Tag: Leadership

The Law Of Influence

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The third Law of Stratospheric Success for the book The Go-Giver is The Law of Influence.

“Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.”

The Go-Giver

We all know people that regularly put themselves first, who ensure that their interests are met before focusing on others. Generally we do not trust these people. We have a built-in sense of community and what makes a community work. Instinctively we do not trust selfish people. Instinctively we trust those who take care of others first.

We also know when someone is pretending to care about others. Genuine empathy and compassion build strong bonds. So if you put the interests of others first then you will be trusted and your opinion is more respected. Therefore, the more you put others first the more influence you have. A good leader is a servant leader. They serve those that they lead. If you do not have a good leader to follow then be a good leader yourself.

Give Yourself Permission

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

For a long time I have struggled with achieving the same levels of success as my peers. I have questioned whether there is something wrong with me or if everyone else is just better than me and then I had a revelation. I had this revelation a few weeks ago, but it felt like just a theory and, consequently, I did not apply it to my life straight away. The revelation was that I can give myself permission to thrive.

This might sound silly or somewhat obvious, but I have grown up with others doing things for me a lot of the time. My parents took such good care of me I barely had to struggle or strive for anything. I benefited from the privilege of being white and middle class too. All this meant that when I hit the real world I subconsciously expected things to carry on as easily as they have always done, but they didn’t. Consequently, I felt average and mediocre.

What I needed to do was give myself permission to take ownership of my life, my health and my work. When I have been in leadership positions I have worked well in these roles and been a decent servant leader, but when I thought about describing myself in this way it felt disingenuous. The core of my realisation is that when others asked me to step into these roles I thrived and rather than waiting for others to give me permission, I can simply give myself permission.

This became empowering, where before I felt rather disempowered. Weirdly, for the first time I felt like I could take ownership of my life, fully and wholeheartedly, and you can too. Give yourself permission; own your life and you can thrive.

Taking Responsibility

Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

This week Conservative MP David Davis stood up in Parliament and commented on how Prime Minister Boris Johnson has not shouldered the responsibility for the actions he has taken and that he should go.

I am not going to get into a discussion about what the UK Prime Minister should or should not have done, but the point David Davis made applies to us all. He meant it to be something leaders do, but we are all leader in some capacity.

When we make mistakes or make errors in judgement, the right thing to do is to take responsibility for them having happened and to fix them, in whatever way we can.

It is a measure of our integrity that we act ethically, even when no one is watching.

Looking For Clarity

The Pathway To Fulfilment

When speaking about how he felt when he walked out of prison after being imprisoned for 27 years, Nelson Mandela said “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” This to me is a powerful reminder that holding onto hatred and bitterness can cause us pain, and forgiveness can bring about freedom.

This moment of clarity that Nelson Mandela had as he walked out of prison to be a free man defined how he would later lead South Africa, as its President, towards unity and reconciliation. Sometimes in our own lives we have moments of clarity that are like epiphanies and these should be cherished and be explored, because they can define how we continue to live our lives.

The decisions we make every day on how we should treat each other, how we should conduct ourselves, these are important decisions to be made. If we feel, however, that trying to find such moments of clarity is too difficult then we can look to those people greater than ourselves for their moments of clarity. We can look to people like Nelson Mandela and others for examples on how to live through what we are living through, and how to thrive.

Working In Tandem

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

I was walking to work yesterday and an elderly couple passed me on a tandem bike and it occurred to me that this is a good metaphor for good leadership.

On a tandem bike the person at the front, the ‘Leader,’ directs the whole ‘team’ in a particular agreed direction and the person at the back, the ‘Worker,’ trusts that the direction they are going is right.

Also, both the Leader and the Worker put in the work to move the whole team forward. Each has their own role, the Leader’s job is to say I am going over there based on their vision and ask the Workers to follow them, but the Workers have to agree to get on the bike and put in the work to move everyone forward. In other words the Workers have to be enrolled in the direct the Leader wants to go.

The Leader has to have the trust of the Workers and, ideally, they should have values that are aligned with each other. We usually follow someone we trust and trust is based on shared values and strong relationships.

So, if you are a leader, make sure you have the back of everyone you lead and take the risk of leading; in other words you own failures and you give away praise to your team for the successes.

Recommended Book: Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek

Book Recommendation

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
― Simon Sinek

Image source: Amazon UK

Buy this book here

Why Read This Book

If you are in a leadership position, or are aspiring to be. this is an essential book to read. Also, if you want to help improve the culture of your workplace or to understand what it means to be a great leader,this is the book for you.

Contents

Part 1: Our need to feel safe

  • Protection from above
  • Employees are people too
  • Belonging
  • Yeah, but . . .

Part 2: Powerful forces

  • When enough is enough
  • E.D.S.O.
  • The big C
  • Why we have leaders

Part 3: Reality

  • The courage to do the right thing
  • Snowmobile in the desert

Part 4: How we got here

  • The boom before the bust
  • The boomers all grown up

Part 5: The abstract challenge

  • Abstraction kills
  • Modern abstraction
  • Managing the abstraction
  • Imbalance

Part 6: Destructive abundance

  • Leadership lesson 1: So goes the culture, so goes the company
  • Leadership lesson 2: So goes the leader, so goes the culture
  • Leadership lesson 3: Integrity matters
  • Leadership lesson 4: Friends matter
  • Leadership lesson 5: Lead the people, not the numbers

Part 7: A society of addicts

  • At the center of all our problems is us
  • At any expense
  • The abstract generation

Part 8: Becoming a leader

  • Step 12
  • Shared struggle
  • We need more leaders.
  • Appendix: A Practical Guide to Leading Millenials
  • Acknowledgements
  • Notes
  • Bibliography
  • Index

Summary

This book primarily explains why it is the role of leadership in organisations to take care of those in their charge, rather than just being in charge. The concept of the circle of safety within an organisation that means we are protected from outside dangers like the effects of the stock market or new innovations, and pandemics, which in turn creates more trust, cooperation and innovation. When we feel like we do not have to protect ourselves from our bosses, who might sack us if our numbers are not as high as they want them to be, then the organisation collectively works harder to protect the company from outside dangers.

The book also talks about how inhuman our decisions can become the further away we get from the people they effect. We have evolved to keep clear social links with around 150 people, so big organisations can mean the leaders at the top do not personally know those at the bottom, and the book talks about how leaders can resolve this by creating the right culture in their organisation. There are five leadership lessons, backed up by examples of both how it can go wrong and how it can go right. And the book ends with advice on becoming a leader and a new additional chapter on leading Millenials.

Brexit: Them and Us

Happiness, Leadership, Success

“Not one of us can rest, be happy, be at home, be at peace with ourselves, until we end hatred and division.”

– John Lewis

Them and Us

We have officially left the EU and have become an island unto ourselves. Times they are a changing, as the song goes, and it is important to reflect on the consequences of this change. There are two other growing parallel changes in the world as we move forward into the 21st century. Over the past few years, there has been a resurgence of nationalism is America and in countries across Europe, including the United Kingdom. Our departure from the EU has elevated the idea of ‘Britain First’ from the small conversations of the few into a more national conversation. You may have voted to remain or to leave the EU, you may now wish you had voted differently. Either way, we must be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking we are above or better than the countries of Europe, just because we say we are.

There has also been a rise in those who wish to protect our planet from the global, environmental crisis, which is becoming a movement that spans the world. This is being led by our youth, the ones who will be living in the world to come. They are trying to save their future, as the adults of the world appear to be trying to save their own national and personal priorities. Our strengths are always evident when we come together to achieve great things. Our weaknesses are evident when we separate into factions and try to take care only of our own.

Tribes

There is something inside human beings that pushes us towards trying to belong to a group. Wanting to belong to a group is a drive that is part of our evolution. In caveman times, it was safer to be in a group of people who would look out for our wellbeing; that would keep watch while we slept and would catch food so that everyone in the group could eat. Being part of a group, or a tribe, is a very human thing to do, and most of the time there is nothing wrong with this.

We support football teams, we belong to congregations, we are identified by the country in which we were born, the religion we follow, the ethnic roots we have. It is normal and adds to the variety of our communities and gives the individual, whether child or adult, a sense of not only safety, but also an understanding of themselves. However, what we need to be careful of is other people hijacking our drive to belong to a group, by setting us against people who belong to other groups. This is when we have real division, which then breads conflict. This happens in many places in the different areas of our lives; in the workplace, in schools, in social groups and in families.

Conflict On Demand

This is where division comes from, the dividing up of them and us. It happens with small groups of people and with countries, it happens with religions and with ethnicities, it happens between popular people and those who are not popular. We are fed conflict as entertainment, whether it is in the Big Brother house or characters in a soap opera, there is a pervasive message in modern culture that conflict between individuals or groups of people is entertaining.

If you think about the plays of Shakespeare, blockbuster films and programs on TV, there is very little that does not have a strong element of conflict. It would seem that there is a human desire to experience conflict, but when this spills out into our lives and we argue with other people, when we try to dominate other people or we create division between other people, this is when our actions and words bring conflict into the world.

The tensions and conflicts around the world, pose complex issues steeped in a human history of conflict across both national and religious lines, including the Crusades, the World Wars and the so-called War on Terror. What we need is exceptional leadership to guide us out of the darkness into the light. But that leaves people like you and me with a problem, what can we do to stem the flow towards division and conflict.

What Can We Do?

Well, what we do and what we say shapes the world we live in. Through our interactions we co-create our relationships, which in turn creates our society, which in turn creates our nations and our cultures. How we choose to live our lives will influence everything else, even if just a little.

What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

Often the best way to stop others trying to create an argument with us, or fight with us, on an individual level, is to not participate in the conflict, because then it fizzles out. If a fire has no fuel it will go out. A conflict needs two participating sides, if one side comes to the situation with peace, compassion and forgiveness, then healing can take place, because every attempt to create conflict does wound the other person, but if they do not retaliate then healing and harmony is possible. And when this happens, both sides are healed.

Those who are the angriest are the ones who suffer the most, because to be angry is to suffer. The best way to respond to anger is with compassion, because they are suffering, and compassion can extinguish anger. Nelson Mandela taught the world that forgiveness can free the soul and can break the cycle of fear and violence that can seem inescapable. There are inspirations in our global culture that lead us towards the light of freedom, forgiveness, compassion and love.

Healing Ourselves First

The words of the 1991 song by Micheal Jackson, Heal the World come to mind, “Heal The World, Make It A Better Place, For You And For Me, And The Entire Human Race.” And I believe that we can heal the world, one human interaction at a time, but we must start with ourselves. If we heal the divisions within ourselves; the prejudices and the grudges, we are more able to heal the divisions between ourselves and those in our lives.

I am not in any way negating the realities of the challenging daily lives in which we live. I am not assuming a totally peaceful Utopian ideal world is at our fingers tips either, but if each of us, in our own way, considers small ways in which we can connect more with our friends and families, neighbours and work colleagues on a more human level, this would be a great start. Taking the time, when possible, to make perhaps a bit more of an effort in ways that you may already be doing, to chat and ask after each other’s wellbeing, share a story or a joke. Our children and others will see this and perhaps change their own behaviour for the better.

Even though it seems such a small thing to do, there is evidence of efforts of this kind having a genuinely positive effect on those doing this and on those around them. So, I ask of you, in your own way, to have a think about what you can do, and what you may have thought about doing, along these lines, but have not done yet, because for one reason or another you just haven’t. Make that call to that friend or relative, knock on that door. Lift your head and give a sign of greeting and even stop for a quick chat with that neighbour or colleague at work. Connect with your eyes, words and smiles. Chances are the world will start smiling back at you a lot more often too.

The importance of leadership

Leadership

“Leadership is not about the next election,

it’s about the next generation.”

– Simon Sinek

 

Imagine a world where there was no leadership, what would it be like. There would undoubtedly be an upsurge in chaos throughout every sphere of human culture. What about good leadership? What happens when we have no good leadership? To me good leadership is about taking care of those around you as much as it is about having a vision and leading people towards that vision. If people in any organisation are not looked after, whether it be within a voluntary organisation like a church or a business with a thousand employees or more, these people will invariably become self serving and feel that they have to watch there back in fear of losing their job. Anxiety goes up, well-being goes down and eventually the organisation collapses under the strain through the self serving actions of people create splits into tribalism or the selfish actions of some cause massive detriment to others in the organisation and those outside of it as well.

 

Morality in leadership

The price of bad leadership is very high. Just look at what is happening in the US at the moment. Almost all of the actions President Donald Trump makes are self serving, which causes those around him to compromise on their own ethics and the office of the President, which is supposed to lead and support the people, becomes eroded. This highlights very strongly in my eyes that good leadership requires a higher morality, either taken from religious, philosophical or secular ideals. This higher morality must come from something outside of ourselves, something that is a guiding star in all decisions and actions made by a leader.

 

Inspiration in leadership

It is well understood that good leaders inspire others to follow them, but many leaders fall back on the default of managing those they lead rather than inspiring them. If you only manage the work of others then they will do their job but they will rarely show any brilliance in what they do, they will do the minimum and go home at the end of the day unfulfilled. A good leader creates leaders in others, they actively encourage others to strive towards an ideal that allows them to be more than they believe that they can be, because the vision laid out be the leadership demands it. This is how innovation happens, how social action happens, how people change the world for the better, through the creation of a vision of a better world.

 

Humility in leadership

There is a term which gets bounded around quite a bit when talking about leadership and that is ‘servant leader’. A servant leader is someone who’s primary drive is to take care of those they lead, someone who lifts people up, who builds confidence and skills in others so that they can excel at what they do. When someone is looked after by the leadership in their organisation then they will do everything they can to move that organisation forwards. This is not top-down leadership, this is ubuntu leadership. Ubuntu is a South African word that means “I am because of you.” It is absolute respect and compassion for every other human being. When this is the focus of the leadership then those they lead will feel like there organisation is more like a family than a workplace.

 

“Everyone who takes care of

those around them can be a leader.”

 

If these three things can be manifested in leadership then the world will be better for it. You might be reading this blog post and be thinking that you could not be a leader, but I would politely disagree. Everyone who takes care of those around them can be a leader. If at your workplace you make sure that everyone else is OK, if you regularly ask them how they are doing and offer them solutions to their problems you are a leader. Even if you are not in an obvious leadership role, but you look after your team and help them move forwards in what they are doing you are a leader. To be a great leader we must also have the capacity to inspire others to follow a vision of a better world and to have a strong moral compass to guide us through the tough times.

 

Something to reflect on:

In your life who would you consider to be a good leader and who would you consider to be a great leader? What is it that make them such a good or great leader? Are these things that you could do to become a great leader yourself? Leadership is a mindset with actions to back this mindset up. Let us lead humanity to a better place.

5 Things all effective leaders need to have

Leadership

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

– John C. Maxwell

 

When it comes to effective leadership profit margins and performance projections are not the game. A leaders job is to know where they are leading their followers and to be able to articulate it in such a way as to inspire their followers to move in that direction together and to look after those that they lead. Leadership is about vision, energy, wisdom, human connection and having a moral compass.

Vision

Simon Sinek talks frequently about leadership and the need to have a vision and his vision is “I imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single day inspired to go to work, feel safe when they are there and return home fulfilled at the end of the day.” My vision is of a world where the vast majority of people collaborate to help each other lead happy and successful lives and live fulfilling lives as a result. This is why I created and continue to write this blog. I would not be so bold as to compare myself to Simon Sinek, we are not even in the same league, but what I am pointing out is that a vision is of a world in which we want to live, it is tangible, it is something we can imagine and work towards.

The job of a leader is to instill their vision in the culture of those who they lead, so no one is fuzzy on the direction that they are going in. This means that the vision becomes a part of everything that the members of a team or the employees of a company do on a daily basis. When Managers only reward short term gains, like reaching a profit margin, then the whole thing becomes unstable and often collapses, but a vision is something that is almost unreachable, it is a north star which we will never reach, but it points us to where we are going. It is therefore a constant and creates a successful and stable working environment, which breads more creativity and innovation, because the vision is clear and the team or the employees feel safe to take creative leaps.

Energy

It is no accident that effective leaders have lots of energy, because energy is infectious and we are drawn to those with energy. If a leader uses energy well they energise the people around them and they diffuse it into the culture of their workplace, causing their team to put there mental, emotional and physical resources to the task of working towards the shared vision, towards the north star of that team and that company.

This only works, however, when the leader in question actively interacts with their team or their employees. Whether you are a CEO or a Team Leader passing your energy onto those under your charge is an essential ingredient of effective leadership, it is part of making a human connection with those that you lead, because for someone to follow you they need to trust you, and trust is built up over time through positive interactions where, as a leader, you look after those in your charge.

Wisdom

It takes time to become an effective leader, it is a combination of both knowledge and experience, along with the other traits I am discussing in this blog post. It has been found that the most effective leaders are between the ages of 45 and 70. This is the sweat spot for effective leadership. Wisdom is a term that is banded around a lot, sometimes it is referred to when talking about people in their 80s and 90s, but I do not think that it is necessarily always about age.

I believe it is about the daily pursuit of knowledge and understanding of how to do the things we care about well. It is about us putting this knowledge and understanding to the test of experience every day, and on the other side of failure after failure we find wisdom. It is a deep understanding of how and why the thoughts, speech and actions of greatness result in this outcome. It also takes time to become wise, which would account for the age range within which we find effective leadership.

Human Connection

When leaders are in charge of a small team of people there are day to day human connections. Everyone knows the names of each others children, everyone’s lives are intertwined. The team will work and socialise together and relationships are built up over time through many many little interactions that amount to strong human connections. Therefore the leader needs to be adept at building and encouraging these connections, these relationships. Empathy is a strong component in these relationships, to connect emotionally on an individual level.

Empathy is a cornerstone of any human relationship and a good leader knows that teams and companies are not built on money or products, they are built on human relationships, because 100% of employees are human beings and 100% of customers are human beings. An effective leaders job is to look after their team or their employees and their employees will look after the customers. This is how sustainable businesses grow, and the stakeholders will benefit from this model more than if the leaders only focused on what the stakeholders wanted.

Moral Compass

As leaders rise up the ranks they become more and more detached from the employees they lead, so empathy no longer works, human connections become lessened, because there are less of the little interactions that add up to a working relationship. This is why empathy decreases in effective leaders in higher ranking positions, but it is in fact replaced by compassion. In other words they become more focused on doing the right thing even when it is hard.

This compassion is their moral compass, which becomes more prominent in effective leaders over time. It is detached from the individual employees that the leader is leading, but it is focused on doing what is right for all of the employees in their charge. Even if they are the CEO of their company, an effective leader is dedicated to doing the right thing, even when there is pressure to do the easy thing and put profits over people.

Effective leaders need to have a vision and clearly communicate it out to those they lead. They need to use empathy to make real connections with the team they lead. They also need to engage their moral compass of compassion when leading from a more senior position when they cannot rely on close working relationships to support and guide their employees. Being an effective leader has a lot to do with knowing that people are more important than profits, because effective leaders create effective leaders in those that they lead. To be a great and effective leader we have to make sure we look after the person to the right of us and the person to the left of us and we can all do that.

5 Books to help you get your life on track

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

“Books are the training weights of the mind.”

-Epictetus

 

Books, it has been said, are windows into the soul and the doorways into dreams, but they also have the function by which we broaden our minds, sharpening our intellect and help ourselves live better lives. They are signposts on the path to happiness, success and fulfilment, the ingredients of a life well lived. These are 5 books that I believe will lead to a life well lived. They span the categories of health, self-improvement and spirituality. All three of these categories relate to the Foundation in my Fullfilment Framework, which is an evolving framework which I believe will lead to living a fulfilled life. (You can click on the titles of the books to take you to Amazon should you wish to buy a copy, though there are many other excellent online outlets where you could buy the books).

 

1. Start With Why, How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone To Take Action by Simon Sinek

 

“There are many ways to motivate people to do things, but loyalty comes from the ability to inspire people. Only when the WHY is clear and when people believe what you believe can a true loyal relationship develop.”

 

I am going to begin with Start With Why, an excellent book for figuring out your own ‘Why’, whether as an individual or as a company. Our ‘Why’ is our purpose, our reason for being, it is the thing that is behind every decision we make and every action we take, it is an essential part of our mind, body and soul. Our ‘Why’ is formed by the time we are in our early 20s, but many of us do not know what it is, or we do but we do not understand it well enough to utilise it in making a fulfilled life for ourselves. It is only now in my mid-thirties that I have figured out my ‘Why’, which is to help others be fulfilled in their lives. My Why is the motivation I use when at work, at church, with friends or with family, it is also the reason I have begun writing this blog.

This book takes us through the world that does not start with Why and the consequences of it. It then goes on to talk about the biology of our human brains and how the concept of Why is in harmony with our biology. It then goes on to discuss the successes various famous people and companies have had because they know their ‘Why’. The book is an excellent introduction to the concept of having a Why and it will help you figure out what your Why is, so you can align your life with it.

 

2. The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard

 

“We must ask: When will we be ready to ascend to another level of existence.”

 

This book is about focusing your life for success. It begins with ‘The Declaration of Personal Power.’ It is about reclaiming our sense of self and channeling our energy into self renewal and success in our lives. Section One in the book looks at our human nature and how we are affected by freedom, fear and motivation. We have conditioned responses to each of these, but if we were to take control of our responses then we can be free, courageous and generate our own motivation.

Section Two goes through a list of nine declaration on what we shall do, for example, “We Shall Reclaim Our Agenda” and “We Shall Defeat Our Demons.” These declaration empower us to be in the driving seat of our lives so that we can make our lives magnificent. This is something we can all do, every single one of us.

 

3. Healing Foods, Eat Your Way to a Healthier Life by Neal’s Yard Remedies

 

“The food we eat has an overreaching effect on our health and well-being, whether we are conscious of it or not.”

 

This book contains a wealth of knowledge about how food can be used to heal and to help us live a healthy life. It begins with different dietary patterns and diversity from around the world. It compares GM foods to food the way nature intended (organic) and it goes through the benefits of supplements. The main body if the book is an extensive look at the foods that heal. The food types are divided into Fruits, Vegetables, Nuts, Seeds and Sprouts, Medicinal Herbs, Culinary Herbs, Cereals and Grains, Pulses, Spices, Fats and Oils, Fermented Foods, Meats, Oily Fish and Other Foods. There is also a section with some wonderful Recipes That Heal and recipes set out into daily meals and types of foods. For a healthy body and a sense of well-being, our physical health is essential. Everything tat we eat and drink becomes our bodies, we are what we eat.

 

4. The Way of Qigong, The Art and Science of Chinese Energy Healing by Kenneth S. Cohen

 

“Qi is the Chinese word for “life energy.”… …Gong means “work” or “benefit acquired through perseverance and practice.” Thus, qigong means working with the life energy, learning how to control the flow and distribution of qi to improve the health and harmony of mind and body.”

 

Qigong is an ancient practice of generating and controlling the energy that flows through our bodies, which is a distinctly Eastern practice and a major part of Chinese medicine. In the Western model of medicine the focus is on treating the symptoms without trying to find the cause(s). I have experienced this first hand with my onset of Fibromyalgia. I went to see a variety of experts who could only see their specific section of the body and its functions, but having been treated by practitioners of Chinese medicine I can vouch for the fact that the focus is more on the whole body and fixing the cause of the illness, to bring the body back into balance.

This book firstly explains what Qigong is, its history and scientific evidence proving that it works. It then explains Qigong basics, ways of using Qigong to heal yourself and living a Qigong lifestyle. The book goes into a lot of depth, but explains everything in a way that makes sense and is easy to follow, with physical practices that are not very different from Tai Chi. In the West energy healing, or Qigong, is little known about, but it is slowly filtering into our culture in the same way that Martial Arts, Yoga and Tai Chi have done, it is only a matter of time.

 

 

5. Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life by Lama Marut

 

“This book is for desperados. It’s for those who know life is short and who are tired of wasting day after day in low-level unhappiness as they wait for the next high-level version… …It’s a guide for those tired of trying to become well-adjusted to a perverse society and who are willing – even eager – to deviate from the norm.”

 

This book comes from a Buddhist standpoint, but it acknowledges the teachings of other world religions, and takes a common sense view of how to live a spiritual life, which, as every Prophet and Sage has taught, usually goes against the system. In our case it goes against the Capitalist culture we live in, which is designed to keep us unhappy, so we will keep buying things to keep the economy rolling on. Stepping off this hamster wheel and fighting the power by being content is the first step, because contentment is entry level happiness, the first step towards enlightenment, or perfect happiness.

What I like about this book is the short sections within each chapter which allow us to absorb the points made and practices suggested. There is also a Couch Potato Contemplation and an Action Plan at the end of each chapter. The Couch Potato Contemplation is something to reflect on from the chapter that you have just read, but rather than treating it like a serious meditation, it is something to just sit and think about while sat on the couch. The Action Plan is a behaviour to try and embody based on the teachings in the chapter we have just read, something simple but that challenges the status quo for the better. Each section also has a QR code that we can scan with our mobile phone, which takes us to YouTube Videos of Lama Marut giving teachings related to the section we have just read, to embed the learning and explore the ideas presented.

 

There is a Recommended Reading List on my blog site that has these books and many others under the categories:

  • Happiness, Health and Success
  • Theology and Philosophy
  • History and Science
  • Fiction

 

 

Resources

 

YouTube Channel of Dr John Bergman, who talks about how to achieve good health naturally without chemicals like medication.

YouTube Channel of Lama Marut, a Buddhist Lama who teaches deep Buddhist teachings in easy to understand lectures.

Website of Jim MacRitchie, a Qigong Acupuncturist who teaches Qigong classes (There are free Qigong resources on this website).

Website of Simon Sinek, discussing the concept of ‘Why’ and resources to use this concept to improve your life and that of others.

Bad leadership and what to do about it

Leadership

We have seen the recent beginning and ending of bad leadership in the world on a global level. The electing of President Trump in America has seen the divisions across the lines of race that go back to the American civil war come out into the open, somewhat encouraged by the words and actions of the President, who seems unable to be a great leader, which such a position really does demand. We have also seen the end of Robert Mugabe’s 37 year reign as President of Zimbabwe, to the joy of the people of Zimbabwe. I mention these examples to illustrate the seemingly divided world we now live in. The tone of whether society is divided or united comes from the national leaders that we have, whether this be a President or a Prime Minister, because what is acceptable in society often comes from the words and actions of our global leaders.

If we take the case of President Trump, his comments and actions have stirred up hatred of many minorities, including Black people, Muslims and Mexicans, especially with him recently retweeting videos from the far-right group Britain First. It is this type of divisive thinking that creates much of the division that happens in the world, from person to person and nation to nation, the flames of which are often fanned by the media coverage of such unpleasantness. What the American election of the current President, and the rallies and debates that preceded it, highlight for me, is the desperate need for good leaders to lead the many countries of the world. Good global leaders are people who inspire others to take positive action for the greater good of society and inter-global relationships. They create a situation where people feel safe and valued; they encourage cooperation, stewardship and integrity. But that leaves people like you and me with a problem, what can we do to stem the flow towards division and conflict.

Well, what we do and what we say shapes the world we live in. Through our interactions we co-create our relationships, which in turn creates our society, which in turn creates our nations and our cultures. How we choose to live our lives will influence everything else, even if just a little. What we need is a harmony revolution, because the only sensible way to counteract division in our own lives is to bring people together in harmony. By harmony I mean, to use a metaphor, the bringing together of very different instruments into an orchestra to create beautiful music. When we come together as human beings and we share what makes us unique, then we can collaborate, cooperate, and co-create. We can make the world a better place to be.

Taking the time, when possible, to make perhaps a bit more of an effort in ways that you may already be doing, to chat and ask after each other’s wellbeing, share a story or a joke. Our children and others will see this and perhaps change their own behaviour for the better. Even though it seems such a small thing to do, there is evidence of efforts of this kind having a genuinely positive effect on those doing this and on those around them witnessing it as well. So, I ask of you all, in your own way, to have a think about what you can do, and what you may have thought about doing, along these lines, but have not done yet, because for one reason or another you just haven’t. Make that call to that friend or relative, knock on that door. Lift your head and give a sign of greeting and even stop for a quick chat with that neighbour or colleague at work. Connect with your eyes, words and smiles. Chances are the world will start smiling back at you a lot more often too.

Standing by your principles 

Leadership, Success

The recent political debacle in the UK has highlighted to me the need to stand by your principles, and to spend time working out what your principles are, because they are the framework for every decision you make and every action you take. You could say that your principles define you, so you need to firstly define your principles, but is it as easy as knowing what your principles are?

During political elections like the one we have just had, principles play a very important role. When we decide who to vote for, we usually look for people who have similar views to us on important matters like education, the health service, housing etc, and we look for a political leader that we feel will stick with these principles when making big decisions about the big things that effect our lives. However, we see very often that political leaders do not always do what they say they are going to do, which leads to a lack of trust and cynicism sets in. Consistently living by your principles builds trust and respect from others. So if we want to work well with others we firstly need good principles and then we need to stick by them in the hard times and the good.

What is it though that makes principles good? The thing that I think is a large indicator is the effect it has on others. For example, if we believe that money will solve all of our problems, then we may well sacrifice relationships to get more money, hurting others in the process. If we believe that we should be completely honest all of the time then, for example, telling someone that they are fat will have a negative impact on the other persons self esteem. Money and honesty are not bad things in and of themselves, but the application of them should be for the greater good for both of ourselves and others, which should form part of the principles we hold.

Even though, I believe that fundamentally our principles should come from our own views on the world and everything in it, we should be open to the principles of others. It is only when we actually listen to the view points and principles of others that we can shape and sculpt our own. We all begin with the view points and principles of our parents and our peer groups, but this should be the beginning of our life long quest to shape and sculpt our own principles. This being the case then we have to live in two states. The first is being open to listen to others and learning from them, so we can reflect on our own principles to see if they still hold water. The second is to stand by our principles in every situation. This will mean we make good decisions and we build trust and respect in the relationships we have throughout our lives.

Two of my important principles are:

  1. Kindness should be part of every action and every word.
  2. Generosity that is received should be shared with those who need it.

What are your principles?

Vision & Mission: The catalysts for greatness 

Leadership, Success

For a company, a team or an individual colleague to do well there needs to be a foundation of Values. Without this foundation there is no direction, and as Simon Sinek has taught us, there is no Why. There also needs to be consistency across the Behaviours of the company, team and colleague as well, this is How the Why is achieved. If the Values and the Behaviours are right then the Results will match and success will be the outcome.

However, just having the right Values to inspire the right Behaviours is not enough to attain greatness. This involves how we get from the Values to the Behaviours, having a clear and consistent path to follow. In order to attain greatness there are two other pieces to this picture, things which are the bridge from the Values to the Behaviours. These are the Vision and the Mission. Both should be clear and outcome orientated.

The Vision is the extension of Why we do what we do, it is the overall goal that shoots for the stars, it is an ideal outcome, an ideal worth working hard for. For example, the Vision of the Royal National Lifeguard Institution is “To end preventable loss of life at sea.” This is a clear and noble goal, as all Visions should be.

The Mission is more about What we are going to do and How we are going reach the Vision. It is the second part of the bridge between Values and Behaviours. It is a kind of action plan in the form of a statement. For example, this is the Mission statement of Disney, “We create happiness by providing the finest in entertainment for people of all ages, everywhere.” This might sound like what Disney do, which it is, but it also tells us How Disney does it.

In order for the Vision and the Mission to firstly be created and secondly to become part of the culture of a company or team and the mindset of an individual colleague, we also need passionate leaders who inspire others to believe in the overall Vision and Mission. Then each individual within the team or company will make it their reason for coming to work, their reason to strive for greatness.

This is the job of Line Managers at every level, to coach their team, so that they may oporate at their full potential, in a way that helps their colleagues find joy in their contribution. This is teamwork at its best, and it begins with Values and Vision and continues with Mission and Behaviours. Let us all be the leaders which inspire greatness in others, so that we may achieve greatness together.

Know thyself before leading others 

Leadership, Success

Gaining a deep understanding of yourself brings with it a feeling of being comfortable in one’s own skin, and this brings an inner confidence that is emitted out to everyone around you. It is about knowing what you value and what you believe. Your values and beliefs are your centre of gravity, so to speak, they are the compass and bearing of every decision you make. However, this is only a starting point of building yourself up as someone people look to for advice, collaboration and leadership.

You will need to prove yourself too, as someone who can be relied upon, who can be trusted and can lead others. This also has to be consistent, good leaders help those around them consistently, which builds trust. Without trust no organisation or team will succeed or work well together.

Knowing yourself is only the beginning, it is the foundation from which to build your new happier and successful self, and a place to begin as a leader. Good leaders inspire others to follow them through what they do, what they say, and how they treat those around them. If you look after those around you well consistently then are already a leader.

Gossip kills trust

Happiness, Leadership, Success

When we hear someone gossiping, whether we laugh along or even join in with the gossip, the trust we have for the person gossiping begins to erode. This is because we fear that they do the same about us behind our back.

Gossip kills trust and without trust it is less likely that others will cooperate with us. Both success and happiness are built on cooperation. Happiness is largely a result of the relationships we have with other people and relationships are built on trust too. Success is not something we can achieve completely alone, long term success certainly can’t be achieved this way. Let us create and maintain positive relationships and therefore a good life.

I’m not saying that you have to get on your high horse and tell others not to gossip, but not participating in gossip yourself will undoubtedly improve your relationships and therefore your happiness and success. Other people will start to notice that you don’t engage in gossip and they will trust you more. The greater the trust the greater the cooperation and the greater your happiness and success will be.

Becoming a go-to person

Leadership, Success

If people start coming to you for advice it means two things. Firstly, they trust you to treat them with respect and that you will not ridicule them for not knowing something that you do. Secondly, you have begun to establish yourself as a person of knowledge and authority in your field or your life generally. This is a critical tipping point.

How you respond will determine if this is to continue or not. If you let this go to your head and you start to feel like some sort of guru, then people will stop respecting and, crucially, trusting you, and you lose. To continue to have people’s respect and trust you need to keep respecting them; to collaborate rather than dictate, and also continue learning, continue being a seeker of truth in every field, but especially in the field you work in.

On Leadership

Leadership, Success

I have heard it said that if someone in a position of leadership spends their time telling people what to do then they are not a leader, they are a manager. Leaders inspire others to follow them. They create a safe space for people to grow and experiment, to try and fail and try again. True leaders give others permission to lead those around them; people who don’t follow instructions blindly, but instead take the boundaries and rules that exist in their organisation and create masterpieces of interconnectivity, human experiences and solutions to problems. A great leader creates a movement, because they are not focused on themselves, they are focused on the possibilities that they can awaken in others.