Life Rules – The Fullfilment Project

The Law Of Receptivity

The fifth Law of Stratospheric Success for the book The Go-Giver is The Law of Receptivity.

“The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.”
The Go-Giver

When we give something to someone at least part of us wants that person to be grateful that we took the time, the effort or the money to give them whatever it is. However, sometimes we can be ungrateful when others give us things, because it is not what we wanted or we don’t want help from others or some other reason.

When we are not open to receiving gifts from others we disrespect the act of giving. In fact, being open to receiving honours the gift and the giver. It is a gift to wholeheartedly receive a gift from others. Who are you to refuse a gift from someone else. In order for giving to work at all there has to be a receiver.

It is a kind of partnership that goes around and around. You give and then you receive and then you give again. It is the exchange of effort and time that keeps relationships going. To be an effective giver you have to be an effective receiver too.

Trying Something New

Achieving Goals, Success

Where do our beliefs and values come from? They are manifestations from the culture and community we grow up in, the examples our parents give us and how they raised us, as well as the experiences that we have had. Through all of this input we piece together what we believe and what we value.

All of this then affects the decisions that we make on a day to day basis, but I believe that if we are to make wise decisions in life then we should seek out wisdom as well, which can be found in any of the many religious scriptures and philosophical texts from around the world. If we have wise guidelines or principles to follow then stepping into the unknown will seem less scary.

Something else that can help us in our ventures into the unknown is to have an attitude of asking ourselves “what if…?” What if we tried something new, what if we gave it a go, what if? Being open to the many positive possibilities that could result in trying something new means that we will more likely have a positive outcome.

It is also a way of getting past the barrier of failure, a way to overcome our fear of criticism or looking like a fool; what if we succeeded, what if we achieved our dreams. This allows us to consider the possibility of actually succeeding, rather than becoming consumed by the thought of failure.

Our Life Long Journey-What Path Should We Follow?

Happiness, Success

“Your life is a journey. Your attitude is the guide.”
― PJ Ferguson

Caught In a Pandemic

Today we are globally in difficult times with the Coronavirus pandemic, but different countries are handling it differently; some better than others, as these are unprecedented events. America seems to be falling into division and chaos, and in the UK there seems to be confusing advice on what we can and cannot do, leading to anxiety in some and other taking advantage and not following sensible advice to keep us. Other countries have done better and worse, depending on your point of view. It can seem that the future is uncertain and full of difficulty, but we cannot necessarily tell what the future will hold, as it has yet to happen.

Whatever our future holds, let us follow the wise words of those who came before us, who led with compassion and love, those who shone a light of hope in difficult times, like the prophets of our many religions and people like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela; leaders who helped us move towards a better way of living. Let us always have hope for the best, and as we make our way into the future, many things will come and go, and we will move past this pandemic, hopefully learning collectively and individually how to live a more balanced life. As we have slowed down and been confined indoors it has been an opportunity to pause and reflect on how we want to live. As many have said, when things go back to normal, it will be a new normal. It is up to us how this new normal will look for us, how our beliefs and ideas about life will influence our lives moving forward.

Our Journeys

As we move forward, we will all have different experiences and different journeys that we each take everyday. Before the Pandemic, there were both every day and religious journeys that we would take, those that work had a journey that they took to get to their job each day; whether by car, bus or train. Many are now working from home, including myself. Others who don’t work will have things that they did and places that they went to regularly, which have also changed.

Whatever we do with each day there are habits that we form, and familiar routines that we go through, as we go to familiar places. These journeys always seem to take less time and are comforting in some way, perhaps due to their familiarity, and the fact that they form part of the fabric of our lives and are connected sometimes to our habits and routines, like walking the dog or going to the pub on a Friday night. These journeys can be down the road, or to another town or city, or even to another country. Whatever the journey, and whatever the destination, there is always a reason for the journey, a purpose for going.

The Events In Life

Many of us have significant events that happen to us on the many journeys that we take, occasionally it is an event which we feel we are lucky to walk away from, a car crash, an illness, a decision which might of ended badly if we had made a different choice, all of these can be life changing, they can make us reassess our lives and our priorities. Sometimes these events are something a little less extreme, like meeting someone and falling in love, having a baby, getting the job you wanted, or just coming to a realisation that causes a change in direction in our lives. Everyday any of these things can happen, life is changing all the time, and our interactions with others are often what cause these changes.

We Go Through Life Together

The journey that we each take through life is one that we share with our friends, and our family, and the things that we do are witnessed by our children. Even though we spend our efforts passing on wisdom and knowledge that we have discovered in the course of our lives, we also pass on examples of how to behave through our actions, we are role models for our children and the actions that we take, and the path through life that we choose, can be copied. The path we take can become the path that our children take, so it would be best to live in a way that we want our children to live, to live up to the wise lesson that we try to instill in them.

We are never alone in the life we lead, there are always people with which we interact; people at work, people on the bus, people in a congregation, friends and family. We live very interconnected lives, and in doing so we learn from each other everyday, we always know more than we did the day before, we are always learning through our experiences, our education, our everyday interactions.

Putting Things Into Perspective

In a way this is how mankind has evolved over the centuries, our interactions have manifested in a collaboration of ideas and knowledge, that has given us the development of human beings from early man to our current level of intelligence and development. This trend will continue, and the paths that we all take will inform the wider community, and the human race as a whole. We are all part of a greater society, and our actions are like drops of water in a lake, the ripples spread out along the water’s surface, eventually having a far-reaching effect on the rest of our world.

We are all parts of a whole and we all have individual lives to lead as well. It is a paradox of sorts. We all want to do what is best for ourselves, yet we also want to do what is best for others too. So how then should we live our lives? What paths should we take on our journey from birth to death? That is something we all have to work out for ourselves, though I do advise looking into the teachings of the many prophets, spiritual leaders, and wise sages that have contributed to the pool of spiritual knowledge that can be found in any of the holy texts and scriptures that every culture has.

Every culture has this knowledge because each of them have had someone who has understood it and documented it, and because this knowledge is not restricted to any one culture, it is a universal wisdom which is part of the universe, and is there to be discovered by anyone who has the ability to see it and understand it. So, think about what path you want to make through life, and how you want to live, then take that first step and keep walking.

Something to think about…

Sometimes life gives us a challenge that can be an opportunity. What challenges do you have currently that could be an opportunity?

Principles To Live By

Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower

There are many sets of rules or principles in our culture that act as guides of how to live, if we choose to follow them. There are religious ones, self-improvement ones and business success ones. One of the oldest known in modern culture are the Ten Commandments, found in the Hebrew bible and the Old Testament in the Christian bible. There are others however.

There is the Golden Rule, ‘do to others what you would have them do to you.’ Which is found in most religious writings across the world, in one form or another. One of my favourite sets of rules is from the small but excellent book, The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea by Bob Burg and John D. Mann. In it the protagonist learns 5 laws of stratospheric success. It is business orientated, but they apply to every day life as well. Here they are:

The Law of Value: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
The Law of Compensation: Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
The Law of Influence: Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.
The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
The Law of Receptivity: The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

In life however, I think living by rules can sometimes feel restrictive, as constructive as they might be. I personally think it is better to live by principles. This means you have a reason why you do what you do and what you do and how you do it are more flexible, as long as they align with your principles. I have put together ten principle as part of my reworking or the Fullfilment Framework. This is a work in progress, so as ever, feedback is welcomed in the comments.

Principles of a Life Well Lived

I have distilled down principles that are good to live by to ten specific principles that I believe will collectively help us feel happy and successful in life and as a result feel fulfilled. These are the principles of a life well lived, categorised into Self and Others.

Self: Growth

As human beings if we feel we are not growing as individuals then our lives feel like they are stagnating to some degree and we lose any kind of fulfilment. We need to develop in our jobs, if not in our spiritual or personal realms. To gain deeper understandings and to improve is a inner drive that is greater or smaller depending on your personality, but I would say it is always there.

We also need to have a growth mindset to get the best out of life. To have a destination in mind but to be flexible on the route. To favour hard work and problem solving over believing that we have fixed, innate qualities like being creative or not being good with numbers. We become good at anything with learning and practice. Water flows around obstacles and makes its own paths. Equally, a tree that bends in the wind will not break and it continues to grow, as this is its nature, much like growth is part of our nature.

Self: Equanimity

This is very difficult, it is the art of being calm and collected in any given situation, good or bad. It is mastery over our emotions. It is not getting emotionally pulled into situations so much that the situation dictates how we feel and what we do. Self-mastery includes equanimity, keeping experiences in perspective in the greater scheme of things. It is not abstaining from emotions; it is Mastery over them.

Self: Fortitude

We all have challenges in our lives, some are overcoming procrastination to work on something important to us and some are life changing events that threaten derail our whole lives. When we have a goal in life, a North Star that we are aiming for, we need the drive to work on this every day. No matter what our challenges are, having the fortitude to keep going when life pushes back will mean we achieve the good success we deserve.

Self: Seeking

Part of the Fullfilment Foundation is Acquiring Wisdom, which is part of Seeking. What I mean by Seeking is the act of exploring the unknown, to yearn for explanations of why things happen the way they do, but also to have the courage to step into the unknown in life when the prospect fills us with fear. This can be in our job, in relationships and in personal projects, and it can potentially challenge the values and beliefs that we have defined for ourselves.

This is part of the process of seeking, it is being open to change when new experiences bring new information, new wisdom that we have not been aware of before.It is following a spiritual path or a path of self-exploration, depending on your theological beliefs. It is the path of the wisdom warrior, to courageously seek a deeper understanding.

Self: Self-Competition

In life, we often compare ourselves to others, we compete with them, even if this is only in our own minds. This will either make us feel self-important if we are ahead, or feel bad about ourselves, if we are behind. This is not productive at all if winning is everything. Comparing a standard of work with others can be useful, but it is best to compare our current selves with our previous selves. To be better today than we were yesterday.

This is how all the great achievers think, whether individuals or companies, those who innovate and change the world compete with themselves, not their competition. This means they can focus their Why, on bringing to life the vision they have developed from their Why.

Others: Stewardship

Greatness comes from leaving things better than you found them. Not being satisfied with the status quo because it kind of works OK. When this is done with the intention of improving things for others the benefit is magnified for yourself and others. It is planting trees when you know others will benefit from its shade. This is a kind of entrepreneurial spirit, the act of looking for things that need to be improved and making changes to achieve this.

Others: Servanthood

A good leader takes care of those around them, it is not a rank, it is a mindset. A good leader serves others. In life, we do not need to be in the position of a Manager or a Supervisor to be a leader, but we do need to have others who will follow us in our endeavours, to help us advance our vision. Servanthood is a rewarding mindset to have because our biochemistry rewards acts of generosity, kindness and compassion, and it is key to our happiness and feeling of fulfilment. However, it is not about being a dog’s body, it is a partnership of giving and receiving. It builds trust and cooperation and our relationships begin to thrive.

Others: Reciprocity

It is important to give, but it is also important to be humble enough to receive as well. It gives others the opportunity to give. Also, when we help others, we feel a sense of fulfilment, we feel good. Fulfilment itself is reciprocal because it requires the helping of others to find fulfilment in their lives. To help others grow and achieve, to feel joy and happiness. When we do this in our relationships and in our work, we feel fulfilled at the end of each day, but we must be able to accept the help from others too.

Others: Joy Making

Joy is different from happiness, because happiness evokes the idea that we are striving for something. Joy on the other hand is about bringing laughter and smiles to people’s faces. It is enjoying the moment, and we can bring this into our own lives through the attitude that we have, we can be joyful; and when we are the joy spreads. When we bring joy into the interactions, we have with others it feeds the souls, so to speak, it increases our wellbeing ten-fold and our lives and the lives of those around us are better for it. To be joyful is to enjoy life to its fullest, to be an ambassador of joy is to bring joy into the lives of others.

Others: Connection

There are two ways I think we should strive to be connected, with the people in our lives and what is often called the Great Mystery; God, Tao, Brahman, or just the Universe itself, that which is bigger that all of us but contains all of us. In life we need healthy relationships, in our personal lives and in our professional lives.

This involves things like regular contact, spending time together, preferably in person rather than via a device, and caring about the wellbeing of the people we know. When we are waiting for a meeting to start at work, or some other situation, asking how people are and listening to the answer, rather than checking our social media status or emails. This is how we build trust and loyalty, how we build depth into our relationships. Above all else it is caring about the other person beyond how you know them, compassion, empathy and love build strong bonds.

The Great Mystery or God can make some feel uncomfortable, even angry when the subject is brought up. However, I am not suggesting that you have to become religious if you are not. I feel that your beliefs should be dictated by your own conscience based, on your experiences and knowledge, and not the opinions or beliefs of others.

That being said, when we do not feel that we are connected to something greater than ourselves, then I think we can feel separated in our existence or full of self-importance, as if we are what is most important. Feeling connected to something larger than ourselves, even if this is the Universe itself, does two things. It helps us feel like we belong here and it keeps us humble to think of ourselves as like a drop of water in an ocean, an essential part of the greater whole.

Final Thoughts

These principles that I am suggesting will, I think, help you feel happy and successful. You might pick a few of them to follow and leave the rest. That is fine, it is not a definitive list, but I believe that they are the core of what it means to live well.

Something To Think About

Which of these principles would you follow? Also, what other principles have you already decided to follow or could you follow?