Tag: Fulfillment

Building Calm Confidence

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I saw footage online of a Park Ranger standing in front of a wild male elephant who was clearly angry and looked ready to charge. The Park Ranger only had a thin stick to defend himself with. He raised his arms openly either side of him and stood still and calm. He gave nothing for the elephant to react to, and seeing no danger the elephant went away.

To me this is the essence of calm confidence. It is confidence in yourself regardless of what you are faced with. It comes from testing yourself, knowing your limits and having a deep understanding of your values, your beliefs and your ethics. It also comes from developing a level of skill that allows you to handle whatever comes your way. It is not boastful confidence or aggressive confidence, it has a stillness that cannot be shaken. This is calm confidence.

Building Resilient Strength

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When I think of resilience and strength I think of a tree. There are five aspects of a tree that are worth reflecting on in relation to resilient strength.

1. Flexibility

A tree will bend in the wind, which means it does not break. The flexibility to move with problems in order to overcome them means the approach you take to solve each problem can match the problem at hand. When you have a hammer every problem looks like a nail. When you have a tool box you can pick the tool that matches each problem.

2. Endurance

A tree pulls in its chlorophyll during the Autumn and Winter months to preserve its resources and giving it the ability to endure the cold and the Winter weather. A tree is securely rooted into the ground where its roots are intertwined with those of the surrounding trees. Part of its ability to endure is its connection to its community. We can more easily endure the hard times when we do so together.

3. Recycle The Negative

Every Autumn a tree loses its leaves, triggered by the drop in temperature and the incoming Winter months. The leaves land on the ground around the tree and rot into the soil, nourishing it and nourishing the tree. We can learn from every negative thing that happens to us. We can use it to build resilience and strength of character. We can only rise after a fall.

4. Having A Purpose

A tree produces fruit or nuts or seeds for the surrounding wildlife. It provides shelter from the hard weather and a home for insects and birds. It also produces the very air we breath. It’s very existence serves life, so does yours. The choice you have before you is; what specific purpose do you care about? The choice is yours.

5. Thrive

Every tree strives to be the best tree it can be. It is not self conscious or worried about what might happen, it simply aims to thrive. It takes what it needs from the ground, the air and the sun and becomes it’s best self. To be the best version of yourself that you can be should be the intention you bring to every day. Otherwise why are you here?

To Be Is To Do

Happiness, Success

This is a cryptic sounding phrase, ‘to be is to do.’ I read it recently and have been pondering its meaning. What it is referring to is being in the moment, to be in ‘flow.’

We spend a lot of our time in our heads, thinking about the past or the future. We rarely spend time in the present. We rarely just do the thing we are doing. When we just be we just do.

When you are sitting just sit, when you are standing just stand, when you are walking just walk. To be is to do.

Coaching The Mind

The Pathway To Fulfilment

The point of being present in the current moment is to stop avoiding the things you are afraid to deal with. It is not easy to be mindful of the present moment, because our thoughts take us to bad memories and worries about the future. But if you could work on these things to the point that they no longer both you, then the present becomes a beautiful place to be.

There is much work to be done in order to be fully present, to be mindful of the moment that you are in, but it is worth the work. Serenity and peace are better than anxiety and regret. You may need professional support from someone like a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, but this is a good thing.

If you want to be good at a sport you find a good coach. If you want to master your mind then you will need expert guidance. CBT is no different than a sports coach, in that they help you become better in their specialist area. Good luck and be mindful.

The Meaning Matters

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

What meaning do you put on the experiences you have? I heard a story recently of two American brothers who were wrongfully imprisoned for 25 years. When they were released they went to get their driving licences back at the American DMV they waited in line for over two hours, but to them it was a wonderful experience. The meaning they placed on the situation was that they were free. The next person in the line might have felt trapped.

A lot of the meaning we put onto the experiences we have come from our upbringing and our beliefs, but, to a degree, we can choose what situations mean to us. For example we can be grateful for a challenging situation because we learn what we are capable of or we can feel like a victim, which removes our ability to take ownership of what we then do moving forward. Choose the meaning carefully, as it can uplift you or bring you down.

Choosing Optimism

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One of the most important decisions, as Einstein has been quoted as saying, is to decide if we live in a friendly or hostile universe. The key is that it is a decision. We all have a mindset, a perspective that influences how we see everything and this will either leave us feeling as if the world is acting against us or for us.

It might sometimes feel as if the world is against us, but we can choose how we respond to the situations we find ourselves in. During the Second World War some inmates of the Nazi concentration camps gave up, but some went around helping others and giving away their last piece of bread. This is an extreme example, but those who gave themselves a purpose in the most horrendous of circumstances survived.

Life rarely asks that much of us, but we nevertheless have a choice. So, their are two choices that I would like you to make. Firstly, decide that the universe is working for you, and to reflect on what that might be like. What evidence might there be that your life is a gift? Secondly, decide on a purpose, a reason for doing what you do. This could start off being a single act that you feel passionate about and take it from there.

If the universe is working for you, every day is a blessing and everything you do will be influenced by this optimism. Having a purpose means your day will have a drive and a focus and at the end of the day you will feel fulfilled by the way you lived your life on this day and on into the future.

Living A Fulfilling Life

The Pathway To Fulfilment

I am discovering through becoming more independent and confident in my job as a Complaint Handler that my health, happiness and success are all in my hands. This is to say that only I can achieve these things for myself, through good daily habits and believing in my own capabilities. Obvious I know, but not always easy to believe.

It begins with wisdom and self mastery, which leads into health and relationships, and ultimately purpose. These are all aspects of a life well lived, a life that in and of itself is a pathway that leads towards fulfilment. When we live well fulfilment is a natural state of being.

How To Generate Wellness

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Life comes down to accumulation and balance. What we eat, drink and breathe over time becomes our bodies. The good and the bad is taken in and assimilated. The accumulation of what our body takes in every day bends towards good health or illness. The thoughts we have and the things we allow our minds to be exposed to every day will bend towards good mental and emotional health or mental illness.

Our daily habits also have an a cumulative affect. If we practice Chi Kung (Qigong), Tai Chi or Yoga every day our energy levels and energy quality will be good. If we meditate every day our mind will be calmer and more focused. If we focus on our professional success and make small improvements on a daily basis, we will succeed exponentially. It has been said that if we study a subject for one hour a day we can become a world expert in five years.

All of these things need to be balanced too. If we focus too much on our mind we will neglect our body, and vice versa. We need a synergy between mind and body where each influences the other positively. Accumulation and balance, when well managed, will generate wellness.

Live Your Life Fully

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we spend our time thinking about the future and what might happen or the past and what has happened, we fail to be present in the moment. When we live this way we miss a lot of beautiful moments through focusing on our own anxieties and dreams.

It is good to have concern over certain things in life and to have aspirations, but much of our concerns will never come true and we will not reach our aspirations if we do nothing in the present to achieve them.

We also miss an opportunity to fully experience and understand the things that happen in our lives. In order to do this we need to be more present, to be mindful of what is happening moment to moment. As a great Buddhist once said, when you sit, sit, when you stand, stand, when you walk, walk. In other words, fully do the thing you are doing. Get out of your head and into the moment.

Working Better Together

Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we look at the world, our experiences and our relationships with a strong sense of Self, then we set up an us and a them automatically. When we hold our sense of Self up with pride at what we have done or what we know or who we know or whatever, we create further division.

If we can reduce our sense of Self, even to a level where we see ourselves as equal to others, we can live a more harmonious life. The eastern idea of there being no Self can be hard to agree with or even understand, but it is clear that a strong sense of Self causes problems.

Trying to think in terms of everyone being like brothers and sisters, much like many native peoples do, then we can cooperate more and develop wonderful, supportive relationships, and make the world a better place to be. The aim is to move from division to unity by getting ourselves out of the way.

Getting Things Done

Achieving Goals, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Sometimes I have what they call fibro fog where it can be difficult to collect thoughts and think things through as easily as I normally would, which means ways that I might normally get things done don’t work. Essentially, relying on my memory falls down when the fibro fog appears.

This led me to thinking about how we each deal with things differently. Some of us are planners and need a bullet point plan before starting and some of us jump right in and figure it out along the way. There is no one right way of doing it because we each have different personalities and different challenges to face.

My advice would be to find a way that works for you by trying out different approaches to getting things done, both in your personal and professional lives. I intend to develop a fall back plan that relies on checklists and priorities that give me structure when the fibro fog appears.

I feel this approach suits me well overall as well, so I’ll give it a try and adjust as needed moving forward. I suggest you pick an approach and try it too. You can always adjust it or change it if it doesn’t work, but make sure you try it for a good few weeks before deciding if it works for you or not.

Give It A Try

Leadership, Relationships, Success

Sometimes we have people around us who act as support structures, people we go to for advice. If we are lucky we have these people amongst our family and friends. We often have them in our work environments as well. For one reason or another these people can become absent in our day to day lives, either temporarily or they just drift out of our lives.

This can create a hole that leaves us feeling anxious and in need of reassurance. This feeling can be taken as a sign to worry or it can be taken as a sign to step up and be more decisive, to taken on more responsibilities and to believe in ourselves more.

You will likely be able to do more than you believe you can. Those who support you can see what you are capable of. When they are not there it becomes time for you to see what you are capable of. It is time to step into the arena of life and give it a go, whatever it is that you are scared to do. Do it, and those around you will support you, if you let them.

How To Be Successful

The Pathway To Fulfilment

We hear a lot about motivation and striving for success, but often we chase the wrong goals because they look good on someone else. So we either gain success and feel empty or we fail because we can’t get motivated.

We get excited and get more done when we are enjoying something or it aligns with what we care about. It is hard to get motivated about something that we don’t care about, but very easy to get a lot done with very little motivation when we are passionate about the thing we are doing.

Success comes when we figure out what we care about, what we are passionate about, and we put our energy into succeeding in that area. We don’t need better motivation, we need clearer values and beliefs, because these will highlight the things we care about. Then we can be successful and feel fulfilled by the success.

Learn To Listen

Happiness, Relationships

If we listen to the language people use and the topics of conversation they drift towards you can get a sense of their priorities and values. You can figure out what they care about.

This is not a strategy to get the better of them or try to sell them something. It is a strategy, however, that can help you build better relationships. When we understand each other better we can serve each other better.

Living An Authentic Life

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often we hold a version of ourselves in our heads made up of expectations. Usually expectations of others that we have made our own. This is not who we are, it is a made up version of us. When we set these expectations we will likely fall short of them, because they are not aligned with who we are.

This creates frustration and, in some cases, depression. We need to let this version of us go and replace it by figuring out our values, our beliefs and our ethics. These three things will be essential to living a life as your authentic self. This is what is meant by being yourself. It is a lot of work, but a life well lived is worth it.

It Might Just Work

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often we are just as scared that something we do will work as we are that it might fail. If it works we may need to do more of it and try more new things. It is scary to write your own script and not follow the rules set by those that have come before us.

Real value, however, is created when we go off script and do the right thing. Not because the rules said to do it, but because it made a difference. Do you want your gravestone to read he/she followed the rules or do you want it to say he/she made a difference?

If you aim to create value and make a difference, the method you end up using will come to you. You will find a way. It may be the route less travelled, but you will make a difference.

Peace In A Divided World

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I would like to say a few words about the situation in Ukraine. There are many who are suffering, both Ukrainian civilians and Russian civilians, both Ukrainian soldiers and Russian soldiers. War makes victims of us all.

There will be Russian soldiers who do not agree with the actions of their country, but have little choice but to follow orders. There are officials in Ukraine that have the choice to treat all civilians equally, but are separating white and black refugees and prioritising those with white skin and allowing them to leave Ukraine first. War brings out the best and the worst in us all and, in my view, we should not say that Ukraine is without fault or that Russia is without salvation. Things are rarely so simple.

However, Ukraine clearly needs the world’s support in this awful situation, and we should give and do what we can. And we must also remember that there are many other war torn places in the world, and many places where there is violence; between groups of people and between individuals. For some, home is not a safe place. There is much healing needed in the world.

What can we do to make positive change in situations like the one in Ukraine? There a lots of small things we can do like donate to organisations helping support the Ukrainian people. More broadly however, you can bring peace to the world by working on your own prejudices and judgments and to work on creating more peaceful relationships in your live. We can forgive, we can rebuild, and, when needed, we can walk away. We co-create the relationships we have, which co-creates the society we live in, and the culture we have, and the country we have and so on. How we live our lives each day contributes to peace in the world or division in the world. Please choose peace.

Heal Yourself With Compassion

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We treat anger, depression and other negative states of being as things to remove or reject, but sometimes they are valid feelings and sometimes we are in the middle of experiencing such feelings and it can be hard to know what to do.

Try treating these feelings with compassion. Think of them in the same way that you would a small child. You wouldn’t reject a child for being upset or angry, you would cuddle and care for the child and help them move through the negative feelings into happier ones.

There is always a reason we feel angry or depressed. If we approach these feelings with compassion we can discover the root cause and heal it.

Transforming Suffering

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We all suffer, to some degree or another. For most it is to feel hungry or thirsty a few times a day, but we have the means to access food and drink. For some it is not having the ideal life that we want, but we have a lot of things that we do like. For some it is physical suffering like chronic pain. For some it is the mental anguish of anxiety or depression. We all fit on this spectrum at different places at various times in our lives.

When we are in the harsher end of the spectrum there is a trap that we often fall into where we think of ourselves as a victim and we ask ‘why me?’ This way of thinking makes us feel helpless. Having been there, I can tell you thinking that you are a victim makes what you are going through more intense and it lasts longer. There is a better option. We can think of the suffering in life as the curriculum we are given in order to live a fulfilling life.

I have Fibromyalgia and I am in pain every day and I often feel exhausted. I went through feeling like a victim and it did not help. I have realised that if I am to live a happier life I need to make changes to my thoughts and to my daily habits. I need to change my diet and to practice Chi Kung (Qigong) and to meditate every day, because this will reduce the pain in my body, increase my energy levels and put me in touch with the enormity of that which is outside of me.

When we suffer we can either think of ourselves as victims or we can take ownership of our journey through life. Taking ownership transforms your suffering into a curriculum and provides wise lessons, but you have to put the work in.

It Shouldn’t Be Like That

Happiness, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Quite often people say that this should not happen or this should happen. People ‘should’ all over themselves, which is to say that they project their ‘shoulds’ out into the world. The problem with this way of thinking is that it creates a kind of helplessness, because if it should be a certain way, but it isn’t, we often then have nothing that we can do about it.

It is better to see things as they are, not as you think they should be. Then decide what action you wish to take. It might be that there is a need for something to be improved and you are the person to do it. This means that you are focusing on what you can do.

Building A Community

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When a tree grows there are usually other plants and herbs that grow around it and the type of tree will often dictate what grows around it. So much do that when native people who were looking for a particular medicinal herb they would look for a particular type of tree.

The relationship between a tree and the plants and herbs that grow around it is often decades in the making. When we reflect on the many communities to which we belong we can see the time and symbiosis that is required for communities to thrive. Depending on the community we may be the tree or we may be the herb, neither has more or less values that the other, they simply serve a different function in that community.

Making A Better World

Happiness, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

What we do and what we say shapes the world we live in. Through our interactions we co-create our relationships, which in turn creates our society, which in turn creates our nations and our cultures. How we choose to live our lives will influence everything else, even if just a little.

What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

What We Focus On

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we eat an orange, or any kind of fruit, we want it to have ripened, but not to much. There is a window in time where the fruit is just right. If we wait a day or two it would not taste as good, or if we hurry ourselves and eat it a day or two sooner it will not taste as good.

We think about a great many things in these terms, whether they are ripe or not. The universal stuff that composes an orange, or anything else, does not change it’s own nature. It just organises itself into an orange and then into something else. Once we eat the orange, the parts of it that are useful to our bodies become our bodies and the rest is ejected and becomes something else.

We spend so much time focusing on the ripeness of things and we miss the truth that we are all composed of the same universal stuff, reorganised again and again. We are a happening. We are not just our conceptions based our skin colour, nationality, gender, religion or any other category. No one is better or more ‘ripe’ that anyone else. We just are.

There Is Nobody Like You

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Others may do the same job as you, live in the same area as you or have the same life experience as you, to a degree, but they are not you. You are a unique happening. You are also an essential part of this thing called life. The world needs your unique perspective and contribution to make the world a better place.

If you think you are ordinary or even less than some level of importance then you are underestimating yourself. You can thrive given the right environment and right self belief. Sometimes we need to find the right environment first. This could be a place of work or a group of friends. It is easier to believe in ourselves if others believe in us first.

Become A Problem Solver

Happiness, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I heard an interesting turn of phrase recently. Someone I was listening to online said ‘When we think of Mother Nature we could think that we have a responsibility to mother nature.’ This got me thinking about our role in the interconnected web of life and our responsibilities as co-creators of life on Earth.

We are both parent and child, so to speak. Our individual existence is both of these things and there is some responsibility in both them. This got me thinking about the ownership we choose or don’t choose to take in our lives; whether we choose to make things better or not.

Whether we like it or not, we are stewards of this world, we are taking care of the world that belongs to our grandchildren, as the saying goes. When life is seen through this point of view, we become solution focused, we become problem solvers.

Seeing Others Clearly

Happiness, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we go to the shop and we go to the till we often think of the person behind the till as just a Shop Assistant and our label of them stops there. When we see an irritating person we often think of them only in this way. The labels we use for people can often become all that we see of them.

When we stop at the label we put onto the person we are depriving them of their full humanity in our eyes and we do the same to ourselves. If you were to see a Shop Assistant as a full human being with a life outside of work, a family, hobbies and a social life then you end up treating them differently.

Of course we know that each person has these things, but we can become lazy in our labelling of the people we interact with. Labels can become prejudices that mean we see someone as a ‘type’ of person, and we put people into boxes, as if the complexity of a human life can be simplified so neatly.

When we acknowledge a person’s full humanity we remove boundaries and conflicts between us and them. We see ourselves in them and we naturally feel compassion and empathy for them. This is a powerful practice that will bring blessings into your life.

Believe In Yourself

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

No one will give you the perfect answer as to what you should do in any situation, because they are judging it based on what they would do, and they are not you. We need to make a choice and go try it, whatever it is. If it doesn’t work and we fall on our faces, we have learned something.

The trick is to know that you will always pick yourself up and try again. A bird does not avoid landing on a tree branch because it is worried that the branch may break, if they did they would never land on a tree branch. A bird’s faith is not in the branch not breaking, it’s faith is in the ability of it’s own wings.

Lean In With Empathy

Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

There are things in life we feel we are not equipped to deal with or to do, so we pull back and avoid these things. This often appears in our relationships. We pull back or we avoid topics of conversation or ways of being that scare us.

In my job I deal with complaints, so the person I talk to is usually upset, angry or both. I learned recently that I find it difficult to deal with people when they behave a certain way, so I don’t and I come across as cold and detail driven.

However, if i was to lean in with empathy, the conversation would be more productive and the other person would feel heard and respected. If you lean in with empathy in your lives the human connections you have will be much more rewarding.

Making Positive Change

Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

What we do and what we say shapes the world we live in. Through our interactions we co-create our relationships, which in turn creates our society, which in turn creates our nations and our cultures. How we choose to live our lives will influence everything else, even if just a little.

What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

Taking Ownership Of Your Life

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Our thoughts are largely made up from the information we have gathered from outside of ourselves through our five senses. Our understanding of who we are and how we should be comes from outside ourselves.

Our bodies are made up of the food and drink that we have too. If we eat an apple a couple of hours later our bodies has broken the apple down into it’s useful parts, which become our bodies and will be in the process of getting rid of the rest of it.

We are almost entirely made from that which we have gathered. However, what we do with what we gather is where we take ownership of our lives.