Category: Leadership

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Recently, I saw a homeless man asking for change and I stopped to give him some money. I looked at him straight in the eyes, smiled and I said “have a lovely day.” The fact that I acknowledged him and made a human contact seemed to mean more to him than the money. Hundreds of people must walk past him every day and ignore him. I made him feel seen.

This is the power of being seen. Not just looked at but acknowledged and appreciated. Seeing the other person as just as important, as a human being. And when you see other people in this way you make tangible, authentic relationships with them.

To see someone and to be seen by someone are the central connection that creates opportunities to thrive, together.

Love What You Do

We hear the motivational mantra “Do what you love” a lot in the motivational coaching sphere, and in society generally, but I think it is bad advice if the suggestion is to have the thing you love as your source of income. The thing you love may not be something that you can be paid to do, or at least difficult to get paid for.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t do what you love, but assuming everyone can is misleading. By all means do what you love, but make sure your rent and bills are paid. You will find it even harder to be a success if you end up homeless.

When you are wanting to be successful it is more effective to love what you do. Some people sell coffee in a coffee shop, others create meaningful experiences for customer that lift their day and make them feel good, while selling them coffee. Some manage a team, others lead a team in such a way that every member of the team contributes and works towards a shared vision.

You get my point. Sometimes it is better to love what you do, but also do what you love when you can. We all want different things and have different life experiences and constraints. Don’t feel that you have to do what you love because society says so, do what is best for you.

Inner And Outer Circles

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership

In the business world there is often what is referred to as an inner circle, a group of high ranking colleagues who have their own circle that the majority are kept out of. There are also examples of inner circles in other types of organisation too.

The problem with inner circles is that they create a division that casts everyone as lesser or below those in the inner circle. I guess you could say that everyone else is in the outer circle.

Any division creates conflict and there is an us and a them. Within an organisation if there is division within it, hopes of working together are reduced. The idea of a circle is a positive one though, what matters is how many people are included within it. It is better to be inclusive than exclusive. The more we include the better our society will be.

Getting The Right Kind Of Status

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

In society there has always been a version of an Alpha male or female, or the top dog. The general consensus is that you need to be the best at what you do and take charge of whatever situation you are in. The status of being the ‘top dog’ is then earned.

The problem with this method of getting status is that no trust is built up and no feeling of fellowship. In other words people just get out of the way, rather than forming genuine relationships. This is a problem when tough times require friends or colleagues to support each other.

In business, if the culture encourages internal compitition in order to bring in more money for the company, then tough times will mean the company crumbles. If the culture encourages teamwork where colleagues take care of each other and the company takes care of colleagues, then colleagues will rise to save their company in tough times.

A culture of working together can also be found in friendships, and any other human relationships, and within these cultures the person who always gives help and support, or goes above and beyond for others, will get the high status. They will be trusted, respected and followed, in the case of leadership. This, in my opinion, is the right kind of status to work for.

Working In Tandem

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

I was walking to work yesterday and an elderly couple passed me on a tandem bike and it occurred to me that this is a good metaphor for good leadership.

On a tandem bike the person at the front, the ‘Leader,’ directs the whole ‘team’ in a particular agreed direction and the person at the back, the ‘Worker,’ trusts that the direction they are going is right.

Also, both the Leader and the Worker put in the work to move the whole team forward. Each has their own role, the Leader’s job is to say I am going over there based on their vision and ask the Workers to follow them, but the Workers have to agree to get on the bike and put in the work to move everyone forward. In other words the Workers have to be enrolled in the direct the Leader wants to go.

The Leader has to have the trust of the Workers and, ideally, they should have values that are aligned with each other. We usually follow someone we trust and trust is based on shared values and strong relationships.

So, if you are a leader, make sure you have the back of everyone you lead and take the risk of leading; in other words you own failures and you give away praise to your team for the successes.

Building Trust

Happiness, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, and often it does. The difficulty comes when technology promises to make your life easier and then it does not deliver. This is kills trust.

I have a pre-payment electicity meter, which is a Smart Meter that is not so smart. I can top it up easily enough on the company’s website using my debit card and the promise is that it will reflect on my Smart Meter in my home within 60 minutes. It never does.

When you search for guidance on how to top up the meter manually, you find a video on the company’s website where a man gives instructions on how to manually top up the meter by entering a twenty digit number, one digit at a time.

Each number requires you to press the button repeatedly; eight times for a number seven and once for a zero, twenty times. The man even suggests, in his mannerisms and words, that this is a common problem.

The point I am making is not to have a moan about this poor service. My point is that the company appears to find it easier, and possibly cheaper, to make a video explaining how to manually top up the meter rather than fixing the problem to allow the meters to top up automatically once they are topped up online. This may benefit the company in the short term but trust is lost with their customers, which may be more costly in the long term.

This is a business relationship between a business and a customer, but the same can be said for personal relationships. A quick fix in the short term will not build a strong relationship. For example, you cannot buy trust, you must trust others and act in ways that allow others to trust you, this takes time and consistency.

As another example, if you said that you gave £10 to a homeless person this morning you might get a vague well done. If you said that you gave up your weekend to help paint a community centre then this will be much more respected. The point is that time spent helping others has more meaning and value than money spent, which is quickly done.

The very definition of money is that you are giving an IOU for someone else to provide goods and service in the future, it states this clearly on all bank notes. In effect you are passing the buck.

The fact that it takes time and energy to build trust is true in all human relationships.

Collaborating With Colleagues

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

If you work in a role that means you attend meetings, then there may be times when you lead a project or need to get colleagues on board. Take the example of starting a project. There will be a temptation to decide how it will work, what the vision is for the project and who will take on which role, etc. Sometimes it is your role to decide this. Sometimes it is not. However, this advice will work either way. It may also be useful if you are pitching an idea to colleagues too.

Plan Together

A good way to get your colleagues invested in the project is to involve them in the planning of it from the very start. Some things will be decided by circumstances outside the project, but there will be things that can be discussed and planned together.

Highlight Strengths

Many of your colleagues will have skills and experience that will benefit the project. Highlighting these strengths will make your colleagues feel respected and valued. You could start a Skills Bank where colleagues share their skills and experience and it all get collated and shared amongst the team, so each will know who to go to for specific advice. This could simply be a Word document made available on a shared drive, by email or uploaded to Microsoft Teams.

Listen Before You Speak

If you explain the project and tell everyone what you think, your colleagues will be less likely to contribute. However, if you hold off from giving your opinion and wait to hear everyone else, then they will feel heard and you get the benefit of their opinion before you give yours.

Brexit: Them and Us

Happiness, Leadership, The Fullfilment Framework

“Not one of us can rest, be happy, be at home, be at peace with ourselves, until we end hatred and division.”
– John Lewis

Them and Us

We have officially left the EU and have become an island unto ourselves. Times they are a changing, as the song goes, and it is important to reflect on the consequences of this change. There are two other growing parallel changes in the world as we move forward into the 21^st century. Over the past few years, there has been a resurgence of nationalism is America and in countries across Europe, including the United Kingdom. Our departure from the EU has elevated the idea of ‘Britain First’ from the small conversations of the few into a more national conversation. You may have voted to remain or to leave the EU, you may now wish you had voted differently. Either way, we must be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking we are above or better than the countries of Europe, just because we say we are.

There has also been a rise in those who wish to protect our planet from the global, environmental crisis, which is becoming a movement that spans the world. This is being led by our youth, the ones who will be living in the world to come. They are trying to save their future, as the adults of the world appear to be trying to save their own national and personal priorities. Our strengths are always evident when we come together to achieve great things. Our weaknesses are evident when we separate into factions and try to take care only of our own.

Tribes

There is something inside human beings that pushes us towards trying to belong to a group. Wanting to belong to a group is a drive that is part of our evolution. In caveman times, it was safer to be in a group of people who would look out for our wellbeing; that would keep watch while we slept and would catch food so that everyone in the group could eat. Being part of a group, or a tribe, is a very human thing to do, and most of the time there is nothing wrong with this.

We support football teams, we belong to congregations, we are identified by the country in which we were born, the religion we follow, the ethnic roots we have. It is normal and adds to the variety of our communities and gives the individual, whether child or adult, a sense of not only safety, but also an understanding of themselves. However, what we need to be careful of is other people hijacking our drive to belong to a group, by setting us against people who belong to other groups. This is when we have real division, which then breads conflict. This happens in many places in the different areas of our lives; in the workplace, in schools, in social groups and in families.

Conflict On Demand

This is where division comes from, the dividing up of them and us. It happens with small groups of people and with countries, it happens with religions and with ethnicities, it happens between popular people and those who are not popular. We are fed conflict as entertainment, whether it is in the Big Brother house or characters in a soap opera, there is a pervasive message in modern culture that conflict between individuals or groups of people is entertaining.

If you think about the plays of Shakespeare, blockbuster films and programs on TV, there is very little that does not have a strong element of conflict. It would seem that there is a human desire to experience conflict, but when this spills out into our lives and we argue with other people, when we try to dominate other people or we create division between other people, this is when our actions and words bring conflict into the world.

The tensions and conflicts around the world, pose complex issues steeped in a human history of conflict across both national and religious lines, including the Crusades, the World Wars and the so-called War on Terror. What we need is exceptional leadership to guide us out of the darkness into the light. But that leaves people like you and me with a problem, what can we do to stem the flow towards division and conflict.

What Can We Do?

What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

Often the best way to stop others trying to create an argument with us, or fight with us, on an individual level, is to not participate in the conflict, because then it fizzles out. If a fire has no fuel it will go out. A conflict needs two participating sides, if one side comes to the situation with peace, compassion and forgiveness, then healing can take place, because every attempt to create conflict does wound the other person, but if they do not retaliate then healing and harmony is possible. And when this happens, both sides are healed.

Those who are the angriest are the ones who suffer the most, because to be angry is to suffer. The best way to respond to anger is with compassion, because they are suffering, and compassion can extinguish anger. Nelson Mandela taught the world that forgiveness can free the soul and can break the cycle of fear and violence that can seem inescapable. There are inspirations in our global culture that lead us towards the light of freedom, forgiveness, compassion and love.

Healing Ourselves First

The words of the 1991 song by Micheal Jackson, Heal the World come to mind, “Heal The World, Make It A Better Place, For You And For Me, And The Entire Human Race.” And I believe that we can heal the world, one human interaction at a time, but we must start with ourselves. If we heal the divisions within ourselves; the prejudices and the grudges, we are more able to heal the divisions between ourselves and those in our lives.

I am not in any way negating the realities of the challenging daily lives in which we live. I am not assuming a totally peaceful Utopian ideal world is at our fingers tips either, but if each of us, in our own way, considers small ways in which we can connect more with our friends and families, neighbours and work colleagues on a more human level, this would be a great start. Taking the time, when possible, to make perhaps a bit more of an effort in ways that you may already be doing, to chat and ask after each other’s wellbeing, share a story or a joke. Our children and others will see this and perhaps change their own behaviour for the better.

Even though it seems such a small thing to do, there is evidence of efforts of this kind having a genuinely positive effect on those doing this and on those around them. So, I ask of you, in your own way, to have a think about what you can do, and what you may have thought about doing, along these lines, but have not done yet, because for one reason or another you just haven’t. Make that call to that friend or relative, knock on that door. Lift your head and give a sign of greeting and even stop for a quick chat with that neighbour or colleague at work. Connect with your eyes, words and smiles. Chances are the world will start smiling back at you a lot more often too.

Responsible Social Media

“The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.”
– Coretta Scott King

Terror Shakes The World

The recent terrorist attack of the White Supremacist who killed 50 Muslim worshipers, including a 3 year old child, and injured many more in New Zealand, has brought into sharp focus the realities of extremist ideologies in the world today, and how easy they can be spread around the world through the use of social media. The Terrorist streamed the attack live on Facebook, which was then played by several news outlets, after which they apologised.

The impetus with social media is always to share content that we have had an emotional reaction to, whether we find it funny, inspirational or horrifying. The outpouring of love and unity that has galvanised the New Zealand public in support of the Muslim community in their country has created collective inspiration to respond to hate with love. This is a message that should always be shared and encouraged, especially on social media.

The Wrong Message

The Prophet Mohammad and every other prophet across the multitude of world religions said that we should love our neighbour as ourselves and respond to hate with love. This message should be shared on social media to encourage such behaviour in others and to drown out the opposing views of hate and violence that are also spread through social media, including some heads of state like Donald Trump, who spreads divisive ideas through his daily barrage of tweets.

However, New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern put on a Hijab and held the mourning survivors in a loving embrace. She also made a statement to their Parliament stating that the Terrorist was looking for attention and fame for his actions and extremist ideology, so she will never say his name. This is a powerful reminder to me that just as Politicians and news outlets have the responsibility to make wise decisions on whether they put a spotlight on the actions, motives and ideas of extremists, we too have a responsibility to do the same with the content that we share on social media.

Our Social Responsibility

Every time we share a negative comment, image or video on other people because of their race or religion we not only spread racist ideas we also create a space for this type of content to be acceptable. After the rise of extremist groups that call themselves Muslim who cite the oppression of the West on Muslims as justification for acts of Terror, it has become more acceptable to disrespect and insult Muslims, as if they were part of the problem. There is also a rise in Nationalism across the world, which has consequently encouraged racist comments and actions towards immigrants, who are largely fleeing the violence of wars that the West has a stake in creating in the first place. The Terrorist who attacked Muslims in New Zealand attacked them for being immigrants, but he was himself an immigrant from Australia. There seems to be a double standard depending on the colour of the immigrants skins.

Many White Supremacists, who are classed as Terrorists, are Christian, but we do not associate Christianity with Terrorism. This is because Great Britain and America are seen as Christian nations and it is part of ‘OUR’ identity. Muslims are seen as the ‘OTHER’, which in many people’s minds makes them fair game for criticism and attacks. Remember that the vast majority of world religions talks about loving our neighbour as ourselves. The American Declaration of Independence states “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

We Need Not Stand Divided

It is high time we started treating ‘ALL PEOPLE’ as our neighbours and to love them as ourselves, just like New Zealand did in the wake of this Terrorist attack. There will be exceptions where we come across individuals who act or speak in a way that is in direct opposition to our values and beliefs, but we can always disagree respectfully. If we disagree with the theology of other religions then by all means criticise the theology in the form of theological debate, with arguments for an alternative set of beliefs, but this should never extend to criticising someone because they are Muslim or Christian, Buddhist or Atheist. We all have the right to explore and follow our own beliefs.

It is our actions that we need to monitor and challenge when they infringe on the rights and dignity of others. We have to be responsible when we are deciding to share content on social media. There is an old Sufi maxim about our words passing through three gates before we say them, and I believe that we should consider them when we share content online. Each gate has a question, each of which is very important. These are the three questions.

Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

If we can all be responsible on social media and we share only content that encourages love, compassion, community, inspiration and respect then we can drown out the hate. When Terrorists attack any of us they attack all of us. We are one humanity and, like New Zealand has, we can respond to hate with resounding unity. We can look into the face of those who hate and say not here, not in my community. We are shaped largely by our community because what is permitted becomes normal. We must never late hate become normal. Then we will all lose.

Something to reflect on:

I challenge you to find people in your lives that need a hug, a kind word, a good laugh or a listening ear and be the person who provides it. Lead by example and change your community, whether it be your family, your friends, your neighbourhood or your workplace, by being there for others. They will then do the same for someone else, it is in our nature to do so.

The importance of leadership

“Leadership is not about the next election,

it’s about the next generation.”

– Simon Sinek

Imagine a world where there was no leadership, what would it be like. There would undoubtedly be an upsurge in chaos throughout every sphere of human culture. What about good leadership? What happens when we have no good leadership? To me good leadership is about taking care of those around you as much as it is about having a vision and leading people towards that vision. If people in any organisation are not looked after, whether it be within a voluntary organisation like a church or a business with a thousand employees or more, these people will invariably become self serving and feel that they have to watch there back in fear of losing their job. Anxiety goes up, well-being goes down and eventually the organisation collapses under the strain through the self serving actions of people create splits into tribalism or the selfish actions of some cause massive detriment to others in the organisation and those outside of it as well.

Morality in leadership

The price of bad leadership is very high. Just look at what is happening in the US at the moment. Almost all of the actions President Donald Trump makes are self serving, which causes those around him to compromise on their own ethics and the office of the President, which is supposed to lead and support the people, becomes eroded. This highlights very strongly in my eyes that good leadership requires a higher morality, either taken from religious, philosophical or secular ideals. This higher morality must come from something outside of ourselves, something that is a guiding star in all decisions and actions made by a leader.

Inspiration in leadership

It is well understood that good leaders inspire others to follow them, but many leaders fall back on the default of managing those they lead rather than inspiring them. If you only manage the work of others then they will do their job but they will rarely show any brilliance in what they do, they will do the minimum and go home at the end of the day unfulfilled. A good leader creates leaders in others, they actively encourage others to strive towards an ideal that allows them to be more than they believe that they can be, because the vision laid out be the leadership demands it. This is how innovation happens, how social action happens, how people change the world for the better, through the creation of a vision of a better world.

Humility in leadership

There is a term which gets bounded around quite a bit when talking about leadership and that is ‘servant leader’. A servant leader is someone who’s primary drive is to take care of those they lead, someone who lifts people up, who builds confidence and skills in others so that they can excel at what they do. When someone is looked after by the leadership in their organisation then they will do everything they can to move that organisation forwards. This is not top-down leadership, this is ubuntu leadership. Ubuntu is a South African word that means “I am because of you.” It is absolute respect and compassion for every other human being. When this is the focus of the leadership then those they lead will feel like there organisation is more like a family than a workplace.

“Everyone who takes care of

those around them can be a leader.”

If these three things can be manifested in leadership then the world will be better for it. You might be reading this blog post and be thinking that you could not be a leader, but I would politely disagree. Everyone who takes care of those around them can be a leader. If at your workplace you make sure that everyone else is OK, if you regularly ask them how they are doing and offer them solutions to their problems you are a leader. Even if you are not in an obvious leadership role, but you look after your team and help them move forwards in what they are doing you are a leader. To be a great leader we must also have the capacity to inspire others to follow a vision of a better world and to have a strong moral compass to guide us through the tough times.

Something to reflect on:

In your life who would you consider to be a good leader and who would you consider to be a great leader? What is it that make them such a good or great leader? Are these things that you could do to become a great leader yourself? Leadership is a mindset with actions to back this mindset up. Let us lead humanity to a better place.

The problem with division

“When fear displaces reason, the result is often irrational hatred and division.”

– Al Gore

We have all experienced division in one form or another, often in the groups of people we share our lives with, because we interact with them the most and opinions and beliefs can cause friction and division.

Division and disagreement are not the same

Having a difference of opinion is not the same as division, though in the many public spheres of society it is seen as such, especially in politics and religion, as cliche as this is. Disagreeing and division can be seen as the same thing, as if to have a point of view you have to be one extreme or another. This creates the unfortunate paradigm of a polarised society. We have seen this in the recent presidential elections in America and the confrontational tweets, comments and rants from President Trump.

We also see it in the politics in the UK, with many feeling that they have to be either Conservative or Labour supporters, and these are seen by many as polar opposites. This disagreeing in a society that appears to value, and in some cases promote, a them and us mentality has brought about a situation where there is little room for people to debate and disagree and still remain on good terms. It is definitely something that is promoted in the media and in TV programs because it improves the ratings, because, though we might not openly admit it, many of us enjoy watching other people at loggerheads. This has given rise to the era of reality TV, soap operas and gossip magazines. Rarely in these type of programs and magazines are people getting along and being nice to each other.

Division creates conflict

At the heart of every division is a conflict created by the very division itself. This begins when we are born into the world and all of our senses are jumbled up and we have not yet learned to differentiate between things. Slowly we learn to know the difference between ourselves and others, between colours and object, and this goes on until we have categorised everything so that we can understand the world and operate within it. This often then leads onto catetorising groups of people, almost as tribes, like football teams and religions groups.

Many of the great sages and prophets from the variety of world religions and philosophies from around the world have promoted the idea that we have to unlearn these categories, as they are in effect divisions which set one thing against another, such as man and nature or culture and culture or person and person. But deeper than that they promote the idea of an overall oneness to the universe that, once acknowledged, will allow us to temper our conflicts and remove them, because once the divisions are gone then so are the conflicts.

We all have a part to play

Often when we are in the middle of a conflict with someone we are offended largely because we see the conflict as the other persons fault and their responsibility to walk away or solve the conflict, because they started it. However, this is massively dis-empowering, because this leaves all of the power with the other person. In every conflict that we are apart of we have a part to play, either because we in some way contributed to the conflict by our behaviour or lack of actions, or we have a chance to end the conflict with what we choose to say and do, or not say and not do.

For example, if someone is very angry and shouting at you, putting ourselves in their shoes or asking questions and listening actively we can find out the cause of their behaviour. Often when we do this we can easily resolve the problem by focusing on the cause rather than the behaviour. Taking some responsibility in every situation gives us the power to make change in the world and help more people than we hinder. Division and conflict are things that we can all work to minimise in our lives, and as a result we can have a positive impact on the world, leaving it better than we found it.

5 Things all effective leaders need to have

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

– John C. Maxwell

When it comes to effective leadership profit margins and performance projections are not the game. A leaders job is to know where they are leading their followers and to be able to articulate it in such a way as to inspire their followers to move in that direction together and to look after those that they lead. Leadership is about vision, energy, wisdom, human connection and having a moral compass.

Vision

Simon Sinek talks frequently about leadership and the need to have a vision and his vision is “I imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single day inspired to go to work, feel safe when they are there and return home fulfilled at the end of the day.” My vision is of a world where the vast majority of people collaborate to help each other lead happy and successful lives and live fulfilling lives as a result. This is why I created and continue to write this blog. I would not be so bold as to compare myself to Simon Sinek, we are not even in the same league, but what I am pointing out is that a vision is of a world in which we want to live, it is tangible, it is something we can imagine and work towards.

The job of a leader is to instill their vision in the culture of those who they lead, so no one is fuzzy on the direction that they are going in. This means that the vision becomes a part of everything that the members of a team or the employees of a company do on a daily basis. When Managers only reward short term gains, like reaching a profit margin, then the whole thing becomes unstable and often collapses, but a vision is something that is almost unreachable, it is a north star which we will never reach, but it points us to where we are going. It is therefore a constant and creates a successful and stable working environment, which breads more creativity and innovation, because the vision is clear and the team or the employees feel safe to take creative leaps.

Energy

It is no accident that effective leaders have lots of energy, because energy is infectious and we are drawn to those with energy. If a leader uses energy well they energise the people around them and they diffuse it into the culture of their workplace, causing their team to put there mental, emotional and physical resources to the task of working towards the shared vision, towards the north star of that team and that company.

This only works, however, when the leader in question actively interacts with their team or their employees. Whether you are a CEO or a Team Leader passing your energy onto those under your charge is an essential ingredient of effective leadership, it is part of making a human connection with those that you lead, because for someone to follow you they need to trust you, and trust is built up over time through positive interactions where, as a leader, you look after those in your charge.

Wisdom

It takes time to become an effective leader, it is a combination of both knowledge and experience, along with the other traits I am discussing in this blog post. It has been found that the most effective leaders are between the ages of 45 and 70. This is the sweat spot for effective leadership. Wisdom is a term that is banded around a lot, sometimes it is referred to when talking about people in their 80s and 90s, but I do not think that it is necessarily always about age.

I believe it is about the daily pursuit of knowledge and understanding of how to do the things we care about well. It is about us putting this knowledge and understanding to the test of experience every day, and on the other side of failure after failure we find wisdom. It is a deep understanding of how and why the thoughts, speech and actions of greatness result in this outcome. It also takes time to become wise, which would account for the age range within which we find effective leadership.

Human Connection

When leaders are in charge of a small team of people there are day to day human connections. Everyone knows the names of each others children, everyone’s lives are intertwined. The team will work and socialise together and relationships are built up over time through many many little interactions that amount to strong human connections. Therefore the leader needs to be adept at building and encouraging these connections, these relationships. Empathy is a strong component in these relationships, to connect emotionally on an individual level.

Empathy is a cornerstone of any human relationship and a good leader knows that teams and companies are not built on money or products, they are built on human relationships, because 100% of employees are human beings and 100% of customers are human beings. An effective leaders job is to look after their team or their employees and their employees will look after the customers. This is how sustainable businesses grow, and the stakeholders will benefit from this model more than if the leaders only focused on what the stakeholders wanted.

Moral Compass

As leaders rise up the ranks they become more and more detached from the employees they lead, so empathy no longer works, human connections become lessened, because there are less of the little interactions that add up to a working relationship. This is why empathy decreases in effective leaders in higher ranking positions, but it is in fact replaced by compassion. In other words they become more focused on doing the right thing even when it is hard.

This compassion is their moral compass, which becomes more prominent in effective leaders over time. It is detached from the individual employees that the leader is leading, but it is focused on doing what is right for all of the employees in their charge. Even if they are the CEO of their company, an effective leader is dedicated to doing the right thing, even when there is pressure to do the easy thing and put profits over people.

Effective leaders need to have a vision and clearly communicate it out to those they lead. They need to use empathy to make real connections with the team they lead. They also need to engage their moral compass of compassion when leading from a more senior position when they cannot rely on close working relationships to support and guide their employees. Being an effective leader has a lot to do with knowing that people are more important than profits, because effective leaders create effective leaders in those that they lead. To be a great and effective leader we have to make sure we look after the person to the right of us and the person to the left of us and we can all do that.

Bad leadership and what to do about it

We have seen the recent beginning and ending of bad leadership in the world on a global level. The electing of President Trump in America has seen the divisions across the lines of race that go back to the American civil war come out into the open, somewhat encouraged by the words and actions of the President, who seems unable to be a great leader, which such a position really does demand. We have also seen the end of Robert Mugabe’s 37 year reign as President of Zimbabwe, to the joy of the people of Zimbabwe. I mention these examples to illustrate the seemingly divided world we now live in. The tone of whether society is divided or united comes from the national leaders that we have, whether this be a President or a Prime Minister, because what is acceptable in society often comes from the words and actions of our global leaders.

If we take the case of President Trump, his comments and actions have stirred up hatred of many minorities, including Black people, Muslims and Mexicans, especially with him recently retweeting videos from the far-right group Britain First. It is this type of divisive thinking that creates much of the division that happens in the world, from person to person and nation to nation, the flames of which are often fanned by the media coverage of such unpleasantness. What the American election of the current President, and the rallies and debates that preceded it, highlight for me, is the desperate need for good leaders to lead the many countries of the world. Good global leaders are people who inspire others to take positive action for the greater good of society and inter-global relationships. They create a situation where people feel safe and valued; they encourage cooperation, stewardship and integrity. But that leaves people like you and me with a problem, what can we do to stem the flow towards division and conflict.

Well, what we do and what we say shapes the world we live in. Through our interactions we co-create our relationships, which in turn creates our society, which in turn creates our nations and our cultures. How we choose to live our lives will influence everything else, even if just a little. What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

Taking the time, when possible, to make perhaps a bit more of an effort in ways that you may already be doing, to chat and ask after each other’s wellbeing, share a story or a joke. Our children and others will see this and perhaps change their own behaviour for the better. Even though it seems such a small thing to do, there is evidence of efforts of this kind having a genuinely positive effect on those doing this and on those around them witnessing it as well. So, I ask of you all, in your own way, to have a think about what you can do, and what you may have thought about doing, along these lines, but have not done yet, because for one reason or another you just haven’t. Make that call to that friend or relative, knock on that door. Lift your head and give a sign of greeting and even stop for a quick chat with that neighbour or colleague at work. Connect with your eyes, words and smiles. Chances are the world will start smiling back at you a lot more often too.

To be inspired and to inspire

There are two ways in which we can be persuaded to do something, we can either be manipulated by fear and/or incentives or we can be inspired. The former does not bread loyalty or trust, and it means that the manipulations have to be repeated again and again. Whether this is used in a workplace to keep the staff in line or whether it is used to get the most customers, the whole process is tiring and is often not strictly ethical.

Inspiring people is a much better way to get people to do what you want. But how do you inspire someone? What you need is a vision of how things could be. Then you create a safe space where you take care of those around you and allow them to take the vision and make it their own. You might be thinking that this all sounds well and good for a CEO or a Manager, but not for you. I would argue that inspiring others into action is something we can all do.

To develop our own vision we need to be inspired ourselves. Spending time seeking wisdom is a good way to do this. We can read books, watch YouTube videos or listen to podcasts. We can find a mentor to help us find our path.

Often it is what we think, say and do towards our vision that sends signals to others, whose values and beliefs align with our vision. This causes them to become inspired to make changes in their own lives.

It is difficult to be inspired and to inspire but it can be done. However, we don’t have to be a Martin Luther King or Steve Jobs to inspire others. We can inspire those around us by being inspired ourselves and striving towards our vision. We are all inspired by those who strive for an ideal that makes the lives of others better and who takes care of those around them, and then we can make this cause our own and we then inspire others by our words and actions. This is something we can all do.

What is it that inspires you?

Fear of others

We live in a more and more insular society where communication is often restricted to the sending and receiving of words and pictures on digital devices. It reminds me of the short story The Machine Stops by E. M. Forster, about a future humankind that lives underground individually in hexagonal room, each exactly the same as the other, all over the world. The machine controls the air temperature, the lighting, the access to food and water and provides a way to communicate with others around the world through screens. No one travels or even leaves their room, life is solitary, lived through a global machine. This is an extreme situation but it resonates, I think, with the way we often communicate, or don’t communicate with each other today.

I often sit in social situations, like a restaurant or a pub, and the majority of people that have clearly come to this place together are not talking to each other, or even looking at each other, they are silently checking their social media on their mobile phones for snippet of other people’s lives and to see who has liked or commented on the snippets of their own lives that they have shared. It seems ludicrous to me that people socialise with others, without socialising with them, without interacting with them, they are just people who know each other that are in the same area. The rise of mobile phone technology and social media has created a rift in our culture between people, created by the lack of social skills needed to navigate human relationships. The generations growing up with this technology are failing to learn the social communication skills of holding a conversation with someone, sharing their thoughts and feelings with someone and are more likely to turn to Facebook than a person when they suffer from mental difficulties like depression or anxiety.

This is the problem, unseen by many, which has two parts to it. Firstly, the more we use social media to communicate with each other the less able we are to have face to face interactions. The trial and error needed to learn these social skills while growing up happens less because there are less opportunities, due to the time spent on social media. These social skills are needed to have healthy, positive relationships with family and friends, romantic partners and colleagues at work. So many people become daunted by the idea of striking up a conversation with a stranger or an acquaintance, because they have not had the practice while growing up. Secondly, the very nature of social media means that we accumulate social media friends which agree with the things we believe in or do what we do, and it becomes very easy to remove a connection to someone by unfriending them; instantly cutting ties with a person with a click of a button, if their way of being clashes with ours. As a result we rarely engage with people we disagree with, so the skills needed to debate with others or to find our own values and beliefs become lost, because these things come from interacting with people we disagree with.

This all creates a situation where we are less likely to engage with people who are different from us, so we begin to fear people who are different. This might manifest in the belief that our town/city, country, religion, lack of religion, politics, language, culture, skin colour, home, car, family, friends are better than those of other people who are different. This manifests in the dislike of ‘foreigners,’ or people fro a different town or city within our own country, without the realisation that we are foreigners in the eyes of others too. In any culture, whether it is a country or a business, difference is an advantage. Life flourishes in the places where a multitude of species coexist. Creativity flourishes in the same type of environment, where difference is abundant. The ability to accept others who are different from us and to interact with them using an open mind and an open heart is certainly an advantage. When we become so caught up in our own ideologies we become tribalistic, we become extremist, we become intolerant, we become an us, as opposed to a them. In the Bible Jesus said “Love your enemies,” to me this means that if we love our enemies then we will have no enemies. Love is the antidote to fear. When you hear reporters or politicians referring to people from other places in terms of a them, reframe the situation in your mind and think of them as one of us. Our tribe is called mankind and we are in this together. There is only a ‘them’ if we choose to use this term to refer to other people. We are in control of how we see the world and each other. Let us disagree, debate and share our ideas together as a collective, so we can change each other for the better.

Question:

What beliefs or experiences in your life cause you to fear others?

Standing by your principles

The recent political debacle in the UK has highlighted to me the need to stand by your principles, and to spend time working out what your principles are, because they are the framework for every decision you make and every action you take. You could say that your principles define you, so you need to firstly define your principles, but is it as easy as knowing what your principles are?

During political elections like the one we have just had, principles play a very important role. When we decide who to vote for, we usually look for people who have similar views to us on important matters like education, the health service, housing etc, and we look for a political leader that we feel will stick with these principles when making big decisions about the big things that effect our lives. However, we see very often that political leaders do not always do what they say they are going to do, which leads to a lack of trust and cynicism sets in. Consistently living by your principles builds trust and respect from others. So if we want to work well with others we firstly need good principles and then we need to stick by them in the hard times and the good.

What is it though that makes principles good? The thing that I think is a large indicator is the effect it has on others. For example, if we believe that money will solve all of our problems, then we may well sacrifice relationships to get more money, hurting others in the process. If we believe that we should be completely honest all of the time then, for example, telling someone that they are fat will have a negative impact on the other persons self esteem. Money and honesty are not bad things in and of themselves, but the application of them should be for the greater good for both of ourselves and others, which should form part of the principles we hold.

Even though, I believe that fundamentally our principles should come from our own views on the world and everything in it, we should be open to the principles of others. It is only when we actually listen to the view points and principles of others that we can shape and sculpt our own. We all begin with the view points and principles of our parents and our peer groups, but this should be the beginning of our life long quest to shape and sculpt our own principles. This being the case then we have to live in two states. The first is being open to listen to others and learning from them, so we can reflect on our own principles to see if they still hold water. The second is to stand by our principles in every situation. This will mean we make good decisions and we build trust and respect in the relationships we have throughout our lives.

Two of my important principles are:

Kindness should be part of every action and every word.
Generosity that is received should be shared with those who need it.

What are your principles?

Finding your Why

You may have heard this banded about quite a bit recently with people on YouTube offering ways to find your Why. The motivational coaching space seems some what saturated with this since the book Start With Why was written by Simon Sinek and his TED Talk on the subject went viral on the Internet. But here’s the thing, finding your why is essential in order to find both happiness and success. It is your reason for being, your reason for getting up in the morning. It is the reason why you feel so amazing when you do things that you love, and it should guide everything that you do in your life.

But how do you find your why? You start by find the things that bring you joy, the activities and life events that have a tremendously positive impact on your life, and then finding what links them. It took me until I was 35 years old to find my Why. It is now my philosophy for everything.

“Finding happiness and success is a path we walk together.”

If we collaborate rather than dictate then we find our happiness and success together, inspiring and supporting each other. This is why I write this blog every week, because I want to help others find both happiness and success. I do believe that we can all find both of these and that they are inseparable. This is my Why now go and find yours.

Vision & Mission: The catalysts for greatness

For a company, a team or an individual colleague to do well there needs to be a foundation of Values. Without this foundation there is no direction, and as Simon Sinek has taught us, there is no Why. There also needs to be consistency across the Behaviours of the company, team and colleague as well, this is How the Why is achieved. If the Values and the Behaviours are right then the Results will match and success will be the outcome.

However, just having the right Values to inspire the right Behaviours is not enough to attain greatness. This involves how we get from the Values to the Behaviours, having a clear and consistent path to follow. In order to attain greatness there are two other pieces to this picture, things which are the bridge from the Values to the Behaviours. These are the Vision and the Mission. Both should be clear and outcome orientated.

The Vision is the extension of Why we do what we do, it is the overall goal that shoots for the stars, it is an ideal outcome, an ideal worth working hard for. For example, the Vision of the Royal National Lifeguard Institution is “To end preventable loss of life at sea.” This is a clear and noble goal, as all Visions should be.

The Mission is more about What we are going to do and How we are going reach the Vision. It is the second part of the bridge between Values and Behaviours. It is a kind of action plan in the form of a statement. For example, this is the Mission statement of Disney, “We create happiness by providing the finest in entertainment for people of all ages, everywhere.” This might sound like what Disney do, which it is, but it also tells us How Disney does it.

In order for the Vision and the Mission to firstly be created and secondly to become part of the culture of a company or team and the mindset of an individual colleague, we also need passionate leaders who inspire others to believe in the overall Vision and Mission. Then each individual within the team or company will make it their reason for coming to work, their reason to strive for greatness.

This is the job of Line Managers at every level, to coach their team, so that they may oporate at their full potential, in a way that helps their colleagues find joy in their contribution. This is teamwork at its best, and it begins with Values and Vision and continues with Mission and Behaviours. Let us all be the leaders which inspire greatness in others, so that we may achieve greatness together.

Know thyself before leading others

Gaining a deep understanding of yourself brings with it a feeling of being comfortable in one’s own skin, and this brings an inner confidence that is emitted out to everyone around you. It is about knowing what you value and what you believe. Your values and beliefs are your centre of gravity, so to speak, they are the compass and bearing of every decision you make. However, this is only a starting point of building yourself up as someone people look to for advice, collaboration and leadership.

You will need to prove yourself too, as someone who can be relied upon, who can be trusted and can lead others. This also has to be consistent, good leaders help those around them consistently, which builds trust. Without trust no organisation or team will succeed or work well together.

Knowing yourself is only the beginning, it is the foundation from which to build your new happier and successful self, and a place to begin as a leader. Good leaders inspire others to follow them through what they do, what they say, and how they treat those around them. If you look after those around you well consistently then are already a leader.

Gossip kills trust

When we hear someone gossiping, whether we laugh along or even join in with the gossip, the trust we have for the person gossiping begins to erode. This is because we fear that they do the same about us behind our back.

Gossip kills trust and without trust it is less likely that others will cooperate with us. Both success and happiness are built on cooperation. Happiness is largely a result of the relationships we have with other people and relationships are built on trust too. Success is not something we can achieve completely alone, long term success certainly can’t be achieved this way. Let us create and maintain positive relationships and therefore a good life.

I’m not saying that you have to get on your high horse and tell others not to gossip, but not participating in gossip yourself will undoubtedly improve your relationships and therefore your happiness and success. Other people will start to notice that you don’t engage in gossip and they will trust you more. The greater the trust the greater the cooperation and the greater your happiness and success will be.

Becoming a go-to person

If people start coming to you for advice it means two things. Firstly, they trust you to treat them with respect and that you will not ridicule them for not knowing something that you do. Secondly, you have begun to establish yourself as a person of knowledge and authority in your field or your life generally. This is a critical tipping point.

How you respond will determine if this is to continue or not. If you let this go to your head and you start to feel like some sort of guru, then people will stop respecting and, crucially, trusting you, and you lose. To continue to have people’s respect and trust you need to keep respecting them; to collaborate rather than dictate, and also continue learning, continue being a seeker of truth in every field, but especially in the field you work in.

On Leadership