Tag: Fulfillment

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Step 3 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Good Health, which includes Mental and Emotional Health and two other elements which I will discuss in the coming days.

This is a topic that is often ignored or not discussed for fear of being judged or characterised negatively. However, to take on the task of ensuring your own wellbeing in this area is empowering and essential to live a fulfilling.

It creates opportunities that were otherwise obscured by the challenges that mental health difficulties create. A lot of this work is to figure out what makes us feel happy or joyful and what makes us feel sad or angry. It is understanding how we respond to the world and the people in our lives and whether our thoughts are helpful or a hindrance.

So, how will you boost your mental and emotional health this year?

You could start a journal, see a therapist, start a hobby, clear the air with someone in your life, or start meditating. There are lots of small things you can do that will make a big difference.

2022 Goals: Self Mastery

One thing that all gurus, mentors and motivational coaches advocate for is self mastery. Whether it be mindfulness meditation or achieving goals, understanding and mastering how we think, feel and act allows us to move skilfully through the world.

Step 2 in the Pathway To Fulfilment is Self Mastery, which begins with self knowledge and extends to establishing what you believe, what your values are and what your ethics are. It is a process of self examination and is built on a foundation of acquired wisdom and will lead toward Defining Your Purpose, which is Step 5.

What will you try to develop in yourself this year?

It could be overcoming procrastination or starting a journal. It could be trying new things or mastering what you already do. My advice is to pick no more than two or three things to work on at once, but start, be consistent and set deadlines for your goals, so you can check your progress.

2022 Goals: Acquiring Wisdom

Achieving Goals, Health, The Fullfilment Framework

The first Step on my Pathway To Fulfilment is Acquired Wisdom. It is the first step because without wisdom it can be hard to find happiness and success, and therefore fulfilment. On the path through life we can make bad choices and make big mistakes that cause us to suffer, due to a lack of wisdom.

What wisdom can do is reduce the suffering we experience in life, through the usual trial and error, and help us to find the right kind of happiness and success for us.

So, what ways will you seek out wisdom in 2022?

One way to acquire wisdom is to read good books. There are plenty of good books in the Recommended Reading List on the Resources page. You could also find a lot of wisdom on YouTube and where you listen to podcasts. You can also seek out mentors. There are lots of ways to acquire wisdom.

Living A Healthy Lifestyle

Drop by drop a water bucket is filled over time. The quality of the water also depends on its source. Likewise our bodies are made up of what we eat and drink, drop by drop over time.

The state of our health depends on a number of factors though. Exercise is another major contributor to good health, but exercising for 3 hours once won’t make you physically healthy. However, if you exercise for 15 minutes everyday, you will become more physically healthy. Likewise, our level and quality of Chi (Qi) depends on us practicing Chi Kung (Qigong) or Tai Chi every day.

Our state of health, whether good or bad, is an accumulation of our daily habits. If we eat junk food every day and avoid exercise, then we will put on weight and develop bad health conditions. The choice is yours, you control your habits. If you are going to try and be healthy, starting in the new year, then the good habits you form need to be actioned consistently every day.

Starting tomorrow I will be sharing posts around 2022 goals which align with the Pathway To Fulfillment.

Reducing Stress

Stress is caused by two things going on at the same time. Either we have to do something but we don’t want to, because we want to do something else, or we want to do something but we feel that we are not able to.

If there is a profession where everyone has burnout, due to stress, then I would avoid working in that profession, but if some can do it with joy and with stamina, then they are doing what they want to do and they feel they are capable of doing it.

I previously working in a special needs school for around nine years. After the first five years the children coming into the school had more challenging behaviours and physical restraints were needed more and more to keep everyone safe. I found this particularly stressful, as I was developing Fibromyalgia at the same time, so I found the physical side more difficult. I developed severe anxiety and needed to find another job.

Some of the colleagues I worked with took the job in their stride and had been doing it for over twenty years. They enjoyed the job and got a lot of fulfilment from it. It is not that the job was a bad job, it was that it was not right for me. I now work as a Complaint Handler for a bank and really enjoy it. I get to take situations where something has gone wrong and problem solve a solution that also rebuilds the relationship with the customer. Others would find my current job stressful.

My Purpose is to help others live well, which I do with this blog, but I also use it as a goal in my job. If you figure out your Purpose, then you can find a job that aligns with it and connects with your capabilities, and your level of stress will go down. However, finding a job that suits you, and you enjoy, can also help you find your Purpose.

The Lessons Of Life

The experiences we have help to steer our way through life by causing us to pull away or pull closer to aspects of life, depending on what happens to us, and the meaning we apply to the experiences.

There is a saying that ‘when the student is ready the teacher will appear.’ I believe that this is true of the experiences we have. If we look through the lens of a student as we navigate through life, then the experiences we have become our teachers.

There is a danger, however, that unless we have the clarity of wisdom, we will likely draw inaccurate conclusions and make assumptions that skew our understanding. This is why Acquiring Wisdom is the first Step in my Pathway To Fulfilment.

Life can be a great teacher when we begin with wisdom, because it opens us up to new and unexplored wisdom. If we begin with ignorance, the lessons that life offers are often not even seen and we succumb to fear, shame and anger; emotions that dominate those without wisdom.

Making Plans During A Pandemic

Achieving Goals, Success

We are approaching the end of the year and the beginning of next year. A time when we would normally be thinking about New Year Resolutions and setting goals. With the possibility of further restrictions in England in the new year, making plans seems difficult.

That being said, I believe we should still set goals for the new year. The goals will likely need to be modified or made to be more realistic, given the limitations of living through a pandemic, but as human beings, if we do not make progress, we can feel that our lives are stagnating.

So, set goals, be daring, think about where you would want to be by the end of next year without the pandemic being a factor, and then plan accordingly. Then consider how you can make those goals a reality safely while considering the pandemic. Much is possible when we have a destination and an open mind to the route to get there.

A Days Pay For A Days Work

If we sell our time and receive payment for a days worth of work, ‘a days work for a days pay,’ then at the end of the day we are even, no bond has been created and there is little ongoing connection between us and our employers.

This way of working feels empty because, as human beings, we crave connection and meaning. This way of working denies us both. If we are to feel fulfilled at the end of the day, or indeed in our lives as a whole, we need to feel connected to others, to feel like we belong in a team, a department and a company when we work.

It is better to think of a day as a chance to work in a way that makes a difference and is generous. This will bring you closer to those you work with and work for, rather than being isolated. Working in a way that aligns with your values is also very important. I would strongly advise that you find a company that has values which are compatible with your own. They do not have to be the same exactly, but they do need to be compatible.

If you work to create value, then a days work will leave you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day and excited to start work tomorrow. What you get paid will certainly help with daily living costs, but it should not be the reason we do the work we do.

Be Your Better Self

In Mahayana Buddhism, the focus is on becoming a Bodhisattva, someone who delays attaining Nirvana, or enlightenment, in order to help others to attain it first. Mahayana means ‘The Great Vehicle.” In other words no one is left behind, the vehicle that gets us to enlightenment is big enough for everyone.

This way of thinking about life opens lots of possibilities to help other people less fortunate than ourselves. It allows us to see others as equal to ourselves, and it reduces the Ego, which can tell us that we deserve expensive things when there are those who don’t even have a home.

To be a Bodhisattva is to devote one’s life to serving others and helping them attain enlightenment. I am not saying that you should drop everything, convert to Buddhism and take the Bodhisattva vows. What I am saying is that when we serve others, when we aim to lift them up and help them shine, we consequently live happier lives.

What it means to be human is live in community where everyone has a place and everyone has the chance to thrive. If we try to live this way in the various communities that we are a part of, then we will slowly change the people we are connected to for the better. We will help to change the world for the better. Small steps make big change over time.

The Gift Of Giving

Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

A lot of what we do at Christmas is traditional or habitual. We do the things we always do, whether it be national tradition or family tradition. We usually cook an enormous Christmas lunch and eat far too much, and probably watch Christmas TV. We may even watch the Queen’s speech, if you live in the UK.

We also give and receive presents, buying what we hope the recipient will like. It is a time of generosity; of spirit and of actions. We hear the story of Jesus being born in a stable with seemingly poor parents, yet they are visited by three wise men and given gold, frankincense and merr. We also hear the story of Father Christmas flying around the world and giving presents to children.

Many people give more to charity at Christmas too, as the generous spirit of the season is so infectious. It is certainly a time of giving. There is a lot of focus on the recipient when we give. Will they like it? In the case of charity, will it help them? However, there is something to be said for how giving makes us feel. When we give we feel good, but less so if we give in order to feel good, and more so if we give in order to make others feel good. I know which one I prefer.

Redefining Art

When we think of Art, we usually think of Monet, Van Gogh or some other famous painter or sculpture. We think of the things we see in art galleries, but those in Tate Modern, what is called Modern Art, is sometimes debated about regarding whether they are in fact Art.

I have an Art background and I have struggled with agreeing that some Modern Art pieces or installations are Art. The room with lights turning off and on that won the Turner Prize some years ago comes to mind.

The definition of Art given by Seth Godin in his book Linchpin is “Art is a gift that changes the recipient.” I like this definition, because it does not limit Art to particular skills or materials. He goes on to give the elements that are needed for something to be Art.

He says “Art is a personal act of courage, something one human does that creates change in another.” “By definition, Art is human… …because intent matters.” “Art is original.” “The last element that makes it art is that it’s a gift.” He also points out that “…it’s art when a great customer service person uses a conversation to convert an angry person into a raving fan.”

This definition of Art broadens it out to allow all of us to be Artists. A cook is not an Artist, but a Chef is. You too can be an Artist, so be courageous and give with the skills you have to make a difference and change someone for the better. This is a giving time of year, at Christmas, but make this a day habit and you will have a big positive impact on the world.

How We See Each Other

It is better, in my opinion, to seek to understand other people’s point of view and to respect them, even when disagreeing with their opinion. This is to try and see all people as having good sides and bad, with good habits and bad, with good fortune and with problems.

We all, really, want to be happy and avoid pain. And if we think about the people we know, those who are our friends and those we call wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend, we accept these people, warts and all. We look past any of the imperfections that they may have and we see them as beautiful people, often because of these imperfections.

Though, the way we see our partners will always be different from the way others see them, because we all see things differently, which in itself makes us all individuals. However, this capacity to see past imperfections and see beauty in others is something that we all can do, it is an ability we all share, to varying degrees.

Building Resilience

The Pathway To Fulfilment

We have many things in life that can eat away at our resilience, and we all have different level of resilience. Some things are brushed off by some and others will find them very challenging.

A lot of our resilience comes down to our thinking, on whether we have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset, and how we explain positive and negative things to ourselves. A good book on this subject is Learned Optimism by Martin E. P. Seligman, PhD.

There is also a good model for resilience called the Resilience Edge Model shown below. You can get more information about this model on the website if you follow the link above.

Looking For Clarity

When speaking about how he felt when he walked out of prison after being imprisoned for 27 years, Nelson Mandela said “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” This to me is a powerful reminder that holding onto hatred and bitterness can cause us pain, and forgiveness can bring about freedom.

This moment of clarity that Nelson Mandela had as he walked out of prison to be a free man defined how he would later lead South Africa, as its President, towards unity and reconciliation. Sometimes in our own lives we have moments of clarity that are like epiphanies and these should be cherished and be explored, because they can define how we continue to live our lives.

The decisions we make every day on how we should treat each other, how we should conduct ourselves, these are important decisions to be made. If we feel, however, that trying to find such moments of clarity is too difficult then we can look to those people greater than ourselves for their moments of clarity. We can look to people like Nelson Mandela and others for examples on how to live through what we are living through, and how to thrive.

Make A Difference

Achieving Goals, Success

We spend a lot of our time putting things off until tomorrow, but the problem with tomorrow is that we never get there. If we form a habit of putting things off then the habit means we perpetually avoid doing the thing we need to do.

For all of us, we have a day which is our last day and so much that would benefit the world goes undone, because it was put off until tomorrow.

If you want to make the world better, if you want to make a difference, then do the thing you are scared to do, do it. Go all in and do it. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work or you need to make it better. Whatever may happen, it will be better than never doing it at all.

Go and make a difference.

What Game Are You Playing?

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In life there are two types of ‘game’, the finite game and the infinite game. This is discussed by Simon Sinek in his book The Infinite Game, and he discusses it in this video. I have mentioned it on this blog before too.

The finite game is defined as having fixed rules, known players and the point is to win, which is the end of the game. Football for example. The infinite game is defined as having flexible rules, known and unknown players and the point is to stay in the game. Playing catch with your 3 year old for example.

A lot of day to day human activities are infinite; running a business, being in a relationship, customer service, being a parent, etc. However, often, especially in business, we talk about winning or being number 1 or the best at (fill in the blank), without realising that we are playing the wrong game.

There is no such thing as being number 1 at parenting, though many think they are. There is no such thing as being number 1 at customer service, though many companies claim that they are. You cannot win love or be the best at health. Somethings are just without a clear end.

Life is an infinite game. None of us will come out of it alive, but we want to keep living as long as we can. Within the many infinite games we play in our personal and professional lives there are also finite games too. There are also goals that we set which, once completed, stop as a goal and we find another one.

In life we are more likely to be successful if we play by the right rules for the different ‘games’ we play. In our relationships, we want to nourish them for the long term. When it comes to our health, we want to eat, drink and exercise for our long term health. And with anything that improves our wellbeing, if we are competing, we compete with ourselves.

Being Perfect VS Creating Value

Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we avoid putting our work out into the world or suggesting an idea we have, we will often use the excuse that it is not ready or that it is not perfect. This is a form of hiding, hiding from feedback and hiding from potential failure. When we do this the world misses out.

When we say something provides value, we mean that it has benefited a person or people, because it has entered their lives. Things that create value are never perfect, they are invariably led by human interactions, either with a thing created by a person or with a person themselves. The value comes from human connection, empathy and respect. The interaction makes someone’s life better.

To me something that creates value is ‘hand made,’ a person has created it for another person. When you speak to a company and a Customer Service Advisor goes above and beyond, when they ask about your day and mean it, this adds value. When you walk down the street and you says good morning to someone, this adds value.

This type of interaction is invaluable to the quality of life it give others. People sometimes don’t say hello to strangers or have a chat with someone because they don’t feel confident in knowing what to say. Knowing what to say is another form of perfect. You can start with “Good morning. How is your day today?” and see where the conversation goes. Most good conversations are unplanned, but both parties are fully engaged.

So, do you want to hide behind being perfect or do you want to make other people’s lives better by creating value? If you want to create value, then engage with others and see what happens. It will never be perfect, but you will potentially make someone’s day, week or year.

Understanding Vulnerability

Happiness, Success

When we think of people being vulnerable we often think of young children, old people or those with a disability. However, we can all be vulnerable at some time or other, and it can be temporary, sporadic or permanent. Life events can make us vulnerable. We could lose a loved one, lose our job, have an unexpectedly large bill to pay, suddenly become severely unwell, have a sudden increase in caring responsibilities and the list goes on.

There is a stigma often associated with admitting our vulnerabilities and companies often have a one size fits all approach, which means vulnerabilities are to considered when supporting customers. People often assume others are not vulnerable without even considering the possibility. Vulnerability is something we should be considering and showing empathy towards.

Pre-COVID times a large percentage of UK adults had less than £300 in savings, which means they would have struggled if the boiler broke or their care needed significant repairs, and this has only got worse during the pandemic. Any of us could face a large bill for something unexpected. No one predicted the COVID-19 pandemic but it has left so many people vulnerable.

So, let’s be open about our vulnerabilities and show empathy towards others who may be struggling. Anyone you meet maybe struggling, so be kind, always.

How To Be Number 1

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

The idea of being number 1 is based on finite thinking. Companies all the time state they are number 1, but this is always based on their own criteria. Often it had has also been part of a winner takes all system that puts colleagues against each other for the fight to earn the most money. Both of these ways of thinking are destructive.

We are also transitioning from the industrial age where factories were king and we are entering the communication age where anyone can start a business with a laptop and a WIFI connection.

This new disruptive way of working is making the old way of working more scarce, where we are paid to do what we are told. This is because companies are in a race to do things cheaper and many jobs have been automated. You can spend decades working for a company only to be made redundant because technology or someone in another country can do your job cheaper.

As bleak as this seems, it provides a tremendous opportunity to become indispensable. Rather than trying to be number 1 in a particular category, invent your own category, a category of 1. Being the best at being you will mean you become a Linchpin, as Seth Godin calls it; someone who is indispensable. So go take on the challenges that those who would rather follow orders won’t tackle.

Go solve interesting problems and go and lead. This is how you gain job security in a cheaper is better business world, because there are companies that understand that human is better, not cheaper.

Your Best Self Is Yourself

Many of us want to be like Steve Jobs or Michael Jordon or Barak Obama, but the world already has these people. If we are to strive to be like anybody else we lose, because we lose ourselves in the process.

We can certainly learn lessons from these people, in fact we should learn their lessons, but more important are the lessons we teach ourselves through trying and failing and trying again. When we try new things we learn how We do such things, what our strengths and skills are and how we can use them effectively in the world.

Don’t strive to be the next anybody, strive to be the best version of yourself that you can. Read, watch and learn the lessons of others, understand the wisdom that has come with their experience, but never avoid going out into the world and gaining your own wisdom through your experience.

If nothing else, learn how to be yourself and seek to make a difference in the world, and you will.

Seeing And Being Seen

Happiness, Leadership, Success

Recently, I saw a homeless man asking for change and I stopped to give him some money. I looked at him straight in the eyes, smiled and I said “have a lovely day.” The fact that I acknowledged him and made a human contact seemed to mean more to him than the money. Hundreds of people must walk past him every day and ignore him. I made him feel seen.

This is the power of being seen. Not just looked at but acknowledged and appreciated. Seeing the other person as just as important, as a human being. And when you see other people in this way you make tangible, authentic relationships with them.

To see someone and to be seen by someone are the central connection that creates opportunities to thrive, together.

The Gift Of Giving

Giving is a mind-set, it should not be limited to single acts of generosity. It is something that we can strive to do every moment of our lives. Each time someone shows me kindness by giving me something I try to do something similar for somebody else. I say try, because I do not always get the chance or think to do it, but I do try. And I think in giving back to others that which has been given to us, is putting positive actions out into the world, in the hope that they will be passed onto others again and again, so that we can all build a better world together, just by giving what we can, when we can.

One of the things that I have come to realise is a precious gift to give someone is to listen to them. To give your time to actively listen to what other people want to talk to you about. By ‘actively listen to them’ I mean to not allow your mind to wander, to give the person your full attention and to show them that you are listening to them, with your body language and the way you respond to what they are saying. It doesn’t matter if it is something seemingly unimportant, or something that is very difficult for the other person to deal with, whatever it is, just listening can be a gift.

Stress In The Workplace

There are many jobs which are naturally stressful, like being a Fireman/woman or a Police Officer. There are, however, many jobs which are not inherently stressful, but the working environment makes them so. This is the main cause of stress in the workplace, I would say.

If colleagues are pitted against each other in compitition to earn bonuses, a cut throat, winner take all culture will develop. If colleagues are encouraged to collaborate and find fair outcomes for customers, then a supportive and uplifting culture will develop.

Another consideration is whether things like the values and operating rhythm of the workplace match your own. In other words, are you a good fit for your workplace and your role. Figuring out your own values and how you work best is a great place to start.

Sometimes though, the problem is the view you have of the work you do. I work in complaints and I could say that I speak to angry and rude people all day long, but I don’t. In fact, I speak to people who have problems, often caused by the company I work for, and it is my job to fix the problems and rebuild the relationships between the customers and the company. In other words, see them as human beings first and take responsibility for fixing their issues.

The views we have can blind us to the opportunities that problems provide.

Meet People Where They Are

When we have big plans or we want to bring something new into the world or we are strong with our views, we often forget to see the position other people are in, because we are so focused on our own message.

This way of communicating often feels natural or the right way to behave, but when we do we miss a huge opportunity. When we communicate in this way we meet people where we are, we project 100 percent outwards. This often causes clashes and conflict, because others are doing the same thing.

We could let others communicate 100 percent and become completely passive, but this is not good either. The ideal is to meet people where they are and where we are and aim for a 50/50 exchange. This involves actively listening and caring about the other person and taking turns. All very basic things to do, but often forget to do them.

What To Be Grateful For

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Recently I have begun to realise that I am getting on in years. Next year I will have my 40th birthday, a number that seems a lot bigger now it is pending in my life. I’ve also got more grey hair appearing. At first I had the usual fear based reaction that makes you question if you’ve done all that you set out to do and makes you reassess everything.

I felt myself going down a rabbit hole of despair and I caught myself and six words changed my mindset immediately. I am grateful for the grey. Many people do not live to 40. I realised that every year, every day is a privilege many have not had.

Advertising companies and our culture in general will have you wanting to be grateful for material things, things that you can buy and own. In my view these are the wrong things to be grateful for, as nice as they are.

Be grateful for waking up this morning, for have the health that you have, the partner you have, for having a home and food to eat, for having a job that pays the bills, for having friends and colleagues, for the challenges that help you grow, and for having been born at all.

If you are grateful for these things then your life will be so much happier and you will live a more present life.

Love What You Do

We hear the motivational mantra “Do what you love” a lot in the motivational coaching sphere, and in society generally, but I think it is bad advice if the suggestion is to have the thing you love as your source of income. The thing you love may not be something that you can be paid to do, or at least difficult to get paid for.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t do what you love, but assuming everyone can is misleading. By all means do what you love, but make sure your rent and bills are paid. You will find it even harder to be a success if you end up homeless.

When you are wanting to be successful it is more effective to love what you do. Some people sell coffee in a coffee shop, others create meaningful experiences for customer that lift their day and make them feel good, while selling them coffee. Some manage a team, others lead a team in such a way that every member of the team contributes and works towards a shared vision.

You get my point. Sometimes it is better to love what you do, but also do what you love when you can. We all want different things and have different life experiences and constraints. Don’t feel that you have to do what you love because society says so, do what is best for you.

Always Look For Beauty