will savoir once I recover from whatever is going on in my sinuses and ears. It is important to be grateful for everything that we have, as well as the tough experiences we have. The valleys we go through serve to highlight the euphoria of the mountains we climb. We all have, to varying degrees, the ability to choose how we want to feel, by choosing what we focus on. If we are unwell do we focus on how that is making us feel or do we focus on still having the ability to do the things we enjoy, even if the illness reduces these options. We all have the ability “…to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Making The Most Of Lockdown

The Fullfilment Framework

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.”
― Robert Jordan

Challenging Times

It looks like it might be here again in England, full lockdown. We will find out this week, when Parliament debate it. At the start of this week panic buying began again, made worse by the sudden need to Christmas shop, just in case the lockdown continues into December. The fear and the loneliness. The uncertainty and the financial stress. These are challenging time.

Some might say that having a bit more time to ourselves could be used for self-development or devoted to a hobby or passion. It is not so easy if we are worrying if we can pay our bills or our rent or mortgage. However, sometimes deepening a spiritual practice or devoting time to an activity we love can heal the soul, just a little.

Can Escapism Help?

I am not saying that meditating more or finding a hobby will solve everything, but it can certainly help. These sort of things do bring a form of escapism, in some cases, and in others can bring meaning to the experiences we have, both good and bad. Much in religious literature, for example, is guidance on how to deal with suffering.

Mostly, we do not have the time to devote to such nourishing activities, because life has a way of becoming busy. We take on responsibilities in order to progress and our personal lives can be filled with family time and relationship time. Often time for personal activities is at the bottom of our priorities. The irony is often that more focus on doing what we care about or what we love brings more joy and meaning, and we become better and more productive at the other stuff in life.

Attitude Is Everything

Lockdown could be seen as forced imprisonment and restrictions, but on the flip side it can be seen as more available time, time being a resource that cannot be replaced. Even if your finances are becoming uncertain or insufficient, or you are separated from your loved ones, finding something creative or fun or spiritual can build some resilience and lift your spirits.

In life one of the few things we have control over is our attitude to our present circumstances. Something that Viktor Frankl writes about in their book Man’s Search For Meaning, which recounted their experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. Some prisoners would give up where as others would go around making sure everyone was as comfortable and reassured as they could be. They chose a mission, to take care of those around them, and it got them through the horrors they were facing.

Our attitude to our circumstances is our first line of defense against despair and depression. If we chose to take care of those around us, whether friend, family, colleague or acquaintance, we choose to make our situation and theirs better. If we choose to use our time wisely, when a lockdown provides us with more of this finite resource, our life becomes fuller and nourishing.

Conclusion

We can find a way forward, no matter the apparent bleakness before us. So paint, draw, dance, learn, share, sing, build, pray, meditate, contemplate the meaning of things, use your time constructively and this part of your life will be the beginning of better tomorrows.

How to be happy in your life

Happiness

“Attitude is a little thing

that makes a big difference.”

– Winston Churchill

Part of self mastery is choosing our attitude in any set of circumstances. This is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things that we can do, but it is possible. There are many examples in our history of people in extraordinarily awful situations and yet they manage to find a positive outcome, because their attitude to the situation was a positive one. This begins with building the habit of looking for the positive in every situation. Being caught in traffic means that you will be late for work, but you can still enjoy the view, or use the time to listen to your favourite music or a self development CD in the car. This is a habit we need to build up in every situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, unsettled or unhappy. If we can find little things to be positive about then we can build up a resilience that will include the power to choose our attitude in any set of circumstances.

Beliefs and values

A large part of what makes us unhappy in life is our beliefs and values. Now, before you become defensive about your beliefs and values please hear me out. As I have shown in my Fullfilment Framework (Summary Explanation Resource), we begin with our Foundation of self knowledge, acquired wisdom and good health, but it is our beliefs and values that are a prism through which we see and understand the world. Whether we see something as good or bad affects how we behave and think about it. For example, if we believe that certain behaviours are bad we will label the people who display those behaviour as bad, whether intentionally or not. This could be a lifestyle choice, the clothes that someone wears or the religion they follow. This then causes us to compartmentalise the world into categories of right and wrong, good or bad, etc.

To a degree we have to separate out the world into categories so we can function in it, but often it the beliefs and values that we hold about ourselves that cause us to become unhappy. For example, if we don’t think that we deserve to be happy, this will be a significant obstacle to becoming happy. Some of us do this without consciously realising that we are doing it. We might believe that in order to be happy we have to own certain things, like a car or a house. This will never bring about lasting happiness, because things in the world are fleeting and therefore we constantly strive for something new to make us happy.

Advertising companies and the media tap into this to sell us things or encourage us to watch specific TV channels. This is the equivalent of a hamster running on a hamster wheel and expecting to get somewhere. Our beliefs around happiness have to begin with contentment, this is entry level happiness, without which we cannot reach the higher levels of happiness.

Thoughts, speech and actions

The things that have the biggest influence on our beliefs and values are our thoughts, speech and actions as they reinforce them with everything we think, say and do. Being mindful of what we say and do is very important because they have an impact on the world and the people we spend our lives with. Managing our speech and actions allows us to have a well managed life outside of ourselves. However, more important is the thoughts that we have, because they impact our mind and our inner wellbeing.

“…the most important relationship

we have is with ourselves.”

Many of the things we say to ourselves in our own heads we would never say to someone else, because they are too cruel. We would not want to hurt the feelings of the people in our lives, but the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. If we make a conscious effort to be kind, compassionate and supportive to ourselves in the thoughts that we have, then our level of happiness with multiply exponentially.

The path we walk and the way we walk it

Many of us have goals that we want to achieve in our lifetime, but there is one goal that I believe should come above all others. That is the goal to be able to look back at the end of our lives with no regrets and gratitude for a life well lived. This goal can be achieve by focusing on two things, the path we walk and the way we walk it. The path we walk is the journey from where we are right now to the place we want to be in the future. It is very important to have a life goal, something that you strive for every day. It might be a career in a particular company or to learn something new or to complete a degree in the thing you are passionate about.

However, it is equally important to know the way that you will be walking this path. The way we walk our life long paths comes from a number of sources. Our personality plays a big part, whether we are kind or courageous, dedicated or disciplined. We are influenced by our environment, the people we love and those we spend the most time with. Many of us have a religious tradition that we follow, or at the very least a life philosophy. All of these things are factors that affect the way we walk our path, but usually we do not have control over these things, they evolve and they come and go so we end up living from moment to moment rather than in a considered and constructive way.

In order to live a life well I believe that we need to begin with a Foundation of self knowledge, acquired wisdom and good health, have beliefs and values that come from our Foundation as a beginning, but then we need to dig deep inside ourselves and figure our what our ‘Why’ is, what our purpose for living is. Mine is to help others be their best selves. Everybody’s ‘Why’ is unique to them and can take years to figure out, but it is a worthwhile endeavour. This Why then becomes why we do what we do in every aspect of our lives. The second part is to figure out our ‘Way’, the way in which we are to live our lives every day, it is how we express our Why in our lives. To find out our Why and to live our Way is at the very centre of what it means to be human, and what it means to live a happy life.