Category: Success

If we sell our time and receive payment for a days worth of work, ‘a days work for a days pay,’ then at the end of the day we are even, no bond has been created and there is little ongoing connection between us and our employers.

This way of working feels empty because, as human beings, we crave connection and meaning. This way of working denies us both. If we are to feel fulfilled at the end of the day, or indeed in our lives as a whole, we need to feel connected to others, to feel like we belong in a team, a department and a company when we work.

It is better to think of a day as a chance to work in a way that makes a difference and is generous. This will bring you closer to those you work with and work for, rather than being isolated. Working in a way that aligns with your values is also very important. I would strongly advise that you find a company that has values which are compatible with your own. They do not have to be the same exactly, but they do need to be compatible.

If you work to create value, then a days work will leave you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day and excited to start work tomorrow. What you get paid will certainly help with daily living costs, but it should not be the reason we do the work we do.

Be Your Better Self

Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In Mahayana Buddhism, the focus is on becoming a Bodhisattva, someone who delays attaining Nirvana, or enlightenment, in order to help others to attain it first. Mahayana means ‘The Great Vehicle.” In other words no one is left behind, the vehicle that gets us to enlightenment is big enough for everyone.

This way of thinking about life opens lots of possibilities to help other people less fortunate than ourselves. It allows us to see others as equal to ourselves, and it reduces the Ego, which can tell us that we deserve expensive things when there are those who don’t even have a home.

To be a Bodhisattva is to devote one’s life to serving others and helping them attain enlightenment. I am not saying that you should drop everything, convert to Buddhism and take the Bodhisattva vows. What I am saying is that when we serve others, when we aim to lift them up and help them shine, we consequently live happier lives.

What it means to be human is live in community where everyone has a place and everyone has the chance to thrive. If we try to live this way in the various communities that we are a part of, then we will slowly change the people we are connected to for the better. We will help to change the world for the better. Small steps make big change over time.

Redefining Art

When we think of Art, we usually think of Monet, Van Gogh or some other famous painter or sculpture. We think of the things we see in art galleries, but those in Tate Modern, what is called Modern Art, is sometimes debated about regarding whether they are in fact Art.

I have an Art background and I have struggled with agreeing that some Modern Art pieces or installations are Art. The room with lights turning off and on that won the Turner Prize some years ago comes to mind.

The definition of Art given by Seth Godin in his book Linchpin is “Art is a gift that changes the recipient.” I like this definition, because it does not limit Art to particular skills or materials. He goes on to give the elements that are needed for something to be Art.

He says “Art is a personal act of courage, something one human does that creates change in another.” “By definition, Art is human… …because intent matters.” “Art is original.” “The last element that makes it art is that it’s a gift.” He also points out that “…it’s art when a great customer service person uses a conversation to convert an angry person into a raving fan.”

This definition of Art broadens it out to allow all of us to be Artists. A cook is not an Artist, but a Chef is. You too can be an Artist, so be courageous and give with the skills you have to make a difference and change someone for the better. This is a giving time of year, at Christmas, but make this a day habit and you will have a big positive impact on the world.

Make A Difference

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We spend a lot of our time putting things off until tomorrow, but the problem with tomorrow is that we never get there. If we form a habit of putting things off then the habit means we perpetually avoid doing the thing we need to do.

For all of us, we have a day which is our last day and so much that would benefit the world goes undone, because it was put off until tomorrow.

If you want to make the world better, if you want to make a difference, then do the thing you are scared to do, do it. Go all in and do it. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work or you need to make it better. Whatever may happen, it will be better than never doing it at all.

Go and make a difference.

What Game Are You Playing?

In life there are two types of ‘game’, the finite game and the infinite game. This is discussed by Simon Sinek in his book The Infinite Game, and he discusses it in this video. I have mentioned it on this blog before too.

The finite game is defined as having fixed rules, known players and the point is to win, which is the end of the game. Football for example. The infinite game is defined as having flexible rules, known and unknown players and the point is to stay in the game. Playing catch with your 3 year old for example.

A lot of day to day human activities are infinite; running a business, being in a relationship, customer service, being a parent, etc. However, often, especially in business, we talk about winning or being number 1 or the best at (fill in the blank), without realising that we are playing the wrong game.

There is no such thing as being number 1 at parenting, though many think they are. There is no such thing as being number 1 at customer service, though many companies claim that they are. You cannot win love or be the best at health. Somethings are just without a clear end.

Life is an infinite game. None of us will come out of it alive, but we want to keep living as long as we can. Within the many infinite games we play in our personal and professional lives there are also finite games too. There are also goals that we set which, once completed, stop as a goal and we find another one.

In life we are more likely to be successful if we play by the right rules for the different ‘games’ we play. In our relationships, we want to nourish them for the long term. When it comes to our health, we want to eat, drink and exercise for our long term health. And with anything that improves our wellbeing, if we are competing, we compete with ourselves.

Understanding Vulnerability

Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we think of people being vulnerable we often think of young children, old people or those with a disability. However, we can all be vulnerable at some time or other, and it can be temporary, sporadic or permanent. Life events can make us vulnerable. We could lose a loved one, lose our job, have an unexpectedly large bill to pay, suddenly become severely unwell, have a sudden increase in caring responsibilities and the list goes on.

There is a stigma often associated with admitting our vulnerabilities and companies often have a one size fits all approach, which means vulnerabilities are to considered when supporting customers. People often assume others are not vulnerable without even considering the possibility. Vulnerability is something we should be considering and showing empathy towards.

Pre-COVID times a large percentage of UK adults had less than £300 in savings, which means they would have struggled if the boiler broke or their care needed significant repairs, and this has only got worse during the pandemic. Any of us could face a large bill for something unexpected. No one predicted the COVID-19 pandemic but it has left so many people vulnerable.

So, let’s be open about our vulnerabilities and show empathy towards others who may be struggling. Anyone you meet maybe struggling, so be kind, always.

How To Be Number 1

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

The idea of being number 1 is based on finite thinking. Companies all the time state they are number 1, but this is always based on their own criteria. Often it had has also been part of a winner takes all system that puts colleagues against each other for the fight to earn the most money. Both of these ways of thinking are destructive.

We are also transitioning from the industrial age where factories were king and we are entering the communication age where anyone can start a business with a laptop and a WIFI connection.

This new disruptive way of working is making the old way of working more scarce, where we are paid to do what we are told. This is because companies are in a race to do things cheaper and many jobs have been automated. You can spend decades working for a company only to be made redundant because technology or someone in another country can do your job cheaper.

As bleak as this seems, it provides a tremendous opportunity to become indispensable. Rather than trying to be number 1 in a particular category, invent your own category, a category of 1. Being the best at being you will mean you become a Linchpin, as Seth Godin calls it; someone who is indispensable. So go take on the challenges that those who would rather follow orders won’t tackle.

Go solve interesting problems and go and lead. This is how you gain job security in a cheaper is better business world, because there are companies that understand that human is better, not cheaper.

Your Best Self Is Yourself

Many of us want to be like Steve Jobs or Michael Jordon or Barak Obama, but the world already has these people. If we are to strive to be like anybody else we lose, because we lose ourselves in the process.

We can certainly learn lessons from these people, in fact we should learn their lessons, but more important are the lessons we teach ourselves through trying and failing and trying again. When we try new things we learn how We do such things, what our strengths and skills are and how we can use them effectively in the world.

Don’t strive to be the next anybody, strive to be the best version of yourself that you can. Read, watch and learn the lessons of others, understand the wisdom that has come with their experience, but never avoid going out into the world and gaining your own wisdom through your experience.

If nothing else, learn how to be yourself and seek to make a difference in the world, and you will.

Seeing And Being Seen

Happiness, Leadership, Success

Recently, I saw a homeless man asking for change and I stopped to give him some money. I looked at him straight in the eyes, smiled and I said “have a lovely day.” The fact that I acknowledged him and made a human contact seemed to mean more to him than the money. Hundreds of people must walk past him every day and ignore him. I made him feel seen.

This is the power of being seen. Not just looked at but acknowledged and appreciated. Seeing the other person as just as important, as a human being. And when you see other people in this way you make tangible, authentic relationships with them.

To see someone and to be seen by someone are the central connection that creates opportunities to thrive, together.

Stress In The Workplace

There are many jobs which are naturally stressful, like being a Fireman/woman or a Police Officer. There are, however, many jobs which are not inherently stressful, but the working environment makes them so. This is the main cause of stress in the workplace, I would say.

If colleagues are pitted against each other in compitition to earn bonuses, a cut throat, winner take all culture will develop. If colleagues are encouraged to collaborate and find fair outcomes for customers, then a supportive and uplifting culture will develop.

Another consideration is whether things like the values and operating rhythm of the workplace match your own. In other words, are you a good fit for your workplace and your role. Figuring out your own values and how you work best is a great place to start.

Sometimes though, the problem is the view you have of the work you do. I work in complaints and I could say that I speak to angry and rude people all day long, but I don’t. In fact, I speak to people who have problems, often caused by the company I work for, and it is my job to fix the problems and rebuild the relationships between the customers and the company. In other words, see them as human beings first and take responsibility for fixing their issues.

The views we have can blind us to the opportunities that problems provide.

Meet People Where They Are

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we have big plans or we want to bring something new into the world or we are strong with our views, we often forget to see the position other people are in, because we are so focused on our own message.

This way of communicating often feels natural or the right way to behave, but when we do we miss a huge opportunity. When we communicate in this way we meet people where we are, we project 100 percent outwards. This often causes clashes and conflict, because others are doing the same thing.

We could let others communicate 100 percent and become completely passive, but this is not good either. The ideal is to meet people where they are and where we are and aim for a 50/50 exchange. This involves actively listening and caring about the other person and taking turns. All very basic things to do, but often forget to do them.

Love What You Do

We hear the motivational mantra “Do what you love” a lot in the motivational coaching sphere, and in society generally, but I think it is bad advice if the suggestion is to have the thing you love as your source of income. The thing you love may not be something that you can be paid to do, or at least difficult to get paid for.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t do what you love, but assuming everyone can is misleading. By all means do what you love, but make sure your rent and bills are paid. You will find it even harder to be a success if you end up homeless.

When you are wanting to be successful it is more effective to love what you do. Some people sell coffee in a coffee shop, others create meaningful experiences for customer that lift their day and make them feel good, while selling them coffee. Some manage a team, others lead a team in such a way that every member of the team contributes and works towards a shared vision.

You get my point. Sometimes it is better to love what you do, but also do what you love when you can. We all want different things and have different life experiences and constraints. Don’t feel that you have to do what you love because society says so, do what is best for you.

Do Something

Often we wait for the right idea, the right job or the right partner before we trying something new. This waiting is a form of hiding, hiding from trying that new thing, because we fear failure or we fear making the wrong choice and wasting our lives.

If we don’t choose something we are wasting our lives. The regrets most elderly people have is the things they did not try. You have time to try and fail and try again. You will also either succeed or learn and then succeed. Failure is essential to success, because we can learn from it.

My advice is this, figure out what your values are, what your beliefs are and what your ethics are. Then go find a project to start, a challenge to take on, a problem to solve or a role to try that aligns with these and see what happens. If it aligns with your values, beliefs and ethics then you will thrive, you will feel empowered and you will feel fulfilled by the work you do.

But you must choose something and start.

Art Is I; Science Is We

This is a quote by Claude Bernard, a French Scientist, and it reflects the two modes of being human; to create individually for the purposes of creating is Art; to create individually or together for the collective good is Science. For me the best Art blurs the line between these two, because some Art changes society.

Art can also be how you live your life, how you interact with people. Leaving a person uplifted after your interaction with them is Art. Solving a person’s problem in the way only you could is Art. It is turning an interaction, a collection of ideas, an opportunity of any kind into something that makes a life or the world better. It is creation in its best sense.

You can change the world for the better. We can change the world for the better. It does not necessarily matter which, only that the lives of others are blessed by your presence. Go be an artist my friend.

Trying Something New

Where do our beliefs and values come from? They are manifestations from the culture and community we grow up in, the examples our parents give us and how they raised us, as well as the experiences that we have had. Through all of this input we piece together what we believe and what we value.

All of this then affects the decisions that we make on a day to day basis, but I believe that if we are to make wise decisions in life then we should seek out wisdom as well, which can be found in any of the many religious scriptures and philosophical texts from around the world. If we have wise guidelines or principles to follow then stepping into the unknown will seem less scary.

Something else that can help us in our ventures into the unknown is to have an attitude of asking ourselves “what if…?” What if we tried something new, what if we gave it a go, what if? Being open to the many positive possibilities that could result in trying something new means that we will more likely have a positive outcome.

It is also a way of getting past the barrier of failure, a way to overcome our fear of criticism or looking like a fool; what if we succeeded, what if we achieved our dreams. This allows us to consider the possibility of actually succeeding, rather than becoming consumed by the thought of failure.

Being Creative

Success

The act of being creative is essentially to take existing things and ideas and to create something new out of them. We write with words and we paint with paint. These are the typical things we think of as being creative, but there are many ways to be creative.

However, the things we create end up creating us too, because the act of creating them changes us. We are a different person after each act of creating through what we learn about ourselves and the world via the creative process.

Many people think of the thing they create as their baby. It is not a baby, it is a thing that exists because of you, but it is not a human being.

The human being in the creation process is the creator. If you want to use the Parent Child analogy then the creator is more like the Child, because the process of creating changes us and contributes to creating who we are.

Self Made Possibilities

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and a picture of a purple flower growing out of a brick wall appeared and it struck a chord with me. It reminded me that many people have been successful when they started off with nothing and no one on their side. Also, there have been many who had everything and did nothing with it.

The possibilities we have in life are sometimes given to us through the things we are born with or born into, but much of what is required for success to happen is self made. The possibilities for success have to be seen and then the work done to make them a reality.

Success that is worthwhile pursuing is always self made. Success that is given to us is not really success.

What We Tell Ourselves

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success

We need to consider the things we tell ourselves about ourselves. When we internalise the voices of others they become part of our inner dialogue. This includes what our parents say, what our friends say, what our employer says, what the news says and also what the teachings of our religion or philosophy says. All of these voices become part of who we are, but if we do nothing to take control of what we allow to become part of our inner voice, then we give up much of our power and self-control to the direction of others.

It is important, I feel, to do some mental spring cleaning every now and again to take a fresh look at what internal voices we want to follow and what internal voices we don’t. Some of this is of course subconscious, so is not obvious, but keeping a journal to put down thoughts, feelings and experiences and questioning these can lead to powerful realisations about why we make the decisions we make. In more extreme situations reaching out for support from a Councillor or Cognitive Behavioural Therapist can be invaluable. For most of us self-reflection and opening up to friends and family will help us figure out a lot of what is holding us back and find better ways to think and act to bring about a more fulfilling life.

I have reflected on this a lot over the past few years and I truly believe that we can be the architects of our own lives. What we tell ourselves can be with us throughout our lives, being careful what we think and say to ourselves is important. If we find ourselves saying that we cannot do something, because we don’t feel ready, equipped or able, then there is a simple thing we can do to help us get out of this trap. If you find yourself saying that you cannot do something out of a belief that it is beyond you, then I encourage you to add the word ‘yet’ to the end of each negative thought. “I can’t drive a car yet.” “I can’t draw yet.” “I can’t lose weight yet.” “I can’t find a new job yet.” “I can’t run a marathon yet.” Whatever it is, there is power in the word ‘yet.’ It opens up the possibility and hope of achieving whatever it is in the future, and it is empowering rather than dis-empowering.

Getting The Right Kind Of Status

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

In society there has always been a version of an Alpha male or female, or the top dog. The general consensus is that you need to be the best at what you do and take charge of whatever situation you are in. The status of being the ‘top dog’ is then earned.

The problem with this method of getting status is that no trust is built up and no feeling of fellowship. In other words people just get out of the way, rather than forming genuine relationships. This is a problem when tough times require friends or colleagues to support each other.

In business, if the culture encourages internal compitition in order to bring in more money for the company, then tough times will mean the company crumbles. If the culture encourages teamwork where colleagues take care of each other and the company takes care of colleagues, then colleagues will rise to save their company in tough times.

A culture of working together can also be found in friendships, and any other human relationships, and within these cultures the person who always gives help and support, or goes above and beyond for others, will get the high status. They will be trusted, respected and followed, in the case of leadership. This, in my opinion, is the right kind of status to work for.

The Art Of Interaction

We don’t often think of how we interact as something to work on or improve. We learn how to communicate with each other during our childhood years and that’s that. However, if we are to make a real difference in the world then we need to master how we interact with each other.

I first came across the concept of the ‘art of interaction’ in Seth Godin’s book Linchpin, where he describes every interaction with a colleague or customer as practicing the art of interaction. It is an integral part of becoming a linchpin within your organisation, someone who is indispensable.

It is also good to practice how to interact with others on a general basis in order to develop good relationships and to uplift others. Treating it as an ‘art’ also means that how you interact with others can be unique to you. It is an art not a science. It is also one of the strings to your bow that are needed in order to have self mastery.

Finding Your Purpose

Purpose is a word loaded with expectations. There is a lot of pressure on those wanting to develop themselves, to find their unique purpose for being born.

My view on finding your purpose is that by the time you are in your 20s you will have a reason behind everything that you do. For some it is to leave things better than they found them. For others it is to generate joy in others. Everyone has a think that makes them tick. This is your purpose.

For me it is helping others to live well, to ultimately have a fulfilling life. It is not one thing that you do, it is the reason behind everything that you do.

Make A Change

Often we feel like we are stuck in a rut or caught in a loop and we just want to be free of it. We want life to improve, so we don’t get the same results that we always get.

The problem is that the results we get in life are largely a result of our actions or lack of action. Repeated results are often caused by repeated behaviours. In fact, it is our beliefs that spark our thoughts, which lead to our behaviours, which in turn produce our results.

As I have said before, the change needs to be in the beliefs we have about what we can do, what our options are and what is possible.

Make a change in your beliefs and you will get different results in life.

Do You Care Enough To Fail

If you work in customer service, as many do, like many you may turn up to work and do what you are told to do and go home again. In other words you serve customers within the boundaries that you feel will avoid you getting into trouble or losing your job. It is the fear of failure that causes the service that many people provide to be average. Not amazing and not poor, just enough to earn a paycheck.

This is the fundamental problem that causes customers to complain about the service they have provided. I work in complaints for a bank and I hear, more often than not, that the Advisor did not show empathy or provide help or that they were rude. Rudeness usually comes from an attitude of that’s not my job or that I need to be quick and get you off the phone because I have to keep calls to 3 minutes and no longer, if you work in a call centre as I do.

On the other hand excellent customer service includes listening to the customer, making a connection, empathising, as well as being efficient. In other words it is a shift in attitude not in time spent on the phone with customers.

This type of customer service takes practice and will involve failing, wishing you had said something different, etc. It is failing small enough to get feedback from a Manager when needed, but not big enough to get fired. The difference is whether you care enough to try and provide excellent service, rather than doing the minimum in order to not get in trouble.

Take It On The Chin

When things go wrong or we make a mistake, often we either blame ourselves and start mentally beating ourselves up or we project blame onto someone else. The first option is clearly self defeating. The second option removes all accountability.

To me taking it on the chin first and foremost means we own up to whatever it is that has gone wrong. We take responsibility. However, we should not just say “it’s my fault.” If we don’t learn from the mistake then we will likely make it again.

I am one for mentally beating myself up, but I believe in being accountable for my actions, so I was often trapped in an anxious cycle of ownership and limiting beliefs. The break through for me has been asking what I can learn from my mistake and what actions I can take to put it right and avoid doing it again.

Taking something on the chin should not be a passive exercise in accountability. It should be an active movement towards self improvement. The only way we can make positive change in the world is if we change ourselves for the better.

Appreciate Where You Are

They say that every season has its purpose. In nature, Autumn bring the falling of leaves which nourish the soil, that then feeds the tree from which the leaves fell. Summer provides lots of sunlight to help plant life to flourish, which helps all life to flourish.

You might feel like you are in a difficult situation that might be likened to the harshness of Winter, but difficulty can help us to develop resilience. If it was like the Summer all of the time then we may not appreciate what we have. Every year Winter shows us what the absence of Summer is like and we appreciate it all the more when it comes around again.

In life we have challenges and we have moments in the Sun. Each has its purpose and we can use them to our advantage, if our mindset is a growth mindset and we look for the opportunities rather than the difficulties.

Read It Yourself

In the 16th Century the Bible started to be translated into European languages from Latin. Previously, Catholic clergy were predominantly the ones who understood Latin and they told their loyal followers what the Bible said. They told their followers what the teachings of the Catholic Church were too.

Once the Bible was available to be read in the common people’s own language, people began to disagree with some of the teachings of the Church. The Reformation began, the understanding of God, Jesus and the Church was reformed into many different viewpoints.

Some say that this is for the better and some for the worse. It is not a debate I intend to start here, and this is not a comment on the teachings of the Catholic Church. My point is that, much like the teachings of the Church at the time, our culture has us believing a number of things that we take for granted; we receive signposts on how to live in a similar way, we are told them. We are told how to be happy, the value of money and what success looks like.

When you read into what actually makes you happy and successful it will likely not match the messages from our culture, because our culture is influenced by those who wish to sell us things. They have an interest in the stories we are told.

So, ask why when our culture tells us to do something. Ask what the purpose is of living how we are expected to live and you will be on the road to a more enlightened way of living, and you will be happier and more successful.

How To Be Creative

Many people will say that they are just not creative, but I disagree. Everyone has been creative at least once in their lives. The difference with those who identify as creative is that they have chosen to be creative on purpose more than once, that’s it. Some people can generate more ideas than others, which is the basis for being creative for a lot of people.

To me, being creative is to take an idea and make something new out of it, it is simply to create. This seems like such a unique talent, because so many people have talked themselves out of being creative and therefore those that talk themselves into it stand out. That’s all it is.

Out of those that identify as creative there are some that will think they have to wait for the Muse to inspire them. Some will say that there is no Muse and you have to work through the bad work before you get to the good work. I kind of think both are true.

When I write poetry the poems seem to come almost fully formed and they flow out of me and if I don’t write them down they will be lost. This feels like the ancient idea of the Muse giving me inspiration, but I don’t wait for a Muse, because I don’t believe there is one. However, when ideas come I grab them and run with them, and appreciate the gift that they are.

When I write my blog, this is more of a practice. I have committed to writing a blog post every day. Some will be below average and some will light a spark that helps someone. I have chosen not to worry if the next blog post will be a hit, I just write and usually it is good, because I have gotten myself out of the way.

I think in order to be creative we need to firstly believe that we can be creative and then go and create, to have the confidence to give it a go again and again. With practice what you produce will get better and better until it is always good.

Sometimes it will feel like the Muse has given you a gem of an idea, but mostly having the practice of consistently creating, on whatever level or medium you choose will tip the balance towards being creatively successful.

Who Should We Listen To