Tag: Human Connection

How We Treat Others

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Before J K Rowling wrote Harry Potter, she was just another person sitting in a cafe working on a story. It is tempting to preach the idea that we should not judge a book by its cover, as the person we see as less than might become a billionaire. However, it is better to think that everyone has importance right here, right now.

It is better to avoid thinking of judging at all and instead to focus on treating each person you meet with dignity and respect. It does not matter if they are a billionaire or they are homeless and penniless. They are still human beings and still have value. The way in which we treat others says more about us than it does about those we interact with.

So, be the person who brightens up the day of others. Smile, say good morning, open doors for people, say thank you, put down your phone and speak to people face to face. Connect with others in meaningful ways.

We Are All Connected

Happiness, Relationships, Success

“The energy you use to get a drink of water comes from sunshine working its way up to you through the food chain – in a real sense, light lifts the cup to your lips. The apparent wall between your body and the world is more like a picket fence.” (Page 27, Buddha’s Brain, The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson, PH.D. and Richard Mendius, MD)

I have long pondered the connectivity of us and our world/universe. From the energy we need to live coming from our Sun to the elements that make up us and our planet being forged in a long dead sun to the interwoven weather systems and ecosystems across our planet to the interwoven cultures that mingle through the immigration of people and ideas; we are very much connected. That being said we often get in our own way by demanding independence from others and seeing other people as different and strange.

You could say that all divisions are created by ourselves through a process of trying to understand the world in which we move and education systems that classify and categorise things. Much needs to be unlearned in order to reduce division in the world. Unlearning our learned divisions is the work of the wise; the work coming first and the wisdom follows. It is up to each of us to choose how we see ourselves and how we see others, the future of our collective world depends on this choice that we each must make.

You Are Not Broken

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often when we have experienced trauma we feel broken, we call ourselves broken and sometimes other use this word to describe us. I would like to respectfully disagree. No one is broken.

Trauma damages our sense of well-being and we can feel as if we will never feel well again, but this is not true. There is always a path back to the light of wholeness. We may need support from the people around us and the resources we have access to, like well chosen books.

It may take time, sometimes it can take years, but the things missing that took away your wholeness can be brought back into your lives and wholeness will be possible again. You are never alone and you are not broken. You are a beautifully unique human being that has a unique that only you can bring to the world. I for one am happy you are sharing this life long adventure we us.

Seeing Others Clearly

Happiness, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we go to the shop and we go to the till we often think of the person behind the till as just a Shop Assistant and our label of them stops there. When we see an irritating person we often think of them only in this way. The labels we use for people can often become all that we see of them.

When we stop at the label we put onto the person we are depriving them of their full humanity in our eyes and we do the same to ourselves. If you were to see a Shop Assistant as a full human being with a life outside of work, a family, hobbies and a social life then you end up treating them differently.

Of course we know that each person has these things, but we can become lazy in our labelling of the people we interact with. Labels can become prejudices that mean we see someone as a ‘type’ of person, and we put people into boxes, as if the complexity of a human life can be simplified so neatly.

When we acknowledge a person’s full humanity we remove boundaries and conflicts between us and them. We see ourselves in them and we naturally feel compassion and empathy for them. This is a powerful practice that will bring blessings into your life.

The Power Of Being Courteous

Happiness, Success

People usually respond to you in the manner in which you address them. Courtesy can diffuse arguments and can uplift someone who is having a bad day. It has been said that courtesy is the lubrication that makes a business successful. I would say that it is the lubrication that makes society function, along with a number of other things.

So, open doors for people, smile and say good morning. If you’re getting a coffee get one for your colleague, friend or partner. There are thousands of opportunities every day to be courteous and considerate.

There are also people in our work places that often go unnoticed; the cleaners, the security guards, etc. Often we say good morning, but rarely stay for a chat. It means a lot to people if you see them and treat them as a human being.

A two minute chat will not disrupt your day and it could improve someone else’s day, and your own. Have time for people and talk about their lives, their problems and their aspirations. Put you mobile phone away and talk to people and you will be happier as a result.

Being Perfect VS Creating Value

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we avoid putting our work out into the world or suggesting an idea we have, we will often use the excuse that it is not ready or that it is not perfect. This is a form of hiding, hiding from feedback and hiding from potential failure. When we do this the world misses out.

When we say something provides value, we mean that it has benefited a person or people, because it has entered their lives. Things that create value are never perfect, they are invariably led by human interactions, either with a thing created by a person or with a person themselves. The value comes from human connection, empathy and respect. The interaction makes someone’s life better.

To me something that creates value is ‘hand made,’ a person has created it for another person. When you speak to a company and a Customer Service Advisor goes above and beyond, when they ask about your day and mean it, this adds value. When you walk down the street and you says good morning to someone, this adds value.

This type of interaction is invaluable to the quality of life it give others. People sometimes don’t say hello to strangers or have a chat with someone because they don’t feel confident in knowing what to say. Knowing what to say is another form of perfect. You can start with “Good morning. How is your day today?” and see where the conversation goes. Most good conversations are unplanned, but both parties are fully engaged.

So, do you want to hide behind being perfect or do you want to make other people’s lives better by creating value? If you want to create value, then engage with others and see what happens. It will never be perfect, but you will potentially make someone’s day, week or year.

Seeing And Being Seen

Happiness, Leadership, Success

Recently, I saw a homeless man asking for change and I stopped to give him some money. I looked at him straight in the eyes, smiled and I said “have a lovely day.” The fact that I acknowledged him and made a human contact seemed to mean more to him than the money. Hundreds of people must walk past him every day and ignore him. I made him feel seen.

This is the power of being seen. Not just looked at but acknowledged and appreciated. Seeing the other person as just as important, as a human being. And when you see other people in this way you make tangible, authentic relationships with them.

To see someone and to be seen by someone are the central connection that creates opportunities to thrive, together.

Art Is I; Science Is We

Achieving Goals, Success

This is a quote by Claude Bernard, a French Scientist, and it reflects the two modes of being human; to create individually for the purposes of creating is Art; to create individually or together for the collective good is Science. For me the best Art blurs the line between these two, because some Art changes society.

Art can also be how you live your life, how you interact with people. Leaving a person uplifted after your interaction with them is Art. Solving a person’s problem in the way only you could is Art. It is turning an interaction, a collection of ideas, an opportunity of any kind into something that makes a life or the world better. It is creation in its best sense.

You can change the world for the better. We can change the world for the better. It does not necessarily matter which, only that the lives of others are blessed by your presence. Go be an artist my friend.

Communicating With Others

Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Recently, Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp stopped working and for many their world suddenly stopped, as they are all owned and operated by Facebook. To be fair it was a shock.

We think of the availability of these apps as a certainty, as if they will always be there, like the air or the sky, but they are just mobile and computer applications and technology does not always work.

There is an argument that we crave other people ‘liking’ or ‘sharing’ one of our posts or someone ‘follows’ us, as if our self worth is tied to it. I think it has more to do with the hit of dopamine we get when we get acknowledgement via a like, share or follow, and how addictive this is.

Many of us use these apps to communicate with others, but often we use social media apps as entertainment or to just sustain our attention, so we can switch off and not have to think.

The problem is that when we get absorbed into the infinite scroll we check out of reality for a while. All sorts could be going on around us but we would have no idea. This is the power of social media.

Communicating with each other is supposed to he done face to face with eye contact and hand shakes and pats on the back. When we spend a lot of time with our eyes down and our attention on a mobile phone we avoid the opportunities to develop the skill of socialising. The ability to make friends and influence people is a skill that is becoming more scarce due to the lack of practice.

I saw the Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp outage as a blessing to unplug and socialise the old fashioned way. It also highlighted our dependency on technology and social media in particular. We need to rebalance ourselves and reduce screen time and increase actual facetime.