Tag: Fulfillment

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

This is a quote by Claude Bernard, a French Scientist, and it reflects the two modes of being human; to create individually for the purposes of creating is Art; to create individually or together for the collective good is Science. For me the best Art blurs the line between these two, because some Art changes society.

Art can also be how you live your life, how you interact with people. Leaving a person uplifted after your interaction with them is Art. Solving a person’s problem in the way only you could is Art. It is turning an interaction, a collection of ideas, an opportunity of any kind into something that makes a life or the world better. It is creation in its best sense.

You can change the world for the better. We can change the world for the better. It does not necessarily matter which, only that the lives of others are blessed by your presence. Go be an artist my friend.

Go Ahead And Lead

We think of leaders as big, charismatic characters who lead from the front, who announce their vision and point in the direction they are going in. They inspire us to follow them.

This is not what I mean when I say lead, though to be visionary is certainly needed. To me, leadership is taking care of those around you. It is servant leadership. This type of leadership does not require vision, it requires empathy, compassion, and above all, courage.

It means that you become the solver of other people’s problem and check in with those in your circle, making human connections and taking care of people. Not in big ways but in small uplifting comments or in time spent engaged with someone, and so on. This to me is leadership.

So go ahead and lead.

Trying Something New

Where do our beliefs and values come from? They are manifestations from the culture and community we grow up in, the examples our parents give us and how they raised us, as well as the experiences that we have had. Through all of this input we piece together what we believe and what we value.

All of this then affects the decisions that we make on a day to day basis, but I believe that if we are to make wise decisions in life then we should seek out wisdom as well, which can be found in any of the many religious scriptures and philosophical texts from around the world. If we have wise guidelines or principles to follow then stepping into the unknown will seem less scary.

Something else that can help us in our ventures into the unknown is to have an attitude of asking ourselves “what if…?” What if we tried something new, what if we gave it a go, what if? Being open to the many positive possibilities that could result in trying something new means that we will more likely have a positive outcome.

It is also a way of getting past the barrier of failure, a way to overcome our fear of criticism or looking like a fool; what if we succeeded, what if we achieved our dreams. This allows us to consider the possibility of actually succeeding, rather than becoming consumed by the thought of failure.

Being Creative

Success

The act of being creative is essentially to take existing things and ideas and to create something new out of them. We write with words and we paint with paint. These are the typical things we think of as being creative, but there are many ways to be creative.

However, the things we create end up creating us too, because the act of creating them changes us. We are a different person after each act of creating through what we learn about ourselves and the world via the creative process.

Many people think of the thing they create as their baby. It is not a baby, it is a thing that exists because of you, but it is not a human being.

The human being in the creation process is the creator. If you want to use the Parent Child analogy then the creator is more like the Child, because the process of creating changes us and contributes to creating who we are.

Self Made Possibilities

The Pathway To Fulfilment

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and a picture of a purple flower growing out of a brick wall appeared and it struck a chord with me. It reminded me that many people have been successful when they started off with nothing and no one on their side. Also, there have been many who had everything and did nothing with it.

The possibilities we have in life are sometimes given to us through the things we are born with or born into, but much of what is required for success to happen is self made. The possibilities for success have to be seen and then the work done to make them a reality.

Success that is worthwhile pursuing is always self made. Success that is given to us is not really success.

Which Is Right?

Happiness

Some find a perfectly mown lawn beautiful, others find a field of wild flowers beautiful. Which is better? Neither is better, because it depends on the context and the option of those looking at them.

If you wanted to play a game of cricket then a field of knee high wild flowers would not be a good place to play. I neatly mown cricket pitch is better. If you want to paint a colourful landscape painting then a field of knee high wild flowers is better.

Some find the neat lines mown on a football pitch to be beautiful. The order and the precision align with their values. Some find the splashes of colours and life giving properties of wild flowers to be beautiful. The randomness and pollination align with their values.

Neither one is better than the other. It depends on context and personal opinion.

Inner And Outer Circles

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership

In the business world there is often what is referred to as an inner circle, a group of high ranking colleagues who have their own circle that the majority are kept out of. There are also examples of inner circles in other types of organisation too.

The problem with inner circles is that they create a division that casts everyone as lesser or below those in the inner circle. I guess you could say that everyone else is in the outer circle.

Any division creates conflict and there is an us and a them. Within an organisation if there is division within it, hopes of working together are reduced. The idea of a circle is a positive one though, what matters is how many people are included within it. It is better to be inclusive than exclusive. The more we include the better our society will be.

What We Tell Ourselves

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

We need to consider the things we tell ourselves about ourselves. When we internalise the voices of others they become part of our inner dialogue. This includes what our parents say, what our friends say, what our employer says, what the news says and also what the teachings of our religion or philosophy says. All of these voices become part of who we are, but if we do nothing to take control of what we allow to become part of our inner voice, then we give up much of our power and self-control to the direction of others.

It is important, I feel, to do some mental spring cleaning every now and again to take a fresh look at what internal voices we want to follow and what internal voices we don’t. Some of this is of course subconscious, so is not obvious, but keeping a journal to put down thoughts, feelings and experiences and questioning these can lead to powerful realisations about why we make the decisions we make. In more extreme situations reaching out for support from a Councillor or Cognitive Behavioural Therapist can be invaluable. For most of us self-reflection and opening up to friends and family will help us figure out a lot of what is holding us back and find better ways to think and act to bring about a more fulfilling life.

I have reflected on this a lot over the past few years and I truly believe that we can be the architects of our own lives. What we tell ourselves can be with us throughout our lives, being careful what we think and say to ourselves is important. If we find ourselves saying that we cannot do something, because we don’t feel ready, equipped or able, then there is a simple thing we can do to help us get out of this trap. If you find yourself saying that you cannot do something out of a belief that it is beyond you, then I encourage you to add the word ‘yet’ to the end of each negative thought. “I can’t drive a car yet.” “I can’t draw yet.” “I can’t lose weight yet.” “I can’t find a new job yet.” “I can’t run a marathon yet.” Whatever it is, there is power in the word ‘yet.’ It opens up the possibility and hope of achieving whatever it is in the future, and it is empowering rather than dis-empowering.

Why Should We Read?

The first step on my Pathway To Fulfilment is to Acquire Wisdom. It is essential, I feel, to have a grounding in wisdom, because on a journey to living a fulfilling life the more wisdom we begin with the less time we spend making mistakes and going down blind alleys.

The traditional way of acquiring said wisdom is to read, to read lots and read broadly. This is still an effective way to do it, and I will explain why in a moment, but the same information can be obtained through conversations with well informed people, exploring websites or watching YouTube videos. Many universities have lectures on any subject you could want to study free on YouTube.

The advantage I have found in reading books is that often someone has poured their life experience into the book they have written and this is invaluable. Also, a book does not require batteries and can easily be carried around and shared with others.

When you have acquired a number of books you will end up with your own personal library and simply looking at the books you have read will remind you of snippets of wisdom without needing to read the books again. Though reading some books again after you have lived a little bit of life will bring a new perspective to the ideas and words in them.

So, read frequently and broadly, but also take advantage of the masses of resources available on the world wide web. I have a list of books that I recommend on the Resources page, please do have a look.

What Is Normal?

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we look at a bottle of shampoo it will often say that it is for Normal Hair. In our culture we have an idea of what normal is, it is what the majority of people we know do or say, or in the case of shampoo, the type of hair that the majority of people have. I would like to suggest that normal is simply what is most popular, it is not a trait by which people should be judged.

In marketing, companies will often aim their interruptions at the majority in the hopes that everyone will pay for their product or service. There is a fundamental problem with that. Either the product or service is designed for a particular kind of person, in which case it is not for everyone, or it is aimed at everyone and therefore no one, because we are not all the same.

In culture, we often want to be ‘normal’ and to fit in, but when we try to act or think in ways that are the most popular then we are not being ourselves. We are performing a role to be accepted, but everyone ends up doing the dance of normality and losing themselves in the process.

What we should do, in my opinion, is to figure out what our values are, what we believe and, importantly, what our ethics are. This will determine which people we will enjoy spending our time with. We can identify our ‘tribe’ and we will then genuinely fit in and thrive. The goal with this is to belong rather than to be accepted, and these are two very different things.

Choosing Hope

Happiness, Health

We often don’t believe something is possible, that we cannot achieve or do certain things. We have a diminished sense of hope. This belief, I would argue, is a choice, whether made consciously or not. Our life experiences, and the meanings we place on them, direct our thinking when it comes to our abilities.

However, every new experience changes how we understand and view our past experiences and our current selves. This process of new understanding can actually cause our memories to change, because what we remember is always held in our present mind, along with our understanding of it.

We might remember new details which change what we think happened or a change in our understanding of what happened can profoundly alter how we feel about these memories. For example, I have been living with Fibromyalgia for over ten years and for a long time it felt debilitating, with pain in my joints and muscles and feeling exhausted most of the time.

But, as is often the case, this struggle became something that led me to understanding how Chi (Qi), or energy, flows through our bodies and how Chi Kung (Qigong) gives us the ability to master our own Chi. It has put me on a path towards self mastery and a profound understanding that we are in fact our own saviours, we can heal ourselves, if we learn how. Hope very often rises like a phoenix from the ashes of the trauma and challenges in our lives. Hope has a power to transform how we look at ourselves and our circumstances.

As Maya Angelou said in her poem Still I Rise,

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise

Getting The Right Kind Of Status

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

In society there has always been a version of an Alpha male or female, or the top dog. The general consensus is that you need to be the best at what you do and take charge of whatever situation you are in. The status of being the ‘top dog’ is then earned.

The problem with this method of getting status is that no trust is built up and no feeling of fellowship. In other words people just get out of the way, rather than forming genuine relationships. This is a problem when tough times require friends or colleagues to support each other.

In business, if the culture encourages internal compitition in order to bring in more money for the company, then tough times will mean the company crumbles. If the culture encourages teamwork where colleagues take care of each other and the company takes care of colleagues, then colleagues will rise to save their company in tough times.

A culture of working together can also be found in friendships, and any other human relationships, and within these cultures the person who always gives help and support, or goes above and beyond for others, will get the high status. They will be trusted, respected and followed, in the case of leadership. This, in my opinion, is the right kind of status to work for.

The Art Of Interaction

We don’t often think of how we interact as something to work on or improve. We learn how to communicate with each other during our childhood years and that’s that. However, if we are to make a real difference in the world then we need to master how we interact with each other.

I first came across the concept of the ‘art of interaction’ in Seth Godin’s book Linchpin, where he describes every interaction with a colleague or customer as practicing the art of interaction. It is an integral part of becoming a linchpin within your organisation, someone who is indispensable.

It is also good to practice how to interact with others on a general basis in order to develop good relationships and to uplift others. Treating it as an ‘art’ also means that how you interact with others can be unique to you. It is an art not a science. It is also one of the strings to your bow that are needed in order to have self mastery.

Finding Your Purpose

Purpose is a word loaded with expectations. There is a lot of pressure on those wanting to develop themselves, to find their unique purpose for being born.

My view on finding your purpose is that by the time you are in your 20s you will have a reason behind everything that you do. For some it is to leave things better than they found them. For others it is to generate joy in others. Everyone has a think that makes them tick. This is your purpose.

For me it is helping others to live well, to ultimately have a fulfilling life. It is not one thing that you do, it is the reason behind everything that you do.

Make A Change

Often we feel like we are stuck in a rut or caught in a loop and we just want to be free of it. We want life to improve, so we don’t get the same results that we always get.

The problem is that the results we get in life are largely a result of our actions or lack of action. Repeated results are often caused by repeated behaviours. In fact, it is our beliefs that spark our thoughts, which lead to our behaviours, which in turn produce our results.

As I have said before, the change needs to be in the beliefs we have about what we can do, what our options are and what is possible.

Make a change in your beliefs and you will get different results in life.

Do You Care Enough To Fail

If you work in customer service, as many do, like many you may turn up to work and do what you are told to do and go home again. In other words you serve customers within the boundaries that you feel will avoid you getting into trouble or losing your job. It is the fear of failure that causes the service that many people provide to be average. Not amazing and not poor, just enough to earn a paycheck.

This is the fundamental problem that causes customers to complain about the service they have provided. I work in complaints for a bank and I hear, more often than not, that the Advisor did not show empathy or provide help or that they were rude. Rudeness usually comes from an attitude of that’s not my job or that I need to be quick and get you off the phone because I have to keep calls to 3 minutes and no longer, if you work in a call centre as I do.

On the other hand excellent customer service includes listening to the customer, making a connection, empathising, as well as being efficient. In other words it is a shift in attitude not in time spent on the phone with customers.

This type of customer service takes practice and will involve failing, wishing you had said something different, etc. It is failing small enough to get feedback from a Manager when needed, but not big enough to get fired. The difference is whether you care enough to try and provide excellent service, rather than doing the minimum in order to not get in trouble.

Take It On The Chin

When things go wrong or we make a mistake, often we either blame ourselves and start mentally beating ourselves up or we project blame onto someone else. The first option is clearly self defeating. The second option removes all accountability.

To me taking it on the chin first and foremost means we own up to whatever it is that has gone wrong. We take responsibility. However, we should not just say “it’s my fault.” If we don’t learn from the mistake then we will likely make it again.

I am one for mentally beating myself up, but I believe in being accountable for my actions, so I was often trapped in an anxious cycle of ownership and limiting beliefs. The break through for me has been asking what I can learn from my mistake and what actions I can take to put it right and avoid doing it again.

Taking something on the chin should not be a passive exercise in accountability. It should be an active movement towards self improvement. The only way we can make positive change in the world is if we change ourselves for the better.

Appreciate Where You Are

They say that every season has its purpose. In nature, Autumn bring the falling of leaves which nourish the soil, that then feeds the tree from which the leaves fell. Summer provides lots of sunlight to help plant life to flourish, which helps all life to flourish.

You might feel like you are in a difficult situation that might be likened to the harshness of Winter, but difficulty can help us to develop resilience. If it was like the Summer all of the time then we may not appreciate what we have. Every year Winter shows us what the absence of Summer is like and we appreciate it all the more when it comes around again.

In life we have challenges and we have moments in the Sun. Each has its purpose and we can use them to our advantage, if our mindset is a growth mindset and we look for the opportunities rather than the difficulties.

Read It Yourself

In the 16th Century the Bible started to be translated into European languages from Latin. Previously, Catholic clergy were predominantly the ones who understood Latin and they told their loyal followers what the Bible said. They told their followers what the teachings of the Catholic Church were too.

Once the Bible was available to be read in the common people’s own language, people began to disagree with some of the teachings of the Church. The Reformation began, the understanding of God, Jesus and the Church was reformed into many different viewpoints.

Some say that this is for the better and some for the worse. It is not a debate I intend to start here, and this is not a comment on the teachings of the Catholic Church. My point is that, much like the teachings of the Church at the time, our culture has us believing a number of things that we take for granted; we receive signposts on how to live in a similar way, we are told them. We are told how to be happy, the value of money and what success looks like.

When you read into what actually makes you happy and successful it will likely not match the messages from our culture, because our culture is influenced by those who wish to sell us things. They have an interest in the stories we are told.

So, ask why when our culture tells us to do something. Ask what the purpose is of living how we are expected to live and you will be on the road to a more enlightened way of living, and you will be happier and more successful.

How To Be Creative

Achieving Goals, Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Many people will say that they are just not creative, but I disagree. Everyone has been creative at least once in their lives. The difference with those who identify as creative is that they have chosen to be creative on purpose more than once, that’s it. Some people can generate more ideas than others, which is the basis for being creative for a lot of people.

To me, being creative is to take an idea and make something new out of it, it is simply to create. This seems like such a unique talent, because so many people have talked themselves out of being creative and therefore those that talk themselves into it stand out. That’s all it is.

Out of those that identify as creative there are some that will think they have to wait for the Muse to inspire them. Some will say that there is no Muse and you have to work through the bad work before you get to the good work. I kind of think both are true.

When I write poetry the poems seem to come almost fully formed and they flow out of me and if I don’t write them down they will be lost. This feels like the ancient idea of the Muse giving me inspiration, but I don’t wait for a Muse, because I don’t believe there is one. However, when ideas come I grab them and run with them, and appreciate the gift that they are.

When I write my blog, this is more of a practice. I have committed to writing a blog post every day. Some will be below average and some will light a spark that helps someone. I have chosen not to worry if the next blog post will be a hit, I just write and usually it is good, because I have gotten myself out of the way.

I think in order to be creative we need to firstly believe that we can be creative and then go and create, to have the confidence to give it a go again and again. With practice what you produce will get better and better until it is always good.

Sometimes it will feel like the Muse has given you a gem of an idea, but mostly having the practice of consistently creating, on whatever level or medium you choose will tip the balance towards being creatively successful.

Because It’s Free

Often in life things are offered to us for free. It might be a marketing strategy to give out cans of a new drink to get people to try it and hopefully to start buying it. It might be your friends offering you a bar of chocolate as a kind gesture. Whatever it is, what we often do is get excited and accept it without question, because it’s free.

If we had to pay for it, we would likely ask more questions about whether it was good for us and whether it would create any value for us. So, why is it different when something is free? I think there is a sense that we have somehow won something or we are grateful for the kindness of others.

When we are offered something for free we could ask, does it serve me? Would I normally pay for it? Does it align with my values? Does it align with my goals?

If you are offered a free chocolate bar and you have made the decision to stop eating chocolate, due to you trying to eat healthier, you shouldn’t take it, because it does not align with your goal and it does not serve you. This applies to anything we are offered for free.

Just because something is free does not mean that it has value.

The Value Of Remembrance

Happiness

Today is a very special day, it is Remembrance Sunday, where churches up and down the country in the UK, and elsewhere, have services that are conducted to remember the fallen from the two world wars and all other wars since.

WE REMEMBER THEM

War is an ugly business and many have died in the pursuit of winning a war, both soldiers and civilians. The purpose of each war is different, due to the different political landscapes and parties with vested interests, but the suffering is the same.

So much is invested in waging war, but little is invested in preventing and ending them it often seems. I don’t know the data on this, but I am confident it is lopsided toward the waging of war.

We have many divisions in our own lives too, small conflicts in comparison to wars between countries, but conflicts never the less. You could argue that even wars between nations began from decisions by individual people, so the best we can each do is to try and resolve our personal conflicts and use forgiveness and respect to move forward.

It is, however, important to remember the fallen soldiers and the civilians who have died in war. It is right to remember them and it helps us to seek peace in our own lives.

WE REMEMBER THEM

Working In Tandem

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

I was walking to work yesterday and an elderly couple passed me on a tandem bike and it occurred to me that this is a good metaphor for good leadership.

On a tandem bike the person at the front, the ‘Leader,’ directs the whole ‘team’ in a particular agreed direction and the person at the back, the ‘Worker,’ trusts that the direction they are going is right.

Also, both the Leader and the Worker put in the work to move the whole team forward. Each has their own role, the Leader’s job is to say I am going over there based on their vision and ask the Workers to follow them, but the Workers have to agree to get on the bike and put in the work to move everyone forward. In other words the Workers have to be enrolled in the direct the Leader wants to go.

The Leader has to have the trust of the Workers and, ideally, they should have values that are aligned with each other. We usually follow someone we trust and trust is based on shared values and strong relationships.

So, if you are a leader, make sure you have the back of everyone you lead and take the risk of leading; in other words you own failures and you give away praise to your team for the successes.

Get Out Of Your Own Way

The Resistance is something that effects us all and has been defined by Steven Pressfield as follows. If we try to do anything new, whether creative or not, there is a voice inside our heads that tries to talk us out of it. It says things like “who am I to do this? I don’t have the experience to pull it off” and “I’m too old” or “too young,” and so on.

If being creative or being successful was a film the Resistance would be the villain that needs to be overcome. We all have it and we can all overcome it by just starting and having the discipline to work on what we want to achieve, every day. It is the fear of judgement by others and of failure, this is the Resistance.

If we think of ourselves as amateurs then we will develop habits that allow the Resistance to stop us reaching our full potential. If we think of ourselves as professional then we build in the discipline and the habits to get the work done. When we go to our paid jobs we turn up and work regardless of how we feel, this is being professional.

“Amateurs tweet, Pros get to work.”
– Steven Pressfield

Remembering Peace

Happiness

Today we remember the fallen, those who died in war, the soldiers and the civilians. The red poppy is a symbol of remembrance and it is important to remember them.

War is a savage divider of humanity and I feel we should also strive to avoid future wars and to end current ones. The white poppy is, for me, a good counterpart to the red poppy.

According to the Peace Pledge Union “The white poppy stands for three things. They represent remembrance for all victims of war, a commitment to peace and a challenge to attempts to glamorise or celebrate war…

…We want to remember British military dead, but they are not the only victims of war. We also remember the many civilians who have died or suffered in war, both in the past and today, in Syria, Yemen and many other places around the world. Suffering does not stop at national borders, and nor should remembrance.” (Reference)

WE REMEMBER THEM

Not My Job

Organisation fall or stumble when individuals regularly say “It’s not my job to do that,” and then pass the buck onto someone else or some other department. Organisations thrive when each member of staff has autonomy to make decisions and take ownership of issues. The attitude becomes “that needs doing,” so they do it.

In life seeing things that need doing and getting on with doing them will mean you become a problem solver and a more productive person. Life becomes easier if your focus is on fixing things rather than avoiding things that need to be fixed, because issues are fixed before they become too big to handle. Life also becomes more fulfilling.

So, become a problem solver.

Divisions Create Conflict

There are many divisions in our lives and this week, more than most, we turn our attention to them. On Thursday it will be 11th November, the date the First World War ended and peace was declared. On Sunday churches around the country will be holding Remembrance Services.

World Wars, and armed conflict of any kind are horrific in their nature and take a toll on humanity. We also have smaller more personal conflicts in our own lives which are born out of division. Any time there is an Us and a Them there is a division and there is some form of conflict in every division.

During this time of Remembrance let us strive to heal the divisions in our lives by removing the need for a Them and including everyone as Us. When we see people as human first we are better able to use empathy and resolve issues.

When Nelson Mandela came out of prison where he spent 27 years of his life he realised that if he continued to hate those he incarcerated him he would never be free. He later led his country, as President, to forgive and heal after the atrocities of Apartheid. He was a remarkable man, but we can each try to heal the divisions in our lives and use examples like Nelson Mandela as a beacon of hope, hope that it can be done.

Create Value Not To Win

On 16th July 1945 the first nuclear bomb was tested and one of its creators looked on in horror, regretting what he had done. Robert Oppenheimer said later that a quote from the Bhagavad Gita ran through his mind while he witness the nuclear explosion before him, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

This quote is often misunderstood, but it highlights the way Robert Oppenheimer was feeling. Presumably, he had not imagined the power of the nuclear bomb and the destruction its use would unfurl on the world while creating it. But once something like this is done it is hard for it to be undone.

In 2006 Aza Raskin invented the infinite scroll that meant social media platforms could be used without hitting a ‘next’ button, new content simply appears when you scroll down. He later said “One of my lessons from infinite scroll: that optimizing something for ease-of-use does not mean best for the user or humanity.”

The amount of time that people now spend on social media, rather than doing other important things like interacting with the people they are with or doing the work they are avoiding has grown a lot due to this feature. Again, presumably Aza Raskin did not think about the impact this feature would have on the world.

It is not necessarily fair to compare these two inventions in terms of their impact, but the common denominator is that the inventors regret their inventions. The lesson, I think, is that the things we create have a direct impact on the world, so they should be there to serve humanity not to hinder it. When we create anything or do anything we must first ask ourselves if it will serve to bring people together and make the world better, and also if it aligns with our values.

When we create or act for a larger organisation we can often find ourselves serving a goal to beat the competition or to make money rather than making people’s live better. And as we see from the example of Aza Raskin, making things easier does not necessarily make things better.

Embrace Your Struggles