Tag: Self

You Can’t Step Into The Same River Twice

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I recently visited a church that was my spiritual home for many years before I moved away from the area. The church was the same with the same minister, but the congregation had grown and was filled with new people.

At first, it felt uncomfortable as it felt so different because I didn’t know most of the people attending, but the vibe and the spirit of the place were the same. It made me think about the idea of not being able to step in the same river twice because the water constantly changes as it flows downstream.

However, the name and location of the river remain the same. I suppose you could say that all things, people and places are both different and the same each time we encounter them. They are the same river but the river is different.

We are also different each day and in each moment. The eyes through which we see the world at 15 years old are very different to the eyes we see through at 30 and 60 and 90 years old. To a large degree, we see the world how we are not how the world is. Becoming aware of this and recognising the changing state of things and of us can help us to navigate the world successfully.

Working Better Together

Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we look at the world, our experiences and our relationships with a strong sense of Self, then we set up an us and a them automatically. When we hold our sense of Self up with pride at what we have done or what we know or who we know or whatever, we create further division.

If we can reduce our sense of Self, even to a level where we see ourselves as equal to others, we can live a more harmonious life. The eastern idea of there being no Self can be hard to agree with or even understand, but it is clear that a strong sense of Self causes problems.

Trying to think in terms of everyone being like brothers and sisters, much like many native peoples do, then we can cooperate more and develop wonderful, supportive relationships, and make the world a better place to be. The aim is to move from division to unity by getting ourselves out of the way.

Attachment To Ourselves

Happiness, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In many religious traditions there is a focus on non-attachment to the Self. Sometimes we can have different selves that we are attached to, because the way we see ourselves depends on the context we are in at any given time. We might behave differently at work than we do at home for example. This occurs because we are living our lives through our perceived expectations of others. In other words we are living in ways that fit with how we want others to see us.

When we live this way, we are not being true to who we are in at least one of these places. Part of the work of living a fulfilling life is to figure out our beliefs, values and ethics and to live by them everywhere we are. A part of living a spiritual path is to move away from focusing on a separate Self and to recognise the oneness within which we live. These two journies are very much connected.

What We Tell Ourselves

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

We need to consider the things we tell ourselves about ourselves. When we internalise the voices of others they become part of our inner dialogue. This includes what our parents say, what our friends say, what our employer says, what the news says and also what the teachings of our religion or philosophy says. All of these voices become part of who we are, but if we do nothing to take control of what we allow to become part of our inner voice, then we give up much of our power and self-control to the direction of others.

It is important, I feel, to do some mental spring cleaning every now and again to take a fresh look at what internal voices we want to follow and what internal voices we don’t. Some of this is of course subconscious, so is not obvious, but keeping a journal to put down thoughts, feelings and experiences and questioning these can lead to powerful realisations about why we make the decisions we make. In more extreme situations reaching out for support from a Councillor or Cognitive Behavioural Therapist can be invaluable. For most of us self-reflection and opening up to friends and family will help us figure out a lot of what is holding us back and find better ways to think and act to bring about a more fulfilling life.

I have reflected on this a lot over the past few years and I truly believe that we can be the architects of our own lives. What we tell ourselves can be with us throughout our lives, being careful what we think and say to ourselves is important. If we find ourselves saying that we cannot do something, because we don’t feel ready, equipped or able, then there is a simple thing we can do to help us get out of this trap. If you find yourself saying that you cannot do something out of a belief that it is beyond you, then I encourage you to add the word ‘yet’ to the end of each negative thought. “I can’t drive a car yet.” “I can’t draw yet.” “I can’t lose weight yet.” “I can’t find a new job yet.” “I can’t run a marathon yet.” Whatever it is, there is power in the word ‘yet.’ It opens up the possibility and hope of achieving whatever it is in the future, and it is empowering rather than dis-empowering.