#LiveDeeply #FullfilmentFriday
Tag: Life
Mini Reflection: Be a beacon
Light is how we see and how we navigate our world. Light is a symbol for many good things, not least a symbol of unity. Light shines upon the whole of the earth throughout its turning. It feeds the plants and trees, which feed all other living beings. Light also symbolises hope in dark places. There are many dark places in the world at the moment and we must share our light, so that others may see hope and may also see understanding, compassion and forgiveness. Together we can bring light back to the minds of those who are blinded by dark thoughts and ideologies, by being beacons for all that is good in the world, through what we do and what we say each and every day.
Where fulfilment comes from
“The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall.”
– Helen Garner
Many of us, throughout our lives, strive to find fulfilment; something which can often seem illusive. I think the reason we can find it so difficult to achieve it consistently, is that it can be difficult to define in the first place. According to the English Oxford Dictionary ‘Fulfilment’ is defined as “The achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.” or “Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s potential.” This, to me, means that we must have both happiness and success in order to gain fulfilment. In this understanding of fulfilment, you cannot have it with only one of these things, both are needed.
This poses another problem; how do we define happiness and success. What criteria should we use? Should we judge our happiness and success by other people’s criteria or our own? I have spent quite some time thinking about how one goes about finding happiness and success, and therefore fulfilment, and I think I have figured out at least some contributing factors necessary to experience these things. Part of the problem is that we often treat happiness, success and fulfilment as goals, but I don’t believe that they are things that we can go and get; you cannot buy them, rent them, borrow them or even steal them from others. They are instead, I believe, biproducts of living lives well. The task, therefore, is to figure out how to live our lives well.
We can turn to the knowledge that comes from wise sages, prophets, scientists and philosophers that have come before us and guide us to a deeper understanding of the human condition and how to live a wise and good life. There are some clear ways in which to live our lives well. This wisdom forms the first part of what I call our individual foundation. The second part is a deep understanding of ourselves. Our happiness, success and fulfilment are fundamentally connected to the type of person we are, what we like and don’t like, what our values are and what our beliefs are, which are influenced by the first part of this foundation, and both parts are needed.
With this self-knowledge and wise-knowledge, we will have a solid foundation to decide our values and beliefs on how we should live. It is our values and beliefs which comprise a sort of prism through which we view the world and it influences what we think, say and do in every moment of our lives. If we do not allow the wisdom of humanity to influence our values and beliefs, then we can go astray and behave in ways which detract from our happiness, success and fulfilment, rather than adding to them.
I want to explain here what I mean by happiness and success. Happiness, according to the English dictionary is “The state of being happy.”[1] Simple enough, but I would add that it is the state of being happy ‘consistently.’ True happiness is not fleeting, it is a constant state created by a wisdom and frequent practice of wise actions, which allow us to experience a consistent state of happiness. It is a result of how we live our lives each and every day. Success is defined in the English dictionary as “The accomplishment of an aim or purpose” or “The attainment of fame, wealth, or social status.” What I mean by success is the consistent attainment of the aims and purpose which align with our values and beliefs. If we are to be consistently successful in our lives then it should come from our values and beliefs, otherwise it will not feel genuine and we will move away from experiencing fulfilment. Both happiness and success are similar to fulfilment, in that they too are a bi-product of living a life well.
In order to live our lives well we can try to cultivate wisdom by studying the best of human philosophy, theology and science, and try to understand ourselves more deeply on a daily basis. One of these nuggets of wisdom I have recently learned about is something that Tony Robbins calls ‘choosing your state.’ Tony Robbins is an American author, entrepreneur, philanthropist and life coach. Our state is the emotional and psychological state that we are in. If we let the experiences we have and the people in our lives dictate our state, then we lose control of our sense of self. Actively choosing how we feel about the circumstances we are in is not only empowering, it is also a path to happiness, success and fulfilment. If we have a choice, why would we ever choose to be demoralised, upset, jealous, angry or frustrated? This is not easy, but it is possible with practice.
Viktor E. Frankl knew this more than most, he was a Psychiatrist and a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, and he witnessed first-hand the horrors the inmates were subjected to and the effect of this on their psyche. In his book Man’s Search For Meaning, he talked about his experiences in the camp and he said:
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
This is part of the path to experiencing true fulfilment, to choose one’s own way. There are some practices which help us to achieve this. Two of these practices are contentment and gratitude, both of which are necessary for us to choose the state we are in. Two of the emotions that mess us up the most are fear and anger. You cannot be fearful and grateful at the same time. You cannot be angry and grateful at the same time. Starting each day by spending 5 to 10 minutes reflecting on 3 things to be grateful for can set up a positive mindset for the day. Trying to be content with what you have rather than grasping for new things can bring peace of mind and a sense that you are happy with your life. Gratitude and contentment are states of being that we can control and sustain with daily practice. Striving to make others happy is also a wonderful way to create happiness in our own lives.
The Dalai Lama said “If you make others happy, you’ll be happy. If you make others unhappy, you’ll be miserable.”[2] The same applies to success; if we help others to be successful then we will be successful. If we listen to wisdom and our own inner selves, if we find our own way to live that illuminates the best in others, then we will truly live deeply and fulfilment will be our constant state of being.
5 Books to help you get your life on track
“Books are the training weights of the mind.”
-Epictetus
Books, it has been said, are windows into the soul and the doorways into dreams, but they also have the function by which we broaden our minds, sharpening our intellect and help ourselves live better lives. They are signposts on the path to happiness, success and fulfilment, the ingredients of a life well lived. These are 5 books that I believe will lead to a life well lived. They span the categories of health, self-improvement and spirituality. All three of these categories relate to the Foundation in my Fullfilment Framework, which is an evolving framework which I believe will lead to living a fulfilled life. (You can click on the titles of the books to take you to Amazon should you wish to buy a copy, though there are many other excellent online outlets where you could buy the books).
1. Start With Why, How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone To Take Action by Simon Sinek
“There are many ways to motivate people to do things, but loyalty comes from the ability to inspire people. Only when the WHY is clear and when people believe what you believe can a true loyal relationship develop.”
I am going to begin with Start With Why, an excellent book for figuring out your own ‘Why’, whether as an individual or as a company. Our ‘Why’ is our purpose, our reason for being, it is the thing that is behind every decision we make and every action we take, it is an essential part of our mind, body and soul. Our ‘Why’ is formed by the time we are in our early 20s, but many of us do not know what it is, or we do but we do not understand it well enough to utilise it in making a fulfilled life for ourselves. It is only now in my mid-thirties that I have figured out my ‘Why’, which is to help others be fulfilled in their lives. My Why is the motivation I use when at work, at church, with friends or with family, it is also the reason I have begun writing this blog.
This book takes us through the world that does not start with Why and the consequences of it. It then goes on to talk about the biology of our human brains and how the concept of Why is in harmony with our biology. It then goes on to discuss the successes various famous people and companies have had because they know their ‘Why’. The book is an excellent introduction to the concept of having a Why and it will help you figure out what your Why is, so you can align your life with it.
2. The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard
“We must ask: When will we be ready to ascend to another level of existence.”
This book is about focusing your life for success. It begins with ‘The Declaration of Personal Power.’ It is about reclaiming our sense of self and channeling our energy into self renewal and success in our lives. Section One in the book looks at our human nature and how we are affected by freedom, fear and motivation. We have conditioned responses to each of these, but if we were to take control of our responses then we can be free, courageous and generate our own motivation.
Section Two goes through a list of nine declaration on what we shall do, for example, “We Shall Reclaim Our Agenda” and “We Shall Defeat Our Demons.” These declaration empower us to be in the driving seat of our lives so that we can make our lives magnificent. This is something we can all do, every single one of us.
3. Healing Foods, Eat Your Way to a Healthier Life by Neal’s Yard Remedies
“The food we eat has an overreaching effect on our health and well-being, whether we are conscious of it or not.”
This book contains a wealth of knowledge about how food can be used to heal and to help us live a healthy life. It begins with different dietary patterns and diversity from around the world. It compares GM foods to food the way nature intended (organic) and it goes through the benefits of supplements. The main body if the book is an extensive look at the foods that heal. The food types are divided into Fruits, Vegetables, Nuts, Seeds and Sprouts, Medicinal Herbs, Culinary Herbs, Cereals and Grains, Pulses, Spices, Fats and Oils, Fermented Foods, Meats, Oily Fish and Other Foods. There is also a section with some wonderful Recipes That Heal and recipes set out into daily meals and types of foods. For a healthy body and a sense of well-being, our physical health is essential. Everything tat we eat and drink becomes our bodies, we are what we eat.
4. The Way of Qigong, The Art and Science of Chinese Energy Healing by Kenneth S. Cohen
“Qi is the Chinese word for “life energy.”… …Gong means “work” or “benefit acquired through perseverance and practice.” Thus, qigong means working with the life energy, learning how to control the flow and distribution of qi to improve the health and harmony of mind and body.”
Qigong is an ancient practice of generating and controlling the energy that flows through our bodies, which is a distinctly Eastern practice and a major part of Chinese medicine. In the Western model of medicine the focus is on treating the symptoms without trying to find the cause(s). I have experienced this first hand with my onset of Fibromyalgia. I went to see a variety of experts who could only see their specific section of the body and its functions, but having been treated by practitioners of Chinese medicine I can vouch for the fact that the focus is more on the whole body and fixing the cause of the illness, to bring the body back into balance.
This book firstly explains what Qigong is, its history and scientific evidence proving that it works. It then explains Qigong basics, ways of using Qigong to heal yourself and living a Qigong lifestyle. The book goes into a lot of depth, but explains everything in a way that makes sense and is easy to follow, with physical practices that are not very different from Tai Chi. In the West energy healing, or Qigong, is little known about, but it is slowly filtering into our culture in the same way that Martial Arts, Yoga and Tai Chi have done, it is only a matter of time.
5. Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life by Lama Marut
“This book is for desperados. It’s for those who know life is short and who are tired of wasting day after day in low-level unhappiness as they wait for the next high-level version… …It’s a guide for those tired of trying to become well-adjusted to a perverse society and who are willing – even eager – to deviate from the norm.”
This book comes from a Buddhist standpoint, but it acknowledges the teachings of other world religions, and takes a common sense view of how to live a spiritual life, which, as every Prophet and Sage has taught, usually goes against the system. In our case it goes against the Capitalist culture we live in, which is designed to keep us unhappy, so we will keep buying things to keep the economy rolling on. Stepping off this hamster wheel and fighting the power by being content is the first step, because contentment is entry level happiness, the first step towards enlightenment, or perfect happiness.
What I like about this book is the short sections within each chapter which allow us to absorb the points made and practices suggested. There is also a Couch Potato Contemplation and an Action Plan at the end of each chapter. The Couch Potato Contemplation is something to reflect on from the chapter that you have just read, but rather than treating it like a serious meditation, it is something to just sit and think about while sat on the couch. The Action Plan is a behaviour to try and embody based on the teachings in the chapter we have just read, something simple but that challenges the status quo for the better. Each section also has a QR code that we can scan with our mobile phone, which takes us to YouTube Videos of Lama Marut giving teachings related to the section we have just read, to embed the learning and explore the ideas presented.
There is a Recommended Reading List on my blog site that has these books and many others under the categories:
- Happiness, Health and Success
- Theology and Philosophy
- History and Science
- Fiction
Resources
YouTube Channel of Dr John Bergman, who talks about how to achieve good health naturally without chemicals like medication.
YouTube Channel of Lama Marut, a Buddhist Lama who teaches deep Buddhist teachings in easy to understand lectures.
Website of Jim MacRitchie, a Qigong Acupuncturist who teaches Qigong classes (There are free Qigong resources on this website).
Website of Simon Sinek, discussing the concept of ‘Why’ and resources to use this concept to improve your life and that of others.
An ever winding road
You have probably heard people talk about the paths we take through life, the journey of life, and the choices we make as we walk along our own paths. These kinds of metaphors help us deal with the many complexities and difficulties we each face on a daily basis. They help us visualise what our life might be and they help us put things into perspective. If we think about our past days and years as the ups and downs of the path that we have already walked, this will help us see more clearly where we are now. And when we begin to visualise where we are now, there will be a real mixture of stressful and joyful things that come to mind.
Right now you may feel as if you are carrying heavy burdens. You may have big responsibilities and pressures weighing you down. And just to add in another metaphor, these responsibilities and pressures could be seen as dark clouds that hang above you, but if you look carefully you will see gaps in these clouds where the blue sky beyond can be seen. We need to remember that the blue sky and the sun are always there (during the day) and the dark clouds that obscure them are just passing by.
Whatever troubles and burdens we have in our lives there is always one constant, we can choose how we see each of these clouds. A dark cloud can seem menacing because it blocks out the sun, but it is also full of water that nourishing all living things when it rains down on the world. When hard times come try to find ways to make yourself stronger through the struggle. Personal growth only happens through struggle and strife. Be like water and move with the challenges of life rather than resisting them and use them to find happiness so you can then find success in your life.
Context is everything
It is true that context is everything. When someone puts up their hand in a class room they are either asking permission to go to the toilet or asking a question. If the same person was in a church they might be raising their hand the show that they agree with what the preacher is saying or that it resonates with them. The physical action of raising the hand is the same, but they mean very different things, because of the situation the person is in and the meaning of raising their hand in that place.
Sometimes raising ones hand is an act of standing up for what you believe in, by showing that you agree with something or you are voting for something. The point I am making is that as we go about our lives we often judge others based on the context in our own heads, and we often don’t try to see things from someone else’s perspective or how this would apply to the situation.
This is the route of the saying ‘walking in someone else’s shoes.’ You could say that there are as many points of view as there are people in the world, and they all mean something to those who hold each view. We should respect this, but that doesn’t mean we have to agree with them. We should, however, begin with respect and make the effort to try and understand someone else’s view on things before wading in with our own self righteous point of view.
Walk Your Own Path
When I was twenty I received a shaving razor from a well known company free in the post, which was a savvy move on their part, as I’m still buying razor blades for it fifteen years later. This razor worked very well and has never given me any cause to think about buying one from another company. However, a few years ago I was doing my usual big shop in a local supermarket when I saw a fancy looking razor that had been reduced to half price. It was made by a rival company, it was white and it vibrated the blade of the razor to give a closer shave. Intrigued and encouraged by the low price, I bought it and gave it a try. It was no way near as good as the razor I had been using for years. The lesson here is not to be drawn in by low prices and the promises of better features that don’t actually improve your life, because they only superficially appear to do so.
It is very easy in our current society to be convinced to buy consumerist products simply by being told they are better than the last thing we were told to buy or to behave in a certain way that is deemed cool or popular because so many others are doing the same. If we are not careful we can start to sleepwalk through life, living based on borrowed thoughts and feelings, on assimilated beliefs, and we end up not following our own path. In this situation I believe rebelling and walking our own path will lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. This, however, is not easy to do. Firstly it takes courage to swim against the stream, and secondly you have to find your own path before you can walk down it. This means lots of mistakes and walks down unfamiliar paths. Walking your own path takes courage but also persistence and self compassion. Mistakes will be made, so go easy on yourself.
A Reflection on Resilience
Resilience is an essential character trait when it comes to happiness and success. It is the ability to treat knock-backs and disappointments as feedback, as opportunities to learn, which will result in both happiness and success. However, this can be a difficult mindset to engage in, because it feels more natural to react to knock-backs and disappointments with negativity, to treat them as negative feedback. This is due to the mental habits we have developed, the examples we have witnessed and the general assimilation of the narratives from the culture we have grown up in.
What we need to do is detach the negative from the feedback and disappointments, to try to look at it with a neutral mindset and try to tease out what can be constructive, so that we can move forward more positively. This, as with many things, requires practice. To a large degree we are working against all of the mental habits we have thus far embedded into the pathways of our brains. The good news is that if we repeatedly look for the feedback that we can use to make ourselves better, and as a result our careers and our relationships better, we will build resilience to cope with the disasters that life can sometimes drop on us. When we train our minds in this way we become ready for the tough times in life, but it has to be a daily practice otherwise when the disaster hits we will crumble.
The Fullfilment Project 