Live The Fulfilled Life – Page 3 – The Fullfilment Project

Self Development: Weekly Check-ins

It is around this time of year that we start to think about making New Years resolutions that we often don’t keep up. We have good intentions of making life changes, but a lack of consistency let’s us down. I have started something that is keeping my improvement at work consultant. It’s is taken from the Agile project management framework called Scrum.

When working on a project you would have a period of work called a Sprint, usually a week or two, and at the end you would have a Retrospective where you discuss what went well and what you didn’t get done. I’ve been setting specific goals to improve how I work and then doing weekly Retrospectives and asking myself; What went well? What could have gone better? What are the goals for the next week?

The goals are usually linked to what could have gone better with new knowledge from what went well and they morph each week as a modify my actions until something works and then I stick to it. It is a simple exercise that takes ten minutes at the end of the week and five minutes to review as a reminder at the start of the next week. Try it and let me know in the comments how it goes.

Life On Sale

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

Much like Black Friday, we spend spend spend in the Boxing Day sales. We often buy things we don’t need just because it has 50% off, or some such discount, but we don’t often stop to think if we need what we are buying at a discounted rate. Are we buying because it’s on sale or because we actually want or need it?

We often do the same if something is free. We may be on a strict no sugar diet but if a company is giving away free cans of their sugar-laced drink we grab two of them. This is usually put down to a lack of will power, which is true, but there is a lot of manipulation from companies who want to sell you things as well. It will help if you live by principles that lead to a healthier and happier life, and to developing a high motivation to stick to these principles. Then, sale or no sale you will live well.

Asking For Help Is Refusing To Give Up

Happiness, Health, Relationships

At this time of year, with an economic crisis, the aftermath of a pandemic and lots of other factors, many of us feel stressed and isolated. Some of us can fall into depression and despair feeling like there is no way out. We may not feel like we want to ask for help or even talk about what we are going through. This is true mostly of men who want to handle everything themselves. But talking about it with a trusted person will help.

It is not true that asking for help is a weakness. It is in fact a strength. To ask for help is refusing to give up. Many feel that ending it all is the only option, but you will have people around you who will help if they know you need it. So, if you are feeling low, if you feel depressed or if you feel there is no way out of your situation, ask for help and it will come. To tackle the hard shit that life throws at us can be extremely difficult at times, but together we can get through it. Together is better.

The Power Of Now

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

The future is a fantasy and the past a memory, both of which only exist in the present mind. This is what many Eastern philosophies proclaim. This may jar against your religious or non-religious views, but there is something powerful about being present.

It is where we can be in the state of Flow, where we are more productive and more available for those we have relationships with. The power of the now, as it is often called, seems to me to be a truism; being present is powerful and transformational. It is also difficult to consistently be mindful of the present moment.

The tried and tested method to become more present is meditation, a habit I’ve been trying to bring into my morning routine and something I recommend, as do many others.

When you have chronic pain you have an interesting relationship with the present moment. Knowing that being present is beneficial and wanting to escape the pain creates a conflict that is only overcome, ironically, by being present and working through the difficult thoughts and feelings. Whether you suffer from chronic pain, as I do, or not, this process of trying to stay in the moment is part of the work of self mastery.

To tame and control your thoughts and to remain present is the mastery we can all strive for through practice. So sit your bum down and meditate, even if it is only for 5 minutes a day. Practice mindfulness and your life will be transformed. This is the power of the now.

Your Attitude Matters

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

Recently I have been struggling with inner ear problems, which causes Vertigo and Tinnitus in both ears. Not a fun combination to add to my Fibromyalgia, but the tougher the challenge the bigger the opportunity for growth. In the mornings I am trying to develop a routine that starts my day off with stretches and exercises, meditation and Chi Kung (Qigong), but I have struggled to be motivated, as many of my health problems seem to be a constant. It causes me to think “what’s the point?” Though there is also a positive voice in my head encouraging me onwards.

I was reminded when reading the book Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty that the act of completing a morning routine consistently is not just about the health benefits, of which there are many, it is also about your mind realising that you did what you said you were going to do, no matter how hard it is. I was also reminded of a quote from Viktor E. Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning which has kept me positive when I’ve felt like staying in bed and not bothering with my day. I hope it helps you too. This is the quote.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Choose your attitude and you choose your way in the world.

Give Your Life Purpose

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I’ve been thinking a lot about Purpose recently and I’m sure I’ve discussed it on this blog before. I may have already covered the points mentioned here, but, as it is with human beings, we forget profound truths because we return to our default behaviours and mental patterns and the wisdom does not stick.

What occurred to me this morning is that life does not give you purpose, you have to figure out what your purpose for living is and apply it to your life. Last night I was feeling a little lost, so I picked up my copy of Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, an astounding book that I recommend you read. I dipped into it and found this quote from the section ‘The Meaning Of Life’ that really struck me, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked.”

Then the obvious truth became clear, that there can never be one meaning of life, because we are all different people. What you find meaning in cannot be the same as what I find meaning in, though there will be some overlap. The thing to do is to figure out what gives your life meaning and to live that and do that, whatever it may be.

Finding Steady Ground

Achieving Goals, Happiness, The Pathway To Fulfilment

For a while now I’ve felt a little lost, in the sense that I didn’t feel like I was living up to the purpose I had found for myself and I was just coasting. It felt as if I had a purpose but no motivation to work towards it. Having Fibromyalgia I feel exhausted most of the time, so taking the time to work on my purpose is hard. Though I do need some sort of steady ground to keep me centred and from which to build.

I have a Buddhist faith, although I would also class myself as Unitarian, and I haven’t meditated or prayed at my shrine for a long time and watching this interview with Shia LeBeouf shifted something in me. He is someone who has hurt people and this recently spilled out into the public eye, which brought him to rock bottom. However, he found a way forward through a Catholic faith, as well as doing the work with other groups to get sober and make amends for the hurt he caused to others.

I guess seeing his transformation through faith I have realised the importance a daily religious practice has on giving you structure and a steady ground on which to move through the world. It has to be a daily practice though. My approach of prayer on an ad hoc basis has not worked. This is part of the work of finding fulfilment, to have daily practices that nourish the soul and clear the mind. I will try again.

Teams Need A Purpose

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Success

In any organisation every team needs a Purpose. Often a company will have an overarching Purpose and/or Values, but if this is either not articulated well or made relevant to every team within the company, then productivity can drop off, as can retention of staff.

Everyone needs a reason to go to work, other than just to pay the bills. If our job gives meaning and purpose to our lives then we will be happier and will work harder for the company we work for. The assumption that staff will only work for a paycheck is a shortsighted view that many leaders have.

So, if you are a leader within your organisation, review how effective your company’s Purpose, Values or Principles are and work to ensure every member of staff feels that they are contributing towards them. This will increase levels of fulfilment and productivity, and will make them want to stay.

Using Your Energy Effectively

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In Physics it is known that energy can change state, but it cannot be destroyed. When a ball is held in the air it has gravitational potential energy. Once this ball is dropped this energy becomes kinetic energy as it moves towards the ground. When it hits the floor some of this energy is lost as sound energy and heat energy. The ball then squashes and the remaining kinetic energy becomes elastic potential energy before bouncing back up with kinetic energy.

This is not a science lesson, don’t worry. I give this example to point out how energy moves through the universe and the world, it changes state. This illustrates how we can view our own energy. When we invest energy into a particular activity sometimes the activity is not fruitful and we feel like we have hit a dead end. If we do nothing after this and move onto something else the energy spent doing the activity is lost.

But if we were to pivot and used what we have learned and the experience we have had to move in a different direct the momentum we have built up moves us forward and we are more likely to succeed. The building up of momentum matters. A train going at speed can break through a brick wall, but a train standing still cannot move if you put a one inch block in front of its drive wheel.

Failures often cause us to stop, but they are really opportunities to pivot and move in a different direction. With this mindset our lives will flow more than stop and start and we will be more successful and happier as a result.

When They Go Low You Go High

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

This title comes from a saying that Past President Barack Obama and his Wife Michelle often said. It came across as a family motto, which is a very positive way to think about things. It essentially says that when others resort to lies, insults and immoral tactics to bring you down and make themselves look good you take the moral high ground.

However, going high, which is essentially acting like a good human being, is something that I would say should not be limited to scenarios where others have gone low. Being a good human being is always a good way to live. We can never be a good human being all day every day, as we have challenging times that cause us to waiver, but the intention is what matters. Think good and be good is my advice.

Do The Work

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I was watching an interview with Jay Shetty on Impact Theory and he said something that resonated with me. It was something that is really obvious, but my brain omitted the logic of what was said to avoid the risk of making a change in my mindset. We often fear change more than staying the way we are.

Jay was talking about his book Think Like A Monk, which he wrote after living for some time in an ashram as a monk. When he left the life of a monk he spent seven years testing what he had learnt in the real world before then writing the book. The logic that struck me was that he put in the work of learning how to think well while training as a monk and spent seven years testing this out.

Essentially, the obvious truth is that in order to gain self mastery you have to put in the work of mastering your mind. I am some way down the path of self mastery, but I am far from mastering myself, and the journey does not have an end point, it is a life long pursuit. Step one is, as always, admitting that there is a problem and that action is required, but you have to do the work. Progress is not automatic.

Try To Be Grateful

Happiness, Health, Relationships

There are millions of people in the world who do not have access to clean water. Many have no access to electricity. Many are homeless. There are so many things that we take for granted that others just don’t have.

Being grateful does two things. It puts your life into perspective in relation to others who do not have what we have and it makes us so much happier. Start off the day by listing at least five things that you are grateful for, starting with the fact that you woke up alive this morning and you will be in a really good place to start your day.

Look For Opportunities

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Sometimes life can seem overwhelming and we unconsciously start thinking about things in terms of the worst case scenario. We say things like “I’ll never get it done” or “Its never going to work.” This type of thinking will reduce the chances of things going well and it may even become a self fulfilling prophecy.

We often tell ourselves that we are just being realistic, but we are actually being negative. We are more likely to succeed if we have a positive mindset that looks for ways around problems. If you think of water, it is fluid and flexible. It goes around and under obstacles. Yet water can wear away rock. Many rivers are there because water carved a path through the landscape while taking the path of least resistance.

We don’t have to fight to the last or keep doing the same thing because we have invested time into one approach. Life works best if you use creativity and humility to problem solve your way through it. And problem solving assumes that there is a solution. Change your mindset and you open up lots of new possibilities. Life is a series of opportunities, but you have to be looking for them to find them

Change Your Thinking

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I saw a Facebook post today that said “Until you change your thinking you will always recycle your experiences.” There is truth in this statement. The way we see things is often based on our thinking. In other words, we don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.

The way to change the experiences we have is to change our thinking. There are three areas of a person to master, if we are to develop self mastery. Our mind, our body and our chi. The mind is the linchpin, as it controls much of the functioning of the other two. The thoughts we have change the biochemistry that our brains control, because the mind controls the brain. Our thoughts as translated into physical sensations and experiences. Thoughts can ruin our day or uplift our day.

Self mastery begins with mastering our thoughts.

You Are Not Broken

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often when we have experienced trauma we feel broken, we call ourselves broken and sometimes other use this word to describe us. I would like to respectfully disagree. No one is broken.

Trauma damages our sense of well-being and we can feel as if we will never feel well again, but this is not true. There is always a path back to the light of wholeness. We may need support from the people around us and the resources we have access to, like well chosen books.

It may take time, sometimes it can take years, but the things missing that took away your wholeness can be brought back into your lives and wholeness will be possible again. You are never alone and you are not broken. You are a beautifully unique human being that has a unique that only you can bring to the world. I for one am happy you are sharing this life long adventure we us.

What Principles Do You Live By?

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

To many in the western secular world the idea of living by principles will seem somewhat alien. However, many cultures of the past, and, to a degree, the present, have principles or values that are seen as important to live by.

Many of the most successful people have principles that they use to guide their decision making and how the spend their time. For example, someone who values integrity will likely stick to their word, do what they say they are going to do and make sure they are consistent on their positive habits.

As strange this concept might be for you, I recommend looking at principles in two ways. Firstly, review what you care about, what you value. Secondly, review your goals and what you want out of life. Then see where there is a cross over. For example, you might value good health and you want to achieve more at work. If you build in habits that optimise your health you will likely have more energy to put into your work. Your Principle to live by might be ‘healthy habits are productive habits.’

Try out a few principles and see what fits. You do have to commit to loving by your new principles for a while before disregarding them as a bad fit or unhelpful. Sincerely try each new habit for a month and see what happens.

Progress Is A Journey

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Each year we have four season, Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Life moves in cycles in many ways in our lives and sometimes our progress feels like Summer and sometimes it feels like Winter. However, this is not the end of the story, as Spring follows Winter and on it goes.

When we make progress in anything it will stop and start, it will take sharp left turns and the terrain will changes as you go. Progress is far from a linear step by step process. Life ensures that we have both challenges and rewards.

For a long time I saw progress as a linear process of climbing a metaphorical mountain, but real progress has metaphorical valleys and desserts, forests and oceans. I realise now a wiser way to think about progress is as a journey. It is the destination that should be our focus and we will figure out the route. As Friedrich Nietzsche once said “One who has a ‘why’ to live for can endure almost any ‘how’.”

Don’t Rely On Habits

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

As adults a large percentage of our thoughts and actions each day are automatic. They are habits programmed in and controlled by our subconscious, so we can use our conscious mind for any unique situations that appear in our lives.

These programmed habits are useful for survival, but they often don’t serve us in the modern world, depending on our habits. The habits we develop are often a combination of things to make life easier, influences from advertising and the media and experiences we had as children. If we do not take control of our habits they will run our lives haphazardly and we will rarely feel fulfilled.

We need to live more mindfully, more consciously. To choose what we do in each moment, and when a programmed habits pops up we can analyse it and see if it is serving us. If it is not, then we can replace it with a better habit, thought or intention. Mastering our habits will help us master our minds.

Responsibility Is A Privilege

Happiness, Health, Success

This title could be taken a number of ways. Let me explain my meaning. Often in life we see responsibility as a burden, something that we avoid, either because we don’t want to have to devote our time to it or because we already have a lot of responsibility and we would struggle to fit in more.

In either case, the way we see responsibility can either leave us feeling stressed or excited. If we see responsibility as a privilege then we will see it as something we have earned and are capable of. We will feel more confident and able to fulfill the needs of the responsibility.

Essentially, seeing a responsibility as a privilege naturally brings out excitement and makes us want to work to prove we have earned it. It is a completely different mindset, a mindset that can make the work you do more fulfilling. However, we must be mindful of taking on too much responsibility. There are only 24 hours in a day and we all have a limit to the energy we can spend each day. So be selective with the responsibilities you take on too.

Humility In Action

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

There is a story about a samurai and a wise man that goes something like this. A samurai once stopped a village elder on the roadside and asked him to define heaven and hell. The wise man responded by saying, “you are too stupid to understand something like that.” The samurai flew into a rage, took out their sword and raised it above their head to bring down onto the wise man. The wise man then said calmly “that is hell.” The samurai stopped, lowered his sword and reflected on the wise man’s words. The wise man then said, “and that is heaven.” The samurai bowed in respect and continued with their journey.

It is said that for a samurai to use their sword they must make the decision to use it before they take it out, as they must draw blood once it has been taken out. The decision, therefore, is not changed once decided. I would like to argue that we should be humble enough to change our decision once it has been made, when there is new information that requires a better course of action. This takes humility, which is a skill we all need to practice. Sometimes someone wiser than us will show us a better way and we should listen, acknowledge them and act in accordance with this new found wisdom.

Managing Your Physical Health

The Pathway To Fulfilment

The problems we have with our bodies is largely that we don’t have the user manual for it, so we misuse it and suffer poor health consequences. The human body, including the brain, is the most sofisticated machine on the planet.

The food we eat and the liquid we drink literally become the body. An hour after eating an apple the body has taken essential vitamins, minerals and water and sent them to the places in the body they are needed. If we want to have a well functioning, healthy body we need to put in only what it needs and avoid things the body has to work at removing.

Anything man made and things like alcohol can be poisons for the body, but taken in small doses the body can handle removing them. Balancing what we should eat and drink with what we want to eat and drink is key. There are also ancient methods of maintaining a healthy body which, when done consistently, will bring about healthy and strong bodies.

The two main methods which have made there way into Western society are Yoga and Qigong (Chi Kung). I highly recommend both. I practice Qigong every day and it helps me keep my energy levels up throughout the day. Explore these and the impact diet has on your health and make some positive changes. You won’t regret it.

Living In Alignment

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we are born our body and mind understand our nature as human beings, what we need to sustain us and how to live as a human being. Not intellectually, but instinctively. Then we become aware of our culture and our minds shift to operating in alignment with the culture in which we live.

This could be the culture in our family, in our friendship group or in the society in which we live. When our minds are overridden by cultural expectations that do not match what our bodies instinctively know to be correct, our levels of stress go up and our bodies get sick.

This might seem unrealistic but we have all worked in a workplace where the culture does not feel right, it feels outside what we expect to be the norms we want to live by. This friction causes stress. Many of us don’t fully understand or are aware of our beliefs and values, specifically, and we live lives based on the people and environment around us.

If we were to go deep and really understand what our beliefs and values are and we lived in alignment with them, then our energy, enthusiasm and fulfilment would grow exponentially. Living in alignment with who we really are is the first step towards living a fulfilled life.

Serve Others

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One of my driver’s in life is to serve others. Not because it sounds good or that I intend to benefit from it, it is because serving others is something my parents modelled for me and it is now part of who I am.

I also feel that if we all spent some of our time serving others then the self interest, which is so pervasive in modern culture, will be reduced and society as a whole will be better off. It is also the right thing to do.

Service towards others makes us humble and helps us appreciate the help that others give to us. Also, we cannot be effective in life without working with other people. We need mentors and colleagues, friends and family, leaders to follow and those who we lead.

If we all look after the person the right of us and to the left of us we can do amazing things. There is a saying I have heard, but I am unsure on its origins.

If you want to go quickly go alone. If you want to go far go together.

Overcome Your Limits

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I have had a tough time recently with my Fibromyalgia kicking my ass and developing Visual Vertigo, which mean I am off balance some of the time. I was on a low ebb yesterday and then I realised that I had limited thinking. All I could see was the continuation of my suffering and, without realising it, I was seeing my current condition as permanent, which made me feel helpless.

I then remembered three things. Firstly, the human body has the amazing ability to heal itself, it is works towards optimum health. This is not to discount serious illnesses, but generally speaking the body heals itself.

Secondly, I was using a pessimistic explanatory style, as described in the book Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman, which adds to the feeling of helplessness. Thinking of my situation as temporary changes everything.

Thirdly, I remembered that my purpose is to help others to thrive and in order to do this I need to figure out how I can thrive. I am the test subject for all my future successes helping others to overcome their challenges. I will not let them down.

So, I began to see my current challenges as opportunities to build resilience and to learn how to help others overcome and thrive. I woke up with a positive mindset this morning and ready to try again.

The Key To Being Happy

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We often get frustrated that things don’t go as we want them to. Sometimes it feels like the world is against us and nothing goes our way. Thinking about life in these terms is destructive towards our happiness.

If the world was always as you want it to be, then it would not be the way someone else wants it to be. There are billions of people in the world and each person has ups and downs in life. I am glad everything not how you want it to be, because your way is different to the way of so many others.

The key to happiness is not to try and control what happens in the world, or even to expect things to be how you want them to be. The key is to control how you respond to the events of life. Your mindset is the thing that impacts your level of happiness the most. How you explain the events in life to yourself matters.

Saying something bad always happens to you takes away any influence you have on the situation and you end up feeling helpless. It is better to say the bad things happened at a specific time, to limit its power and then decide what positive actions you are going to do next.

Building Joyful Energy

Happiness

When we think of people with lots of energy we often think of hyper individuals who can’t sit still or who talk a lot. When we think if the opposite we think of people who are down in the dumps or who are mostly negative.

When I talk about joyful energy I am not talking about being hyper, what I mean is the energy we get when we are joyful; and being joyful is a state of mind. When we think of things that bring us joy our energy level goes up.

With practice we can become joyful more often and be filled with positive energy. Being joyful is a choice, it is a matter of what we focus on and how we choose to see the world. Go be joyful.

How Do You Use Your Values?

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

You may have heard it said that love and fear are opposites and dismissed it as mumbo jumbo. However, there is brain science around the way that we operate depending on whether we live life where we have more fear or we have more love in it.

We usually live by the values that we hold, but if we are fearful debates become arguments and persuasion becomes threats being made. Just like alkaline and acid the PH of your life will be somewhere on a spectrum between fear and love.

In life, if you have problems with love you should reflect on how fear is impacting your life and if you have problems with fear you should reflect on the love you have in your life.

In order to live your values well you need to have a world view that comes more from love than fear. You should not try to get rid of fear completely, however, as a fearless life will be a short life. Reflect on how you are living your values and where you feel you are on the fear love spectrum and work on making positive adjustments.

The Art Of Non-Action

Achieving Goals, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often in Western culture to be strong is to be tough, rigid and immovable. In Chinese culture, there is a concept called Wu Wei. It means ‘The art of non-action,’ it is embracing flow instead of effort to achieve a result. Essentially, it means being flexible, like water and being present in the moment, in a state of flow.

In Wu Wei if you strive for something you miss the point. A goal can be achieved through effortless action, through being so engaged with the task at hand that time passes and the work is done. It is to do and not to try.

When you are doing something you enjoy time passes by almost unnoticed and you go where the activity takes you. You do the thing you are doing without concentrated effort. Applying this to the rest of tour life is Wu Wei.

Making Up Stories

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In the absence of data we make up stories. Deciding on which stories we tell ourselves is powerful. If we tell ourselves that we need approval or support from someone else before we can do something, then we give away our power.

This is true of our health too. If we feel that we need medicine or a doctor in order to get better we are selling ourselves short. Our bodies naturally heal themselves, with most ailments. Some illnesses definitely require medical support, so if you are unsure go and see your doctor.

The mind, however, is powerful and there is a direct link between your mind and your body. So if you say things like ‘I always get sick,’ then you are more likely to be so, because your immune system will act accordingly. If you tell yourself that you usually get over illnesses quickly, then you are more likely to.

Your brain will believe what you tell it and your brain is responsible for sending out hormones and nerve messages, amongst other things, to the rest of the body, which will have an impact on how your body functions. Too much stress hormones means an immune that will struggle. The opposite is true also. Is it time to change the story you tell yourself?

How To Be More Successful

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

In an interview I recently watched with Jay Shetty he gave some good advice on what to focus on when it comes to strengths and weaknesses.

A lot of advice generally says you should focus on your weaknesses, which is half right and half wrong, according to Jay Shetty. We should focus on both our strengths and our weaknesses, but the key is knowing which types of each to focus on.

The research shows that successful people focus on their strengths, as long as they are hard skills, things that are measurable. These are the bread and butter of success.

However, they are complimented by soft skills, things like social skills, working well with others, etc. Without these skills the hard skills won’t get you very far. So, working on any weaknesses with your soft skills too will ensure you achieve more success, because we cannot achieve success alone.