Overcome Your Limits

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I have had a tough time recently with my Fibromyalgia kicking my ass and developing Visual Vertigo, which mean I am off balance some of the time. I was on a low ebb yesterday and then I realised that I had limited thinking. All I could see was the continuation of my suffering and, without realising it, I was seeing my current condition as permanent, which made me feel helpless.

I then remembered three things. Firstly, the human body has the amazing ability to heal itself, it is works towards optimum health. This is not to discount serious illnesses, but generally speaking the body heals itself.

Secondly, I was using a pessimistic explanatory style, as described in the book Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman, which adds to the feeling of helplessness. Thinking of my situation as temporary changes everything.

Thirdly, I remembered that my purpose is to help others to thrive and in order to do this I need to figure out how I can thrive. I am the test subject for all my future successes helping others to overcome their challenges. I will not let them down.

So, I began to see my current challenges as opportunities to build resilience and to learn how to help others overcome and thrive. I woke up with a positive mindset this morning and ready to try again.

The Key To Being Happy

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We often get frustrated that things don’t go as we want them to. Sometimes it feels like the world is against us and nothing goes our way. Thinking about life in these terms is destructive towards our happiness.

If the world was always as you want it to be, then it would not be the way someone else wants it to be. There are billions of people in the world and each person has ups and downs in life. I am glad everything not how you want it to be, because your way is different to the way of so many others.

The key to happiness is not to try and control what happens in the world, or even to expect things to be how you want them to be. The key is to control how you respond to the events of life. Your mindset is the thing that impacts your level of happiness the most. How you explain the events in life to yourself matters.

Saying something bad always happens to you takes away any influence you have on the situation and you end up feeling helpless. It is better to say the bad things happened at a specific time, to limit its power and then decide what positive actions you are going to do next.

Building Joyful Energy

Happiness

When we think of people with lots of energy we often think of hyper individuals who can’t sit still or who talk a lot. When we think if the opposite we think of people who are down in the dumps or who are mostly negative.

When I talk about joyful energy I am not talking about being hyper, what I mean is the energy we get when we are joyful; and being joyful is a state of mind. When we think of things that bring us joy our energy level goes up.

With practice we can become joyful more often and be filled with positive energy. Being joyful is a choice, it is a matter of what we focus on and how we choose to see the world. Go be joyful.

How Do You Use Your Values?

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

You may have heard it said that love and fear are opposites and dismissed it as mumbo jumbo. However, there is brain science around the way that we operate depending on whether we live life where we have more fear or we have more love in it.

We usually live by the values that we hold, but if we are fearful debates become arguments and persuasion becomes threats being made. Just like alkaline and acid the PH of your life will be somewhere on a spectrum between fear and love.

In life, if you have problems with love you should reflect on how fear is impacting your life and if you have problems with fear you should reflect on the love you have in your life.

In order to live your values well you need to have a world view that comes more from love than fear. You should not try to get rid of fear completely, however, as a fearless life will be a short life. Reflect on how you are living your values and where you feel you are on the fear love spectrum and work on making positive adjustments.

The Art Of Non-Action

Achieving Goals, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often in Western culture to be strong is to be tough, rigid and immovable. In Chinese culture, there is a concept called Wu Wei. It means ‘The art of non-action,’ it is embracing flow instead of effort to achieve a result. Essentially, it means being flexible, like water and being present in the moment, in a state of flow.

In Wu Wei if you strive for something you miss the point. A goal can be achieved through effortless action, through being so engaged with the task at hand that time passes and the work is done. It is to do and not to try.

When you are doing something you enjoy time passes by almost unnoticed and you go where the activity takes you. You do the thing you are doing without concentrated effort. Applying this to the rest of tour life is Wu Wei.

Making Up Stories

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

In the absence of data we make up stories. Deciding on which stories we tell ourselves is powerful. If we tell ourselves that we need approval or support from someone else before we can do something, then we give away our power.

This is true of our health too. If we feel that we need medicine or a doctor in order to get better we are selling ourselves short. Our bodies naturally heal themselves, with most ailments. Some illnesses definitely require medical support, so if you are unsure go and see your doctor.

The mind, however, is powerful and there is a direct link between your mind and your body. So if you say things like ‘I always get sick,’ then you are more likely to be so, because your immune system will act accordingly. If you tell yourself that you usually get over illnesses quickly, then you are more likely to.

Your brain will believe what you tell it and your brain is responsible for sending out hormones and nerve messages, amongst other things, to the rest of the body, which will have an impact on how your body functions. Too much stress hormones means an immune that will struggle. The opposite is true also. Is it time to change the story you tell yourself?

How To Be More Successful

Achieving Goals, Leadership, Success

In an interview I recently watched with Jay Shetty he gave some good advice on what to focus on when it comes to strengths and weaknesses.

A lot of advice generally says you should focus on your weaknesses, which is half right and half wrong, according to Jay Shetty. We should focus on both our strengths and our weaknesses, but the key is knowing which types of each to focus on.

The research shows that successful people focus on their strengths, as long as they are hard skills, things that are measurable. These are the bread and butter of success.

However, they are complimented by soft skills, things like social skills, working well with others, etc. Without these skills the hard skills won’t get you very far. So, working on any weaknesses with your soft skills too will ensure you achieve more success, because we cannot achieve success alone.

Finding Your Purpose

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I recently watched an interview with Jay Shetty where he talked about his formula for finding your Purpose. 

Your Passion
+
Your Strengths
+
Compassion
=
Your Purpose

This seems like a good balance of ideas in order to find Purpose. Your Purpose does have to include what you are passionate about, but if you focus on things that are not your strengths, then you won’t get very far. The inclusion of compassion ensures the Purpose you have is not a selfish one. We thrive more if we are focused on helping others, it is how we are wired.

Having A Mindset For Wellness

Happiness, Health, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Your well-being is very much in your control. It is about habits, behaviours and making the right decisions. Sometimes life can cause us to pick up bad habits, bad behaviours and cause to make bad decisions. Indulging in what feels or tastes good does not always mean we live a good life.

However, we can learn new habits and behaviours and we can make better decisions. What we need is guidance, guidance on thinking well and on living well. Whether this comes from a religious source or a mentor, there is support out there, we just need to look for it. It begins with how we think. If we think well we can be well.

You Are What You Think

Happiness, Health

What you focus on you feel. If the same thing is repeated it can become who you think you are. We can become who we fear we might be or become who we hope we will be.

If we think the worst will likely happen then our brains will look for evidence of this being true. If we think the best will happen then our brains will do the same. Thinking positive is clearly the better option.

There are a lot of positive things we can be grateful for. The Sun came up today, as it has every day of your life so far and for many many years before you arrived here in your life. If the Sun disappeared I have heard it said that in 18 hours all life on Earth would be gone.

The Sun is essential for life to exist on this planet, yet we rarely spare a thought for how fortunate we are that all life on Earth gets another day, and another day, and so on.

If you begin the day just being grateful for the Sun rising, you might find other things to be grateful for and you will likely have a good day, because your mind will look for evidence for it.

How We Serve Each Other

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

We can see colour because the fruits, berries and vegetables that we evolved to eat are colourful. The fruits, berries and vegetables are colourful because we, and other animals, see in colour. All things exist in this inter-related way.

When we focus on our individual dramas and successes we forget that we only exist because everything else exists, that we are dependent on each other. Whatever position we hold in the company we work for, without every other person who works there, from the top to the bottom, we would not have a company to work for. The same could be said of our society, culture and human race.

This line of thinking could extend out to include everything in the universe, but for practical purposes it helps to think on a human level. In short, we have much to be grateful for and much work to do, as everyone else needs us as much as we need them. The challenge we have is to figure out what our part to play actually is. To have a purpose in life is to know where you fit and how you can be the best you that you can. This is how we serve each other.

Building Calm Confidence

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I saw footage online of a Park Ranger standing in front of a wild male elephant who was clearly angry and looked ready to charge. The Park Ranger only had a thin stick to defend himself with. He raised his arms openly either side of him and stood still and calm. He gave nothing for the elephant to react to, and seeing no danger the elephant went away.

To me this is the essence of calm confidence. It is confidence in yourself regardless of what you are faced with. It comes from testing yourself, knowing your limits and having a deep understanding of your values, your beliefs and your ethics. It also comes from developing a level of skill that allows you to handle whatever comes your way. It is not boastful confidence or aggressive confidence, it has a stillness that cannot be shaken. This is calm confidence.

Building Resilient Strength

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When I think of resilience and strength I think of a tree. There are five aspects of a tree that are worth reflecting on in relation to resilient strength.

1. Flexibility

A tree will bend in the wind, which means it does not break. The flexibility to move with problems in order to overcome them means the approach you take to solve each problem can match the problem at hand. When you have a hammer every problem looks like a nail. When you have a tool box you can pick the tool that matches each problem.

2. Endurance

A tree pulls in its chlorophyll during the Autumn and Winter months to preserve its resources and giving it the ability to endure the cold and the Winter weather. A tree is securely rooted into the ground where its roots are intertwined with those of the surrounding trees. Part of its ability to endure is its connection to its community. We can more easily endure the hard times when we do so together.

3. Recycle The Negative

Every Autumn a tree loses its leaves, triggered by the drop in temperature and the incoming Winter months. The leaves land on the ground around the tree and rot into the soil, nourishing it and nourishing the tree. We can learn from every negative thing that happens to us. We can use it to build resilience and strength of character. We can only rise after a fall.

4. Having A Purpose

A tree produces fruit or nuts or seeds for the surrounding wildlife. It provides shelter from the hard weather and a home for insects and birds. It also produces the very air we breath. It’s very existence serves life, so does yours. The choice you have before you is; what specific purpose do you care about? The choice is yours.

5. Thrive

Every tree strives to be the best tree it can be. It is not self conscious or worried about what might happen, it simply aims to thrive. It takes what it needs from the ground, the air and the sun and becomes it’s best self. To be the best version of yourself that you can be should be the intention you bring to every day. Otherwise why are you here?

To Be Is To Do

Happiness, Success

This is a cryptic sounding phrase, ‘to be is to do.’ I read it recently and have been pondering its meaning. What it is referring to is being in the moment, to be in ‘flow.’

We spend a lot of our time in our heads, thinking about the past or the future. We rarely spend time in the present. We rarely just do the thing we are doing. When we just be we just do.

When you are sitting just sit, when you are standing just stand, when you are walking just walk. To be is to do.

Coaching The Mind

The Pathway To Fulfilment

The point of being present in the current moment is to stop avoiding the things you are afraid to deal with. It is not easy to be mindful of the present moment, because our thoughts take us to bad memories and worries about the future. But if you could work on these things to the point that they no longer both you, then the present becomes a beautiful place to be.

There is much work to be done in order to be fully present, to be mindful of the moment that you are in, but it is worth the work. Serenity and peace are better than anxiety and regret. You may need professional support from someone like a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, but this is a good thing.

If you want to be good at a sport you find a good coach. If you want to master your mind then you will need expert guidance. CBT is no different than a sports coach, in that they help you become better in their specialist area. Good luck and be mindful.

Making A Better Tomorrow

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Relationships, Success

Life is a series of moments. Some are good and some are bad. This is pretty obvious. However, we often don’t think in this way about the time we spend and the experiences we have. Sometimes we think a bad situation is permanent and will always be like that. Sometimes we think a good situation will not last.

It is true that all thing shall pass. That is to say that everything is temporary and part of a process. When a bad thing happens we can’t wish it away or try to change what happened. What we do have power over, however, is what we choose to do about the situation we are in.

If we see where we are and what is happening as a process we can plan and set goals and work towards a better situation. If you don’t like you job or your relationship or your home life change it. Either work on making it better or make a change. A new job might be better than staying where you are. An honest conversation with your manager might improve your working environment. There are always things you can do to make this moment a step towards and better tomorrow.

The Meaning Matters

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

What meaning do you put on the experiences you have? I heard a story recently of two American brothers who were wrongfully imprisoned for 25 years. When they were released they went to get their driving licences back at the American DMV they waited in line for over two hours, but to them it was a wonderful experience. The meaning they placed on the situation was that they were free. The next person in the line might have felt trapped.

A lot of the meaning we put onto the experiences we have come from our upbringing and our beliefs, but, to a degree, we can choose what situations mean to us. For example we can be grateful for a challenging situation because we learn what we are capable of or we can feel like a victim, which removes our ability to take ownership of what we then do moving forward. Choose the meaning carefully, as it can uplift you or bring you down.

Choosing Optimism

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

One of the most important decisions, as Einstein has been quoted as saying, is to decide if we live in a friendly or hostile universe. The key is that it is a decision. We all have a mindset, a perspective that influences how we see everything and this will either leave us feeling as if the world is acting against us or for us.

It might sometimes feel as if the world is against us, but we can choose how we respond to the situations we find ourselves in. During the Second World War some inmates of the Nazi concentration camps gave up, but some went around helping others and giving away their last piece of bread. This is an extreme example, but those who gave themselves a purpose in the most horrendous of circumstances survived.

Life rarely asks that much of us, but we nevertheless have a choice. So, their are two choices that I would like you to make. Firstly, decide that the universe is working for you, and to reflect on what that might be like. What evidence might there be that your life is a gift? Secondly, decide on a purpose, a reason for doing what you do. This could start off being a single act that you feel passionate about and take it from there.

If the universe is working for you, every day is a blessing and everything you do will be influenced by this optimism. Having a purpose means your day will have a drive and a focus and at the end of the day you will feel fulfilled by the way you lived your life on this day and on into the future.

Living A Fulfilling Life

The Pathway To Fulfilment

I am discovering through becoming more independent and confident in my job as a Complaint Handler that my health, happiness and success are all in my hands. This is to say that only I can achieve these things for myself, through good daily habits and believing in my own capabilities. Obvious I know, but not always easy to believe.

It begins with wisdom and self mastery, which leads into health and relationships, and ultimately purpose. These are all aspects of a life well lived, a life that in and of itself is a pathway that leads towards fulfilment. When we live well fulfilment is a natural state of being.

How To Generate Wellness

Happiness, Health, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Life comes down to accumulation and balance. What we eat, drink and breathe over time becomes our bodies. The good and the bad is taken in and assimilated. The accumulation of what our body takes in every day bends towards good health or illness. The thoughts we have and the things we allow our minds to be exposed to every day will bend towards good mental and emotional health or mental illness.

Our daily habits also have an a cumulative affect. If we practice Chi Kung (Qigong), Tai Chi or Yoga every day our energy levels and energy quality will be good. If we meditate every day our mind will be calmer and more focused. If we focus on our professional success and make small improvements on a daily basis, we will succeed exponentially. It has been said that if we study a subject for one hour a day we can become a world expert in five years.

All of these things need to be balanced too. If we focus too much on our mind we will neglect our body, and vice versa. We need a synergy between mind and body where each influences the other positively. Accumulation and balance, when well managed, will generate wellness.

Work That Is Fulfilling

Happiness, Success, The Fullfilment Framework

When we work we often feel that the point of it is to earn money in order to buy things. This should not be the purpose of working. Our culture has thrust upon us the need to be rich or appear as if we are by what we wear and what we do. This is a way of living that goes around and around and benefits the companies that sell us the things they say we need.

Of course we need money to pay our bills and live our lives, but I believe we should do work that we believe in, where possible. If we work in a job does not fulfil us or requires us to work in ways that counter our values and beliefs this has an impact on our wellbeing.

We can the question, what are we working for? What do we want to achieve? This is not intended to encourage you to suddenly leave your job, but to encourage you to figure what kind of job you would find fulfilling. It could be a change of role with the company you currently work in or a change completely. Asking the right questions will produce helpful answers.

Live Your Life Fully

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we spend our time thinking about the future and what might happen or the past and what has happened, we fail to be present in the moment. When we live this way we miss a lot of beautiful moments through focusing on our own anxieties and dreams.

It is good to have concern over certain things in life and to have aspirations, but much of our concerns will never come true and we will not reach our aspirations if we do nothing in the present to achieve them.

We also miss an opportunity to fully experience and understand the things that happen in our lives. In order to do this we need to be more present, to be mindful of what is happening moment to moment. As a great Buddhist once said, when you sit, sit, when you stand, stand, when you walk, walk. In other words, fully do the thing you are doing. Get out of your head and into the moment.

Working Better Together

Happiness, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

When we look at the world, our experiences and our relationships with a strong sense of Self, then we set up an us and a them automatically. When we hold our sense of Self up with pride at what we have done or what we know or who we know or whatever, we create further division.

If we can reduce our sense of Self, even to a level where we see ourselves as equal to others, we can live a more harmonious life. The eastern idea of there being no Self can be hard to agree with or even understand, but it is clear that a strong sense of Self causes problems.

Trying to think in terms of everyone being like brothers and sisters, much like many native peoples do, then we can cooperate more and develop wonderful, supportive relationships, and make the world a better place to be. The aim is to move from division to unity by getting ourselves out of the way.

Getting Things Done

Achieving Goals, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Sometimes I have what they call fibro fog where it can be difficult to collect thoughts and think things through as easily as I normally would, which means ways that I might normally get things done don’t work. Essentially, relying on my memory falls down when the fibro fog appears.

This led me to thinking about how we each deal with things differently. Some of us are planners and need a bullet point plan before starting and some of us jump right in and figure it out along the way. There is no one right way of doing it because we each have different personalities and different challenges to face.

My advice would be to find a way that works for you by trying out different approaches to getting things done, both in your personal and professional lives. I intend to develop a fall back plan that relies on checklists and priorities that give me structure when the fibro fog appears.

I feel this approach suits me well overall as well, so I’ll give it a try and adjust as needed moving forward. I suggest you pick an approach and try it too. You can always adjust it or change it if it doesn’t work, but make sure you try it for a good few weeks before deciding if it works for you or not.

Give It A Try

Leadership, Relationships, Success

Sometimes we have people around us who act as support structures, people we go to for advice. If we are lucky we have these people amongst our family and friends. We often have them in our work environments as well. For one reason or another these people can become absent in our day to day lives, either temporarily or they just drift out of our lives.

This can create a hole that leaves us feeling anxious and in need of reassurance. This feeling can be taken as a sign to worry or it can be taken as a sign to step up and be more decisive, to taken on more responsibilities and to believe in ourselves more.

You will likely be able to do more than you believe you can. Those who support you can see what you are capable of. When they are not there it becomes time for you to see what you are capable of. It is time to step into the arena of life and give it a go, whatever it is that you are scared to do. Do it, and those around you will support you, if you let them.

How To Be Successful

The Pathway To Fulfilment

We hear a lot about motivation and striving for success, but often we chase the wrong goals because they look good on someone else. So we either gain success and feel empty or we fail because we can’t get motivated.

We get excited and get more done when we are enjoying something or it aligns with what we care about. It is hard to get motivated about something that we don’t care about, but very easy to get a lot done with very little motivation when we are passionate about the thing we are doing.

Success comes when we figure out what we care about, what we are passionate about, and we put our energy into succeeding in that area. We don’t need better motivation, we need clearer values and beliefs, because these will highlight the things we care about. Then we can be successful and feel fulfilled by the success.

Learn To Listen

Happiness, Relationships

If we listen to the language people use and the topics of conversation they drift towards you can get a sense of their priorities and values. You can figure out what they care about.

This is not a strategy to get the better of them or try to sell them something. It is a strategy, however, that can help you build better relationships. When we understand each other better we can serve each other better.

Living An Authentic Life

Happiness, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often we hold a version of ourselves in our heads made up of expectations. Usually expectations of others that we have made our own. This is not who we are, it is a made up version of us. When we set these expectations we will likely fall short of them, because they are not aligned with who we are.

This creates frustration and, in some cases, depression. We need to let this version of us go and replace it by figuring out our values, our beliefs and our ethics. These three things will be essential to living a life as your authentic self. This is what is meant by being yourself. It is a lot of work, but a life well lived is worth it.

It Might Just Work

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Often we are just as scared that something we do will work as we are that it might fail. If it works we may need to do more of it and try more new things. It is scary to write your own script and not follow the rules set by those that have come before us.

Real value, however, is created when we go off script and do the right thing. Not because the rules said to do it, but because it made a difference. Do you want your gravestone to read he/she followed the rules or do you want it to say he/she made a difference?

If you aim to create value and make a difference, the method you end up using will come to you. You will find a way. It may be the route less travelled, but you will make a difference.

Peace In A Divided World

Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I would like to say a few words about the situation in Ukraine. There are many who are suffering, both Ukrainian civilians and Russian civilians, both Ukrainian soldiers and Russian soldiers. War makes victims of us all.

There will be Russian soldiers who do not agree with the actions of their country, but have little choice but to follow orders. There are officials in Ukraine that have the choice to treat all civilians equally, but are separating white and black refugees and prioritising those with white skin and allowing them to leave Ukraine first. War brings out the best and the worst in us all and, in my view, we should not say that Ukraine is without fault or that Russia is without salvation. Things are rarely so simple.

However, Ukraine clearly needs the world’s support in this awful situation, and we should give and do what we can. And we must also remember that there are many other war torn places in the world, and many places where there is violence; between groups of people and between individuals. For some, home is not a safe place. There is much healing needed in the world.

What can we do to make positive change in situations like the one in Ukraine? There a lots of small things we can do like donate to organisations helping support the Ukrainian people. More broadly however, you can bring peace to the world by working on your own prejudices and judgments and to work on creating more peaceful relationships in your live. We can forgive, we can rebuild, and, when needed, we can walk away. We co-create the relationships we have, which co-creates the society we live in, and the culture we have, and the country we have and so on. How we live our lives each day contributes to peace in the world or division in the world. Please choose peace.