Connection

We Are All Connected

“The energy you use to get a drink of water comes from sunshine working its way up to you through the food chain – in a real sense, light lifts the cup to your lips. The apparent wall between your body and the world is more like a picket fence.” (Page 27, Buddha’s Brain, The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson, PH.D. and Richard Mendius, MD)

I have long pondered the connectivity of us and our world/universe. From the energy we need to live coming from our Sun to the elements that make up us and our planet being forged in a long dead sun to the interwoven weather systems and ecosystems across our planet to the interwoven cultures that mingle through the immigration of people and ideas; we are very much connected. That being said we often get in our own way by demanding independence from others and seeing other people as different and strange.

You could say that all divisions are created by ourselves through a process of trying to understand the world in which we move and education systems that classify and categorise things. Much needs to be unlearned in order to reduce division in the world. Unlearning our learned divisions is the work of the wise; the work coming first and the wisdom follows. It is up to each of us to choose how we see ourselves and how we see others, the future of our collective world depends on this choice that we each must make.

The Power Of Being Courteous

Happiness, Success

People usually respond to you in the manner in which you address them. Courtesy can diffuse arguments and can uplift someone who is having a bad day. It has been said that courtesy is the lubrication that makes a business successful. I would say that it is the lubrication that makes society function, along with a number of other things.

So, open doors for people, smile and say good morning. If you’re getting a coffee get one for your colleague, friend or partner. There are thousands of opportunities every day to be courteous and considerate.

There are also people in our work places that often go unnoticed; the cleaners, the security guards, etc. Often we say good morning, but rarely stay for a chat. It means a lot to people if you see them and treat them as a human being.

A two minute chat will not disrupt your day and it could improve someone else’s day, and your own. Have time for people and talk about their lives, their problems and their aspirations. Put you mobile phone away and talk to people and you will be happier as a result.

Craving Connection

Happiness

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
― William James

As you will have heard numerous times over the past year, these are unprecedented times where a virus has infiltrated our communities, causing much devastation and causing us to be separated from each other. With the success of the vaccination role-out in the UK we are beginning to ease out of the lockdown, and many have flocked to go shopping or to go for a freshly pulled pint, often queuing for a very long time to feel a bit more normal, and to restore a part of ourselves lost when isolated at home. Other countries, unfortunately, are still struggling to tackling this virus. I hope and pray that they get the support they need from the rest of the world. What we have longed for during this pandemic has been connection, connection with others where we share the same space and time together. We have craved the feeling of spending time around others. In the UK and other countries, as we move out of the lockdown we will be able to do this more and more, all being well.

I think we will see more and more that people will connect remotely through Zoom, or other software, moving forward, as necessity has highlighted the benefits of it. People have had job interviews and begin to work, without ever having met their new colleagues face to face. Doctors appointments have been done over the phone, or video call, when needed. Companies have started to build teams to work on projects regardless of where the team members are located. Many who follow world faiths are connecting via Zoom. Muslims who are fasting are breaking their fast each night with others via Zoom. Some who have been marginalised by religious groups are finding those in these religious groups are connecting with them during this lockdown. Remote connection has brought flexibility and opportunity where it was not their before. When a crisis affects us all, the best of us will always see others as human first.

However, we must reflect on what will be left behind if we are to take advantage of this new way of connecting. Human beings, for thousands of years have survived and thrived because we are inherently social creatures. We need hand shakes and hugs, eye contact and presence, we need to spend time in the company of those we care about. Without this vital physical connection depression and feelings of isolation will go up. Remotely gathering for worship or a quiz has been a Godsend in comparison to isolating ourselves at home and not seeing anyone other than those we live with. But once we can again gather in the real world, we should not exclude this for the wonders that technology provides.

Feeling Connected

That being said, it is also important to remember that we are all, always connected. We are all part of an interconnected web of life. We can be both individuals and drops of water in the same ocean, each with a place and each essential to the place of others. This is something to reflect on in this time where we are physically separated. We are still all connected, through belief in God, through the oneness of the universe, and through connecting to nature. Many of us have spent more time in our gardens or going for our daily exercise in nature, to connect to something greater than ourselves, and something unaffected by this pandemic. It is comforting to see that Spring is still rising as it has through the metronome of the seasons throughout the existence of our planet earth. To know that nature is still blossoming and new life is beginning all around us can bring some peace to us at this time.

The seasons that return time and time again each year affect each of us, but not always in the same way. For example, during the months of Winter a homeless person experiences this season very differently from those who have a home. When I was living in Liverpool some years ago, around November time, I was heading to our local mini supermarket and spotted a homeless person sat outside. It was a man who was sat against the outside bin crying. A lot of people were walking past him, avoiding eye contact. I decided to stop and have a conversation, and possibly cheer him up a bit. He told me that it was his birthday and he was 40 years old and there was no one he could share it with. He also told me that he was on a waiting list for a hostel, but he had to wait 12 weeks, just as Winter was beginning. I told him to stay where he was and went into the shop to buy him some food. I also went home and filled a bag with warm clothes and a woolly hat and gloves to get him through the cold months ahead until he could move to a hostel. Much like the Good Samaritan in the Bible reading we heard earlier, what I did was not extraordinary, it was simply a willingness to connect with another person in need and providing the help they needed; it is the ability to be compassionate and empathetic.

Prejudice and Peace

When we decide that there are some we do not want to engage with we are choosing not to connect with them. Many do this across cultural, political and religious lines, some across country or county lines, and some between the homeless ad the rest of us. The prejudices and assumptions we have about others divide us and prevent the possibility of connection, which may greatly enrich our lives. However, when we appreciate that we are because others are, that we all Inter-are, then we open the possibilities for collaboration and we cross pollinate ideas. The value of whole the human race is always greater than any one part of it.

And on that note, I would like to end with an extract from a book called Stillness Is The Key by Ryan Holiday. A small book full of wisdom.

“The less we are convinced of our exceptionalism, the greater ability we have to understand and contribute to our environment, the less blindly driven we are by our needs, the more clearly we can appreciate the needs of those around us, the more we can appreciate the larger ecosystem of which we are a part.

Peace is when we realize that victory and defeat are almost identical spots on one long spectrum. Peace is what allows us to take joy in the success of others and to let them take joy in our own. Peace is what motivates a person to be good, to treat every other living thing well, because they understand that it is a way to treat themselves well.”

Something to reflect on…

Our relationships are the glue that holds our lives together. They need our attention and care if we are to avoid loneliness.

Lockdown Blues or an Opportunity in Disguise

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” – Margaret J. Wheatley

The global pandemic we know as the Coronavirus has had a wide ranging impact on the lives of so many across the world, on our health, our wellbeing and our finances, hitting some much harder than others. Many of us have had to go into self isolation, due to illness or being at high risk. Schools have closed and children are being educated at home through the wonders of the internet. Many adults are also working from home via the internet as well or have lost their jobs and some companies will not survive this pandemic. The way we do everything, including basic things like our shopping, has changed. These are challenging times.

Every Challenge is an Opportunity for a New Possibility

When challenges arise in our lives we really have two ways of looking at them, either to look at the negative impact of the challenge on our lives and how we feel or to look at the things the situation can teach us and the opportunities it provides. Resilience is built on overcoming adversity. If you are in lockdown, imposed by your government, or in self-isolation, as you are following the sensible advice to stay at home, this is an opportunity to reconnect with what is important in your lives and reevaluate your priorities.

Panic at the Supermarket

Panic does not help in situations like this. Panic buying hurts others and therefore it hurts us. When we panic we go into a fight or flight mode of thinking, which only helps when you are in immediate danger, and it should end once that immediate danger is gone. Generally speaking, we are not in immediate danger, this very moment, there is not a tiger about to eat us or a madman with a gun pointed at us, we are in a dangerous situation that requires reasonable steps to keep ourselves and others safe, so we should follow the advice of our Government and health care system.

If those in our society that are supporting us through this pandemic cannot get what they need to live, how can they help us to get through this. Equally, if we are ignorant of the sensible measures we need to implement, then we put ourselves and others in danger. For example, there are some in America who have said that as they are Christian and are covered in the blood of Jesus they are able to go to church with lots of other people and they cannot see that they could get sick or pass the Coronavirus on to others.

I have no issues with the beliefs of others, people can believe what they want, but when people’s actions could cause hurt to others then this is not good. One reaction to a situation like the one we find ourselves in is to dive into our beliefs in religious teachings to make us feel less afraid. The problem here though is that, if taken to an extreme, it is all focused on the individual, the fear makes us selfish and irrational. Part of me does not blame these people for being hijacked by their fight or flight system, but actions do have consequences, and ignorance is no excuse.

Good Health Is Foundational

As we all know our health is important. I would say that our health is central to our entire wellbeing and should be a daily focus, not just when a pandemic hits the fan. We can take this pandemic as a trigger to turn our attention to our health, and if you have to stay at home you have more time to focus on improving your diet, and your physical, mental and energy health. Take up yoga, meditate, go for walks or runs, journal your experiences and take the time to improve your overall health, to either recover from an illness or prepare your body to fend off whatever illnesses you may have to come, even if they are not a global pandemic. We have access to pretty much the entire culmination of human understanding on every topic via the internet. We have to be careful to make sure we check the sources of information when we get it online. I would advise checking at least three different sources to see if they agree, and remember that Wikipedia can be edited by anyone.

Recentre and Recalibrate

It is also a chance to find ourselves again, to spend time with ourselves away from the normal busy lives we lead. To look at our priorities, what we care about and what we should not bother with. It is a perfect time to look at defining our Why, as well as our values and beliefs, as I mention in my Fullfilment Framework. To do some self reflection and set some goals. We do not normally get so much time to do this sort of thing.

Some of you are ‘Key Workers’ and may not have the same time available because you are literally saving lives and supporting our economy, but the effect of this pandemic will be massive on all of us and, like all traumatic situations, we can be crippled by it or rise to the occasion and become better versions of ourselves. All those who are helping others at this difficult time I salute you, you are the best of humanity and the guardian angels that we all need right now. If you are not a Key Worker then please do what you can to support your neighbours, family and friends, and if advised stay at home.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention

We have all had to change how we connect with others, primarily via the internet. Zoom has become and invaluable way for people to connect. Teams at work, exercise classes, spiritual groups, you name it we are gathering together via Zoom. Facebook groups and email groups are exploding into a ferver of interaction to discuss the pandemic and support each other. Positivity is bringing so many people together. It is strange to feel so much community spirit without physically spending time with others, but the best of humanity is coming out to play and it is awesome. I am currently playing a game of chess with my elderly Father via WhatsApp message and he is beating me.

The Importance of Our Relationships

This has all highlighted how important our relationships are, they are the glue that holds our wellbeing together. What this pandemic has highlighted to me is how we cannot deepen our relationships with friends, family or colleagues through a screen as easily as we can face to face. It is the little moments of conversation and interaction, asking how the other person is doing and caring about the answer. It is the difference between a hug and the picture of a hug or a handshake and an emoji of a hi five. Physical connection is vital to healthy relationships and once this pandemic is over we need to not go back to interacting primarily through a device like a mobile phone, but to spend face to face time with those in our lives. This is one of the greatest lessons to learn from this situation.

Final Thoughts

I think this pandemic has also caused much of the superficial things that we thought divided us to drop to the wayside, as this crisis has created a shared human story that we are all experiencing. People out on their daily exercises are waving hi to strangers when they never would have before; we are beginning to see each other as human beings first. This is something I hope we do not lose when this is all over and we find a new normal, one of shared values, of oneness, of an understanding that all aspects of society are important. Without those who work in a supermarket being there for us at this difficult time we would not be able to live. Let’s hope the paradigm shifts to one of equality and respect, and that this paradigm stays for the foreseeable future.